A/N: Hi! If you've made it this far, hopefully it's because this story sounded interesting... It's something that's been begging to be written since the S6 finale aired, and has been inspired by several different songs that always make me think of Bill & Sookie, especially the song that inspired the title. It was supposed to be short, but alas, there is more story to be told than I could fit in one big chapter, so please stay tuned for more! Thanks for reading!
Disclaimer*** No copyright infringement intended. These characters are exclusive property of Charlaine Harris, Alan Ball and HBO.
Things had been different since that night. Sookie couldn't put her finger on exactly why, or maybe it was more that she didn't want to. She had a feeling that if she truly searched for the reason things seemed off since the attack at Bellefleur's Bar & Grill, it would shake the steady footing she had found in the last six months. Months that had been almost perfect. On paper they were perfect- she was dating a handsome man who loved her, she had a steady job and good friends, her life hadn't been in danger day after day. Sookie was happy, but some days she just felt like it wasn't quite right. Like eating an old family recipe made by someone else, it was still delicious and familiar, but somehow it was just a little bit off.
She'd had that feeling before, in the months since she had been saved from Warlow. At the time she had just thought it was some sort of post traumatic thing, that it was going to take awhile for her to feel normal and safe, but those moments kept happening. Her relationship with Alcide had started slowly after that night, more than a month had gone by before they'd even kissed. It was what Sookie had needed. Things in her life had happened way too fast before that, she'd never even gotten the chance to think about what she had really been through, about what it all meant. A chance to take things slow and without danger had been perfect for her, or at least she had thought so at the time anyway.
While she could never truly be normal, her life had finally felt that way. Her relationship with Alcide had not been without it's bumps, arguments here and there, differing opinions on things like music or movies, but it had also been the longest relationship Sookie had ever been in. A relationship that didn't involve her blood, that wasn't confined to the night. She loved Alcide, she really did, but sometimes she wasn't sure if it was the forever, passionate kind of love that she read about in romance novels. If that kind of love really, truly, even existed. Sookie thought it did once... she had felt it, but in the blink of an eye, her heart had been broken and she'd been left wondering if it had ever been real at all.
Bill had been something they had argued about in the beginning, Sookie had needed to thank him, but she wasn't sure how, and Alcide really wasn't a fan of the idea of Sookie spending time alone with Bill. The night of Warlow's death was still a bit of a blur, and it took weeks for Sookie to finally get Jason to admit that Bill had played a role in her rescue. He had been resentful of Bill's involvement in Sookie going to Warlow in the first place, though Sookie set him straight on that score. Her decisions were her own, she had to take responsibility for them. She had gone to Bill hoping for his help, hoping that some small part of the Bill who had loved her was left in him, but she had been shown one more time by his cruel and uncaring words that he wasn't. It had hurt, but had been just as well, she couldn't keep depending on Bill to always come to her rescue, she couldn't keep depending on other people to protect her. She hated it before, feeling like someone always had to protect her, and she still hated it now.
Of course he had to go and rescue her anyway, along with Jason and Violet and the others. She still wasn't sure what to make of everything that had happened with Bill, nor sure who he even was anymore, but she knew she at least owed him a thank you. She had been compelled to march across the cemetery the night Jason finally admitted Bill had been key in her rescue so she could thank him in person. She did it, too, much to Jason and Alcide's protest. Unfortunately, Bill had not been at home.
Instead, Sookie had settled for leaving him a simple and to the point note expressing her thanks, unable to come up with anything else she could put on paper, and that was the end of it. She had grown busy with work and Alcide, busy catching up on the months of sleep she'd been missing, and it seemed Bill had been quite busy himself. It was hard to believe that nearly six months could go by without their paths crossing when they lived so close, but somehow it had happened. Maybe he had been avoiding her, or maybe she'd never even crossed his mind. She could understand that, even if it did make just a tiny part of her sad, Bill didn't owe her anything. His book was turning into quite the phenomenon, hanging at the top of the best seller list longer than anyone expected with no indication that it would be giving up it's position anytime soon. Certainly that was keeping him busy.
