This is a really, really sad oneshot. I don't know where I got the idea, but some of it is based on the last Fosters episode when Callie loses her necklace and also on my personal life. So... yeah. I was feeling emotional, sorry about that. I hope you enjoy and I'll try and update the other stories as soon as I can.
Also, just to note, so read this before you read the story, every other line break is a flashback, it starts off with present time and then goes flashback, present time, flashback, present time all the way until when it's in Austin's point of view so to speak. After the breakdown that ended up with her in the home. From that moment on, it's the present time. If it doesnt make sense, let me know and I'll change it.
I also made it so that their names aren't mentioned except by a character speaking for a reason. I thought it made it more angsty haha, but I dont know. Towards the end, I start mentioning them by name a bit more. But it was all for a good reason since most of the story is told in Ally's mind, in a sense. So there's that.
I don't own anything.
She sat at the piano, her fingers pressing down on the keys as she closed her eyes and just got into the music. She bit down on her bottom lip and then opened them, feeling the tears stream down her cheeks as she realized just how alone she was.
She looked down at her hands, the bright red nail polish bright and shining back at her as she then put her hands over her face and ran them down her face, staring at them again, before she started to play the piano.
She then started to feel angry and she pressed down harder, playing louder, her eyes dark and clouded as she just glared at the music sheets in front of her.
Then, she stopped, the sound resonating through the room as she just stared at the wall, blinking and blankly until the sound went away and she stood up and stormed out of the room.
"You don't believe in ghosts do you?"
She opened her eyes, turning her head to look at the boy beside her. She had a smile on her face as he just stared up at the sky.
"I wonder if my father is up there, looking down on me." He whispered.
"Are you afraid?" She asked.
He shook his head, looking at her, "I have no reason to be." He took her hand in his, "not with you by my side."
She blushed, looking down at their intertwined fingers, wondering how she'd gotten so lucky to have him in her life. Then, she rested her head on his shoulder, and stared up at the sky with him, as he then wrapped his arm fully around her and held her closer.
"I have no reason to be afraid either," She finally whispered and then, before he could blink, she softly kissed his cheek, causing him to go red in the face and her to giggle.
"Don't cry. Conceal, don't feel." She whispered to herself as she sat on her bed, playing with her phone in her hand. She then rolled her eyes, "Great, now I'm quoting Frozen." She said to herself, looking to her left to see if her roommate had heard her. Luckily, she didn't. She looked down at her phone.
It didn't lit up.
It didn't even make a sound.
It just stared back at her, dark and unmoving.
"Fuck you." She whispered and then fell back on the bed, her head hitting the pillow as she closed her eyes and thought of the last time she'd ever really felt safe and comforted in a bed.
No.
She wasn't going to go there.
Fuck him.
He didn't deserve it.
"We're always going to be friends, partners and more than that right?" He asked her one afternoon, while she just played the piano and he sat beside her. He had her book in his hands and was tapping the end of the pencil against the paper, over and over as he tried to think of the perfect lyrics that fit the song they were going for.
She turned to look at him, before staring straight ahead again at the music sheet in front of her, "weren't we always?" She quietly asked him and he smiled. "I mean, aren't we always?"
"Why did you change it?"
"It's not in the past tense anymore." She answered, smiling over at him and he looked down.
"You mean that?"
She adjusted her body, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. She then opened them and nodded, "with all of my heart."
And then, he kissed her.
"Why don't you ever talk in group?" She looked up at the dark haired, bitchy faced girl. She had holes in her face where her piercings should've been. To her, they looked ugly, to the other girl, she probably just wished she could have her piercing's back.
She just wished she could have her life back.
"Why should I? You're all just a bunch of strangers."
"We're not strangers anymore."
She just turned on her side, shaking her head. "Yeah, you are."
"Did you lose your sense of time when you lost your sanity? You've been here for over a year."
She blinked.
A year.
A fucking year.
She didn't answer, choosing to stay silent.
"You're going to have to talk sometime." Her roommate shook her head, "if you don't, you'll never leave. You'll just be stuck here forever."
Good, she thought. That was what she wanted anyway.
