Authors Note:
I wrote this because frankly it needed to be written. I just hope I did it justice. This is a near future fic. Read and Review!
Disclaimer: I unfortunately don't own Degrassi or and other pop-culture references in this story.
Clare's POV
Eli had come over and was currently getting both of us water in the kitchen as I sat in the living room.
He had been doing a lot for me lately, carrying my things when we met for lunch twice a week, opening any door he could for me and even running to the store to get my current craving obsession, mango sorbet. I could easily do all of those things for myself but I secretly enjoyed watching Eli give so much of his attention to making me comfortable.
He was doing his best to be there for me after everything. It had been three weeks since we decided to do this together and it seemed like he had done a complete 180 since that day outside The Dot. I hated thinking about that moment.
He had hurt me so much calling me a whore. His eyes were so cold then but as he looked over his shoulder at me now there was so much warmth reflecting in them.
He had really been making an effort to talk to me about his feelings and listen to any feelings or doubts I had about us co-parenting. He made me laugh a lot especially when I was feeling more neurotic than usual. He had even started reading up on pregnancy and everything that follows it.
I was surprised when he snatched my English paper from my hands and edited it for me. He was showing me that he was committed to this even if it wasn't what we had planned. Even if we weren't together, he and I were friends and I forgot how much I enjoyed that. It reminded me of us during the beginning of my sophomore year, except this time around I was pregnant with his child.
I watch him press up on his toes to reach the glasses in the back of the cupboard.
"I should run the dishwasher while I'm here; you're almost out of glasses." He says now focusing on filling each glass with ice.
"You don't have to do that. I can do it once you leave." I smile finishing my sentence.
"Clare, I can't let you do that. You are pregnant and home alone this weekend. No one is here to give you a hand and I am sure you are exhausted. Just let me do it for you, yeah?" He lifts a brow in a questioning way and smirks slightly.
The action has me zeroing in on his attractive features and I feel my stomach flip. It's just the baby growing inside me not a reaction to that stupid smirk, I try and convince myself.
I may have caught myself eyeing his pronounced jaw from time to time or biting my lip whenever he walked ahead of me to reach for a door. The boy knows how to wear pants is all. I mean I would be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to Eli, look at him. But I was annoyed at how out of control I was feeling toward him sexually. It was like I couldn't look at him or even think about him without imagining his body pressed against mine in the most intimate of ways.
Frankly I wanted him inside me.
I knew that with me being pregnant my sex drive could be heightened but this was getting ridiculous. And watching Eli drink and swallow his water was making me have a thirst that water could not quench.
I couldn't do that though. We were friends now, just friends and we were good. I didn't want to make things complicated or halt our progress but my resistance seemed futile. I do all I can to normalize my breathing and relax when Eli put the movie on.
At least we're watching Bridesmaids; a movie with awkward sex and authentic Mexican food repercussions was bound to distract me.
However, as Eli sits down next to me on the couch, I can't deny that my heartbeat has increased slightly. I try my best to ignore it and focus on the movie but since I've seen it numerous times it was easy to lose focus. My eyes wander in Eli's direction. He sat with one ankle over his opposite knee, head tilted to the right slightly. He was wearing his usual Chuck Taylors, a pair of dark skinny jeans and a grey Henley style shirt. His hair fell somewhat above his brow framing his features nicely.
I briefly think of his after sex hair. It was an intoxicating thing to behold, ends pointing every which way, his eyes gleaming behind his slightly sweat matted bangs. He'd run his long fingers through it and make me want to go for round two-. Clare you need to get a hold of yourself!
I feel his hand come in contact with my thigh as he's rests it between us. He moves to scratch his ankle and accidentally grazes my bare leg as he relaxes back into the couch. I am wearing a skirt and I can't help but imagine how easily I could just straddle him, move my underwear to the side and let him press into me.
I huff outwardly, standing up to refill my glass and grab a snack. I need to put some space between us.
