Marmar and I scheduled an interview today to boost publicity around our band. And of course it's an inkling, once again, interviewing me, an octoling. We tried to send Marmar for the interview but they asked for me specifically. Guess I'm just more famous.

The inkling shuffled through his notecards and crossed his legs. Smug. He breathed in to ask his first question:

"Many criticize your group for their... disrespect of the deceased."

I had to laugh. "Disrespect?!"

And the inkling laughed with me. "Heh, yeah, there are inklings - and, uh, octolings - who find your patriotic and religious themes disrespectful. What do you have to say about that?"

My ears went from zero to a kajillion degrees and I wanted to suffocate this inkling with his stupid romance movie posters on the wall; how dare he criticize my art when he's busy getting off to werewolf erotica-

My cheap earpiece buzzed. "Pusto, calm. Shh..."

That's Marmar.

I let her voice run through my ears and the mushed jelly that I called a brain. Marmar always knew more than me.

I chuckled and leaned forward towards the inkling. "You see... What's your name again?"

"Alejay."

Alejay the inkling. Ugly name. Makes him look ugly when he says it. "'Words of the Splatted' is a band made around your idea of respect. We use patriotism and religion to remind the audience of where they came from. Our world was founded on The Great Turf War, and-"

Blah blah blah blah blah. I've repeated this answer as many times as I've heard this question.

Guess this is gonna to be another boring interview. Hmm, I'm gonna make a game out of this. My guess is... the next question is gonna be something irrelevant. The interviewer's gonna try to skip over this controversial subject and go to something really really stupid and superficial like 'What's your celebrity crush?'.

"Well, you're an octoling."

…

Holy. This inkling with his bowl haircut just went there?

"Yes, I'm a fucking octoling," I snapped. What else did he expect? I'll squash this privileged scum right here and now-

Marmar, I'm getting worked up. Help me out.

Oh? Marmar's actually saying something.

"Don't. Lose. Your. Shit." Marmar's voice cracked through the earpiece. This earpiece is gonna make me go deaf, I swear.

But okay. Okay? Okay. Fine. Thank you, Marmar. I will not 'lose my shit'.

I needed to distract myself. I focused on the vibrant walls, divided like a comic book into different cartoon photos. I settled into my seat and breathed.

Meanwhile, the interviewer - 'Alejay the inkling' - was just staring at me, like he saw a ghost. Terrified of me. Aye boys! Perpetuating octoling stereotypes one at a time-

Vibrant walls. Vibrant walls...

"Are we live?" I asked.

"N-No, we can just edit this out-"

"Nah, keep it in."

"Oh, well, I think it's best that we move on."

"...Depends. What's your next question?"

"Well, uh," he said as he shuffled through his papers, "what's your celebrity crush?"

"No, no, forget that superficial shit. I want to know what you were going to ask before. Unless you think I'm gonna jump out at you for your speciesism."

"Pusto. Stop. Being. Stupid."

...Marmar doesn't know what they're talking about. I'm loving this interview.

Alejay was all red in the face. "A-Are you sure?"

"Yep," I said.

Alejay tried to adjust his seat. It was clear he was just trying to scoot further away. "W-Well, you're an octoling."

"You're seriously gonna phrase it like that again?"

"Let him ask the question."

...Fine.

Alejay was even redder. "I-I'm sorry let me-"

"No no no, just continue. My bad for interrupting."

"...Well, you're an octoling."

Seriously?

"Do you think that's had any impact on how people viewed your music?"

...Dang. Like, duh. Of course it did.

But that's an insight I never thought an inkling could have.

So I clapped. 'Applauded'.

Seconds passed. I kept clapping. Then half a minute.

Alejay went from red to ghost. "I, uh..."

"Pusto, what the-"

I ignored Marmar's voice.

"That's a damn good question," I said. "Kudos."

"...W- Well..."

"Yes. I wholeheartedly believe that my octoling genes, my octoling voice, and my octoling heritage is the most controversial thing about any of my music. Everyone's just as scared of me as they would've been when we weren't living in the same apartment in Flounder Heights."