She walked into the store, her keys in her hand as she looked down at them, playing with them for a few moments. Then, she chose that moment to look up, the sight in front of her almost as though it wasn't real.
Flowers. There were flowers, chocolate and a huge teddy bear.
She tried to remember what month it was.
October, nowhere near February or, for that matter, Valentine's Day.
Though, it was pretty damn close to her birthday, if she had remembered her dates correctly.
She walked further into the store, looking around to see if it was anyone who was going to pop out and scare the shit out of her. Or, maybe (and if she was thinking logically) it would be the person who gave her these flowers.
Seeing that it was just her in the store, she stepped closer to the counter, until she reached it and saw a card in the middle of the flowers.
Always thinking of you. Happy anniversary and almost birthday. Love, Austin.
Her eyes filled with tears and she smiled. A big, happy smile.
Dear, Austin, she thought in her mind. You are the best decision I've ever made. Best boyfriend ever. Love, Ally.
She grinned.
She could totally make a song out of that.
"Okay, would you like to speak?"
She looked up, seeing the woman in front of her. The woman who ran the damn home for crazy and homeless girls. Or, just girls who didn't have homes and needed one. The woman was staring at her, waiting for her to speak.
She could've said no, she really could have.
But instead, she just opened her mouth.
And finally, she let out a loud scream.
Before she knew it, she had something injected into her arm and she was fast asleep.
She woke up a few hours later, in her room, on her bed and a somewhat content smile on her face.
"Are we actually going to do this?"
She nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck tighter, she pulled him closer, softly kissing him.
"I want you." She whispered against his lips.
"I want you too," He whispered back, before kissing her again. "But before anything happens, I just want you to know something first."
"You're not a virgin?"
"What? No. I mean, wait. Hold on, let's… let's rewind for a second." He took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a brief moment, before opening them again and looking right at her. "I am a virgin."
"I know, I was just teasing you. And for the record, I'm a virgin too."
He gave her a look, which then made her giggle.
"But seriously, I'm trying to tell you something."
"You're engaged to be married to your favorite Disney princess, Anna?"
"What? No."
"Oh, then tell me, what is it you-"
"I love you." He said it before he could think about it any longer, and she cut herself off, her eyes widened for a few moments, before she relaxed them and smiled at him, which instantly relaxed him.
"I love you too." She said and then she kissed him, he kissed her back and she fell on the bed with him on top of her, kissing each other like they had never kissed each other before.
It felt amazing.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
"She's like a ticking time bomb," She heard someone say as she kept her eyes closed.
She counted backwards from five again.
"She's so secretive, like something fucked up must have happened to her to keep her so quiet about her life."
Ten.
Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Six.
She felt like switching it up a bit.
"I just wish she'd talk, you know?"
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
"But she won't, and there's nothing anyone can do about it, but watch her suffer. It just kills me to see her like that."
One.
She blacked out again.
"Sometimes, I wish I could fly." She leaned against his chest as he held her tightly against the railing of the pier. She spread her arms wide, falling backwards, happy that he still kept her in place. "Fly far away from here." She closed her eyes, leaning her head back. "And never come back."
"Where would you go?" She heard him ask.
"To my happy place?"
"And where's that?"
She opened her eyes, staring at the clear blue sky for a few moments, before she stood back up and turned herself around. Looking up at him, she stared straight into his eyes, "wherever you are."
He smiled at her and she fisted his shirt in her hands, pulling him closer.
"Was that too cheesy?"
He laughed, "not for you." He kissed the top of her head, softly. Then wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as she rested her head on his chest, blinking to the side.
"Promise me you'll never leave me?"
He nodded.
"I promise."
Promises were meant to be broken.
She wanted to know what the damn point was of making one if you couldn't even keep them.
She was having another tantrum, or as her therapist called it, "an episode."
She wasn't quite sure where she was or what she was doing, but she had started to trash her room, throwing things around, hitting the walls, the window, the door. Her roommate's perfectly made bed was all messed up now, the pillows torn and the feathers everywhere. But she didn't care. She didn't even stop.
Her hands soon landed on a picture frame.
She opened her eyes to look at the picture.
It was of her. With him.
Her eyes grew darker and they filled with tears.
