Karin: Hey, everyone. Here's a GA oneshot from me. Originally it was for the NatsumeSeries Contest, but it's over the limit of 10,000 words, but still I hope you enjoy it anyway. I really worked hard on it.
Disclaimer: Don't own Gakuen Alice
"When we truly realize that we are alone is when we need others the most"
—Ronald Anthony
Bittersweet
A Gakuen Alice Oneshot
By Karin Ochibi-chan
He hated hospitals. The smell. The blinding white walls. The tense atmosphere. The falsely sincere doctors—he hated everything about hospitals down to the syllables that make up the word.
And Hyuuga Natsume was sure he had just found another reason to hate them venomously even more.
Scribble. Scribble.
In retrospect, he supposed that to any other person, his new reason for hating the health establishment was slightly irrational, but then again, since when did he care what others think?
Never. That's when.
Scribble. Scribble.
Crimson eyes swept over to his current source of annoyance. His arms were crossed against his chest as he sat in a chair in the hospital room numbered 211. His messy raven hair was a little messier due to the lack of sleep and the turmoil he had to go through in the last forty-eight hours.
She sat in the only bed in the small room. Her head bent with her shoulder length uneven chestnut locks blocking her pale features from his vision. The white blanket covered her legs as she sat hunched over a drawing pad that one of the nurses provided for her.
She's been like that ever since she came here twenty-six hours ago.
And he had to be the one to baby sit her.
He was eighteen. One of the best in the organization that was designed to go undercover and arrest terrorists. He was young, yes, but that was what made him more extraordinary among his peers and infamous among his enemies.
His alias only made himself more feared across the underground. Black Cat is what they called him—due to his mask that he wears when in combat missions. Even hearing his name made terrorists tremble in horror. Black cats were said to bring bad luck. To have the Black Cat after someone meant misfortune surely. There was no "ifs" about it.
And he, one of the greatest and most feared agents, was stuck doing a measly baby sitting job. Now you get why he was annoyed?
Scribble. Pause. She stopped for a second before starting up her pointless scribbling again. Silence was a constant in the room—one that neither of them intended to break. Him because he wasn't one for chitchat and her because her mind was unreachable with reality.
Or at least that's what the doctors said. That she retreated so far into her mind that no one could reach her. Her body was somewhat aware of things. That is, if you touched her. But that wasn't a good idea either for because of the risk of her entering a fit.
If he didn't see it himself, Natsume could very well say that he didn't believe what they were talking about. However, the first night he saw her being brought into the hospital, she clawed, kicked, punched, struggled like the hellhounds were after her and coming to take her to Hell.
"Watch her and make sure she's protected." his superior, Persona, told him sternly. And that's what landed him into this position. Well, that and the fact that he was involved in this whole mess from the beginning to begin with.
What rotten luck that he was there when he was off duty. It was in the middle of the night when he came across the burning house. Against his better judgment—as he didn't see anyone outside—he raced inside to see if anyone was trapped inside.
That's when he heard the blood curling scream. Running to the room where it came from, he found her sitting there staring wide eyed at the bloody mess of three corpses. She was covered in their blood as well as her own. Her clothes were torn and in her shaking hand was a gun. Her expression was pure horror stricken.
Being too traumatized he was able to get her out in time without her throwing one of her "fits". Intending to take her to the police station so they could settle this, he was surprised when one of his fellow agents intercepted him before he could get there.
"Persona wants you to take her to headquarters." Andou Tsubasa told him solemnly. A little wary of this order—but not showing it—he did as he was told. It was there that she got some clothes and sat in a chair in HQ quietly with her head down and unnoticed by the many agents going in and out.
The teen let out a "tch" sound with narrowed crimson eyes as he recalled what Persona had told him not disturbing the girl at all. It appeared to have been an assassination what with two of the three adults being brutally murdered and the other being the assailant who must've been shot with his own gun by the kid when they struggled for it.
None of the torture was elaborated nor were the details. Persona had then said that his mission was to watch over the kid and now here he is hours later sitting in a small white room watching a kid who was barely fifteen.
Clenching his jaw tight, Natsume closed his eyes in a poor attempt to get some shut eye.
Damn Persona…
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Scribble. Scribble.
Three days later and still same old, same old. If it wasn't for the constant scrawling of her crayons, he would think that she wasn't there at all. Like a ghost or something.
Tsubasa had come in yesterday to tell him that to keep watching over the girl while they investigated. Investigated what he didn't know, but he was starting to get irritated at being kept in the dark. Usually he would be one of the first to know the details so this new development aggravated him.
His eyes turned to her. The nurse would be needing to give her a new drawing pad soon. She was running out of pages. What she drew nobody knew exactly. When a nurse tried to get a peek, the girl had an unexpected fit as she could feel the close proximity of the nurse near her person. So they decided to leave her be to her works. According to a psychiatrist that came in when she was first admitted, that was the only way for her mind to connect itself to the outside world as no other sorts of communication worked for her body had shut down. She didn't talk. Never uttered a word once ever since he heard her blood curling scream that night.
Scribble. Pause. Now what?
Her black crayon broke. No wonder she stopped her scrawling. Well, she did use that one a lot so he wasn't shocked to find it breaking on her. The brunette didn't move—all she did was stare at the paper holding the broken piece of crayon in her right hand. It was like her mind didn't know how to process the information of her broken crayon or how to come up with a solution.
Seeing as how she didn't make any reaction or movement whatsoever, he rose from his seat and approached her. His intense red orbs looking down at her hunched form still holding the broken crayon.
"Oi, staring at it won't make it come back together." he said to her in his blunt tone. Stupid girl didn't even do anything except doodle all the time. It was frustrating to have to seat there in the room while she just did nonsense scrawling.
Still she didn't move, as if his words fell on deaf ears. Exasperation bubbled in the pit of his stomach. Without hesitating, he reached out, pried her fingers open quickly, and replaced the broken pieces of the black crayon with a gray one instead.
"Try not holding it so tightly when it gets short because then it will break." Natsume said to her not caring if she heard him or not and returned to his seat.
It was silent for another moment before slowly, surely, she started her scribbling again.