"Are you hungry?" I ask while scanning the contents of the refrigerator.
"Not at the moment but we could order something to eat if you want. I want to make sure you're giving our little man everything he needs." He replies, laughing at a scene in the movie.
Right now I wanted Eli to give me the one thing I needed, his hard coc-.
I close the fridge stopping myself from continuing that thought and look at the fruit bowl on the counter. The banana's actually look appealing so I reach for a ripe looking one.
I should have grabbed something less phallic. My eyes become fixated on the banana in my hand and wish it would magically turn into Eli's penis. I want to grip him in my palm and place him at my entrance.
The memories of the last time I touched him in that way flood my mind.
Eli closed my front door after we both entered my darkened house. I was feeling a little uneasy having him come inside with me after that moment with Drew. It wasn't even really a moment, just the lingering adrenaline rush from bungee jumping anyway. I tried to just push the thought of Drew out of my head. Eli was here now and it almost felt surreal.
He tugged on my hand and I relished in the contact before realizing he was pulling me upstairs with him.
Glenn and my mother had gone off to the cabin for the weekend which Eli knew but I didn't think we would jump into bed the moment he got here, especially since he was here hours later than I thought he would be.
I felt the disappointment pull at my heart from him not being the one to join me bungee jumping. I looked in his direction and he smiled at me making the feeling subside. I didn't care that our plans fell through. He was here now and it was nice to not be missing him anymore. His hand was so warm intertwined with mine. He brushed his thumb over the top of my knuckles and opened my door.
Instead of Eli kissing me right away like I thought he would once my door was closed he let go of my hand and walked toward my bed , taking a seat.
"Do you want to come and sit down?" He asked quietly.
I hadn't realized I had barely even come into my room. I kicked off my shoes and walked toward the bed. Eli took my hand in his and kissed it sweetly.
"I am sorry I didn't make it in time for our date." His voice was sincere. "Getting that project done for class seemed endless but I finally finished things up and really wanted to see you so I figured better late than never." He looked at me with slightly pleading eyes. "I can't believe how much your hair has grown since we skyped last."
He lightly touched my bangs and ran his fingers across my forehead and behind my ear pushing a bit of hair back. It felt so nice being in his embrace, even if just barely. I breathed in deeply and caught his scent. The light musky cologne smell mixed with Dial soap lured me toward his lips.
I always felt so drawn to Eli emotionally and….physically and even though things weren't perfect between us right now I couldn't deny how easy it was for that familiar want to grow in my lower region. Without realizing what I was doing I leaned in all the way, kissing him slowly. His lips melded to mine making pleasure rush over me.
My, God I missed kissing him. He smiled into the kiss then pulled away leaving me mid-pucker.
"I don't want you to feel like we have to have sex first thing." His eyes bored into mine." I guess going straight for your room wasn't the best way to communicate that. We can hang out and talk, maybe do a puzzle? I just don't want you to feel pressured." Eli's sweet disposition only made the yearning I had for him grow.
"No talking and no puzzles." I exhaled pulling him to me by the collar.
I kept my grip on the fabric as our lips met over and over again. His lips felt soft as he pressed them to mine firmly. It felt like it had been so long since we had gotten to be this close. I let my hands wrap around his neck. My tongue slid across his bottom lip and he opened his mouth letting our tongues collide.
His tongue smoothly rolled against mine a few times before he pulled back a bit and open mouth kissed me with the perfect pressure.
"I…do…want..to…hang..out…and…talk…but…that can wait." I breathed between kisses.
I felt his motions still and sensing that he needed me to elaborate I pulled away reluctantly.
"We talk on the phone and Skype most of the time and right now," I sighed. "Right now I just want to touch you and kiss you and feel you."
"I love you." He said with a grin, leaning in to kiss me again.