With everything that had transpired between them, she really had no right to be wondering about him, but she couldn't help her curiosity. Seeing him on TV always caught her by surprise, something about him still drew her in, despite her live-in boyfriend. A part of her wanted to believe that he was really Bill, that the monster she had watched him become was gone, and the Bill she had loved so much was all that was left, but another part of her was afraid to believe that, afraid to let her guard down to be hurt again. Maybe that's why she said what she had about trusting him when they finally came face to face again, the words just sort of tumbled out. Sookie had expected Bill to be there, after finding out that this plan was his and Sam's idea, but it didn't prepare her for what it would be like to really see him.
As awkward as it had been, it didn't last long once the hep V infected vampires moved in.
"Get Sookie inside, warn the others, warn Sam!" Bill had yelled, turning away from Sookie and Alcide as his fangs clicked into place. The vampires were coming, and they were coming fast.
Sookie turned and with Alcide behind her they ran back towards the party, the party full of people out in the open. What were they thinking!? Sookie's mind screamed as they moved towards the crowd. A party outside, after dark? They had no protection at all.
"They're coming! We've got to get everyone some place safe." She told Sam, coming across him of all people first. Maybe it was luck or fate or something, but Sam seemed ready for it. He jumped onto the stage, grabbing the mic and the attention of all the partygoers.
"I don't want ya'll to panic, but it's time to test out this new plan. All the humans, inside the bar. NOW!"
It had been chaos, but a strangely organized chaos. Some vampires were helping the humans get to safety, other already at the perimeter, fighting off the infected vampires as they attacked. Sookie followed with the humans into the bar, but she couldn't help glancing over her shoulder, hoping to see Bill appear. Alcide was with her, one of the last inside, quickly turning back to the door, ready to fight any vampires that broke through. Sookie was at his side, wanting to help, too. She hadn't used her light in almost forever, an advantage of not being in constant danger. She only hoped she had enough left to keep everyone safe. Her mind was crowded with panicked thoughts from all of the people in the bar. She closed her eyes briefly, trying to shut it out so she could focus, and then she was again searching the moving bodies outside for some sign of Bill. If he really meant what he had said, that he was better, that he was Bill, then she knew that put him in even more danger. Bill would take on any and everything to protect the people of this town. At one time, he would have done anything to protect her.
"I need you all to calm down," She heard Sam saying in the background. "Due to some fancy deed signing, the bar is safe from vampires who don't have an invitation, we're all safe in here."
Sookie was glad to hear it, as every little bit of protection went a long way. The crowd quieted just a little with his words, but she could tell that everyone was still on the edge of panic.
Then, almost as quickly as the fighting had started, it was over. The lot where the party had been, still strung with party lights, was now littered with piles of vampire goo and about a dozen vampires still on guard for more of the infected. She still didn't see Bill, and that had her worried. Even if their paths didn't cross, if he was really Bill, then Sookie needed him to be okay, she needed him to still be alive and in this world. She tried not to think about why she was reacting so strongly to the idea of Bill in danger. She could see the vampires go still, listening in that way vampires do, when they suddenly all shifted their attention to the right, prepared to keep fighting.
To Sookie's great relief, there weren't more vampires coming to attack, but instead, it was Bill Compton, slightly worse for the wear, strolling up to the other vampires. Sookie tamped down the urge to run to him, to touch him, to be sure that he was okay and instead squeezed Alcide's hand. Meeting his eyes with her own, giving him a smile. They were okay, everyone was okay. They had survived the first attack on the town thanks to Bill and Sam's smart and quick thinking.
Once it was clear that the attack was over, Sam took control again, helping people get back on their way home, assisting in making more arrangements for feeding and protection. Sookie had wanted to say something to Bill, but she didn't know what to say, and he had been surrounded by vampires and humans alike as the clean up began. Instead of intruding, she and Alcide helped out with whatever they could and then headed for home after a short discussion with Sam.
Overall, it shouldn't have been that jarring of an evening, not after everything else Sookie had been through, but something had her so unsettled. Her belief that Bill had died, that the man she had loved so completely was lost forever, was now in question. It still haunted her from time to time, the vision of him exploding into a bloody mess as he met the true death... Those words he had said to her, that maybe everything about him had been an act, ringing in her ears. All this time later, Sookie still didn't know how to process that, how to make sense of the things she had witnessed. She was afraid to believe, even after what she had seen that day in the sun when Bill had saved the other vampires. She was afraid to open her heart to the possibility, knowing that not only would she be putting herself at risk, but it also wouldn't be fair to Alcide. Maybe she already wasn't being fair to Alcide.
