Rise of the Guardians (2012) Pitch Meeting
This is a parody of 'Pitch Meeting' by Screen Rant. All characters belong to Screen Rant and Dreamworks
PRODUCER: So you have an animated movie idea for me?
SCREENWRITER: Sir, yes I do. It's called the 'Rise of the Guardians'.
PRODUCER: Sounds great, what is it about?
SCREENWRITER: It's based on this books series called The Guardians of Childhood. Basically, there are these things called Guardians who protect children, and they are powered by belief.
PRODUCER: So how does the movie start?
SCREENWRITER: The movie starts with this dead guy in icy water, and he gets turned into Jack Frost by the Man on the Moon.
PRODUCER: Whose the Man on the Moon?
SCREENWRITER: No idea. So Jack Frost wakes up and realises he's alive, but he doesn't have any memories. But then he finds this staff on the ground which allows him to fly and shoot ice. So he flies to this medieval village.
PRODUCER: I bet the people are going to be shocked to see a flying guy with ice powers.
SCREENWRITER: No, because they can't see him. It's going to be really sad. No one believes in him, so when he tries to talk to people, they just pass through him.
PRODUCER: Wait, they pass through him?
SCREENWRITER: Yes.
PRODUCER: So is he a ghost or a spirit or something?
SCREENWRITER: We are never going to address that in the movie.
PRODUCER: Fair enough. So what happens after that?
SCREENWRITER: The movie skips to the present time.
PRODUCER: Ohh, time skips are tight.
SCREENWRITER: So tight. So we get introduced to the Guardians.
PRODUCER: Who are the Guardians?
SCREENWRITER: They are people who are sworn to protect children. There's the Tooth Fairy, Sandman, the Easter Bunny, Russian Santa Claus
PRODUCER: Russian Santa Claus?
SCREENWRITER: Yes, Russian Santa Claus.
PRODUCER: Shouldn't he be Italian since the historical St Nicholas was from Rome?
SCREENWRITER: Yes, but I want a Russian Santa Claus.
PRODUCER: Fair enough. So what are the other characters like?
SCREENWRITER: Tooth Fairy is gonna be like a colourful bird, Sandman is this kid whose mute and gives people dreams with sand, and the Easter Bunny has an Australian accent, throws boomerangs and hops around.
PRODUCER: So cool.
SCREENWRITER: Very cool. So they come together in Santa's factory because Santa thinks Pitch is planning something against them.
PRODUCER: Whose Pitch?
SCREENWRITER: He's the Boogeyman. He's this British guy whose skin is black, always wears a black suit and he represents fear.
PRODUCER: So we're having a black bad guy?
SCREENWRITER: Yes.
PRODUCER: So what happens during the meeting?
SCREENWRITER: While they're talking, the Man on the Moon tells them that he has chosen a new person to be a Guardian.
PRODUCER: So it's Jack Frost?
SCREENWRITER: It's Jack Frost.
PRODUCER: So what are their reactions?
SCREENWRITER: Most of them are okay with it, but the Easter Bunny hates Jack Frost and says its a bad idea because Jack Frost doesn't care about children.
PRODUCER: But he's wrong?
SCREENWRITER: Actually no.
PRODUCER: What?
SCREENWRITER: You see, Jack likes to do things like make people happy with snow drugs, freezing a kid's tongue and endanger children in the middle of traffic.
PRODUCER: Oh, wow.
SCREENWRITER: Yeah, one kid even loses a tooth.
PRODUCER: And this is the good guy?
SCREENWRITER: Yes.
PRODUCER: Why?
SCREENWRITER: Because he makes jokes.
PRODUCER: Ohh, making jokes does prove you're a good person. So how do they recruit Jack?
SCREENWRITER: They send the Easter Bunny to talk to him, and then a couple of Santa's Yetis shove him into a bag and throw him into a magic portal that leads to Santa's factory.
PRODUCER: So they send the only guy who hates him and then kidnap him?
SCREENWRITER: Yes.
PRODUCER: I imagine he's not gonna say yes to that.
SCREENWRITER: No, he doesn't. But then Santa gives him this talk about his centre which is Wonder, because when he makes toys he creates wonder in kids. And then he asks Jack what his centre is, but Jack doesn't know.
PRODUCER: So what happens next?
SCREENWRITER: The Easter Bunny comes and says that there is trouble at Tooth Palace, which is where the Tooth Fairy lives, so Jack and the Guardians quickly rush to Tooth Palace.
PRODUCER: Why is Jack coming along?
SCREENWRITER: Because he likes Santa's sleigh.
PRODUCER: Oh, sleighs are tight!