His left hand wound into my hair and his right rested on the small of my back pulling me toward him. He was such a proficient kisser. His lip movements were slow and precise but also uninhibited and I couldn't get enough. My hands were resting comfortably at his sides while His mouth moved to the corner of mine and then down to my neck.
A chill ran down my spine as he began sucking and biting lightly. A quiet moan escaped my lungs and I gripped his shirt bunching the fabric up. My hands slid underneath and the feel of his skin in reality was so much better than the memory of it. I wanted to feel his exposed body pressed against mine.
Without thinking, my hands began moving up lifting the shirt in the process. I bit my lip at his exposed torso. Our eyes met and I knew the lust he held in his green eyes was reflected in my blue ones.
My fingertips found his chest as he helped to get the garment off completely. His lips were on my neck again almost immediately while he reached around it to undo the eyelet button on the top of my dress. Once the button was undone, Eli let his hands fall to my thighs as I tilted my head to give him more room.
The tender grip his hands held on my bare thighs, paired with the heated trail his lips were leaving made me shutter. The tension between my legs was building immensely. I pulled his face up silently telling him to continue with my dress already.
His eyes held an almost primal gaze intermingled with excitement. He slowly pulled up on the silky fabric, dragging his fingertips along my sides until the dress was off me completely, leaving me in just my cream satin bra and light pink panties. I bit my lip as I concentrated on unclasping his belt.
"How can you look so completely sexy and somehow innocent at the same time Edwards?"
I did enjoy hearing that nickname from him more than anyone. My body flushed briefly from his compliment but I continued on with the button of his jeans as well as the zipper.
Since being in remission this was the best I had felt physically and I was eager to get things going. Eli took off his socks and shoes before standing to finish taking his pants off.
The sight of him in only his boxers left me practically whimpering. He glanced at my body before looking to my eyes as he pushed me back onto my bed. The quilt underneath me was cool to the touch and made the grip of his fingers on my hips feel fiery. He pressed his hips into mine and the perfect friction sent my head lulling back.
Feeling his hardness press against my panty clad center filled me with such desire. I wanted him badly. He pulled me to him with one arm, lifting my back off the bed somewhat. His bow lips were on the curve of my chest kissing tenderly as he spread his palm over my ribcage and around my back, skillfully undoing the clasp on my bra.
Now that the fabric was loose on my frame he continued moving his mouth down my chest taking the bra with him. He kissed around my right breast before taking my nipple into his mouth. I practically purred and bucked my hips wanting to feel more of that delicious friction.
Eli moaned around my nipple, briefly making my head spin. My hands found his sides and I slid them down to the top of his boxers, dipping the tips of my fingers inside.
His skin was soft and I could feel the heat radiating off of it. I pushed the fabric down as far as my arms could reach. As he pulled himself back to get his boxers off all the way I felt his now bare erection brush my thigh.
I couldn't wait any longer. My body stretched away from him as I reached for a condom in my side table drawer but I then I thought about Dr. Dobson's words.
"You may not be able to have children." She said sympathetically.
I had already dealt with my own mortality and now the future I had looked to for strength when things were at their worst was being threatened. I just shook my head in understanding and went through the motions of the rest of the appointment. Tears ran down my cheeks as my mother drove us home afterward.
Thankfully, Eli was able to skype that night and talked me through an emotional downpour.
I tossed the condom back into the drawer, not bothering to close it and started pulling my underwear down. Eli stilled my hands and quirked an eyebrow.
"No protection?" His voice was soft. His eyes piercing.
"What's the point anyway?" I shrugged.
His brow lowered at my words. He leaned in and kissed me tenderly, consoling me with no words. I could feel his love for me in the kiss. I kissed him back trying to communicate that this wasn't just a rash decision. If we didn't have to worry about me getting pregnant then I wanted to feel all of him.
The slow sensual motion had me following his lips as he pulled away to drag my panties down fully.
I gazed at his body letting my eyes skim down to his fully erect penis. It was pretty dark in my room but the moonlight coming through my window outlined his frame, making him look almost sculpture like.
