Armin Arlert was sitting under a tree in the village, crying over the loss of his friends in the recent Titan attack. His arms cradled his shaky legs as he cried into his knees, feeling weak and helpless, muttering "Why? Why?" over and over again.
Eren Yeager, Armin's childhood friend, was told to clean up the courtyard by Captain Levi. He stopped and saw his companion curled up underneath the shade of a tree. "Armin?" he whispered to himself as he started walking towards the sad Scout.
He felt a hand get lightly placed on his shoulder, and looked up to see Eren with a concerned look on his sexy face. "E-Eren!" He quickly wiped the tears from his face. "What are you doing here?"
"You were crying. Tell me what's wrong, Armin," Eren commanded quietly, looking into his eyes.
Armin's eyes got all shiny and kawaii, like the ones in anime where the highlights get all shaky and shit. He hesitated, then brought his thumb to his mouth and whimpered,". . . I just. . . I'm tired of being weak. I let everyone die in the recent Titan attack! I was afraid! I just watched them get eaten!"
Eren's face got meaner, and he grabbed Armin's wrist and pulled him closer to him. "Armin, don't worry about that! You're not strong physically, but mentally! You've come up with excellent battle plans that helped us immensely in combat!" he yelled extremely loud. Wait, how else would he yell? Would he yell quietly?
Tears formed in Armin's eyes, and he flinched before screaming out, "I know, but how do you think it feels to not be able to help carry out those plans?! I feel helpless and pitiful! Everyone else risks their lives fighting the Titans, and I just stay behind and watch!" His cheeks were now soaked with his salty, yet delicious, tears of sadness, and dramatic music played in the background.
The scene was in slow-motion, and the camera got a close-up of Eren's angry eyes. Eren grabbed Armin's chin with his hand and got up close to his face. "They fought them knowing that they were going to die! It's not your fault, so GET THE HELL OVER IT!"
Armin was now crying like a little baby bitch, and there were rivers of tears coming down. Snot was leaking into his mouth, his eyes were like overflowing tubs, and his ears were bleeding for some reason because he's a fucking pussy.
Eren then felt bad about making him cry, because he looked like a douche and the village was about to flood. So he did the only thing that his penis could think of doing: He kissed Armin on the lips.
Armin cringed, surprised that Eren would do something so totally gay(not that there's anything wrong with that). But Armin was totally gay too, so he closed his eyes and went with it. His hands went to Eren's chest, and he began to bind his tongue with his friend's. But then, Eren slowly crawled his hand up towards Armin's lower regions and placed it on his genitals.
Armin got too excited, and immediately jizzed several gallons of semen everywhere.
"FFFFFFUCK ARMIN WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" shouted Eren, who looked down at his hand and noticed the large amount of of white, sticky liquid on his hand.
Armin frowned all derpy, "I DUNNO I HAVEN'T EVEN GONE THROUGH THE PUBE-STAGE YET!"
"WHAT?!" Eren got super pissed. He bent down and bit off his own dick and turned into his Titan form. He was, like, 50 feet tall or something and his dick grew back because that's an important factor to this story. Trust me on this one.
Titeren grabbed Armin and stuck his gigantic Titan penis inside of Armin's virgin asshole. However, since Armin is half the size of Titeren's immortal cock, he turned into a condom-sized dick warmer. Then, Titeren decided to pee inside him because he's a big meanie-weanie. Armin became a pee-filled waterballoon and covered several innocent bystanders with acid pee.
Mikasa then walked by to check on her brother-type of thingy or whatever. She saw whatever the fuck was going on and got horny. I mean, if I saw a huge giant enormous towering man with a dick the size of the Empire State Building giving away free golden showers, then I'd get excited, too.
Captain Levi was sitting in a building with a bucket of popcorn, getting turned on by the giant sex scene going on in the middle of the village. Mikasa was naked and her boobs suddenly grew 10.6 times bigger because of logic. Titeren grabbed her boobs and ripped them off, using the as earplugs to drown out the groans of the men who were jacking off to the huge public porno. Mikasa then grew more boobs that were twice that size because she's half Titan too, or whateverthefuck.