She was breathing heavily.
And then, she let out a scream loud enough to be heard in Boca Raton, and threw the picture frame at the wall, listening as it shattered and then fell to the ground. The photo was underneath the shards of glass, covered by it and she put her hands in her hair, sinking to the ground, she let out another scream, "I HATE YOU!"
She heard the door open.
People coming in the room. Gasps, questions, but she paid no mind to them.
She'd been in that home for a year.
No one had come visited her.
No one cared.
And neither did she.
"You know, I've known you now for two years, we've been dating now for almost a year and you told me when we met that your mother had passed away, but you never talked about her. Not once. Why?"
She looked over at her boyfriend. She shrugged, "there's not much to tell."
He had his arm around her, lazily as they sat on the couch in the practice room. "I told you about my father."
"You didn't really." She answered back. "You just said he was up in the clouds with all the other ghosts."
"I'll make you a deal. You tell me about your mother and I'll tell you about my father."
She knew she could talk to him about it. He was after all, the closest person she had in her life.
"Okay." She agreed. "You first."
"Um, alright." He paused, "my father was an awesome guy. He loved me and I loved him. I looked up to him in many ways, because I wanted to be just like him. He was my hero and… everything to me. He taught me how to play the guitar, how to read music, how to play some, but not all, sports and… he taught me how to love and treat a woman." He looked at her. "He died when I was eleven from an aggressive form of bladder cancer. I hadn't understood why he left me then and I was angry. I wanted him back." His voice cracked and she turned to face him better, her head going to his shoulder and neck so that he wouldn't see the tears in her eyes. "I told him I loved him and that I would miss him. But I couldn't help but feel angry that he had died, you know?" She nodded against him. He took a deep breath and she could tell he was finished.
He didn't have to say it for her to know it was her turn.
She touched the necklace she wore everyday around her neck, closing her eyes. It was the only thing she had left of her mother. She knew she could tell him about her. After all, he'd just done the same thing with his father. She owed it to him.
"I didn't say goodbye." She whispered.
He didn't say anything. She didn't say anything either. She then let the necklace fall against her chest. He tightened his hold on her and she knew then, that she didn't have to say anything more.
It was too painful for either of them to speak.
And in that moment, she knew, they were now connected in a way they had never felt before.
"You want to leave here and go back home, don't you?"
She was in the room with her therapist. A private session. She stared straight ahead and then slowly nodded her head.
Her therapist clasped her hands together. "Then can you tell me what happened the other day?"
She shook her head.
"Come on, you have to speak, it's the only way to get through this. I'm here to help you, okay Ally? I'm on your side."
She felt her bottom lip quiver, her eyes filling with tears once again. She squeezed them shut and then took a deep breath.
"I miss him." She finally whispered.
It was silent for a few moments, then her therapist spoke.
"Now, we're getting somewhere."
She was alone at a party. Cassidy's party to be more specific. She didn't even know why she was there. He couldn't go because he had his cousin's wedding to go to. A cousin, he was very close with and since Cassidy was his ex-crush, he had been a bit uneasy about her going. Especially since her ex-crush, Dallas was going to be there.
But she had kissed him, told him she'd be okay and promised him that she'd be okay and that he'd have nothing to worry about.
She felt kind of alone as she leaned against the wall, the party raging on in front of her as she just sipped the red solo cup full of a questionable tasting fruit punch.
"Why are you here all alone?" She had almost missed it. Looking up, she saw Dallas.
"My boyfriend's out of town." She answered.
"You have a boyfriend?"
"Why do you sound so surprised?"
He shrugged, "I don't know, you just seemed so innocent, and… you look like a virgin." She almost slapped him.
"Yeah, you don't know me at all." She rolled her eyes and looked away, sipping her drink again.
Then, he touched her. His hand on her waist and she looked up at him, her eyes wide.
"Get. Off." She said in a low and pretty scary voice.
"You're so hot though."
"Don't. Touch. Me."
Something then switched in her mind and she gasped, pushing him off and even spilling her drink on his shirt, staining it.
"What the hell?" He yelled at her, "you just ruined my best shirt!"