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Two weeks have now passed. It was a miracle that Natsume didn't bang his head on the wall from complete and sheer boredom. God, how could people stand to be in this place everyday? It was sickening how much time he's spend here and been off the field. He was a person of action, not one for much sitting around and doing nothing. While his line of work was not enjoyable, it was better than sitting and doing nothing endlessly.
"Hmmm," the doctor assigned to his charge said as he gazed at the female who was as usual doodling. Natsume personally thought of him as a nuisance as he kept going "hmmm" and didn't really do anything. It seemed all of the doctors here were incompetent since not one of them actually did anything. Or perhaps it was just his charge because of her reaction to being touched? He didn't care to ponder about it.
Dr. Narumi let out another "hmmm" and wrote something on his clipboard before turning towards Natsume. His violet eyes looked sympathetic.
"It seems there's no progress whatsoever with her. She still looks to be the same as she did when I checked up on her three days ago. Have you noticed anything different?" he asked the raven haired teen.
"No." he replied to the flamboyant blonde. When Narumi was not checking on patients, he was a real loon. Honestly, Natsume questioned people's sanity for letting Narumi become a doctor. And while what Natsume said was the truth about new progress, he had also kept himself from saying the recently developed habit his charge seemed to have taken on.
Flashback (one week ago)
Natsume sat in Room 211 with an impassive look on his face. While he did get to go back to his apartment every now and then, it wasn't much time he got to himself since he had to be watching the girl constantly. Persona had not let up on his "watch her like a hawk" order.
What was so important about this kid anyway? There had to be something since Persona was so insistent on his command to Natsume. He had thought to tell Persona to shove off and get someone else to watch the girl, but he thought better of it since Persona was his superior and he was one of the few who could match Natsume.
Scribble. Scribble. Suddenly the sound ceased and out of habit rather than concern, he turned his gaze towards the brunette girl on the hospital bed. Nevertheless, what he saw made him raise an eyebrow in interest. Her hand, instead of coloring as she always did, was now feeling and groping around the bedspread as if searching for something.
Staring at her for a few minutes before seeing her give up and go back to her scribbling, Natsume wrote it off as a weird quirk she developed from being cooped up for so long.
End of Flashback
"I see." Narumi said sadly. "I'm sure this must be hard for you to see her like this. What with you coming her day in and day out, she must be very precious to you." And with that, the blonde doctor let him to his thoughts.
Precious? He didn't know anything. She wasn't precious. She was just a job.
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"Good to see you could make it, Natsume." Persona told him when he entered his office. He had been called away from watching the girl to see his superior. Something in his gut squirmed when he saw the serious face upon his superior. Well, Persona was usually expressionless but today he looked positively grim.
"You are probably wondering why I assigned you to watch over a little girl, yes?" he questioned the younger male. Natsume didn't say anything, but he knew Persona knew his answer. "You might want to sit for this one." he said to Natsume.
"No thanks."
"Very well, suit yourself… you see Natsume," Persona began. "The assailant on the girl's home was rumored to be apart of a terrorist group. We think that the family might've been involved in some terrorism and had gotten on their bad side." he explained to the raven haired boy.
"What's this got to do with me exactly, Persona?" Natsume raised an eyebrow as he demanded an answer. "You've kept me in the dark for long enough, don't you think?"
"The terrorist… seems to be apart of Reo's group so it appears."
Silence reined in the room like death. Nothing was said until the sound of Natsume walking out and slamming the door shut behind him shattered the silence. He walked along headquarters with his head down until suddenly, he sprung out and punched a wall making a hole the size of his fist in it. His hand throbbed and his knuckles were bleeding but the teen was focused on more important things.
Now thinking back on it, it was wise for Persona to keep him in the dark for as long as possible because right now all he wanted to do was demand he go back on the field and have a chance to go at him.
Him. That bastard Reo…
He didn't know when he got back to the hospital but when he opened the door, he was greeted by an unusual sight and sounds of struggling and yelling met his ears.
There was his charge fighting against several nurses who were trying to place a tube down her throat. She kicked hard and aimlessly as her arms were already held down by the nurses. Securing her legs must've been more difficult as they were still flaring around.
"What's going on here?" with all the turmoil his anger is going through, his voice sounded threatening and ready to kill. The nurses turned to him frightened as the one who appeared to be the head nurse spoke to explain the situation.
"She never eats! This is the only way to feed her as she throws fits if we try to get her to eat normal food! We have to do this or else she'll starve!" the pink haired nurse told him.
They raised eyebrows in confusion when he left the room but soon went back to attempting to put the tube down the patient's throat. Nonetheless, the lad soon returned with something in his hand and he swiftly walked over to them.
"Sir! Wait—"but the pink haired nurse was interrupted by the person she was addressing to.
"Stupid girl! If you don't like what they're doing to you, then eat something!" the raven haired male yelled at her bonking her on the head with an apple he had retrieved. That seemed to have worked as she stopped struggling and her clenched eyes opened to stare in shock at nothing in particular. She sat up as the nurses let go of her, but her gaze wasn't on them. It was on the door where the raven haired male left after he threw the apple at her.
The nurses were about to try again, but they froze suddenly and unexpectedly when they saw the girl's frail, pale hands reach out and grasp the apple. They were even more stunned when she brought the apple to her lips and took at bite out of it tentatively before beginning to chomp onto it.
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It was two days before he returned to the hospital. Obviously Persona knew he needed to blow off some steam and sent him on a couple of field missions. Nothing related to their current case—which thoroughly ticked Natsume off—but it was still something to relieve his frustration and anger.
Red-wine eyes glanced into the hospital room 211 expecting to see his charge scribbling away, but found to his confusion, her room empty. Her drawing pad and crayons were still there but no brunette was to be found.
All of a sudden, a blue long haired nurse came running down the hallway looking frantic. Deciding to get some answers, Natsume pulled her aside and questioned the whereabouts of his charge.
"We can't find her anywhere!" the nurse wailed hyperventilating. "When one of the nurses came in to give her lunch, she was gone! No one knows where she is or how long she's been gone!"
This caused Natsume to furrow his brows in worry. Did Reo sneak in and get her? Dammit! How could he have been so careless?!
A feminine scream is what roused him into action and he raced towards the source all the while cursing himself for letting Reo slip under his nose again. Did that man exist just so he could cause Natsume hell?
