She turned off the alarm clock, feeling especially down, specially drained, especially tired, especially lonely. It was February, 1st. Her birthday.
She has had so many bad birthdays 'till this date that she almost lost count. There were those days when she was a child that she would ravel in her father's love. He would wake her up early in the morning, showering her with kisses and warm hugs and then they both would go out ridding their horses through the woods, most for her mother's dislike. Cora would tell her father to stop cuddling her. And all Regina would think was why wouldn't her mother just do the same.
Instead, Cora would demand her to be a princess and a perfect and lovely host to the important people from their kingdom who were invited to her birthday gala. She would rather ride horses with father all day and through the night, but she knew she couldn't. She was a lady after all. And she should please mother.
Those weren't the worst, though. There was a time she would spend this date absolutely and utterly depressed. That time in Leopold's Kingdom, her days as Queen. Queen of nothing. It didn't matter if she were alone while the king and Snow White were out and about, or if they threw her a party to which she never felt she belong, either way, in that household she always felt trapped and this feeling would drain her energy completely, leaving her empty and depressed. Her birthday was nothing more than a reminder that she had lost one more year, that she were slowly walking her path to death, far from living her life.
Then there was the time when she thought she was the Queen of everything. When she was no longer empty, but filled with rage and hate. Even though she would tell herself she was right where she wanted to be, and she could have anything and anyone she wanted and could do anything she desired, still she would feel the emptiness, the loneliness.
Finally, there were the 28 birthdays she spent in her perfect town, living her designed life, after a curse that should have been her happy ending. Surprisingly, she was still empty, still feeling nothing.
So this year was no different. As usual, her birthday was a sad day, a reminder of her failure. And today, a reminder that she had lived and loved and learnt but still she was nowhere near her happy ending.
She managed to get out of bed and headed to the bathroom. Standing in front of her mirror she trailed her fingers through the few wrinkles circling her eyes and though her perfect dark hair, no white thread spotted yet. She surely didn't look like a 59 years-old woman, the frozen time in Storybrooke made wonders for her appearance that gave her no more than 31, but inside she felt every day of her existence weighting down her shoulders. She had lived, she had loved, she had hated, she was still learning.
She sighed and turned on the shower, getting depressed and feeling sorry for herself would take her nowhere. It never did. If there was one thing she learnt during all these years was how to bury deep inside whatever was trying to bring her down and just keep her head up. She took the silk pajamas and the lace underwear off and stepped into the shower, feeling the warm droplets washing away any signs of weakness and bringing out the perfect woman she needed to be, just like every single day.
After turning the shower off, she heard her phone buzzing, signaling that a couple of messages had arrived. She reached for it to check them, they were from Henry.
Yesterday when he told her he would spend the night at Mary Margaret's so he could spend some time with his other mother, she felt torn, broken, betrayed. Still, she managed to keep it to herself and said absolutely nothing about her upcoming birthday. So she was surprised to see 2 messages from her son:
"Happy Birthday, Mom!"
"I Love You"
She looked at the little screen with mixed feelings. Of course they had evolved a great deal from a few years back when he looked at her as nothing more than the Evil Queen, but still she wished he was there. She wished a little more than two messages and six words. But still, could she ask for more? Could she complain?
No. She knew she couldn't ask for more than what she was receiving, so she decided it was enough and typed:
"Thank you, Henry. I love you too"
And that's it. She wouldn't ask him to come back home, to have lunch with her or any of this. Instead, she put the phone down and walked to her closet, picking up some clothes for the day. Although she felt like wearing her signature black color, she went for a gray slack, blue v-neck blouse and high heels. Always high, very high, so she wouldn't show any fragility. She also went for a winter coat, slightly darker than her slacks. In less than an hour she was ready and heading for the kitchen for a cup of black no sugar coffee, some toasts and an apple. After breakfast she would be ready to start the day, just like any other day.
