So not only had I been through so much crap in the past few years now I have to move in my junior year of high school. And no we couldn't just move like a few hours away we had to move all the way across the country. I couldn't believe this was really happening. My mom was ripping me away from the only place I'd ever known I mean yeah I've traveled but I've lived here as long as I can rememeber. It just wasn't fair it was all because of him. I couldn't believe what I had to do because of him. He'd already cost me my brother and really any hope at a "normal" teenage experience. How could he make me give up my hometown, my family that was still here, my friends, and even my brother?_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Are you ready," my mom yelled up to me. I slowly looked around my now empty room everything had been sent ahead of us except for a few things I was taking in the car with me.

"Yeah I'll be down in a minute," I sighed. I really wasn't ready I mean is anyone every really to drop everything and move across the country because of there psychotic father. I sure wasn't I had already said good-bye to all of my friends and we all had emails and phone numbers and facebooks so we would be able to keep in touch.

The hardest part was saying good bye to my grandparents I'd always been so close with them and saw them just about everyday now I'd rarely see them. At that thought the tears started to fall again and I just collapsed in the middle of the floor and started sobbing uncontrolably. I heard my mom yell again but I ignored her, I was too far gone to care. She came up the stairs to yell at me and then saw me crumpled in the floor and instantly fell beside me and started to cry right along with me. She knew how hard this move was on me she knew I didn't want to leave, she didn't want to either. Soon my step dad came up to find us crying and him trying to be the rock he is just silently hugged and cradled both of us.

Phil finally stood up and said, "come on we need to go, I don't want to leave as much as you two but we have to."

At that my mom and I slowly stood up grabbed the few things we wanted for the car and shuffled out the door. I knew how miserable driving out of town was going to be and I had already started crying again. Before we left for good we went my the cementary on last time to see Jake. Again I just broke down. I'd been hurt and shattered so many times but this took the top spot now. Sure I had sad good bye to Jake for good before but not like this I didn't know if I'd ever be able to come back to his grave and "visit" him. It just broke me. I mean I felt responsible for him being here even though I'd been told so many times it wasn't my fault but still I felt responsible I was the big sister I was supposed to protect him and I couldn't help but feel I helped let this happen to him. It had been 3 years since he had died in May but I was still so hurt by it. He was only 5 he wasn't supposed to die, he was a kindergartener, he should have died for what our stupid dumbass of a father did, it wasn't his fault, he was only 5.

The three of us stood there crying and slowly walked back to the car. Phil never knew Jake, but every heartache my mom had he shared. Through all of our stories and pictures it was like he did know him just not in the way the rest of my family did. We slowly made it to the car and Phil started to drive off. I looked back one more time and just sobbed.

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The ride for the first 3 hours was relatively silent. I didn't even pull out my iPod or my book I had brought. I just quietly sat in the back of the Jeep and looked out the window. My mom and Phil started talking but I stayed silent I knew my mom was starting to get worried from the glances she kept giving me but I continued looking out the window. She finally asked me if I was okay and I just muttered, "I'm fine." Even though it was the furthest thing from the truth and she knew it but didn't want to upset me so she just let it drop.

I finally did pull out my iPod I couldn't take the silence anymore. I was gone after that. The next thing I knew we were pulling into a hotel to stay for the night. I quickly checked my phone and realized it was already 11:30 and we had been driving for about 12 hours and I knew we definitely weren't in Maryland anymore.

"Mom, where are we?"

"Um, I'm not sure, Phil?"

"Ohio."

I just groaned we were only in Ohio and we'd been driving that long. I collected my bag of stuff and followed my mom and Phil into the hotel. We checked in and headed to our room. I set my stuff down and immediately flopped down onto the bed kicked my shoes off and pulled out my laptop to check my email. I had one from my best friend, Jemma. I quickly opened it up to read it.

Hi Bella,

I can't believe you're gone. I already miss you like crazy and you haven't even been gone a day yet. This year is going to suck without you. What am I gonna do without my P.I.C? I really hope you're doing ok I know how hard this is on you. As soon as I can convince my parents I'm going to come out there and see you. Email and call when you can.

Love Ya,

Jemma

As another rush of tears hit I quickly responded to Jemma.

Jemma,

I know I can't believe I'm gone either. I already miss you like crazy too. As much as this year is gonna suck for year it is gonna be even worse for me at least you have the rest of the gang there with you I'm not going to know anyone in Forks except my Uncle Charlie. Sorry I'm being so mopey but you understand. I have no clue what I'm gonna do without you I mean we've been just about conjoined at the hip since sixth grade. Here I go again I'm crying again I don't know how I have any tears left after all the crying I've done today. I really can't wait to see you but I don't know if it's such a good idea if you come out there by yourself. I mean if he were to find you while you were alone I could never forgive myself just be careful. Email and call when you can

Love,

Bella

As I sent the email off to Jemma, I cried more thinking about him. He was the reason we had to move and I had to leave everything behind in the first place if he had never done what he did we wouldn't have had to leave town and move across country. I shut down my lap top and quickly feel asleep thinking about him. Needless to say that night was filled with nightmares of screaming, pain, and sadness.