When he arrived at the scene, he could see that the scream led him to the courtyard where the patients can go to get some fresh air. He spotted the pink haired nurse standing under the huge apple tree planted in the middle of the courtyard looking like she was about to faint.
"Come down here! You can't be doing that!" she shouted to the tree and Natsume looked up to see what she was yelling about. There was his charge on her knees and hands inching herself across the branch with one of her hands reaching towards an apple hanging a few inches in front of her. The tree was two stories high. Getting up there must've meant she was good at climbing.
Natsume's heart pounded erratically in his chest as he watched her with a determined expression on her face. He didn't know why he was feeling this way but he knew that he felt a chaos of emotions: worry, concern, anger, and fear.
Worry and concern because she could fall. Fear because if she did fall, she would be badly hurt or even killed. And anger at the fact that she was so reckless. Did she have any self-caution for herself?
He didn't have time to question why he felt this way. All he was concentrated on was his charge shaking slightly on the branch as she inched forward a little to reach the apple. He could've sworn his heart stopped when she slipped and started to plummet towards the ground.
Acting hastily, Natsume ran towards her and caught her successfully preventing any further injuries to herself as she was still healing from the cuts and bruises on her body. Examples of this were the bandages on her arms and legs and bruise on her right cheek.
"What were you thinking, Stupid girl?!" Natsume demanded as he looked down at her with wide eyes and clenched fists at his sides once she was standing on the grass a foot away from him. She could've gotten killed, the stupid kid. "Do you have any sense in that brain of yours at all?!" he questioned fiercely. On the other hand though, his yelling ceased and his expression turned into that of bewilderment when her frail hand held up the apple she had retrieved. She pushed it towards him with her head bent and her shoulders slumped as if she was ashamed of something, but all Natsume could do was stare at the red object in her hand.
She had gotten it… for him?
"I think… she's saying she's sorry." the blue haired nurse came quietly towards them while the pink haired nurse was getting over her shock. "I mean, when you weren't here, she ate actual food without a fuss and no one had to feed her or help bathe her. She also had taken to looking at your chair a lot like wondering where you were. I think she missed you and thought she chased you away." the nurse said smiling. Natsume turned his gaze again towards his charge again.
"You talk as if you know what she's thinking…" Natsume murmured. The blue haired nurse smiled again.
"I took many classes on psychology and I can often read emotions on people's faces. Like for instance, you were very worried about her just now."
"Tch." Natsume muttered to himself refusing to acknowledge her words. He then took the apple from his charge's hand making her look up at him hesitantly. Seeing her look, he sighed, "I'm not angry with you, okay?" he said making her nod.
"Thank goodness that's all over." the pink haired nurse said coming over to them. She then gently placed her hand on his charge's shoulder making her flinch at the contact and spring away like she was burned. "Let's go inside now, ne?" she gestured to the girl. The brunette though appeared unwilling to move.
"I'll see you inside." he told her as he felt her reluctance. He owed her that much since she nearly gotten herself killed for him. With that said, the two nurses led her inside with Natsume stare after them. When they had disappeared, he confused himself when he started to chuckle. The sound being so foreign to him yet he couldn't stop.
Because really, what teenager would wear polka-dotted panties…?
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He had gotten her a new box of crayons. She needed some new ones what with most of hers being unusable at this point. These days she seemed to be more focused on her scribbles than ever. It was later in the day when Natsume had caught sight of the apple tree outside of her window and concluded that that's how she had gotten the idea of getting an apple from. She really was a stupid girl at times.
Natsume had also taken to calling her a nickname as no one seemed to know her real name and she wasn't talking. "Polka dots" he had taken to calling her to which she would glare at him for she had figured it out pretty quickly he had seen her underwear through her hospital gown. He was hoping a little that the nickname would rouse her into talking soon, as she had apparently made tons of progress in such a short time. Most of her cuts and bruises were healed but the one on her face was still there; although much smaller now as well.
The doctors had dubbed her "unreachable" but seeing that her mind was now aware of its surroundings, they were quite shocked and Natsume couldn't help but mentally mock them for their foolishness.
"Oi, Polka-dots, where did you go?" Natsume called out in the courtyard. Today Polka wanted to go outside and he had no arguments against the change of scenery. Plus, she really needed some sun. She was ghostly pale; it worried him a bit.
If he was being honest with himself, he was befuddled about his developing attachment towards his charge. If he told himself from three months ago that he would like baby sitting his charge and enjoy her company, his old self would've snorted and asked him if he was sane. And he wondered himself if he was indeed sane. He shouldn't be acting like this. He had one goal in life, and anything that would hinder him from that goal is a nuisance.
And yet, he didn't consider Polka his nuisance and actually enjoyed being with her. Why was that?
He found her drawing pad and crayons at the base of the apple tree but no sign of Polka. He knew she was probably hiding somewhere in the courtyard waiting for him to find her. She had taken a liking to playing hide and seek with him when they were in the courtyard. It must've been her favorite game as a child and maybe played it with her parents a lot. He consented to playing because he felt she needed that normalcy after what had happened to her.
This made him stop to think. What had happened to Polka anyway? The whole truth. He never found out because no one seemed to know. She never attempted to reveal what had happened. Even some doctors or nurses who were trying to get her to tell them didn't get any progress. It seemed the only person whom Polka shows any progress to was Natsume.
Rolling his eyes at the mess she left, he bent down to pack up her scattered crayons. For being a teenager, she sure did act like a kid. At times he would call her little girl as well when she refused to respond to Polka-dots. It didn't help much that she barely reached his shoulder when they stood up.
Once her crayons were all packed, he picked up the drawing pad intending to close it and place it in the carrier bag along with her box of crayons. Consequently the book was opened to a certain page—he concluded that the wind must've blew it open—and Natsume felt his stomach lurch unpleasantly when he saw it.
The picture wasn't a masterpiece, but that wasn't what troubled him. What made him uneasy was the content of the picture as well as the morbid graphicness. The drawing contained a man shooting another blonde haired male with blood going everywhere as well as two females in the background who were horrified.
He went back a bit to see what she drew before that seeing that she drew two adults—one male and one female—along with a girl with brown hair in two pigtails that he assumed was Polka-dots and her parents. Going forward though was harder and Natsume felt his stomach clench and flip with a nauseating feeling.