"So? How is she?" Emma asked
"I don't think she suspects anything" Henry answered, pocketing his phone. "But I feel really bad for doing this to her"
"Yeah, kid, I know… I still think we should call this off and I should just drop you at her house"
"Don't you two dare! Do you know how long it's been since I'm planning this party? I want it to be a surprise! And besides, she would NEVER agree. So if we want to celebrate her day it has to be like this" Snow said from the kitchen, between mixing the cake ingredients and pushing baby Neal's stroller back and forth trying to lull him back to sleep so she could carry on with the party stuff.
"Yeah? And how exactly do you plan to make her come here, anyway? " Emma asked as she dropped in the stool in front of the kitchen balcony and grabbed the milk and cereal for a quick and ease breakfast.
"Well… I don't have to come up with EVERYTHING, do I? You two figure this out" Snow answered. "And David, would you pleeeease bring the candles?"
"Of course. How many should I get? 59?" He teased before opening the door to leave for the station.
"Yes, 59. If you do wish to put her back into full Evil Queen mode." Snow answered, losing her patience. "It's 31. Let's not count the 28 cursed years. And she sure doesn't look like 59."
Emma's phone started ringing "Excuse me, I have to get this"She got up from the stool and wandered a few meters away, but the rest of the party could still over hear her conversation:
"I told you, Killian. I can't today. Yeah, I know… I know I've been telling you this for days but I've been really busy. Sorry… Yeah… I really can't. I'll let you know when. Ok. Bye"
"Are you really going to avoid the guy like a plague?" David asked when Emma returned to the living room.
"How polite, prince Charming! Eavesdropping!"
"I wasn't eavesdropping! You were loud!"
"You know what? I'll get the candles", Emma cut the discussion off. "Kid, you figure something out to bring Regina here by five. And, dad, just… Help mom. Otherwise she might cover little Neal in flour by midday. I've got it with the Station, ok?" and with that she was off to her duties.
It wasn't like Regina had much to do now that she was no longer mayor, and the Snow Queen was defeated and everything was back to normal in Storybrooke. When she thought about it, she would almost wish they were fighting something or someone. The daily life in Storybrooke could be a real bore. She considered talking about it with Mary Margaret and getting some position at Town Hall, otherwise she would go crazy.
Today, however, she settled for some research about her author thing. She hadn't given up on that yet and she could use some time with this task. So she decided to head to the author's house to take another look at his library and empty books.
She drove past the gates and parked her Mercedes right in front of the house. Who could the owner be?
While those musings went through her mind, she entered the house and took the same path Henry led her and Emma through that day, pulling at the sconce to reveal the hidden library.
Thousands of blank books towering around her. What could this mean? Endless possibilities? Unwritten histories? Could it be hers? Could she change destiny? She sat on the chair facing the desk and massaged her forehead that was starting to hurt. She sighed. Thought about pixie-dust and Tinkerbell, and lion tattoos… She thought about what she once had with Daniel, then with Robin, then thought about how it had ended, how she lost everything… Could she ever be happy? Would she?
Emma looked at the amount of small candles in her hands. She had picked up 59, then considered leaving 28 behind and taking only 31, but now she wasn't sure anymore. Her mother was right, Regina didn't look like she was almost 60, but celebrating her 31st birthday wasn't right as well, was it? Even though time stand still for 28 years, still Regina lived every day of those days, she had full conscience of every single year passing her by… So she really wasn't a young 31 years-old soul, was she? Emma couldn't decide. So she was really content when she spotted an interrogation point shaped candle. It was perfect. She dropped the 59 little candles and went with that one instead.
After she accomplished the candle mission, she headed to the station, where a few paperwork awaited. Only boring stuff about the shattered sight spell and it's damages to the city that should be reported and filed, which she did in a couple of hours. Soon she was out of work to do and decided to go for a lunch at Granny's.
"So, what did you get her?" Ruby asked flatly.
"What? To whom?" Emma answered, startled.
"Oh my. To Regina, whom else? Everybody knows February 1st is the Queen's birthday. Well, the Mayor's. Former mayor's. Whatever. Regina's."