Levi was enjoying this. He was also wondering how Titeren even had a dick because Titans don't have nipples or penises or vaginas or ovaries or sperm or scrotums or any of that cool stuff that humans have. That's probably why the Titans are always so angry. They just wanna have sex, and the only way they can is too eat humans and gain their sexual organs. But I don't think it's working because I haven't seen any Titans with any private parts or anything. Except that Female Titan thing because she clearly had boobs and a nice juicy ass but no nipples what THE FUCK Y U NO NIPPLES GURL but that's okay because I'm not a lesbian but there's nothing wrong with that because the gays can be very cool people like that guy who plays Sheldon from "The Big Bang Theory" and the lady who plays Dory from "Finding Nemo" and the guy who plays Barney from "How I Met Your Mother".
Anyways, Captain Levi was getting aroused like crazy, so he decided to join them. Meanwhile, Titeren and Mikasa were making out while she was in his mouth because that's their fetish. But they're technically not blood-related siblings so it's okay if they act all lovey-dovey and all that crap. But then OH NO Titeren accidently swallowed Mikasa, but not her penis because she doesn't have one, I meant like swallowed as in EATING her LOL It's okay, I know you guys are too stupid JK JK
But it's all good all up in here because Titeren was able to poop her out before she was digested, but then she came out all brown and stinky and all of the villagers started beating her up because black people? But then they knocked the poo off her and they apologized. Then they started coughing because Titan poop is infested with herpes. Some people liked it though because they had those weird diaper/poop fetishes or something even though I don't think penises were invented until the late 1700s because that when America became a country and they has big penis and whatthefuckdidIjustsay?
Levi then came outside and was naked. He had a huge, long penis. If you are confused by this, it is because when a man gets horny, blood rushes down to his pee-pees and then it gets longer and then become a boner but I don't have a penis so I wouldn't know. But I'm glad I don't have one because then if I got kicked in the crotch it would hurt a lot. But since I'm a girl I can just eat their foot.
Woooow I'm not very good at sticking with the plot right now I'm SO sorry. I'm just a bit stressed out because I'm on a super-scary mission on my Borderlands game. I have to go to this scary building at the end of Arid Hills and get this Mine Key but it's all dark and red and there are big guys in armor trying to shoot me and I got scared and turned off my XBOX even though I like PlayStation more than XBOX.
Titeren and Mikasa welcomed their horny friend into their orgy with open vaginas. Titeren shrunk down into his normal self because he finally found the essence of self control or whatever. Eren stuck his weiner into Levi's butt, and Levi stuck his weiner into Mikasa's vertical basement smile(at least I think it's vertical DOES VERTICAL GO UP OR ACROSS?). Then Armin came back to life and flew over the threesome. He started motorboating Mikasa's 5 ton bewbs and let Eren lick his buttcrack.
This is getting really nasty. DAT HOW I LIKE IT BIATCH Butt seriously I think I'm gonna finish this off with a bang(LOL) and finish this shit because I'm a Christian and this isn't very Christian-like, but I'm not a religious nut who jams the Bible down everyone's throat. I just try to follow the Bible and be nice to people and wait what the fuck does this have to do with my fucking story? I can't focus I'm SORRY I'm on Spring Break because of school schedule stuff and I'm just excited that I don't have to go to school and get sexually harassed by my teachers because I'm so dang sexaaaaayyyyy.
Eren was getting really hot, and his dick went off like vinegar and baking soda because I need at least a little bit of education in this story. He came a bunch into Levi, which made him fly inside Mikasa's vagina and uterus. Mikasa became pregnant with Levi even though he wasn't a fetus baby so I guess she ate him which made all of those weird feeder fetish peeps very happy. But I guess that since she's kinda sorta preggers she had to have bigger boobs for breast milk which made everyone happy because all straight and gay people alike love boobs and that includes all men and women except asexuals such as myself but wait I like boys whaaaaat?
So since Mikasa has new mama boobs she started breast feeding Armin for practice to prepare for her new man-child. Eren was getting jealous because his sex pals were either breast feeding or being trapped in a vagina. That sentence was very weird and I never thought I'd hear that although I've heard stranger. So Eren grabbed Mikasa's other bewb and sucked the hell out of it with Armin. They sucked so hard that they sucked Levi out of her nipple and got pregnant with him. It was so hot that Mikasa grew a penis and it got so long that it stabbed Eren and Armin in the stomachs and then they got all sad and were all like "OH NOES DA BABEE!" but then it was okay because they weren't actually pregnant because. . .
. . . Levi never even existed.