The pictures were more graphic the more he went along. One with the male's dead body being the main focus with tons of blood on the floor and his eyes staring empty at the viewer. Another one was of the assailant going after the older woman while the younger one tried to crawl towards the phone as it appeared she was shot in the leg—Natsume vaguely recalled Polka having a wound in her leg. It was just a graze from a bullet, and compared to the many wounds he had gotten, that wasn't a big deal, but to any normal person it would hurt a lot.—a sickening feeling developed when Natsume went on. It was so sick what was drawn in the pad. It also shown the assailant and the youngest female struggling over the gun and the fire starting from a stray gun shot hitting the old lamp in the living room.
And then he got to the very last sketch where he showed up and saw the same thing Polka was seeing at that time. Three dead bodies. Two that she saw murdered and one that she had killed herself.
Natsume just stood there gazing down at the drawing. He heard quiet footsteps behind him rustling the grass slightly. His crimson eyes turned to gaze down at Polka who was wearing an old black t-shirt of his and some old jean shorts that he had to get her a belt for with black and white tennis shoes the blue haired nurse bought her. Her amber eyes gazed at him in curiosity. Obviously she had gotten tired of waiting for him to find her—he was very quick to locate her hiding place normally—so she came to see where he was.
"Polka-dots…" he murmured quietly as he stared at her. Fury bubbled inside him when he thought about the terrorist who went inside Polka's house and murdered her parents. It was a good thing he was dead because if he was alive, Natsume was sure he would give him a punishment worse than death. That sick bastard deserved no mercy.
The brunette continued to stare at him before her eyes widened in shock when Natsume suddenly hugged her. Something thumped on the ground, but she didn't dare look as she was too preoccupied with Natsume burying his face in her cropped chestnut locks. Her brow furrowed in confusion. What was wrong with Natsume?
"Polka… that man… he did very bad things to you, didn't he?" Natsume asked all of a sudden. Man…? "You and your mom, Polka—that bastard did a lot more terrible things to you than he did to your dad, didn't he?"
Amber eyes drifted down towards the object on the ground and she saw what he was talking about. Eyes widening she separated herself from Natsume to retrieve the item. Realization dawned on her and she took a look at Natsume before flipping through the sketch book angrily. He expected her to be mad at him for looking, but Natsume was confused when he saw her ripping out the pages that disturbed him so much. She ripped out every last one with the graphic images from that night tearing them all to shreds with an outraged expression on her face. It wasn't until they were tiny pieces where nobody could make out the images when she looked up at him with an anxious expression and gestured towards the ripped pieces on the ground.
"They're gone now. Don't worry about them anymore." after a while, Natsume had gotten to reading her very well. Since she seemed to have forgotten to write properly as well as speak, it was hard for her to communicate. On the other hand, he didn't need a pen and paper to know what she was saying.
He could see what she was doing. She didn't want him to worry. She hated seeing Natsume worried or sad it seemed. His charge had taken to not liking things that Natsume didn't enjoy. He supposed her tendency to destroy anything that made him unhappy—thank god there was barely anything that made him unhappy with her around or else the hospital would have a problem on their hands—was because of her attachment to him. Those sketches, he could see, made her think he would leave if she kept them around; so, she got rid of them. Because in an extremely twisted way, those sketches she drew caused her to accept the things that happened to her and she knew she couldn't do a thing to change it.
Seeing his gaze being a bit doubtful of her attempts, she grabbed her drawing pad and flipped to a certain page holding it up for him to see.
It was a recent sketch… of him and her. She drew him sitting his in his chair and her in the bed sketching. She flipped to another with them eating apples and another after that with them playing hide and seek. She showed him tons of pictures of the memories they created together in the past three months. While they weren't grand and the memories would be considered mundane to normal people, it meant a lot to the both of them.
"I have you now. It doesn't matter to me anymore what happened."
And he hugged her again gently, this time with gratitude because she accepted him unconditionally.
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"Onii-chan!" a voice called excitedly. Red eyes identical to his own shined with innocence as short, silky black hair fell on small shoulders. "Onii-chan! Let's go get some strawberries before going to mom and dad's graves, ne?"
"Fine, fine." Ten-year-old Natsume muttered and he and his sister went to the market to buy some strawberries with the money that the lady of the orphanage gave them. Serina-sensei was really nice and cared about all the orphans deeply. "Don't go too far, kay Aoi?" he instructed the little girl of eight years.
"Kay, Onii-chan!"
The whole day was spent quietly and it wasn't long before nighttime came to claim them all for slumber. Natsume tucked Aoi in as the girl drifted off to sleep.
"Night, Aoi." he whispered moving some hair out of her face. All of a sudden, Natsume heard a bang downstairs making him spring up and run downstairs towards the ruckus. Serina-sensei was lying on the floor with blood leaking out. "Serina-sensei!" Natsume exclaimed and raced towards her.
"Hmm, what's this?" a voice questioned. "Isn't it past your bed time?" the same voice drawled. Natsume looked up to see a male in his early twenties with violet eyes and red hair. "This has nothing to do with you."
"The hell it doesn't!" Natsume yelled at the man. "What did Serina-sensei ever do to you?!"
"She's been disobedient of course. We had to dispose of her." the man replied as if he was talking about the weather which made Natsume only angrier.
"Bastard!" he said lunging at the man. He tackled the man and punched him in the face. The raven haired boy was winning until the older male knocked him off and pulled out his gun in a fit of rage.
"Stupid brat!" he pointed the gun at Natsume furiously. Getting ready to pull the trigger, a voice yelled frantically.
"Onii-chan!" they cried and a bang sounded. However, when Natsume opened his eyes, he was perfectly fine.
…but Aoi wasn't. She was lying dead right in front of him.
Natsume awoke with a start to find Polka looking down at him while he sat in his chair. Her hand was against his cheek and her amber eyes looked down at him restlessly. She removed her hand when he woke up and took a step back.
"What are you doing, Polka-dots? I thought you were sleeping." It was true; it was the middle of the night and Polka should've been sleeping right now. She only shook her head and shrugged. "Go back to bed." he told her sternly.