"Yeah. Well… I didn't get anything. We might be at a better place now but I don't think we're there yet"
"I see… well.. You might never get there if you don't make efforts, Em…" Ruby stated, putting every emphasis in the "there" part.
"I don't know what you mean"
"Don't you?"
"No, I don't." she said while a soft pink shade started to tint her cheeks "Besides… I don't think she needs anything"
"Whatever. But I say… there might be something she wants…"
"Henry! Have you called her yet?" Snow called from the living room, where she was arranging the table and David was hanging party balloons.
"Not yet!" Henry answered from the kitchen where he was arranging the finger food Snow had prepared into trays. "Can't do this with my hands full with little baked potatoes"
"Do you really think balloons are her thing? Shouldn't we just hang up decapitated heads instead?" David continue to tease his wife's step-mother
"David, stop it! We agreed to put this behind us. So please, do. I don't want to upset her. I want to rebuild the bond we once had!" Snow answered, exasperate.
And it was all it took to cut his teasing short. Snow wasn't having any of this. She was rebuilding this relationship if it was the last thing she did.
Damn Ruby Lucas! Emma wasn't worried about a birthday gift until her lunch break but now? Now she was wandering about every Storybrooke boutique, looking for something that would be up to Regina's standards. The thing was: she couldn't find anything.
She didn't want to give her something generic, impersonal, but still she didn't want to get her anything too personal. A perfume bottle would be too daring, a silk blouse would be too obvious.
So she left the last shop empty handed and frustrated. She had only a couple of hours until the party time and she was nowhere near the perfect gift.
"A rosted swan! That's amusing!" The little imp of a man giggled "You'll get that later"
"You can no more fly from your fate that can that swan" Rumplestiltskin's voice echoed in her head as flashes of Tinkerbell and Robin Hood crossed her mind.
"I've been a villain a thousand times over and yet I'm about to get everything I desire. I want the same for you" Gold's voice were loud on her ears and she could feel his hands on hers.
A loud ring from a cell phone
Her cell phone, ringing inside her pocket. It woke her up. She had fallen asleep onto the library couch, after turning every single blank page of almost 5 empty books looking for clues.
"Henry? Is everything alright?" she said trying to hide her sleepy voice.
"Yes, mom. I… ahm… I just.. Can you come over to grandma's?" Henry asked and squirmed after hearing it himself. He was nowhere near to a good liar.
"Why's that? Are you okay? Did anything happen?" She sounded alarmed.
"I'm ok. I… actually I found something about Operation Mongoose that I'd like to show you!" He sounded much more excited now that he actually came up with an excuse.
"At Mary Margaret and David's house?"
"Yeah.. I just need to show you. Can you come over?"
"Yes, Henry… I'll be there in half an hour"
"At five sharp would be great!" He almost screamed, trying to fix the timing.
"Five sharp? And why's that? Why can't you just show me, whatever it is?"
"It's… hum…. It's not here, yet." He felt as lame as his excuse. He couldn't believe his mother wasn't smarter than that "Emma will bring it at five."
"Okay then. I'll be there"
"Great, mom! Love you!" and he hung up.
Regina thought his conversation were a little strange but didn't think much of it as she still felt a little dizzy from her sleep and kind of a nightmare. She didn't even remember which day it was by then.
"So? Did she buy it?" Snow asked, anxious.
"I think so. Anyway, she's coming at five"
"Oh my God! We don't have much time!" She said while fluffing some pillows at the couch, brushing off imaginary dust from the furniture and from her clothes.
"Hey, hey, Snow, easy. Why are you so nervous?" David asked her while gently grabbing her arms. "Everything's perfect. I even bough the whiskey and wine she likes. It will be okay"
"I really hope so, David. I can't help but feeling I owe her this"
"I don't think you owe her anything"
"But I do! I do! You don't understand!"
"Alright, alright! I understand. Anyway, I respect that, okay? And it will be alright."
"David… For years living with her in my father's kingdom I never bothered to make sure she felt included. I want to make up for that."