I was pleasantly surprised when I felt his thumb circle my clit. He applied pressure and I mulled in pleasure. I pushed myself up on my elbows to reach for his member eliciting a throaty moan from Eli at the contact. I gripped him in my palm and slid my hand up and down as he continued his motions.
He smirked in that sexy cocky way and I knew he felt just how wet he was making me. His smirked disappeared as I placed him at my entrance. He looked into my eyes and let his mouth fall open as he pushed into me fully.
Feeling his cock within me without a condom was incredibly satisfying.
I watched his brow furrow in concentration as he gave slow deep thrusts.
"Fuck, Clare. You feel so amazing."
His head lowered toward his chest as he focused, thrusting quicker and harder now. I let out a few quiet moans and pressed my hips up meeting his movements. Eli cursed again as his face fell into my breasts.
The cool metal from his guitar pick necklace dangled against my sternum. I was trying my best to memorize all the details of being with him now. The way a subtle smile crept onto his face as he looked in my eyes. The almost unheard moans escaping his lips each time our centers met.
Everything beyond our bodies was a blur.
However amazing it felt I was not content with sticking with missionary, so I pushed at his chest wanting to change our position. My knees pressed into the bed on either side of him and I gripped his shoulders coaxing him to stay upright.
He grabbed his cock and rubbed it against my clit before pushing into me again. I bounced on top of him thoroughly enjoying this sensation.
"Ahh-oh Eli," I mewled out.
He held onto my waist, guiding himself into me firmly.
"I love when you ride me like this." He breathed into my ear. He put one hand on the bed for more leverage as he lifted his hips, pushing his perfectly hard cock into me repeatedly.
My arms crossed behind his neck and I kissed his lips momentarily and our breaths intermingled. I could feel myself getting closer to my breaking point with every movement.
Eli moved his hand to my spine pulling me closer to him. The slight change in angle had each thrust hitting me like a blinding light.
"I'm gonna come Clare." Eli's words registered in my mind but I didn't want to stop.
I was so close. I whined against his lips keeping up the steady pace. My head fell back as we moaned in unison reaching our apex.
We stayed connected as Eli fell back onto my bed. He put his arms behind his head smiling up at me. I smiled in return.
"I have to say that the view from down here is quite spectacular." He smirked.
I smacked his chest lightly leaning down to kiss him. He surprised me by deepening the kiss, letting his tongue sweep along my bottom lip. We lingered in the close proximity for a few minutes before I pushed to get off of him. I smiled to myself as I walked to the bathroom to clean up, already reliving what had just happened. And to think we had the rest of the weekend ahead of u-.
"Clare. Why are you staring at the banana?" Eli questions with a bemused look on his face pulling me from my thoughts.
"I-I was just examining it for bruises." I blurt out.
Real smooth Clare.
I give him the most relaxed smile I can muster under the circumstances. He doesn't seem very convinced.
"But you were staring at it for like five minutes Clare? " A smirk forms on his face and I have to look away, feeling my face flush.
"I must have just gotten sidetracked. Can we just forget about it? I'm not even hungry anyway."
"Okay." He offers confusedly.
I puff out a breath and walk back over to the couch feeling absurd. Even with the heavy embarrassment I still feel more hormonal than anything and it's really frustrating. The movie is my only distraction but that's barely holding my attention. Eli's laugh echoes throughout the house as Melissa McCarthy rolls onto the couch in the bridal store.
I look at him and he gives me a small smile.
Stop smiling please.
Each time he does something to bring attention to his mouth I feel my restraints lifting. What is wrong with me? I have never wanted to kiss someone so badly.
I chew on my lip nervously watching Kristen Wig forcefully shove a Jordan almond into her mouth as she sweats profusely. Was I sweating? I run the back of my hand across my brow feeling that it's only slightly damp.