"Then maybe you shouldn't have worn it to a party." She snapped back at him. "I told you to get off me, I meant it. Get off me."
"You're a bitch."
"Fuck off." Then she threw the entire content of her drink on him, causing his shirt to be ruined even more and with all of her strength, slapped him across the cheek. Hard.
"Crazy bitch!" He yelled at her and her eyes filled with tears. She looked around at the party goers, even seeing that her other two best friends were there, and then suddenly felt like she was going to pass out. So, she just shook her head and with tears in her eyes, pushed passed everyone and ran out of the house, running and running until she got home. She opened the door to her house, slamming it behind her.
"Where are you running off to?"
She heard the woman's words before she saw her.
"None of your business," She finally answered and then, she ran up the stairs and into her room. Slamming it shut and locking it, she backed all the way up until she reached her bed and then fell on top of it. She tried to control her breathing and then finally was able to calm down. Staring up at the ceiling, she felt the tears fall down her cheeks.
She heard a knock on the door and shook her head. "Go away!"
"Come out here, we have to talk."
"No!" She whimpered, "I don't want to talk to anybody!"
And she realized, that was the problem.
The only person she wanted to talk to, wasn't even there.
She was all alone.
"Once you let out all that you're hiding, I promise you, you will feel so much better."
She looked up at her roommate, who was now in the room with her. She was sitting in the music room, playing the piano.
She stepped closer to her, "that song you were playing, it was beautiful."
"Thanks." She said, quietly.
Her roommate smiled. "Was it original?"
She shrugged, "I guess so, yeah." She looked up at her. "I wrote it a year ago."
"You've got talent."
She smiled a small smile at that and then touched her neck. She felt nothing but bare skin. Her eyes widened.
"What's wrong?"
"Where's my necklace?"
"Your necklace? Were you wearing one?"
Her eyes filled with tears, as she angrily lifted her shirt up to see that it wasn't there either. She tried to think of all the places she had gone and where it could've disappeared to. She started to breathe heavier, pushing her hands into her hair, she pulled on the strands.
"Whoa! Calm down!" She heard her roommate say and then her hands on her shoulders. She immediately pulled back from her.
"Don't touch me!" She screamed.
"Ally, it's okay-"
"No, it's not! I have to find it! I have to!" She stood up from the piano, her hands in her hair and then started to full on panic. "I'm so stupid!"
"No, you aren't, just calm down and try to remember where you last saw it."
"This morning in the bathroom." Her eyes then widened and she immediately ran out of the room and toward bathroom where she looked in the shower and then the sink and all over, ignoring the girls who were looking at her with concern. She tried not to cry, as hard as she could and kept looking.
"Ally! Ally!" She heard and turned to see her therapist was behind her, her roommate next to her, looking at her with such concern. "Can you please, just calm down, for one second?"
"No! I have to find it! I have to find the necklace!" She kept looking, slipping her hair getting in the way and she angrily moved it out of the way, tugging so hard, she was surprised it didn't fall out.
"Okay, you need to come here and relax." Her therapist said but she didn't listen, throwing things out of her way, ignoring that it wasn't hers to begin with. "If someone's found it, we'll ask and we'll get them to return it."
"I want it now!" She yelled, almost like a two year old having a tantrum. She shook her head, looking away. "I…I need it." She whimpered and then leaned against the wall, sliding all the way down until her ass hit the floor. She brought her knees up and then wrapped her arms around them, hiding her face in her knees. She felt the tears fall, but didn't cry.
She felt her therapist's hand on her knee and looked up at her, noticing that her roommate now had tears in her eyes. Her therapist looked behind her to see the teary girl, before looking back at her.
"No one likes to see you this way." She gently told her.
She didn't say anything.
"Why is that necklace so important to you?"
She didn't answer.
Her therapist just stared at her.
"It was my mother's."
"I love you, Ally."
She smiled at her mother, her little six year old hand reaching forward. "I love you too mamma."
Then, her mother took her hand in hers, and squeezed it tightly. She saw tears in her eyes and looked at her.
"Why are you crying?"