All of these thoughts floated around and around in Sookie's mind as she spent the afternoon soaking up the sun. She was so glad the heat was finally here, she always missed the sun during the winter months. It helped her think, and after what had happened just two short nights ago, her brain was working overtime. Not seeing Bill for all of these months had made it easy for her to keep her feelings for him locked away, it made it easy for her to fall in to the easy love she felt for Alcide. But now, she felt like a bad person because she was feeing like the love she shared with Alcide wasn't enough. What the hell was she supposed to do with that?
Alcide treated her well. He took care of her, sometimes almost too much for her taste, but she knew it came from a place of caring. They had fun together, most of the time, though every once and awhile, she'd catch a thought in his head that she didn't want to. He had a job, he wasn't mixed up with the were pack anymore, which Sookie appreciated. Alcide never really talked about it, but he had said something about the pack getting involved with V again, and he knew he couldn't be involved. He seemed to close himself off when she tried to ask more about what had happened, so she stopped trying. In her head, she knew someone like Alcide was a good choice... but what about in her heart? A week ago she would have said she loved Alcide with her whole heart, but she might have been lying.
On days like today, she wished her Gran was still around. Or even Tara. She could still talk to Tara about what she was feeling, and maybe she would, but she'd have to wait for nightfall. Sookie was so glad that Tara had forgiven her and Lafayette for what they'd done. It had been another one of those decisions made under duress, where she had been scared and panicking, afraid of losing her best friend, her sister. Their friendship wasn't exactly as it had been before, but they were working on it. They could talk to each other again about their lives, they could joke and spend time together. It was something that Sookie was very grateful for.
Sookie didn't have much more time to ponder over her new dilemma when a rusted pick-up truck bounced up her drive, pulling to a stop right near the house. Who could that be? Sookie wondered, not recognizing the truck. Hairs stood up on the back of her neck, a chill gave her goose bumps. Whoever this was, Sookie had a feeling it wasn't going to be good.
XX
XX
Bill's night, though it had barely started, already had him in a foul mood. It was something that seemed to be happening more and more lately, despite the positive reception his book had received and the very recent initial success of the plan he and Sam had come up with to protect the people of Bon Temps. He knew there would still be a lot of work to do, wrinkles to iron out but they had seen just the other night that the plan had merit. If there wasn't any other way to stop this hep V crisis, at least they could do what they could to keep the town safe. There was still a lot of push back, people uncomfortable with the idea of partnering up with a vampire, letting a vampire feed from them. Bill understood their fear, but he wished it weren't so, he wished they could understand that not all vampires were the vicious creatures portrayed by the media.
He hoped his book helped with that, and the seemingly never ending book tour the publisher had him on. It was the basis of his irritation tonight, a message had been left for him with five additional interviews they wanted him to do. More traveling, more time away. It had been fun at first, the writing had given him an outlet, it kept him busy and gave him a chance to really sort out what he had been through. He had been able to take stock of his life, the things he had done, the road so far... He had spent many nights just writing, pouring out what he had felt during his experience with Lilith, his time with god-like powers. It had helped him deal with the loss and the things he'd sacrificed, it had helped him see that, as Jessica had said, being 'just Bill' wasn't a bad thing. Certainly a lot of those pages hadn't made it into the book, he had never expected them to, but they served as a private catharsis for him. The things he wrote about his deepest feelings during that time had been for him only, along with the things he had written about Sookie.
Bill loved to read, he had even in his human life. As vampire, he'd had nothing but time to read, so he read whatever he could get his hands on. He never really gave much thought to writing, but found he had a talent for it. Writing about this topic had served multiple purposes, personally and for the public in acting for the good of vampire human relations. Perhaps someday he would pen something else, maybe something actually fiction, an adventure... he certainly had a large base of knowledge and experience to pull from. The writing part had been very enjoyable, even the meetings with editors and the full process of preparing the book for print had been new and interesting. It was the marketing side of things, selling himself, putting on the charm for interviewers and at book signings that had grown tiresome very quickly.