She only shook her head and went to get her drawing pad. Taking out a couple of crayons, she scribbled something hastily before returning in front of him and holding up the pad.
It was a girl with a blank face with an arrow pointing to her. Above the arrow said a single word that made Natsume stare incredulously at her.
"Aoi?"
The single word made his eyes narrow and he glared at her suspiciously.
"Where did you hear that, Polka-dots?" Polka began making hand gestures to demonstrate her answer.
"You said in your sleep." she then shrugged again.
"Okay then, now go back to bed." Natsume dismissed her earlier question, but that didn't sit well with Polka as she stomped her foot and glared at him making angry gestures.
"It's not fair! You know about me! Why can't I know about you?" Well, she did have a point with that one, but he'd never tell her that. Instead, he let out an aggravated sigh.
"If I tell you, will you go back to sleep?" seeing that she nodded, he sighed again and gestured her back to the bed with him sitting at the end. "So, where should I start?"
She only pointed to the picture she just drew and he ran a hand through his messy raven locks muttering about stubborn little girls.
"Aoi was my younger sister." he began. "Our parents died in a car crash when I was really young so we lived in an orphanage in our village." when he saw that she was listening intently, he continued, "Our caretaker, Serina-sensei was really nice and caring. She never was mean to any of us without reason. She was like a second mother for Aoi and me."
Polka saw him pause and softly gestured him to continue.
"One night though… something happened. It seems that Serina-sensei was apart of a terrorist organization and she deserted them. They didn't like that so they came after her and… disposed of her. I got mad and attacked the guy, but he pulled out a gun on me." Polka pulled a hand out of the covers and took his hand with her shaking one. He could tell that that detail didn't sit well with her.
"But it wasn't me he shot in the end." Natsume said finally looking down at his lap. "It was… my sister Aoi. She jumped in front of me in time to protect me from the bullet. Guess she must've heard the racket and came down to see what was going on." he gave off a dry chuckle without humor. "I guess you, me, and Aoi are just victims in all of this terrorist junk. You with your parents and me and Aoi with Serina-sensei."
Polka looked at him in bafflement at what he was talking about, but didn't attempt to make any gestures or sounds.
"Now… will you go to sleep?" he asked her tiredly. And she cuddled under the blankets and fell asleep soon after. He gazed at her for some time before tucking her in and saying, "Night, Polka-dots."
He left out of the details of what happened after for a reason and he was grateful that she didn't question. After what had happened at the orphanage, he had left in search of the man whom he would learn to call Reo later on in his life. He wanted Reo to suffer like he did when he shot his sister. He wanted to kill Reo with his own bare hands if that was what it took to send that bastard to Hell. He was heartless. That man didn't even care that he shot a little girl and killed her!
In his wanderings is when he came across Persona and his offer of having the opportunity to go at Reo. Being consumed in anger and despair, Natsume accepted his offer and here he was years later and still no Reo.
And now he has a lead. This girl whom was attacked by a terrorist from Reo's group. Here was his chance to locate him and kill that bastard for what he had done.
But…for some reason when he thought of Polka-dots as some sort of chain or connection to getting closer to his revenge, it made him feel disgusted with himself. Here was an innocent girl who lost her parents and lost her virtuousness and naivety all in one night and he was referring to her as if she was simply a tool. It was too repulsive to think about. Polka was more than that. She had become special to him in a short time.
"Natsume…" Persona voiced out bringing him out of his thoughts. The raven haired male turned to see his superior standing at the doorway of Room 211.
"I have a mission for you."
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He winced as he traveled back into the hospital building that he hasn't been to in over two months. His arm hurt like hell and he was beyond tired, but he couldn't wait to see Polka after such a long time. Hell, he didn't even go back to his apartment yet. He really wanted to see her.
It was a tough mission that took both time and energy. While it was relatively successful, Reo had gotten away and Natsume had escaped with a couple of wounds, but nothing serious.
It was now winter time and an hour into the new year. Tugging the scarf off to rid it of snow, he made his way to Room 211 impatient to see his charge again. He wondered what she was doing for the past two months. Another organization member was assigned to her while he was away—Ibaragi Nobara. He knew she would be nice to Polka-dots so he had nothing to worry about. Plus, she was a girl like his charge so it was easier for them to bond.
That, and Natsume had personally made sure a girl watched over his charge because he wasn't exactly comfortable with a male organization member watching over her (coughTonoorTsubasacough). It made him irritated for some reason to have other males interact with his charge on a friendly level. God knows how much he despises Narumi when he comes into the room. It seems he and Polka-dots had developed a friendship when his back was turned. Damn Naru…
When he arrived in the room, there she was in her usual position, but this time the blanket was under her instead of covering her legs. Her cropped locks went a little past her shoulders now and it seemed—it was hard to tell with her hunched position—that she had grown an inch or two taller but she was still tiny and a bit scrawny. She wasn't as pale as she was before either which relieved him. She was wearing a slim teal turtleneck sweater with skinny navy jeans and white socks for her brown uggs were on the floor at the side of her bed.
Although something about her posture made him stop from making a comment. Her shoulders seemed more defeated and her body radiated sadness. What was wrong with her?
"Oi, Polka-dots, what's wrong?" he voiced out. Her head snapped up and amber eyes looked at him disbelievingly—like she couldn't believe that Natsume was actually there. After what seemed like an eternity, she stood from her bed, putting her boots on over her jeans as she did so, and walked up to him. Her hand reached out timidly and brushed his cheek and then moved to his hair which had grown slightly since she had last seen him. She moved some of his bangs from his eyes so she could look straight at him. Their tender moment was ruined though when her eyes narrowed and she swiftly punched him in the shoulder—the one that hurt like a bitch. Natsume hissed in pain and glared down at her. "What the hell is up with you?"
"S-Stupid Natsume!" she said, her voice cracking from not being able to use it for so long. "Stu-upid Stupid N-Natsume!" she yelled her voice breaking at several points. Natsume, on the other hand, could only stare down at her in astonishment. She was talking? Polka-dots was talking?
"Left a-and hurt yourself!" her proper speech couldn't really be expressed what with her mind having to relearn how to send the proper messages to her vocal cords. "Natsume can't l-leave again! Ne-ever again!" her broken speech would've been hilarious if it wasn't for her temper tantrum going on right now. "Di-idn't even say you w-were leaving! Le-eft by self!" she shouted pointing to herself.