"You are my favorite person in the whole world," She told her. "Just remember that." Her mother's hand touched her neck and she looked down at the necklace. She lifted it up and unclasped the hook before taking it off and placing it around the little girl's neck. "I want you to have this."
"Why mamma? It's your favorite."
Her mother didn't answer her. She just gave her a sad smile, kissed her on the forehead and then told her to go to bed and that she'd see her in the morning.
She had nodded, agreed and then closed her eyes, her carefree six year old self, not knowing about anything that was going to happen the next morning or even later that night.
She was happy, smiling and holding onto the charm on the necklace.
Because the next morning, she had gone to school and came home, not realizing the night before that it was the last time she'd ever see her mother again.
"Okay," Her therapist closed the door and then did something she normally didn't do. She sat down beside her and gently took her hand in hers. She just stared straight ahead at the clean, plush light purple carpet. "We are going to stay here until you talk."
She didn't say anything.
"Whenever you're ready, okay? Don't feel pressure."
Her eyes filled with tears again and then she felt an emotion she hadn't felt in forever.
True and deep sadness.
Her chest started to hurt and she let out a sob, her voice squeaking a bit.
"I want Austin." She whimpered. "I want him here with me."
"He's not going to be here for you, sweetie. This is something you have to do on your own. You have to deal with what's hurting you before you can move forward and be with him again."
"I want him here," She whimpered again, her voice breaking. "I can't do this without him."
I can't do it without you.
Those words echoed in her mind.
They never left, not from the first moment they had laid eyes on each other and most definitely not two and a half years later either.
"Can you tell me a little bit about him?"
She shrugged, "he's my best friend. He's my partner. He's…my boyfriend, I miss him. I love him." She lifted her head, "I want him here with me. I won't say anything unless he's here. I don't care about what my dad says anymore. I need him."
Her therapist looked like she was debating internally for a few moments, before she set her mouth in a thin line and finally nodded.
"Okay, we'll get him here."
"He has to understand why I did what I did." She said, not hearing what her therapist had just said.
"I'll give your father a call and we'll see what we can do."
And for the first time in almost a year and a half, she felt like she could almost do anything again.
"Ally? Ally?" He walked through the house, looking for her. He hadn't been able to reach her and was starting to get very worried. She lived in a big house all by herself. He was sure that she was going to do something she later regretted. Her text had been a bit… vague. He was scared.
He went upstairs to her bedroom, gasping at what he found. Her things were everywhere, her bed and books and pillows torn apart. He immediately pulled out his phone, dialing her best friend's number.
"Hello?"
"Something's wrong with Ally." He stated simply and knowing she was with his best friend said, "get both your asses here now." Then, he hung up.
He walked slowly around the room, trying to see if he could find any clue at all as to what happened.
"Ally, where are you?" He asked himself, and then turned at that moment to see the bathroom door was slightly open. His heart pounding hard, he walked toward it and then pushed it open.
He almost threw up his breakfast at the sight in front of him.
She lay there, her head on her arm, the other arm held tightly against her as her body shook and tears streamed down her cheeks. She opened her eyes then and seemed to notice he was there.
Her face was pale; blood everywhere.
"What did you do?" He whispered and then she sat up, shaking her head and backing away until her back hit the wall, she just sat there.
"I'm sorry." She whimpered, "I'm so sorry."
He immediately rushed to her and knelt down beside her, ignoring the fact that he was getting her blood all over himself and wrapped his arms around her. He then noticed the empty pill bottle and looked at her, worriedly.
"I'm sorry." She sobbed, her eyes closed, her teeth biting down on her bottom lip.
"Ally…" He whispered and then tightened his grip on her. He pulled her onto his lap and leaned his head against hers as he too cried. "Why did you do it?"
She didn't answer, just continued to cry and he held her.
The bathroom door opened and he looked up to see their friends were there.
"What happened?" Her best friend asked.
"Ally?" His best friend asked his question next.
"She's sick." He stated simply and looked at her, "it's not your fault, okay? It's not." And then he kissed her forehead and closed his eyes, rocking her back and forth as he heard her best friend call 911. "I love you." He whispered into her hair and then didn't let go of her.
She didn't let go either, until she was too weak and couldn't anymore. Then, in that moment, she had no choice but to let go.