While he was unbelievably proud that his book was doing so well, he had come to discover that the people in charge of the press side of things were just as superficial and selfish as a regular fang-banger. He was a novelty, a vampire to gawk at. Not that everything had been a waste of his time, since some of his interviewers were actually very intelligent, and like him they were interested in finding ways for humans and vampires to find a way to coexist in this post-everything world. He was forming new connections that could come in handy down the road. Bill couldn't really complain, since the book tour itself definitely had it's moments of being enjoyable, but he felt like he'd been living out of his suitcase for the last few months and he wanted to spend some time at home.
With the threat of hepatitis V only growing, he had needed to be here to come up with a plan. He was glad his relationship with Sam had become quite amicable, especially now that Sam was the mayor. He didn't think anyone else would have been receptive to his idea of vampires and humans working together, much less have more ideas to contribute as Sam had. Though they had begun planning in person, and discussed things over the phone on several occasions, Bill had only been home for a matter of days before the attack at Bellefleur's. It had been just enough time to make final plans with Sam and so Bill could be present for the implementation of the vampire/human pairing safety measure. A night that came just in time. Bill hated to think what might have happened if they'd been only a few days later in having the gathering to institute their new plan.
He had planned on being back in Bon Temps for weeks, hopefully months, if not longer, but now they wanted him to get back on the road in less than a week. He toyed with the idea of refusing, it's not like he needed the money. Perhaps he could put his foot down and be more choosy about which interviews he did from now on, interviews that would be useful to the cause instead of just fluffy entertainment.
Not only was he sick of traveling, but he was also worried. They had eliminated many of the infected vampires in the area the other night, but the town was still vulnerable. The people he cared about were still vulnerable. Jessica was holding her own in her quest to protect Andy and his daughter, her attempt to atone for what had happened all those months ago. Bill was proud of her, knowing just what she was feeling, and how hard it was to forgive ones self for those grave mistakes. Certainly Bill had his own share of mistakes that haunted him. Mistakes and uncontrollable outside forces that had cost him so much in his near two centuries.
Bill didn't want to think about Sookie, but he couldn't help it. He found himself pulled in her direction no matter what. The book tour had been good in that respect, it had kept him busy, kept him from finding his way to her door with some apology that she probably wouldn't want to hear. They had brought each other so much hurt, he couldn't keep doing it. It wasn't fair to Sookie and he knew it wasn't fair to himself. It was part of why he had kept his distance after that night in the cemetery, after they had saved her from Warlow. Their last moments together had been adversarial, lacking in trust... He had not been quite himself, not all the way, and in his mission to save Jessica, he had all but sent Sookie off to die.
Bill knew it was how things had needed to go, but he still didn't like it. He had foolishly hoped he would see her in the days after her rescue, that perhaps his efforts could make a small change to the coldness that was between them, but he had wanted it to be on her terms. He left it for Sookie to take the next step, but nothing happened. Her note hadn't come until weeks later, at a time when he had already forced himself to move forward, to set aside what he felt for her.
By then he knew she had been seen with Alcide, that she had found someone who could be with her in the sunlight, who could give her children and all of the things he could not. Someone who could make her happy. In the end, that was what he wished for her, that she could be happy. So he had decided it was for the best that their paths hadn't crossed, it was for the best that he had new business to take up his time, to give him purpose.
It had made things easier, knowing that she was happy and safe, though there were nights when he still felt her loss as keenly as he had felt it when she had thrown him off her porch so long ago. Now, even six months later, when Bill was in a particularly thoughtful mood, thoughts of Sookie would invade his mind. Seeing her at Bellefleur's, knowing that she was in more danger than most from the infected vampires, he had been filled with a desire to convince her he was better, that he was still the man she had loved. He hadn't realized just how much he still wanted her trust... for her to feel something for him. He knew the large werewolf would protect her, but he was no match for the infected vampires. They would tear a lone werewolf apart, and Sookie would be left in danger. The timing of the vampire attack that night had unfortunately cut their conversation short, putting their new plan to the test.
He hadn't seen her since that night, and now he didn't know what to do. He knew he should stay out of it, that he couldn't keep running to her rescue, but he also knew he wouldn't be able to live with himself is something happened to her.
Maybe it wasn't just the demanding itinerary he had been sent that had him irritated tonight after all... He pushed away from his desk, not wanting to deal with anything else tonight. Instead he poured himself a glass of blood, something that was growing in shorter and shorter supply. Willing donors were running scared, and with the way hepatitis V had no affect on humans... so far... one could never be too sure that a human was uninfected.
