DISCLAIMER: Hetalia isn't mine.Anya = femRussia
Alice = femNorthItaly
Ludwig = Germany
Matthew = Canada
Alfred = America
Warning: TRIGGERING matters
00
She can't recall what has happened.
Where is Matthew? Where is he? He's supposed to be here with her now, picking out her outfit and wrapping his strong arms around her body. They should have been out to have dinner together with fingers interlocked, and she with shy smiles gracing her lips. After all, it's New Year's Eve today in Toronto, and she knows Matthew would never miss this chance.
But why isn't he here now?
Anya walks down the path near their house, her hands stuffed in the pockets have turned cold despite the thick gloves. Around her, many people, couples, families - they are laughing and talking among themselves. Anya should be like that, having wine and celebrating another new year, but Matthew isn't here. He is late. He was supposed to have been home at like 5 or sooner than that even, after all, Ludwig would not be that cruel to force him to stay late on work. Besides, he's already promised her. He would be home soon for New Year's Eve.
And yet, it's already 7 o'clock.
Tick tock, tick tock.
Anya halts in front of the familiar coffee shop. It's quite a special place for both of them, because it's the shop where they got to meet each other. Back when college life was hard and the shop hardly ever had a single customer. Both were struggling with financial problems and somehow met at this shop. And then, they just tried to find excuses to come here to see each other. Again and again and again.
Wait, is this your favorite coffee shop or what?" Matthew asked her that after a few days, his smile gentle and beautiful. "Well, not really.." she had answered back, fingers fumbling shyly while she was looking straight at him "But it may be now.. Who knows..."
Despite the beautiful memories, Anya can't bring herself to smile. She feels so cold, so lost without him here. Just in case, she has placed her phone inside her pocket, so when he calls back, she would not miss that chance.
Anya continues her wandering journey, rounding a corner and finding her way deeper and deeper into their secret spot. It's a garden of sunflowers, planted in an abandoned house's yard. They used to dig dirt and water this place all the time, but for 3 years, she hasn't come back to it. And as expected, they have withered. The once beautiful big petals are nothing but sadness, depression, and dead. All withered and gone.
She doesn't know why, but a tear spills from her eye.
Anya's shoulders tremble as tears continuously flow down her face, her breathing shaky and uneven. It's so lost and cold in this freezing weather, is that why she is crying? It has to be it. Because she has no reason to cry at such an amazing time like this. Anya quickly walks back out, her throat dry as she inhales forcefully through her lips.
As soon as Anya leans agaisnt a wall, she slides down and drops her head. What was that? What was that emotional sensation she was feeling? Anya honestly doesn't know, but she feels like it has something to do with Matthew. And anyway, what the hell is he doing? It's already 7:30!
As Anya looks up, she can see the enchanting moonlight. It feels soft and beautiful, as if the moon itself is smiling back, illuminating her with its glowing light. Somehow, Anya thinks of her mother.
Her mother, her brothers, her father - they are all dead. Gone. Left her behind in this sick world. But it was her fault anyway, or maybe not, at least according to Matthew. When she was 16, Anya left Moscow after a big fight with her mother. Using her little money, she managed to find a rundown apartment in Canada and shared the money with her roommate, also her best friend now - Alice. And like that, she studied on and on, completely unaware of the fact that her family had been looking for her all the time. Only until she received a phone call saying that both her parents and brothers had passed away in a car crash, did Anya's world come crashing down. They were looking for her, finding her, trying to give her a home again. And her stubbornness killed them. She didn't even dare come back to Russia to attend their funerals.
Thinking back about it, Anya feels ashamed of herself. They shouldn't have died. She should have.
She would have, had it not been for him.
Anya gets up and runs, the cold wind tearing her eyes from the inside. Then, she stops. In front of her, closed and filled with memories, is their old college. It looks a little old, but it's one of the best around here. Anya's eyes hazilygaze at the top of the school. The rooftop.
Please don't! Don't end everything this way!" Matthew didn't dare take another step. The coffee Russian girl was already near the edge, if she took one more step.. God, how would he be able to sleep at nights? "It's not worth it! Please step back here!"
I can't... You won't ever understand.. I have nothing left to live for.." tears fell from her beautiful amethyst eyes, the color that Matthew was still stunned to see in another person."You don't have to live for anything, Anya." said he, with his voice on the verge of breaking. Anya widened her eyes unknowingly. "How - how did you know my name?" another tear fell."Well.. I ran around to ask everyone. It's kinda hard to find you because you don't join any club though.."
Anya smiles for suddenly remembering the memory. It was one of the darkest times in her life, but meeting Matthew had breathed life into her soul again. Matthew had saved her, guided her through sorrow and sadness, embracing her in his warm arms. And she felt safe. Very safe, so, so safe... But now... she feels lost. Anya feels like snow had buried her heart and-
She can't breath anymore.
Whereareyouwhereareyou-
Anya hazily sees warm light ahead of her. She drags her feet forward and extends her arms, because she knows it's him. It's Mattie. The beautiful and weak light that she would always recognize. He's here. He's here with her now... isn't he? Why did it disappear? Where did he go again? Anya looks back and forth for him, her body freezing cold against the heavy snow. He's here just a few moments ago, and then he disappeared. Gone. He abandoned her, didn't he?
Anya slowly turns around, her blonde hair swaying in the air while snowflakes fall around her. Light engulfs her whole body as she hears slight honking getting louder and louder. Despite that, Anya can't move. Her feet are stuck in the snow, chaining her down, along with all the memories they have, left.
Матве́й! Come back!" he stomped out of the house, fists clenched tightly. He could hear Anya's soft footsteps following after him, but Matthew didn't stop. This had to end. If she wouldn't try to stop hurting herself, no one could help her, not even him. She promised, and yet she broke it. She fucking did it again.
Matt, please! I'm sor-" screamed her, but it came out cracked and unclear.
"Stop fucking apologizing for everything, Anya!" Matthew roared, turning around in time for her to bump into him. The cuts on her arms were fresh and still bleeding, and oh god, it hurt him so much. Anya stuttered. "I-I can't, I just c-can't help it....
Anger boiling in his veins as Matthew stepped back, pain flashed through his eyes. The Canadian shook his head. "You - do you even know how I feel most of the time?! How could you say that?"
"You made a fucking promise, Anya! I did everything to help you and - a-and you haven't even tried to stop! I'm so freaking dis-disappointed.." he moved back further. Matthew didn't know why he was lashing out at her, because this wasn't her fault. It was not Anya's fault. But he was so angry, he couldn't take it. He just... needed to leave.
"Get away from me, Anya. Please."
Oh.. Of course. She now knows where did he go.
"Matt - MATTHEW!!! WATCH OUT!!"
Anya closes her eyes as the truck comes at her, tears no longer falling from her cheeks. Her body stands completely still, silent among the thick layers of snow. Everything makes sense now, how he didn't come home anymore. 3 years ago, Matthew got hit by a car, so she should too. After all, Anya had lived just because of him.
Strangely enough, a sudden strong force yanks on her arm, making the Russian fall to her left. The truck skids and halts, but she can't see. Pain courses through her head because it just hit a bench. Or did it?
"Hey, are you alright? That was very dangerous!"
Anya looks hazily into a world of blue, with little stars dancing. There's someone kneeling in front of her. A man. He has his grips on her arms tightly, asking her so much questions. And oh god, her head hurts so much, dammit.
"Take a deep breath, okay? Don't fall asleep, can you hear me? My name is Alfred - can I know your name?"
Tick tock.
Anya smiles as fireworks go off in the sky. It somehow feels so warm again, and she wishes this moment would last forever.
"Okay."