"Feeling hot Clare?" Eli's words startle me and I bite down hard on the lip I had been chewing on.
"Ow!" I touch my lip and realize that it's bleeding a little.
"Clare are you alright? You're bleeding." He reaches up before I could reply, running his thumb under my sore slip.
He was so close I could feel his breath fanning my face. His expression was full of concern and confusion.
I can't hold back any longer. My fingers wind into his hair assisting me in pulling him closer. I kiss him softly, coaxing his lips to respond to mine.
After a few seconds I feel his lips move against mine. I tilt my head to deepen things but he pulls away looking down.
"Clare, wait." He looks up through his lashes, his gaze vulnerable.
"I want to kiss you. I can't tell you how many times I've thought about kissing you, well not just kissing you." He pauses, stroking my cheek. "I need to know that this is really what you want. It's not only about us anymore. I want to be in our son's life and I am terrified that you will regret this and pull away completely."
"I would never regret being with you." I reply honestly and unlace my fingers from his hair letting them clasp around his wrist.
"There are so many things I am uncertain about when it comes to our future but I'm certain that I want to be with you. I was fooling myself thinking I could just be friends with you. And these past few weeks the feelings I tried to push away just became more evident." I smiled at him.
"You can make me so angry and so sad but you also make me happier than anyone else."
"But I don't want to make you angry or sad. I have made so many mistakes Clare and I'm sure I will make more. I can't be good enough for you." His hand fell from my face solemnly.
"Eli, everyone makes mistakes and you have been doing whatever you can these past weeks to show me that you have learned from yours. You are more than good enough for me. I want you, even if it's messy sometimes."
My fingers release his wrist and I lace them in between his fingers. He looks so vulnerable; I search for the words I want him to know.
"We are having a baby together and there is no one I would rather share that with. Even if the timings all wrong, having a baby with you by my side feels right. I'm tired of not letting myself feel what I feel for you. My grip tightens on his hand and my eyes lock on his. "I love you Eli."
His eyes widen at my words. I am practically holding my breath waiting for his reply. His lips form into the sweetest smile he has ever given me.
"I love you too." He leans in a kisses me gently and as nice as this moment feels my hormones are still throbbing inside me.
My fingers untangle from his and I place my palms on his chest, pushing his body back onto the couch. As I settle my knees on either side of him his pupils enlarge. I can feel him harden almost instantly as I grind my hips down.
My upper half lowers as I get mere inches from his face.
"I was lying before." I whisper, making his brow furrow in confusion. "I wasn't inspecting that banana for bruises. I was thinking about having sex with you."
Eli swallows roughly before his familiar smirk forms on his face.
"I knew your thoughts were less than pure. You were practically licking your lips while looking at it."
I move my hand back to bat him on the chest but he grabs my wrist stopping me mid-motion. Our breaths still and I look to his lips connecting mine with them.
My bottom lip is still slightly tender but it's almost a good pain as Eli slides his tongue across it. I give him access to my mouth, letting my tongue mingle with his. His hands linger on my sides before sliding down to the hem of my hitched up skirt.
The kisses are warm and wet and I feel myself wanting so much more. My hips grind into his but his strong hands still my movements.
He doesn't say anything as he lifts me off of his lap. I am slightly confused until he leans me against the armrest of the couch dragging his hand down my sides.
His hands disappear under my skirt and grip the waistband of my silky underwear. He pulls them down, still silent and I have to fight the urge to bite my tender lip. My legs are practically shaking as he glides his fingers up my calves to my knees, prying them open.
As his lips ghost along the sensitive skin of my inner thighs I can feel my need for release growing.
"Ahh." I moan out when his tongue slides firmly over my clit.
He swirls it in a counter clockwise motion and I am overcome with pleasure. I mewl within his grasp enjoying his unyielding grip he has on my thighs. His tongue flicks over my clit repeatedly and I feel him smirk when my body shakes beneath him.