Bill walked towards the foyer just as the door opened, Jessica rushing in, her shirt torn in several places, her hair snarled around her face.
"Bill, thank god! I was so worried." She threw her arms around him, he enveloped her in his embrace. Allowing her a moment to calm before he released her.
He guided her into his office, something had happened and he needed to know what. "What is it, Jessica? More of the infected?" He searched her for signs of injury, for bloodstains of healed bite marks. He didn't know what he would do if Jessica were somehow infected. Not when the didn't yet have a cure.
"No, but... I don't know, this might be worse." She was pacing his office, after only sitting for a second in the chair he had led her to. "There was an attack, but it wasn't vampires this time, but it's bad, Bill. I thought... I was worried they came for you." Her voice was frantic, panicky.
"It's okay, Jessica. I'm okay. Now, start from the beginning, tell me what happened." He placed his hands on her shoulders, gently turning her to face him.
"So I was down at Bellefleur's sort of hanging out, I mean, not really, but Andy and Adilyn were there, so I wanted to be close by, in case... but so Andy gets this call, they attacked Sam's house. Thank god Nicole wasn't there, or he could have lost her and the baby."
"Who is they? Who did this?" Bill didn't like the sound of this, not after how hard he and Sam had worked to save the town.
"I don't know, they were human, but they got away. I think it was one of those anti-vampire vigilante groups. I know they started off claiming to be for protection from infected vampires, but it seems like they've moved on to all vampires."
"And you think our plan, pairing vampires and humans, has turned their attentions on us?"
"I don't know, Bill. But they were not friendly, they started Sam's house on fire, they spray painted some nasty things on his walls about bein' a vampire lover. I tried to catch them, but I wasn't fast enough, they had guns and UV lights. All I could get was the license plate number, but who knows if that means anything anyway." Jessica looked down at her hands, finally sinking into one of the chairs.
"You did everything you could, I'm sure of it."
"What if they're comin' here next? I was so afraid they came here first. They were ready to kill me, I know it! They could have killed you. They still might. Bill, what are we going to do?" She was getting more hysterical, fear enveloping her.
"Shh, it's okay." He pulled her up from the chair, holding her again, stroking a hand over her hair. "I'm fine, Jessica. We're going to be fine. No one will hurt us."
Bill was more worried about Sam and the other people of Bon Temps. Their plan was working, he'd hate for it to fall apart due to fear of some vigilante group. It would cost so many more lives, and Bill didn't want that to happen.
"You know we're safe here. Even during the day, no one can harm us." He pulled back from her to look into her eyes, his hand resting on her cheek. "I will call Sam, we'll get to the bottom of this, we will stop them. I promise."
"Really?"
"Really. We've been through too much to let some frightened humans hurt us, haven't we?"
"I suppose so," She said with the slightest smile, no doubt recalling all that had happened since the night Bill had been forced to make her. "But what if they come after you?" She was much more calm now, but he could see she still worried. He wanted her to feel better, so he tried his best to reassure, her to distract her.
"We'll handle it, if they do. Now, why don't you go get cleaned up and I will check in with Sam. We can meet with him tomorrow night and see what else we can do. Once you change, I've got blood for you, and you can catch me up on some of what I've missed while I've been gone, okay?"
"Okay, Bill. I'll be back down in a little bit."
He sent her off with a smile, but Bill did not like this, not at all. As if the infected vampires weren't enough to deal with. He hoped they could find a way to put a stop to these vigilantes. Bill knew the groups had been growing across the country. The fear was running rampant everywhere, the infected vampires cutting a swath across the US only served to rile people up and encourage more groups like this to form. If they had turned their attentions to healthy vampires and humans as well, then it was even more urgent that they were stopped.
XX
XX
Sookie was floored after the things she had learned, even if most of it was an exaggeration, it was still too much to handle. So much for her normal, boring and safe life with Alcide. The dark haired female were sat across from Sookie at the kitchen table. Alcide was due to arrive home any time now, so they had spent the afternoon talking. Rikki, her name was, had shared some very interesting things with Sookie. Things that Alcide had kept completely hidden.