He walked into the store, surprised to see that her father was standing behind the counter. He hadn't seen him at all in over a year. He had looked up once he noticed he was in the store and gave him a small smile.
"Austin.'
He just nodded back in return. He wasn't about to be friendly with a man who had treated his daughter so terribly.
"We should talk."
"I don't really want to." He shrugged and then started to go up the stairs to the practice room. He sometimes went in there to play and just unwind. Sometimes he even thought of all the times he had with her. All the good, memorable moments.
"It's about Ally." He said and with that, he stopped, turning around to face him. "I told the home she was staying in that she couldn't have any visitors, but I'm allowing her to have one just this once."
"So, why are you telling me this? Go visit your daughter."
There was a pause.
Then,
"It's not me she wants to see." Her father stated simply. They both didn't say anything and then the older man looked at him. "It's you she wants to see."
"How do you know?"
"Her therapist called and asked if it would be okay. She said she needs you."
His heart jumped.
"Go see her." Her father said after a moment of silence and then he walked to him, putting his hand on his shoulder, he gave him a sad smile. "Tell her I said hello when you do, whether or not she wants to hear it, just promise me you'll tell her."
He didn't know what to say, so he just speechlessly nodded in agreement.
Her father gave him a nod and with that, walked passed him and into an office. He just stood here, speechless and in shock.
He was going to see Ally.
For the first time in forever, he was going to see Ally.
His heart skipped and he blinked, his eyes filling with tears as he put his hand to his mouth and walked back and forth. The door opened and his best friend walked in, though he paid no mind to it, especially when her best friend followed soon afterwards.
"Austin?" His best friend asked.
"What's wrong?" Her best friend asked next.
"I-I'm going to see Ally." He finally whispered after a few moments. A small smile spread across his face. "I'm going to see Ally." He repeated.
His best friend smiled at him, putting his hand on his shoulder, he just looked right at him. "Then, what are you waiting for? Go see her."
He didn't have to be told twice.
Ally sat with her hands between her legs and her head hanging. She still had her eyes opened and she let her hand touch the bandage that was still around her wrist. Sometimes, when she pressed on it, it felt a little sore, but she knew it was just because she had cut so deep. The doctors at the hospital warned her that it would hurt for a while. After the third time she did it, she was beginning to understand what they meant by it.
Her fingers lightly traced over it and she sighed, trying to block the memory out of what happened.
She knew her friends didn't hate her.
After it had happened, she was sure they did. But something deep inside told her that wasn't the case.
She looked up at the calendar.
October 25th, it was her birthday.
She was seventeen years old.
A knock soon came on the door and her therapist stuck her head inside. "Hey birthday girl," She smiled at her. "You have a visitor."
Her eyes widened. Had what she said the other day been true? She really was going to call her father?
"Come on." Her therapist motioned for her to follow her. "They're waiting for you out in the front."
She slowly nodded, fixing the shirt she wore and the pants and followed her out into the main foyer of the house. Her therapist put her hand on her shoulder and then squeezed it. She gave her a gentle push and she looked behind her, almost as if making sure it was okay. She nodded and then she opened the door, her eyes closed, until she opened them and her heart skipped.
He was there.
He was really there.
Across the street, pacing back and forth.
Shakily she walked outside, taking each step slowly as she descended them, her heart pounding in her chest.
He still hadn't noticed her.
Almost disbelievingly, she called out his name.
He turned around and at that moment, for the first time in almost two years, their eyes locked. Her eyes filled with tears and she finished going down the stairs, running across the street, she reached him, spreading her arms out as she ran into him, pressing her body against his, her arms wrapped around his neck, she hugged him tight. He immediately wrapped his arms around her and together they breathed heavily. She let out a sob and adjusted her hands so that she was holding him even tighter. He didn't let her go.
She softly cried, her chin on his shoulder. He held her and to her surprise, he was crying too.
She didn't want to let go, because she didn't want it be a dream. She wanted so desperately for it to be real.
And luckily, for her, it was.
Because Austin was standing in front of her and Ally couldn't have been more happier than she was in that moment.