Tears rose to her amber eyes as she softly touched his injured arm. With a sniffle, she walked forward and hugged him.
"Don't l-let you be h-hurt anymore!" she cried and hugged him tighter. "D-don't leave by self a-again!" her broken speech beseeched him.
"Don't let yourself be hurt anymore! Don't leave me by myself again!" is what she was trying to say. He got the message. Guilt built in the bottom of his stomach. He was so inconsiderate of her feelings that he didn't even tell her he was leaving or when he was coming back. How must she have felt the next day not being able to find him? How must she have felt when Nobara told her she would be there to take care of her because Natsume wasn't there? While he was sure Nobara didn't reveal anything about his mission, Polka-dots must've figured out where he left to was somewhere dangerous. Nobara never could kept the entire truth to herself he supposed.
He was a real asshole at times.
It was then that he saw her drawing pad—it appears she had gotten a new one—that showed a birthday cake with a doodle of herself sitting by herself. He really wanted to kick himself then. Polka dots only drew things she was feeling or memories she had.
With that, he hugged her securely telling her through his embrace how sorry he was for almost missing her birthday.
---------------------------------------------
Now that Polka-dots was talking—despite her improper speech pattern—he found himself knowing her personality a lot more. She was very childlike and silly, but she cared about others severely to the point of putting them before herself. Also, she was a real glutton at times. He wondered how in the world she refused to eat regular food when she was first admitted in the hospital because her appetite was the size of China. And yet she never got fat. Amazing.
What's more she told him about her neighborhood and the memories of her parents. He wondered if she was going to ask him when she could leave the hospital as she was very well off despite her irregular speech. Truth be told, he was hoping she never asked. If she did, he might have to tell her she couldn't leave until they knew what her connection was to Reo or that if she did leave, he would never see her again.
"Ne, where Natsume live?" she asked him as she drew a picture of a watermelon. Summer would be coming soon and she was excited to eat corn on the cob and watermelon. She tried to picture Natsume eating a corn on the cob or watermelon, but the only picture she came up with was him spitting watermelon seeds or the corns at her when she acted "stupid" as he referred to one of her naïve moments. She couldn't help but laugh quietly at the image.
"Apartment." he replied as he handed her a green crayon. Her drawings were a lot better. No doubt with all the practice she does, it wasn't a surprise she would become really good at drawing.
"Alone?" she asked while taking the crayon nodding her thanks.
"Yup."
"Oh, so that's why spend lots of time here." she analyzed out loud.
"It's why you spend, not why spend in that context." Natsume corrected her speech. While it wasn't as broken or cracked as before, she still messed up at times.
"Sorry." she said. She could've bonked herself on the head when she realized she also said her first sentence wrong too; though Natsume was too nice to correct every one of her mistakes and make her feel bad unlike her tutor even though he knew she said the sentence wrong. Natsume knew she couldn't help it. "So, no one lives with you?"
"Nope." he replied making a pop sound with the "p"
"Can I come live with you then?" she asked innocently. Natsume almost choked, however, thanks to his good control of his emotions, he didn't.
"What are you saying, Polka-dots?" he raised an eyebrow at her suspiciously.
"Well," she fidgeted nervously. "It's just that you don't have anyone and my house is gone so I was thinking that maybe I can live with you, you know?"
"Don't be stupid. You're not going anywhere." Natsume replied taking the green crayon and giving her a red one.
"Come on, Natsume! Won't always be here forever! Gotta leave sometime!" he noticed she forgot to say "I" but he didn't bother to correct her this time.
"Someday, but not right now, kay?" Natsume said. "Maybe then you can live with me, but right now, let's just concentrate on where we are—and that's in a hospital drawing watermelons." he let himself uplift a corner of his lips in a small smile. This seemed to have pacified her as Polka-dots smiled too and went back to coloring in her watermelon.
If only he took her words seriously…
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It was so sudden—when he looks back on it even today, he still feels as if it was sudden. Nothing could've prepared him for the day when her relatives came to take her with them and he had to let her go.
It started like any other day. Him and Polka were planning to go outside that day to have a picnic—Polka's idea, not his, mind you—as it was early June and the weather was very nice out. She wore one of his old navy t-shirts with jean shorts ending at her knees along with her tennis shoes while he wore jeans, sneakers, and a dark brown t-shirt.
Polka-dots was tugging him out of Room 211 by his hand laughing at his reluctance to do a picnic. It wasn't his style no matter how many times she reassured him that the blanket they would be sitting on and the basket that contained the food were nowhere near girly and would not at all hinder his manliness. She had taken to holding his hand a lot. He had figured out—much to a joy he couldn't explain—that she liked holding his hand. Even back when she was unreachable and unresponsive, a part of her liked holding his hand. Hence the groping back then when she was trapped in her own little world.
Narumi had told him that Polka-dots had perhaps taken an unconscious liking to his presence since he was the one to pull her out of her burning house and when he had first talked to her or touched her, her body must've recognized the familiarity of him and grew comfortable—dependant even—on his presence to keep her in reality. Without him there, Narumi said surely, Polka-dots's only opening into the outside was her drawing pad. Her mind would only be able to channel things out, but never in if Natsume wasn't there. It was for this that Narumi thanked him as he had grown fond of Polka-dots like the rest of the hospital staff. Even he apparently had become someone whom they considered family.
And that was why some of the nurses were giggling when they saw him being tugged out of Room 211 by Polka-dots. Everyone there was quite familiar with Polka and his antics. Well, more like Polka's antics and he was along for the ride.
And ironically enough, he didn't care if he was doing something silly. He didn't care that some were laughing at him. He didn't care that he was being told what to do by a tiny sixteen-year-old who was three years his junior. And honestly, he almost didn't care about Reo at this point. All of that was at the back of his mind as Polka-dots was the primary focus.
She was so valued to him. Funny how he used that term because when Narumi had last said that to him he had coldly thought of her as just another job. But she wasn't just a job anymore. She was his friend. A companion he could go to for making happy memories with and take his mind off of more depressing things. She always put him first—even before herself and it made him feel… special. He hadn't had someone care about him for such a long time. He had forgotten what it felt like to be loved by someone and to care about them in return.