Sookie wasn't a big believer in fate or destiny or whatever you wanted to call it, but it was definitely a strange coincidence that Rikki would show up today. A day when Sookie was questioning some of her most basic choices, the answer fell right into her lap. She should be more upset about it than she was, but perhaps that was another sign that it was right. Or Sookie hadn't fully processed just what this all meant yet.
Once Alcide walked through that door, things were going to change. It made Sookie nervous, but she knew what she had to do... sort of.
"Can I get you a refill on your lemonade?" Sookie asked politely. She had been the epitome of hospitality all afternoon. "Alcide should be home soon."
"Sure, it's good lemonade."
"Thanks." Sookie smiled, admittedly it was a fake smile, but she smiled none the less. She reached for the empty glass on the table and headed for the refrigerator.
She heard the sounds of another truck pulling in just as she set the glass back down in front of her guest.
"That should be Alcide right now." Sookie sat back down at the table, impressed with her own calmness.
"Sookie? Whose truck is that outside?" Alcide was asking as he walked in the back door, his hard hat and lunch bucket in one hand. He froze once he caught a glimpse of Rikki sitting at the table. "Rikki. What are you doin' here?"
He wasn't exactly friendly, but Sookie wouldn't have called him hostile just yet. He set his gear down in the mudroom, quickly pulling off his boots before he joined them in the kitchen.
"Rikki needed to talk to you, the pack needs your help. But we've been doing some chatting while we waited for you to get home. She's had some very interesting things to say."
Alcide's face darkened at Sookie's words, a frown etched deep on his face. "What kinds of things?"
"Just things about life in the pack, about kidnapping people. Murder. And you made it sound like me being with a vampire was so horrible." She said with a bitter laugh.
"Sookie, I can explain. It's not like that."
"You don't have to explain, I understand well enough. We've all done things we aren't proud of." Sookie actually meant that, too. She knew she had made her share of mistakes, she had a pocketful of regrets and things she wished she could undo. Alcide knew all of those things, yet he couldn't share with her what he had been through. That probably hurt the most. Well, that and Rikki's other reason for being here.
"Why are you here, Rikki?"
"The pack needs you. We're fallin' apart."
"You wanted to be pack master, you challenged me for it, you asked for it."
"Well... I'm no good for it. Even without the V, the pack is a mess. This vampire infection has got us all runnin' scared and we're dying. They took out four wolves just last night."
"What do you expect me to do about it?" Alcide still stood in the kitchen towering over them both. Sookie could feel his agitation, it rolled off of him like waves.
"We need a leader, we need someone to help us. I need someone."
"What makes you think I want anything to do with the pack? After what happened, how can you think I would want to come back? I've got a life here, I'm not going to just walk away."
"You walked away from us, you turned your back on your pack." Rikki slammed her hands on the table top, making Sookie jump. Her eyes glowed as she watched Alcide. The tension in the air was so thick, Sookie could almost reach out and touch it. "You at least owe it to me to try."
Rikki stood up then, her round belly finally coming into view. She had told Sookie it was Alcide's, and for some reason, Sookie didn't have any doubts. Alcide looked stunned, as if someone had punched him in the gut.
Sookie stood up then, too, not needing or wanting to be present for what happened next. "I'm gonna let you two talk."
Without really thinking about it, Sookie was outside into the night. It didn't dawn on her that being outside after dark was sort of a stupid idea until she was halfway through the cemetery. Her feet just sort of carried her away from the house.
The path was well worn, leading her to her Gran... She knew she should turn back, she needed to get back inside, but she couldn't. She knelt down, her fingers tracing the letters carved into the cool stone. She still missed Gran so much, the path her life had taken since Gran had died was not at all what Sookie had anticipated. Even her so called 'normal life' with Alcide had just taken quite an unexpected turn. Perhaps it was for the best, Sookie had been having more and more doubts as of late, small moments where she caught herself wondering if this was all there was, where she felt something was still missing. If she really thought about it, it went back much farther than just those few nights ago, she had just been too determined to make this work to see it.
