Disclaimer: Not mine - either PotC or The Bachelor. Don't sue me. I've got nothing but wildest dreams.

AU. This story takes place post At World's End.

Theo's Clever Plan

Groves:

"Surely, Theodore, you realise that when one friend does another friend a favour, 'Thank you. I owe you one.' is merely a figure of speech not meant to be taken advantage of."

James' tone is dripping irony, and I see suspicion forming in his eyes as I call him up on a little debt which he thinks he owes me. The tranquil atmosphere makes him too pliant to interrogate me, allowing room for curiosity and idle conversation. We are lounged comfortably in the armchairs on the front porch of his mansion with a bottle of wine between us. Slanted rays of the setting sun redden his cheeks, and warm us both into rolling up our sleeves and opening up the top buttons of our shirts. His long legs, stretched out far in front of him, are leisurely crossed at the ankles. I am one of the few people who gets to see James this way, uniform and unyielding façade he presents whenever he is at work or in public, aside.

After returning alive from our mission or more likely enslavement with the East Trading Company, I see changes in his behaviour. James is more prone to surrounding himself with luxury; but such statement is too strong, he finally appreciates the usefulness of the basic necessities which every man who can afford them must have, in contrast with the Spartan quarters he kept before. I know he is not that severe to keep an uncomfortably sparse atmosphere in his home. He is just too modest to consider that he needs more material things than he owns.

"You have to admit, I've done an amazing job at covering up the problem with the HMS Victory for the Admiralty's inspection, and I didn't even get a pay raise for it," I claim.

"That would be one problem you've fixed compared to how many you've caused?" he inquires with far too much gravity to be serious.

It is Saturday. Our presence, for once, is not required at the Fort. I hope that no messenger of ill news will appear to interrupt as I slowly and surely lure my friend into a trap. It is like hunting a wild jaguar. I cannot afford to miss, else he will get away.

"I've paid a late visit to Ellen last night," I state cautiously. I know he doesn't approve of my ventures to a married woman, but he feels that he has no right to dictate to me how to live my life, thus he covers it up with another jest, only hinting at his discomfort.

"Do you want me to repay the debt by listening about your endless amorous escapades?" he inquires. "I do so regardless, daily."

"Please, James, don't interrupt. This matter is far more serious than you imagine. I will truly need your cooperation. What I'm about to propose may be risky. I'm afraid that in the long run it may damage our friendship."

He is thrown off by the reversal in the conversation. My fear is sincere. What I'm about to propose may leave him heartbroken. I'm afraid that our eight year friendship may not survive. "Very well," he concedes. "I promise you my full cooperation in whatever it is you've got planned."

I feel guilty about using his loyalty and commitment to our friendship to gain his word, which he is unlikely to break, but it is for his own good, and I continue, "Ellen raised an important social problem. Beckett's reign over Port Royal was harsh. Many families have lost their loved ones based of the slimest suspicions. They are grieving. The town is depressed. There is little interaction happening between the families, and very little romance, which is much needed to maintain the local population. We need to do something to improve the morale."

James is thinking hard, trying to piece together how his cooperation may fit into helping Port Royal. "Perhaps, you should address this issue to the Governor," he recommends. "I am a military leader, not a matchmaker."

"The Governor has been informed. I have his approval, and he promised his cooperation by helping me issue invitations to the eligible women. I have a plan."

"Don't tell me you've decided to end your single status," he asks, but laughs immediately as do I at the preposterous notion.

"I guard my single status more vigorously than a nun her virginity," I parry.

"In this case, I'm mystified. Do share your brilliant solution, which no doubt you have devised." He gestures for me to continue, clearly intrigued, albeit sceptical.

I must proceed carefully. I am exaggerating the problem a little. A grain of deception is necessary; otherwise, James will refuse to do what is good for him even if he desperately needs it. Helping a good cause, however, he will not be able to decline. That, and the imaginary debt of honour which he thinks he owes me for helping him with the inspection. It truly had been a difficult day where my help proved invaluable. The Admiralty was reluctant to put a man back in charge who had resigned his post with a bad record before, but the entire local population demanded it. The Admiralty had to yield or face the displeasure of the masses. James doesn't know that this is about him. About the love and devotion he deserves. Being a good friend, I know he will find it. Since he doesn't want to take charge of improving his romantic life, which hadn't been too engaging before, but after Elizabeth became downright nonexistent, I have to.

"We must find a single man. He must be handsome, intelligent, of excellent social status, and wealthy enough to attract enough women to want to win his heart. And we will marry him off to one of them."

"The poor sap - married off due to the matchmaking abilities of Theodore Groves."

It's a positive sign that James is joking. He is the no nonsense man. If my idea is not satisfactory, he will say 'no' directly, and there will be no arguing about it.

"I have it all planned out. We will start with twenty five women. I will organise dates and group dates for the bachelor to get to know these women better. At the end of each week, there will be a rose ceremony. The bachelor will hand out the roses to the women he forms the strongest attachments with. There will be fewer roses left after each ceremony, thus eventually narrowing down the circle to the one woman who impresses him the most. When there are so many young ladies getting to know him closely, there has got to be at least one he might fall in love with. This experience will no doubt engage the public and bring us out of the emotional stupor we're all suffering."

I know what James is thinking. He believes that, providing I manage to bring the entire plan into action, unlikely, it will throw the town into wild gossip and frenzy. James thinks that I need him to oversee the security, and warning him in advance about the upcoming problem. He has no idea what I have truly planned for him. I watch him closely to commit to memory his expression when I will inform him how much he is mistaking.

"Just who do you propose is going to be your victim? But, I amend, the bachelor?" he asks.

I give James my best conspiracy smile, and click my wine glass against his.

"You are."

So, what do you think? XD Are we ready to start the hunt for James' heart?

Theo tried his best and these are the women he managed to find for his friend. Choose your favourites.

The Bachelorette List

1. Amanpreet – 20, spoiled, pretends to be modest but isn't

2. Yulia – 24, well read, devout, uptight

3. Shannen – 19, drunk, thinks she is better than everyone else

4. Lucia – 22, pushover, modest, kind

5. Louisa – 21, outgoing, funny, honest, horse face

6. Thelma – 16, has many siblings, mature, reliable

7. Winona – 18, snobbish, rational, intelligent

8. Ramona – 21, bookish, educated, well mannered, reserved, long nose

9. Rhea – 26, compassionate, tender, widow, mother of three children

10. Olivia – 23, well tempered, patient, disgraced, fiancée abandoned her

11. Doris – 17, ambitious, fashioned herself into a woman she thinks James would like

12. Carmen – 19, adventurous, free spirited, tomboy

13. Naomi – 18, afraid to break a nail, honest about being high maintenance, genuine

14. Nessa – 20, old fashioned, husband is more important than wife, defers to the partner

15. Kerri – 17, insecure, likely to crumble under pressure

16. Janet – 20, twin, playful

17. Julia – 20, twin, quiet

18. Heather – 21, wealthy, bully, sides with drama, looks down on others

19. Blair – 19, tough minded, fights other women, obnoxious

20. Brenda – 21, beautiful, daughter of a broke nobleman

21. Octavia – 16, youngest in the family, used to attention

22. Ursula – 22, good values, boring, keeps talking about the knitting

23. Jade – 19, graceful, gifted in music and dancing

24. Tracy – 19, gossipy, not overly bright, nosy

25. Joanna – 23, lost her fiancée, melancholy, tries to live again