This is the most intense I have ever felt. It's too much and not enough at the same time. My hands grab at the cushions of the couch. His talented muscle slows its pace. One hand releases my leg before he pushes two fingers inside me. His lips are still attached to my clit as he pumps his fingers slowly. He flicks his tongue over my clit at an erratic speed simultaneously increasing the speed of his fingers. I shudder against him and let myself fall over the edge.
"Oh, my God," I exhale. My words are almost inaudible. Eli emerges from my nether region putting his lips close to my ear.
"Do you want to go upstairs?"
Words are escaping me at the moment so I silently nod accepting the hand he has offered. He pulls me with him upstairs and this time instead of sitting on my bed he presses me against the door after closing it.
His breathing is ragged as he kisses me. I can taste myself on his lips but I don't mind. He presses his body into mine making sure I feel just how hard he is. A growl leaves his pouty lips as he moves to kiss my neck.
"You have way too much on." He murmurs against my neck, letting his hands pull at my tucked in blouse. I lift my arms up helping him to remove it. Before the garment hits the rug, Eli crashes his lips over my heaving chest, sucking here and there.
His hands wind around my back and he quickly unclasps my bra letting it fall to the floor. He takes a nipple into his mouth and holy cow it's enough to send me over the edge again. I whimper uncontrollably as he tweaks the other nipple letting my head fall against the door. Eli tears his mouth from my chest long enough to pull his shirt over his head.
His lips leave a trail of heat on the tops of my breasts while he grasps both breasts fully. I push at his shoulders pushing him towards the bed. Before we reach the mattress Eli turns our bodies. He removes the rest of his clothing before pressing me onto the bed.
I am left in only my skirt but I get the feeling that Eli wants me to leave it on. He is still bitter that he never got me into my old Catholic School uniform.
"Is it weird that having my child inside you makes me want to have you that much more? I could fucking worship you like this."
His mouth is on mine before I can respond.
"I will- be gentle-with you- of course." He says between kisses.
I let him settle between my legs. He reaches down to circle my clit a few times before gripping his cock.
My hips buck as he enters me reveling in finally getting what I have been craving. It's even better than I expected.
His lips drag along my cheekbone before he kisses my forehead concentrating on his movements. He thrusts slowly but purposely, knocking my headboard against the wall. My limbs wrap around his body pulling him in closer.
Our breaths are heavy and staggered. His right hand moves to grip my hip giving him more control. As his thrusts quicken I look to his face. His eyes are closed, his lips are parted and I can see a light sheen of sweat forming on his brow.
My lips brush his lightly bringing his gaze to me. I feel more connected to him than ever before.
The grip on my hip tightens as he pushes my body up bringing me to more of an upright position. He pushes up onto his knees going deeper inside me.
"Oh, oh yes." I whimper against his heated flesh.
He plunges into me with perfect precision, hitting me in just the right spot. It won't be long before we both come.
His mouth finds my neglected chest, taking my nipple into his mouth once again. I am almost panting at the overwhelming feeling he is providing me. He buries his face in my neck while continuing to thrust and I can feel my walls begin to clench around him.
A string of moans spills out of my mouth as he pumps into me.
"Fuck, fuck, fu-uck!" Eli growls into my neck and I feel him come within me.
His slowed thrusts push me over the edge and I grip onto his body before falling slack onto the bed. He pulls out of me but keeps his body above mine. The heat radiates off our bodies wrapping us in warmth. Eli leans down leaving a lingering kiss on my mouth. He pulls back a bit
"I love you." He smiles letting me revel in his perfect after sex hair. "And I love you too little guy." He lightly kisses my slightly protruding tummy and the feeling it gives me is unreal.
"I love you." I whisper into the quiet smiles and leans back up kissing me again and pulling me into his arms. I can't help but think about doing this again tonight. Pregnancy hormones aren't all that bad.
A/N I really hope you guys enjoyed. I feel like we all needed something like this right now.