She didn't know what Alcide was going to do, but they surely had a discussion they needed to have when she returned home. She didn't know for certain that it was over, but she was already traveling that road in her mind. It hurt her to know that Alcide hadn't been able to open up to her, that he hadn't been able to share with her what being a werewolf really meant. He had kept that side of him closed off from her, only she hadn't realized just how much he had hidden until now. And here she was, thinking her life would be so much simpler with Alcide when it was compared to the obstacles that being with a vampire had brought. Apparently she was wrong. Maybe Gran was right, Sookie was meant to be alone. That thought brought tears to her eyes... one more failed relationship for the story of her life.
Sookie sniffled, wiping at her eyes. Something caught her attention, but she wasn't exactly sure what. A noise maybe? Something moving out of the corner of her eye? Whatever it was, it sent a jolt of fear through her, reminding her just how vulnerable she was outside. Not wanting to wait around and find out what was out there, she stood quickly and headed back towards the house. She wasn't quite running, but she wasn't wasting any time.
Her racing heart steadied just a bit as the house came into view, the lights glowing brightly in the front room and on the porch. She was almost there, she was fine. She let out a scream and dashed the last few yards to the porch when a dark hulking figure stepped around the side of the house.
"Sookie!" It said, coming closer, stepping into the light.
"Alcide! You scared the daylights out of me!" She leaned against the front door, relieved that it was only Alcide.
"I'm sorry, I was coming to find you. Rikki just left, and you weren't in the house. I was worried. Where did you go?"
"Nowhere, I was just... I went for a walk." She turned, pushing open the front door. Having had enough excitement for one day, she wanted to get inside where it was safe.
"You know it's not safe out here after dark." He scolded, following her into the house.
"I know, I know. I needed some air, and it's fine, I'm fine."
"We need to talk." His face was serious, his brows knitted together as he watched her.
"Ya think? It's not every day your pregnant ex shows up at my door." The words came out colder than Sookie intended, she was annoyed at the situation, but somehow, not as bothered as she probably should be.
"I didn't know, I swear. I haven't seen her since... not since I left the pack."
"I know, she told me the same thing. What are you going to do?" Sookie sank into the couch, wishing this conversation was already over.
"I don't know. I never wanted this, you know me, I've never been big on the whole pack thing. But it's mine and it sounds like the pack is really in trouble."
"You have a responsibility. I understand that." Sookie tried to make sense of what she was feeling. More than once tonight she had felt just a tad crazy, this situation was so surreal. It was like something out of a soap opera, not that her life hadn't always sort of felt like a soap opera.
"I do, but I can't just leave you. We can find a way to make this work. I can help them, maybe just for a little while, I can help Rikki. We can make it work." Alcide didn't sound so sure, it was almost like he was trying to convince himself just as much as he was trying to convince Sookie.
"Who are we kidding, Alcide? This isn't something that we just make work. It's hard enough with normal people, but we're not normal people, as much as we try to be."
"What are you sayin'? You don't even want to try?"
"We've been tryin'... I love you, Alcide, I do. But it's not the right kind of love. Maybe I'm not made for it, god knows I'm no good at it. We'd try and make this work, but we'd only end up farther and farther apart. We'd argue more and more... you'd probably start working more just to get away. We'd end up hating each other." Sookie's eyes filled with tears again, as she played out the whole thing in her mind.
"How can you know that? You can't know that." He was pleading with her, pacing a few steps and then coming back.
"Tell me something Alcide, I know you love me, but be honest, is it the same as what you felt for Debbie? Or how about what you felt for Rikki? Is what we have enough for you? Or is it just easy and convenient? Something safe?"
"I..." The look on his face told Sookie everything she needed to know. You can't help who you love, she had told Alcide that a lifetime ago. Their heads had always been a good match, but where it really mattered, in their hearts, it wasn't right.
"What we've shared in these last few months has been so special, you gave me a chance at something I never thought I could have...you helped me heal in ways I couldn't do alone, but we're just not right together." I'm not right, she thought, the tears still falling down her cheeks. "Deep down, I think you know it too." She cried for all of the happy moments they had shared, the laughs, the love, those tender moments that Sookie would always remember with fondness.
"So this is really it, huh? You're dumping me at the first sign of trouble?" Alcide's face was cold, hard, his arms crossed over his chest.
"That's not fair. This isn't just some little hiccup. Things were already complicated between us, but now... Now you have a child on the way and you've kept things from me, important things. What am I supposed to do, Alcide?" Sookie was getting mad now too, furiously wiping at the tears on her cheeks. She could cry later, when he wasn't here to see it.
