A/N: I was younger and more insane when I came up with this. I can only speculate as to what drug I must have been unintentionally consuming at the time.
A cloaked figure stood on the cliff and stared as the approaching shape resolved into the revolting form of his servant. The servant bowed down before him and whispered, "Master," in a barely audible whisper.
"Well?" he replied. "Has your task been completed?
"Yes, my Lord; I killed the child's parents and smeared their blood upon the mold in the plum tree."
"Good…" the evil Lord chuckled in glee, anticipating the arrival of another legion of dark servants as a result of this action.
A cabbage whistled through the air; the Lord ducked at the last moment and rolled away just as the cabbage struck his servant full in the face, killing him instantly.
"Lord Bunny, I have come to avenge my parents! Surrender now, or face my wrath!"
"Your wrath! I'm so scared, Overrated Bunny!" Lord Bunny snorted as he shot a walnut at the lone figure standing a stone's throw away from him.
Overrated Bunny snarled as he brought up a pumpkin shield that absorbed the impact. "You'll have to do a lot better than that if you want to kill me, Lord Bunny!"
Lord Bunny immediately called up the help of some dark Chinese spirits who imbued him with bok choi hands. He pummeled Overrated Bunny, who staggered under the impact. With a final blow, Overrated Bunny was launched into the sea that the cliff overlooked. Lord Bunny turned away and laughed a high, cold laugh that shriveled all the plants within fifty meters of him. Suddenly, he froze and looked down at his heart; an expression of shock grew on his face as the carrot that had been thrust into him was pulled out, leaving bloodstains on his cloak.
"Ha!" cried out Overrated Bunny, who was up in the air frozen with a background of blue light. Lord Bunny then invoked the power of the sacred banana, and his body miraculously healed to full strength. He faced Overrated Bunny, who was still frozen up in the air and looking more and more nervous every second. Lord Bunny leisurely strolled around Overrated Bunny, and pulled out a one meter long sword of white radish. He proceeded to shave off the fur of Overrated Bunny, and chuckled with malice as each gentle caress with the sword elicited screams of extreme pain.
"Lord Bunny, kill me now! I c-can't bear this pain any longer!"
"Is that so? All the more reason to continue it!" Lord Bunny said. Lord Bunny hadn't been this happy in years; the last opposition to his rule of Bunnyland was now slowly being driven insane by the pain and the cuts of the sword were spaced just enough to ensure Overrated Bunny's lucidity. Lord Bunny sheathed his white radish sword, and drew a ruby red dagger made of the highest quality tomato extract. It was a sacrificial dagger made for the sole purpose of killing Overrated Bunny, and would now fulfill its destiny.
Just then, a shadow fell across the sky and the moon became muted in intensity behind an unnaturally formed dark cloud. Lord Bunny himself was cowering with fear. "Who is doing is?" he cried out, panicking.
A voice boomed across the sky, "Lord Bunny, you have done too much to harm innocents in your life. Now they will get revenge!"
An army of all the bunnies killed by Lord Bunny descended from the sky and attacked him. Lord Bunny tried to run; it was futile, however, as the spirits were quickly gaining on him. Suddenly, he found himself facing a large group of spirit bunnies in front of him. He turned around, and before he could take another step he was surrounded.
"We are here to perform the ritual of the Great Rubber Chicken!" they proclaimed. Lord Bunny shook with fear and awe at the name of a ritual he, the master of rituals, hadn't heard before.
"Wh-What is it?" he asked, dreading to hear the answer.
"Aaahhh...that is for us to know and for you to find out!" they all cackled evilly in unison, and Lord Bunny promptly fainted.
Lord Bunny woke up chained with beans to a pulsing yellow lemon. He recognized the magic as created by dark Chinese spirits; they had betrayed him. He had one trick left though, and decided to use it to escape. Lord Bunny chanted the incantation needed to summon a nineteen foot carved sculpture of rotten black potatoes; the sculpture reached out a hand and touched him, making them both vanish back to Lord Bunny's secret lair.
Meanwhile, the soothing spirit bunnies were healing Overrated Bunny's wounds. "Overrated Bunny, just because you are overrated doesn't mean you can go rushing into danger like this," they all said in unison. "You have the potential to defeat Lord Bunny, but until you can call upon the spirit of Chuck Norris and make him deliver a roundhouse kick to Lord Bunny's face, you will have to exercise extreme confrontations in your dealings with Lord Bunny."
Overrated Bunny sighed in relief. No one, not even the spirit bunnies, knew that he had already called Chuck Norris and asked for instructions in delivering a CNRK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) to someone's face. Even though the lessons were fruitless – as Chuck Norris had explained, only Chuck Norris could deliver a CNRK to someone's face – he had managed to call upon the spirit of Chuck Norris, which was a feat no one else had managed to date.
The spirits chuckled as they told him, "Oh, we know all about your little escapade with Chuck Norris. But just because you have managed to call upon the spirit of Chuck Norris does not mean that you can make him deliver a CNRK to Lord Bunny's face. This is your real challenge, for which you will start your training with us very soon."
Wondering at the omniscience of the spirits, Overrated Bunny was about to respond when a specter, a lower-ranked spirit than the bunnies, came gliding into the room.
"My Brethren! Lord Bunny has managed to escape the fabled Chains of Permanency! Whatever shall we do now?"
One of the elderly spirits replied, "Do not worry. In anticipation that he might know the counter to the Chains of Permanency, the Statue Carved of Rotten Black Potatoes, I personally installed a fruit fly that will track him to the ends of the earth. Wherever he is, we will find him."
While the spirits were devising a plan to capture Lord Bunny, Overrated Bunny decided to create a meditation chamber. Having done so, he entered, and began the complex process of contacting the spirit of Chuck Norris. He didn't need the help of those idiotic spirits; Chuck Norris liked him and would help him no matter what the spirits had said. Several minutes later, Chuck Norris appeared.
BOOM!
A figure obscured by smoke slowly resolved into the form of Chuck Norris, the spirit by which Overrated Bunny would defeat Lord Bunny. Raising his hood, he spoke, "Why have you asked me to come?"
A CNRK was delivered and then received. A bloody mass writhed on the ground as the hooded figure dissolved into smoke again, chuckling softly while saying, "Nobody messes with Chuck Norris."
TO BE CONTINUED… on the next episode of "The Adventures of Overrated Bunny"