"I know. And you will" He assured her as he hugged her closer and kissed her softly.
"So? Everything's ready? Is she coming?" Emma asked entering the loft
"Yes, she is. Oh! What's that? You bought her a present?" Snow said, excited to see the small package Emma was carrying.
"Yeah… I… Wasn't going to… But then Ruby came up with that and… I don't know. It's dumb, I should probably return it…"
"Ohhh no! It's really nice, Emma. You two are bounding and it's good. It is. For Henry, at least." Snow reassured her daughter giving her a lovingly squeeze in her arm. "Now, go get ready. People will start to come up anytime"
"People? Who the hell did you invite?"
"Oh… just a few… Belle, Dr. Harper, Leroy…"
"Leroy? Are you nuts, mom?" Emma couldn't believe Snow's words.
"What? I didn't want her party to be empty!"
"Oh my God… I'll just… I'll be back in twenty."
When Emma came back to the living room it was already crowded by Snow's "few" guests. Emma wasn't sure about how Regina would react at the dwarfs, but she didn't have time to worry about it. It was five sharp.
"She's here!" Leroy announced in his curse-alarming voice
"Shhhh! Leroy! It's supposed to be a surprise party! Henry, turn off the lights!" Snow ordered as everybody took their positions.
They were as silent as they could. Besides baby Neal's cute noises, all they could hear was Regina's heels clicking on each step she took.
It stopped as her knocks on the door sounded.
"Come on in, Moooom. It's open!" Henry answered from behind the cake table.
The doorknob turned as Regina gently opened the green door.
"SURPRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!" Everybody cheered in unison, startling baby Neal who started crying and the former Queen who froze in place.
She couldn't believe it. It suddenly came back to her: Her birthday. And, apparently, her birthday party. She could spot Snow White with a large grin upon her face, Henry was right beside her, looking as excited as his grandmother, Emma was next, that stupid cute smile of hers just like the day she told her she wanted them to be friends. Everyone was there. Even people who she had hunted, threatened and cursed for years. She spotted a birthday cake, birthday balloons, drinks, food, an interrogation point shaped candle… And suddenly it was too much. She twisted in her heels and ran, taking two steps at a time, she ran from all that, from those people, for that was all too much.
Everybody was frozen in place by Regina's reaction. Snow was trying to soothe baby Neal and to understand what had happened, all at the same time. Henry's eyes were wide and his mouth was open.
Emma didn't think twice. As she always did, she sprinted forward after Regina, flying down the stairs to catch her pace.
"Regina! Regina wait!" She screamed when she spotted the former queen's gray coat.
Regina stopped, hands on her forehead, trying to sort out her thoughts and emotions.
"What the hell? Why did you run?"
"Don't tell me you're THAT idiot, Emma."
"What? Why? What did I do? What did any of us do?"
"NOTHING!" she barked, turning to face the blonde.
"You didn't do anything! For you are the heroes! And that makes it all clear then, doesn't it? I'm the villain, I'm the one responsible for all of those people's misery for 28 years! Even longer than that! How come any of you would be willing to throw me a party? To show me sympathy?"
Emma's eyebrows were joined and her forehead wrinkled. She was puzzled.
"You said it once and you were right, Regina. The woman who did that was the person you were, not the person you are. My mother did forgive you, Henry too… And I… Do I really have to say it again?"
Regina's heart was racing both from the run and the emotions mixed up inside of her.
"I agree there are too much people in there, even people with whom you didn't have the chance to talk yet, but… I believe… if they came it means they've seen it too. That you changed! And you've evolved! That you saved them so many times now. And that you deserve a second chance."
Regina scoffed at that thought. She hardly believed Granny or the dwarfs could forgive her for anything. Even David. She still had her doubts about the Prince's feelings towards her.
"And even if they don't. It doesn't matter, Regina. Because we do. And it's not just about showing you sympathy. Your family really cares about you."
"My family? The Charmings?" Regina asked, skeptical.