"Fine," He almost growled at her. "If that's what you want, I'm gone. I'll be back tomorrow to get my things, don't bother being here." He turned and stormed towards the kitchen, his footsteps booming in the old house.
"Alcide, wait, I'm sorry. I just... This is too much." She went after him, even if she didn't know what to say... But he didn't even slow down. He didn't bother to put his boots on, just grabbing them and his keys and leaving with a slam of the back door.
That did not go well, Sookie thought to herself as his tail lights disappeared down the drive. She closed her eyes and leaned against the back door with a big sigh. Her head was hurting, and her heart, too. She felt almost numb as she turned to lock the door. Shutting off lights behind her as she went, she checked the lock on the front door and went upstairs. It was early, but Sookie was suddenly exhausted. She didn't think she could think about this anymore tonight. Had she done the right thing? A big part of her was screaming yes, that this was what she needed to do... even before Rikki had showed up today. But that didn't ease her sadness, her loneliness. Sookie had always felt alone, thanks to her... ability, but Tara and Gran had helped with some of that. Right now, she felt like she had no one. Even if that wasn't exactly true, she had friends, she had Sam and Arlene. Tara would be there whenever Sookie needed her, she had Lafayette and Jason. She wasn't alone, but it was still easy to be lonely. She hadn't realized that she had been feeling that way more and more, even with Alcide.
Maybe it was her, something was wrong with her... she had just sent away a good man for what? For some phantom concept of true love that didn't even exist? Because she'd rather be alone than settle for something less than what she'd imagined? Sookie pulled on her pajamas her mind busy trying to fit all of these pieces together. She fell onto the bed letting out a sound of frustration, it was either that or she was going to scream. It was definitely one of those nights when Sookie wished she could turn her brain off. Thankfully, her overloaded mind was distracted when her phone rang.
She reached for the phone, actually glad to see the name 'Sam' pop up on the screen. She smiled just a little as she thought about how she should probably change it to 'Mayor Sam' one of these days.
"Hey Sam." She said as she answered the call.
"Sookie, Hi. How are you?"
"I've been better. What's going on?"
"Is this a bad time? Are you alright?" his tone shifted, concern evident in his voice.
"No, Sam it's fine. I could use the distraction. I'm okay, really."
"Oh, well... I'm callin' to ask you a favor, if you're not busy tomorrow."
"I think I'm free. What kind of favor?" Sookie was quite curious about Sam's request, he didn't often call for favors, at least not recently, now that he was the Mayor.
"There was an attack tonight, some human vigilante group."
"What? Where did this happen? Is everyone okay?"
"It was at my place, but yeah, we were lucky, no one was home. We need to find these guys before they come back."
"Why would someone attack you, Sam? I thought we took care of that hate group."
"This is something different. I don't think they know about me, it seemed to be all about the vampires. I think they targeted me because of the plan Bill and I came up with."
"Oh, Sam. That's terrible. What is wrong with people? You've saved countless lives with that plan, and it's only been a few days!" Sookie was outraged on Sam's behalf. "How can I help?"
"We've got a lead to check out tomorrow, a place in Monroe. I was hopin' you could come with, maybe someone would be thinkin' about something useful."
"Sure, anything I can do to help. What time do you want to go?"
"I was thinkin' sometime in the afternoon? Jason and Andy were going to come too, since this is their investigation, but with everything going on, they don't mind bringing in some... unconventional... help. How about I pick you up, say around two unless you and Alcide want to meet us?"
"Umm... it'd probably be better if you picked me up. I... I don't think Alcide is gonna be around tomorrow." She said, trying to keep her voice even. Sam didn't need more things to worry about, not when his family was in danger.
"Okay, I'll pick you up at two o'clock then... Are you sure you're okay, cher?" He added after a beat.
"I'm fine, Sam, really. Just a little relationship rough patch, it's no big deal."
"Alright, if you're sure. You can talk to me, you know."
"I know, and I appreciate that. I'll be ready for you tomorrow. Call me if you need anything else before that, okay?"
"Okay, Sookie. Thanks. The same holds true for me, too you know. Call me if you need anything, okay?"
"Goodnight, Sam." Sookie had to smile, maybe she wasn't so alone after all.