Happy, relieved and grateful for him to still be in her in life. She was afraid he wouldn't want to talk to her, but now, now she knew.
She never had anything to worry about.
"Ready to talk?"
Her therapist sat down across from her as she held his hand tightly in hers.
She nodded and looked around at all the people that were around them. "I'm ready." She said.
Her therapist smiled and he squeezed her hand, encouragingly.
"Wait," She lifted her head and looked up to see that her roommate had something in her hand. She could see what was hanging from her hand and it looked pretty damn familiar. She walked towards her and smiled, "I have something for you." With that, she opened her hand and she saw it.
Her mother's necklace.
She gasped, her eyes filling with tears. "Where did you find it?"
Her roommate handed the necklace to her boyfriend, "I found it underneath your bed. It had probably fallen off one night when you were asleep and you hadn't realized it."
She smiled gratefully at her, a genuine smile for the first time since she'd gotten to the home.
Her boyfriend motioned for her to turn around and she did, lifting up her hair, he tightly clasped the necklace around her neck and then she let her hair fall down. He wrapped his arm around her and kissed the side of her head. Her toommate smiled at her and then got up, going back to her chair. She looked down, lifting the charm up of the necklace and held it, closing her eyes, she took a deep breath.
"Whenever you're ready." She could hear the smile in her therapist's voice.
She nodded and then opened her eyes. She looked to her right, "this is Austin, he's my boyfriend."
Everyone said hi to him and he waved back saying a quick, "hey."
She looked down, "this," She held the necklace against her palm. "This was my mother's. When I was six years old… she died." Her eyes filled with tears and her voice cracked. She felt someone's hand on hers and knew who it was almost immediately. He squeezed her hand and she took another deep breath before continuing. "I…I never got to say goodbye to her." She paused, "the night before I…um found her, she gave his to me. She had said she wanted me to have it and that she loved me. I told her I loved her too, not knowing it was going to be the last time I was going to see her." Her eyes filled with emotion and she could see that everyone else's was as well. "I came home from school the next day and… found her, on the floor in the bathroom, her eyes were open, staring at me and her body wasn't moving. I didn't know what had happened to her and stayed with her until my father came home hours later. He immediately called 911 and we were told that she had been dead for over ten hours. She had committed suicide by taking too many of her antidepressants." She looked down, sniffling. "I thought it was my fault. My father wasn't as friendly as he used to be after that and… I blamed myself for it. So, to get through it, I just suppressed the memories and tried to block them out. It wash't until… I tried to do the same thing that they all came back." She cried softly. Then, she let out a sob, "I didn't want to be like my mother." And with that, she finally let it all go. She felt arms wrap around her and smelled the familiar scent of her boyfriend as he tightly hugged her.
"Let it out," He whispered, "it's okay." His voice was emotional and she nodded, crying so hard, she was afraid she wasn't going to be able to breathe.
"I'm so sorry, Austin." She whimpered, "I didn't mean to do what I did."
He shook his head, "you're sick." He gently told her, "it wasn't your fault." He paused, "and just so you know, you can fight this. You're strong, you're mother was too, but she probably had a moment of weakness and did what she did. I know you won't end up like that because you're much stronger." She nodded and held him tightly.
"I love you." She whispered emotionally into his ear.
He couldn't help it and held her tighter, crying a bit into her shoulder. "I love you more, Ally." He whispered into her ear and then they held each other tight, not even caring that they weren't alone anymore.
"Now, now you can leave." She heard and turned to see her roommate smiling at her. "And I can too."
"What?" She looked at her so confused.
"I wanted to hear you say it. You had to let it out and I wasn't going to leave until you did." Her roommate's eyes were wet and tear-filled. "I'm so proud of you, Ally." She whispered.
She let out a small laugh. "Oh my god, you knew what was wrong with me the whole time."
Her roommate nodded, "I knew you were suppressing something, I just didn't know what it was." She then got up and gave the much younger girl a hug. "It's hard to lose someone you love, I know. You don't want to go through that pain again, but you'll be okay. I know you will be just fine."
Over her roommate's shoulder, she saw her therapist. Then, to her surprise, she clapped her hands together and then the whole room did. Her roommate pulled away from her and she looked to see that her boyfriend was doing the same thing.