"I know. Destiny can be tricky, right? But we can't always choose family. And that's all you're getting. So take it and come inside for some nice cake with Henry and… well.. ME... Or leave it and go home, to that huge empty mansion." Emma said and turned to walk back to the loft.
After a few seconds she heard Regina's heels coming along with her.
"I hope Snow didn't prepare a speech or I'll curse her all over again"
"Alright, I'll throw it away then."
And they marched together back to the party. Silent.
"Oh God! Thank God you're back!" Snow said out loud, passing baby Neal to David and walking to Regina's direction.
"I'm sorry for that, Snow. I was just surprised."
"So I guess we've succeeded then" said Henry coming to give her mother a hug.
"I guess you did." Regina answered, giving her son a hug and a kiss.
"Happy birthday, mom" He said, still tangled in her arms
"Thank you, Henry. Really, It means a lot to me" She smiled and let go of him.
"Happy birthday, Regina" Snow White said, with a lovingly grin on her face.
Regina squirmed at the thought of hugging her. It still felt so strange and out of place, she couldn't make herself do it. Her heart aching at this realization, that their relationship was so broken it couldn't mend that quickly. Snow felt it too, and both women's eyes watered as they smiled at each other, trading silent confidences that only the both of them could know. There was love there, but it was too torn to come out just yet.
"Thank you" she said almost as a whisper "It's really very kind of you"
"My pleasure." Snow answered and gave her one last smile before turning to take her baby again.
"Happy birthday, Regina." Said David, and there it was. The resentment still lingered in his voice. She knew he wasn't over it yet, and she couldn't blame him. It seemed like she would have to give it time to win his trust.
She thanked the prince and then heard Emma:
"Hey"
"Hey", she answered
"Happy birthday" she said with that stupid cute smile again.
"Thank you"
Emma wanted to give her a hug but couldn't do it. She didn't know where their friendship stood just yet. Were they ready to this kind of affection? She could hug Elsa or Ruby at any time but Regina was a different story. She wasn't sure so she would let it pass this time.
"Sure." She said, instead. "Wanna have a drink? Of course we don't have your apple cider but we do have whiskey and wine"
"Wine would be great, thank you"
As Emma went to grab the drinks, a few other people came over to congratulate her. Dr Hopper, Belle, even Ruby Lucas… Some other didn't bother. She understood they might be there because of Snow White and she decided not bother with that, she couldn't ask anything from these people.
"Mom! Neal still didn't give you a birthday kiss!" Henry stated approaching her with his baby uncle in his arms
"Oh Henry, I think it's much inappropriate…" Regina tensed at the thought of holding a baby, Snow White's baby, after so many years.
"Nah… Grandma said it's okay, that she wants him to know you. Plus, my arms are tired and I can't hold him any longer" he staged failing to hold the baby so his mother had no other choice other than to hold him herself.
"There you go. Phew! Thanks mom" he left, dramatically rubbing his arm.
"Ok. Alright. Hi… Hello there…" she said awkwardly, trying to get comfortable with that scenario. "Hello baby Charming… Aren't you heavy, huh? And… cute" she stated, looking into his big blue eyes and feeling his soft little hands grabbing her hair.
She started to swing him from side to side and before Snow could warn her that he had just been fed, he burped and started to let go of a whole lot of milk right into her blouse.
"Oh my God! I'm so sorry about that!" Snow came rushing into her rescue, taking him from Regina's arms and giving her a towel to clean it.
"Trust one Charming member to ruin my clothes" She said while trying to wipe it off.
"I'm sorry, Regina" Snow said, feeling hurt by the comment.
"I know. I'm sorry too. It was an accident" she said and Snow couldn't put her finger on it and say if she was talking about little Neal's posseting or about their own past.
"Eeeeew! So you're one of his victims now?" Emma asked when she saw the scene
"It appears I am."
"That's ok, you can borrow a blouse from me"
"Sorry, dear, I don't do flannel"
"Good thing I have a couple of satin ones, then"
"Indeed. But I guess you would be returning them, not lending."