Polka-dots was the light of his world. The light that shined through the darkness in his blackest moments. While he did mentally blanch at the poetic words, he had to admit they were true.
And it only took a few seconds for reality to come back and crush him.
"MIKAN!!!" a voice shouted and Polka-dots was ruthlessly tackled by a green blur. Natsume's senses when on alert and prepared to pull the offending thing off of Polka-dots, but the voice spoke again as someone rubbed their cheek against Polka's. "I missed you so much! So this is where you've been all of this time!" the blur, which he could see was now a girl, realized something and pulled away from Polka with a glare in her eyes. "Why didn't you call or tell us where you were?! Mom and dad were so worried you know! Jeez Mikan! Do you know how much everyone was upset that no one could find you? Imai has just about shot everyone with her baka gun when they said they couldn't find a trace of you! Kokoro and Kitsuneme haven't pulled one prank ever since he heard the news! Iinchou looks as if he's about to burst into tears at any second these days! You-chan refused to sit on anyone's lap but yours! And Ruka-kun's been so depressed! Not even his bunny or animals cheered him up! How could you do that to Ruka-kun?!" by this time the unknown girl was shaking poor Polka's shoulders making her head rattle.
"Sumire—you're—shaking—too—hard." his charge said as "Sumire" bobbled her head back and forth.
"And me! Dear lord Mikan! I'm your cousin for Pete's sake! Your favorite and most awesome cousin and you don't call or write or contact me!" now Sumire was ranting while shaking her so-called cousin back and forth.
"Oi, what the hell are you doing to, Polka-dots?" Natsume asked the green-haired girl. This made her stop her rampage on poor Polka and she turned her emerald eyes towards him. It wasn't long before a strange expression came onto her face—a huge blush across her cheeks and big hearts for eyes.
"Hello there! I'm Shouda Sumire! Who're you?" then she changed her expression back to outrage turning back to the brunette girl. "Why is it that you always get the good-looking guys, huh?! Share Mikan! You greedy man-holder! First Ruka-kun is smitten and now you have this guy?! Not fair!"
"Ruka-pyon doesn't like me that—I mean, like that!" she caught herself as she almost spoke improperly again. "Why does everyone say that?!" However, her cousin wasn't listening meanwhile taking on a thoughtful expression.
"Well, you are best friends with Imai-san… since she's greedy with cash, I guess you're greedy with good-looking guys…" she trailed off making Polka's eye twitch in irritation.
"Shut up, Perm! I am not greedy! And stop bringing Natsume into discussion!"
"The discussion, Polka-dots." Natsume corrected her absentmindedly. She stopped her angry tirade to turn to him apologetically at messing up a sentence. Darnit… and she was doing so well with saying proper sentences today!
"Polka-dots…?" Sumire asked blinking. She then turned to her cousin shaking her head. "Hey, does he ever call you by your name?" seeing Polka's expression, a sweat drop came on her face. "Oh, you didn't even tell him your name. Figures." she then turned to Natsume putting on a big smile and a blush covered her cheeks. "Natsume-kun, right? Sexy name. This is my cousin, Mi—"before she could continue, Polka-dots interrupted her.
"I wanna be the one to say it! It's my name, Permy!" ignoring Sumire's shouts of "Don't call me that!" she turned to Natsume with the smile only meant for him and bowed. "Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself for this whole time. I guess I just gotten so used to being called Polka-dots I never bothered to say anything. I'm Sakura Mikan!"
Sakura Mikan… It really suited her. He wondered why she didn't say anything. Mikan was much better sounding than Polka-dots. But then again, Polk—Mikan was pretty forgetful at times. Stupid little girl…
"Now that that's all settled, come on Mikan. My parents are signing you out right now and we can go back home." Sumire said taking her hand.
"Wait, what mean, Sumire?" Mikan tilted her head to the side forgetting the "do you" in her question. Natsume got a forbidding feeling in his chest. Something tells him this wasn't going to be good…
"Jeez, are you an idiot? You're coming to live with us. My parents get custody of you since, well… you know…" she trailed off being fragile at mentioning her late aunt and uncle—Mikan's parents. She gained a sad look as she looked upon Mikan. "You know… with your hair short like that, you look a lot like Auntie Yuka. Your hair used to be so long." It was true; Mikan's hair was only two inches past her shoulders now.
"Nah, mom's was shorter." Mikan replied fingering some of the strands. "But I like. Maybe I'll keep it this way." After all it was so much easier to take care of and she liked it when Natsume would sometimes play with her short strands. She didn't think it would be as fun if she had long hair again. "So…I'm leaving with you..." she whispered.
"Yup. Since you and I lived so close to begin with you won't have to transfer schools or anything. Don't worry, if anyone comes up to you and asks where you've been or bothers you, I'll beat them up for you, okay?" Sumire said. Natsume could see that even though Sumire was harsh with Mikan, she really cared about her. "The doctor told us some of the… details just now…" details referring to Mikan's condition when she first arrived in the hospital and what had happened to her—including the torture her assailant put her through that night. Sumire looked as if she wanted to engulf her cousin right then and there in a huge hug and chase all the bad stuff away from her cousin. It wasn't fair that her cousin had to go through all of that.
"Which doctor told you?" Natsume demanded with narrowed eyes. Mikan's torture was confidential. Only one person knew about the extent of Mikan's torture down to the beating and rape other than him—Narumi. He really was going to kill that guy. He didn't think Mikan wanted anyone to know about that. Especially the part where she killed a man because she wanted to protect herself.
"Eto… Dr. Narumi, I think it was." Sumire replied. Natsume could only clench his fists as he thought about maiming Narumi. Stupid doctors. What ever happened to doctor/patient confidentiality? He told those things to Narumi under confidence.
He calmed down after a hand rested on his arm. He knew it was Mikan's so he relaxed. He looked into her amber eyes and he knew what she was saying.
"It's okay, Natsume."
"Come on, Mikan. Mom and dad are probably waiting." Sumire said taking her hand again. Mikan nodded and took Natsume's hand. Seeing this, Sumire shook her head and went over to their clasped hands. "No, no Mikan. Without Natsume-kun."