Her therapist then said the words she'd been waiting to hear for months.
"You're ready to move on."
And in her heart and in her mind, she knew she was ready to too.
A few weeks had passed.
It was finally time for her to go home.
"Are you ready?" Her roommate asked and she slowly nodded.
"I'm ready." She smiled at her as she zipped the last of her things in her suitcase. "I finally feel ready."
She sat down on her bed, "thank you, Kira. For everything that you did for me."
She reached over and squeezed her hand. "I'm really proud of you, you're working hard now. I can see you'll keep going with your treatment and your medication. And with that amazing musical talent of yours, you'll go on to do great and amazing things."
She looked out of the window and saw the cloudy sky. Looking at the calendar, she saw that it was now the middle of December, five days until Christmas, nine days before Austin's birthday. "Just in time for Austin's birthday too."
"You two are very lucky to have each other, and you're also a very cute couple. He loves you, I can see it. You love him, I also see that. I also know that he's not going anywhere and that you'll be stuck with him for the rest of your life."
She pretended to think it over. "I'm pretty sure I'm okay with that."
They both laughed and then she reached over and gave her at tight hug.
"Never lose your faith." Her roommate whispered. "You'll always have that and me with you by your side, whether it's here…" She moved her hand over and handed her something, "or in here." She pointed to her heart. "Open that when you get home okay?"
She nodded. "I didn't get you anything.'
"Yeah you did."
She tilted her head confused. "You gave me your memories." She told her, "we have some pretty bad ones, but also some good ones. I'll always remember you. You're my strength." Ally couldn't help it and hugged her again. "And just know that if you happen to lose the necklace again and you can't find it, just remember that that necklace isn't your mother, you've got her memories in your heart too."
"Thanks, Kira." She smiled at her, wiping away her tears. Then, stood up, grabbing her suitcase and her extra bag, she opened the door and walked out, turning around one last time to see Kira wave back at her. She waved back tearfully and with that, shut the door.
She hadn't realized she closed her eyes until she opened them, taking a deep breath, she walked down the stairs and to the foyer of the main house.
"Ally!" She heard and then looked up to see her best friend.
"Trish!" She squealed and immediately ran towards her, hugging her tight. It was an emotional hug and she couldn't help but hug her tighter. They pulled back, laughing at the fact that they were both crying and then she looked up to see her other best friend behind her. "Dez! You came too!"
He smiled at her, "you didn't think I'd miss this, did you?"
She laughed and hugged him before pulling away and looking over at her boyfriend. He had his hands in his pockets and was smiling cutely at her.
"Ready?" He asked.
"She is." She heard and looked behind her to see her therapist was behind her.
"Thank you, for everything." She said.
"You did it all on your own." Her therapist locked eyes with Austin. "You just needed a little extra push."
She looked behind her, grabbing Austin's hand, she squeezed it while Trish and Dez looked on, smiling.
"Go home, you deserve it." With that the older woman pulled her into a tight hug. "You're more than ready."
She smiled at her, "I know I am. And thanks, again."
Her therapist smiled and with that, Austin picked up her suitcase and threw an arm around her. "Ready to go home?"
She nodded as they walked outside the house and into the cloudy day. "It's not bright and sunny like I hoped it would be." She admitted, looking up. "But still it makes me feel like…" She tried to think of the world and then stopped suddenly. He looked at her worriedly. She smiled and then reached up to kiss him softly. He kissed her back gently and she smiled, breaking the kiss. "I feel infinite." She said, the smile still on her face.
And in that moment, she felt her heart skip and a light breeze on her cheek. She was going to be okay. With her friends and boyfriend by her side, she could do anything.
For the first time in forever, she felt safe and sheltered and that nothing could break her anymore.
She was unbroken.
I know that was dark and sad, sorry. But I just wanted to see what you'd think of this. I hadn't expected it to be this long and I was a little worried and insecure about posting this, but you guys are pretty damn awesome, so I figured I'd give it a shot. Let me know what you think. Honest opinions, I'm good with those.
The other two stories will be updated soon. I just got a new laptop so... expect them soon. Much love xx