"Whatever. Come"
She followed Emma to her bedroom, feeling a little awkward with the situation. She waited by the door as Emma called from inside
"Come on! Come inside! I still have to find it!"
"How come?" She asked stepping inside the bedroom and was startled with Emma's mess that she called a wardrobe.
"Yeah, it's in here somewhere…"
"I'm sure it is. Unless it went to Narnia, of course."
"Ha! Ha! I had no idea you liked fantasy movies"
"I don't. But I watched it with Henry."
"I figured…"
"You know, Emma. Just… forget about it. It might be with Aslan by now…"
"Will you stop? I know it's in.. OH! Found it!" She exclaimed, pulling the blue satin blouse by the sleeve, just to retrieve a very wrinkled, very damaged piece of clothing that once belonged to Regina's neat collection.
"What did you do to it?"
"Sorry, I don't do satin. Often" She answered handing the blouse to it's former owner.
"I can't wear that!"
"Ohhhh come on!" Emma took it from her and marched to the laundry room to iron it.
After a few minutes she returned and handed it back to Regina
"Better?"
Regina studied the blouse and stated: "Your ironing skills are just as lacking as your organizing ones"
"Okay. You can give it back to me and keep this lovely cheese smell you're sporting right now"
"Give me this" Regina took the blouse from Emma's hands, surely giving it a few new wrinkles.
After a couple of minutes she emerged from the bathroom with the silk badly-ironed blouse.
"You look nice"
"I can hardly believe it. But thank you"
"No problem. Here, I wanted to give you this." Emma handed her a small gift wrapped box.
"Oh. You didn't have to"
"But I wanted"
"Alright, then… Thank you" She proceeded to open it.
After what looked like an eternity to Emma, Regina managed to perfectly open the gift without tearing the paper.
She gently opened the box and found a pen inside.
"Oh! Thank you. I… hum… never had one?" Regina said puzzled by Emma's choice of gift.
"I wanted to give you something special. And I thought… Since we're on this quest to write you a new history… a pen would fit. It means you could start writing your own happy ending" She grinned like an idiot, while Regina stared at her with wide eyes, trying to hide so many emotions bubbling up inside her. "Ohhh it's lame, just… give it back to me, I'll return it."
"No… I won't. It's mine. One can never have too many pens." She said, smiling. And put it gently back into the box and held onto it like a treasure.
By the time they went back to the living room only a few people remained. Baby Neal was asleep; David was watching TV and Snow were saying goodbyes at the doorstep.
"I guess I should get going as well…" Regina said, watching the clock.
"Noooo… it's still early!" Henry said, but a yawn just fell from his mouth
"Yes, I can see that" Regina smiled and gave his cheek a squeeze.
"Ouch! Mom!"
"It's late and you should go to bed. Don't bother coming home today. You should rest. Actually, you all should." And with a twist of her wrist all the party remains were clean and in place.
"Wow! Thank you! You really didn't have to, Regina" Snow thanked her while dark circles started to show beneath her eyes.
"No problem. It's the least I can do. Thank YOU for everything. It was really lovely" She said and marched to the door.
"Goodnight, Regina. Happy birthday" Snow said, happy with how it went. Sure to have made progress with her step-mother.
"Goodnight."
She walked down the stairs slowly this time, thinking about her evening. About Snow White's grin, about baby Neal's hands, about Henry's excitement, about Emma's dedication… She could physically feel the love emanating from the loft towards her. She was being given love, and by the people she could least expect it from, that was more than she could ever ask for.
When she reached the street, she was faced with Emma's death trap, a.k.a. her yellow bug.
She stared at it while holding her gift and spotting a few wrinkles on the blouse left by Emma's lack of ironing skills.
All that, the party, the blouse kept for all those years, the gift, all was full of love. She could still feel it.
"You could start writing your own happy ending" Emma had said when she gave her that gift. She then grabbed a small notepad from her purse and her new pen and scribbled something on it.
Before leaving with the certainty that this one was her best birthday yet, she put the little note on Emma's windshield:
"I am already doing it.
Thank You"