"Without Natsume?" Mikan parroted in a tone that suggested there was no such thing. "But… why can't Natsume come along?"
"Because." Sumire said simply. "I know that he's been with you for a long time, but you have to rejoin the world sometime. You have to be a big girl, Mikan. Natsume-kun can't always be there for you." she said gently yet firmly to get her cousin to understand. Narumi had warned her family that Mikan's mentality could become fragile at times when Natsume was concerned.
As for Natsume, he felt his mind coming to a halt. Mikan was leaving? She was leaving him? His chest hurt suddenly—like that very prospect disturbed him. And yet… isn't this what he wanted in the beginning? He knew he shouldn't have gotten attached. This always happened to things that are cherished by him. They always end up leaving him to dwell in the darkness again.
But… he couldn't help himself. Mikan was Mikan. She had accepted him without strings and vice versa. He cared about her deeply. Even… even had feelings for her. She was the dearest thing in the world to him. Nothing or Nobody could take her place in his heart.
"No!" cried Mikan and she wrapped her arms around Natsume with tears in her eyes. "Then I won't go! I stay with Na-atsume!" she cried with panic. Whenever she was distressed or upset, her speech returned to being broken and sloppy. She looked up at Natsume with tears in her eyes. "Need Natsume!" she shouted and buried her head in his chest.
He clenched his ruby eyes shut. Don't say that, he wanted to tell her. If she kept saying that, then he wouldn't be able to let her go. He didn't want to, he knew. On the other hand, what would he do with her? He couldn't let her live with him while he was in the organization. She might get hurt. People might go after her if word got out the Black Cat has a loved one. It wasn't safe. Her relatives would give her a normal life—a life she deserved to have after what has happened to her. She would be happy. That thought alone strengthened his resolve in what he was about to do.
With determination in his mind, he embraced her strongly. Burying his head in her strawberry scented hair, he held her close to him as if trying to mold them together. Who would've thought that the Black Cat had a heart after all?
"Polka-dots, I can't keep you." he murmured in her hair. "I know you don't like that, but you have to go with your cousin. Come on, you were the one who said you couldn't be here forever."
"But—"
"No, you have to listen to me, okay? If you don't go with them, I'll be mad at you. I won't ever talk to you again." he told her. Course he knew he would never do something like that, but Mikan didn't and to get through to her, he had to get her undivided attention. She was such a child at times, but that's what he loved about her. Mikan froze in his arms when he said that. "Remember what I said, Polka-dots? Someday, but not now, kay? Now you have to go with your cousin."
"You'll come back, right? You'll come visit?" she sniffled.
"I'm not leaving you forever, stupid youjo. Just for a bit, alright? Jeez, making this so dramatic... girls are so moronic."
"You have to promise! I won't go unless you promise you'll come find me again!" Mikan shouted, but her words were muffled for she was buried in his chest.
"Fine, I'll even take you to any place you want, okay?" Natsume said rolling his eyes. He tried his best to be normal for her. He didn't want to show her how much her leaving was affecting him. If she saw that, then she could convince him to take her with him. He was an expert at hiding his emotions.
"Anywhere?"
"Polka-dots…" he said warningly with his eyes shining in annoyance. She let out a little laugh at his tone. He always did get annoyed when she was overly persistent or stubborn.
"Ne, Natsume…"
"Polka-dots, I'm going to personally drag you out of this hospital if you don't stop."
"Okay! Okay!" she sniffled. "I was going to ask… if you say my name—can you say me name?" she corrected herself. Natsume raised an eyebrow at her request. That's all she wanted? Well, Mikan was always simple to please. Letting out a sigh, he smiled a bit and hugged her tighter.
"Mikan…"
She tenderly pushed herself from him to hold him at arms length. Her eyes were shining with happiness.
"Thank you, Natsume. I can go now." Mikan said and detached herself from her to join her cousin who was bawling about how sweet that scene was and that Mikan and him should be apart of a romance novel. Their gazes were locked until she disappeared out of the doors into her new life. A life without him.
"That was very noble, Natsume." Tsubasa said coming up to him obviously seeing the whole scene. "The old Natsume surely would've kept her all to himself, but you were selfless this time. She changed you for the better I see."
"Why did Persona allow her to leave the hospital? Isn't she connected to Reo?" Natsume asked still staring at the doors where Mikan left through.
"Well, the thing is, it just turns out that she and her family had nothing to do with Reo. The terrorist who attacked their house was just looking for some fun it seems. Her family wasn't involved in terrorist work at all. Just victims to some other's sick pleasure." Tsubasa ran a hand through his midnight blue hair.
Natsume clenched his jaw. So Mikan and her family were victims to Reo's group… and they didn't even do anything! Mikan went through all of that because some sick bastard felt it would be fun to cause another person misery. What was wrong with the world?
"So what are you going to do now, Natsume?" Tsubasa asked him.
"Same thing I've been doing for years. Look for Reo." Natsume replied with his intense crimson orbs looking at his companion. Tsubasa gave him a sympathetic smile.
"She'll wait for you. Don't worry and don't be in such a rush to go after Reo."
"Tch. What if I don't want to keep her waiting?" Natsume inquired while he began to walk out of the hospital for the final time. It felt so alien to him to be out in the world again returning to his original goal. He wondered if Mikan felt this way when she stepped outside into the world again after a long point in time.
He decided he would find Reo as quick as possible. As soon as that happened, he had no reason to stay in the organization—Persona and everyone there knew that. Once he was free, he'd come find Mikan again like he'd promised. Hmph, she'll probably yell at him for keeping her waiting, then be happy to see him, and then take him out for a picnic as they didn't get to have one today. Stupid girl was so predicable.
And he was in love with her. He couldn't help himself.
Their encounter was probably the most important memories in his life. The golden days while in his dark world. He loved her and they had to wait before they could have each other.
Their love—it was deep and pure, but the circumstances made it bittersweet as well.
All my thoughts are
with you forever.
Until the day we'll be
back together.
I will be waiting
for you.
Karin: So, there you have it. Hope you enjoyed it. Reviews are highly appreciated. Thank you very much. The lyrics are from the song "Bittersweet" by Within Temptation by the way. I thought it suited Mikan's thoughts in this when she left Natsume
See ya Next time!