SCREENWRITER: So tight. So Santa throws a snow glove that opens a portal to Tooth Palace, but it's too late because there are these black sand horse monsters that kidnap all the Tooth Fairy's little helpers called Baby Tooth. And then Pitch is there too and he's going to tell them about how without the little helpers, they can't collect the children's teeth and so when the children wake up, they won't believe in the tooth fairy anymore.
PRODUCER: Why is that bad?
SCREENWRITER: Well, for Guardians, if children stop believing in any one of them, then all of them start losing their powers.
PRODUCER: Wait, if only one Guardian doesn't get believed in, they all lose their powers?
SCREENWRITER: Yes.
PRODUCER: Sounds like a bad system.
SCREENWRITER: It is. And then Pitch reveals that those black horse monsters are actually made from Sandman's dream sand, which he can turn into nightmares. And then he tells them he's doing this because he's jealous of the Guardians. You see, he used to be super powerful during the Dark Ages when everyone was afraid of him, but then the Guardians came along and no one believed in him anymore.
PRODUCER: So he wants to believed in too?
SCREENWRITER: Yes.
PRODUCER: So why doesn't he try talking to the Guardians about letting him have Halloween?
SCREENWRITER: No idea. So then Pitch escapes and the Tooth Fairy is sad because Pitch stole the teeth too.
PRODUCER: Why does he steal the teeth?
SCREENWRITER: Because they represent children's memories.
PRODUCER: But why though?
SCREENWRITER: Because Jack's memories got stolen too and I needed a reason to get Jack to work together with them.
PRODUCER: Fair enough. So what do they do?
SCREENWRITER: They decide that they are going to collect the teeth themselves so that children won't stop believing in the Tooth Fairy.
PRODUCER: There are billions of children throughout the world, I bet that's gonna be hard.
SCREENWRITER: No, super easy barely an inconvenience. You see Santa delivers presents in every house around the world in one night, so the Guardians can actually work super fast. In fact, they are going to do it so easily that there's going to be this funny sequence where they compete with each other who can get the most teeth. And then they're going to accidentally wake up this kid named Jamie.
PRODUCER: Uh-huh.
SCREENWRITER: And then Bunny tells Sandman to quickly put him to sleep.
PRODUCER: Why?
SCREENWRITER: What?
PRODUCER: But I thought the problem was that children would stop believing in them.
SCREENWRITER: Yes.
PRODUCER: So why would they be quiet? Wouldn't they wake up more kids so that they won't stop believing in them?
SCREENWRITER: Because
PRODUCER: Fair enough. So what happens next?
SCREENWRITER: Sandman is going to accidentally put the other Guardians except Jack to sleep. And then Jack spots one of Pitch's fear monsters passing by.
PRODUCER: So Jack wakes up the other Guardians so they can chase it together?
SCREENWRITER: No, Jack and Sandman go alone. And they end up being ambushed by Pitch and his fear monsters.
PRODUCER: Oh dear.
SCREENWRITER: Yeah, and then the other Guardians wake up and quickly come to help them, but then Pitch kills Sandman.
PRODUCER: Oh, no.
SCREENWRITER: Oh, no indeed. So they go back to Santa's factory and find out that because Sandman is dead, children are quickly losing belief in them. But the Easter Bunny says that he can still make things better because Easter is coming. So he needs all the guardians to work together on Easter as it is their last chance to make sure children won't stop believing in them.
PRODUCER: So what does he do?
SCREENWRITER: He brings the Guardians back to his hideout and reveals these sentient eggs that have little legs on them and then there is a big sequence where all the eggs get coloured.
PRODUCER: Wait, sentient eggs that have legs?
SCREENWRITER: Yeah, it's gonna be super cute.
PRODUCER: It actually sounds creepy.
SCREENWRITER: No it's not. And then they're gonna be surprised by Sophie.
PRODUCER: Sophie?
SCREENWRITER: Yeah, she's Jamie's little sister, and it turns out that earlier when they were asleep in Jamie's house, Sophie took one of Santa's snow globes and opened a portal to there by accident.
PRODUCER: So Santa opens a portal to bring her back home?
SCREENWRITER: No, Jack says he's going to fly Sophie back to her house.
PRODUCER: But don't they need him for Easter though?
SCREENWRITER: Yes, but Jack says he's going to be quick.
PRODUCER: They can't have anything less risky, like Santa's Yetis take care of Sophie first then they bring her back after Easter is done?
SCREENWRITER: You think so, but they just never do that.
PRODUCER: Alright then. So Jack brings Sophie to her house then comes right back?
SCREENWRITER: No, he's going to get sidetracked because he heard a familiar voice coming from a hole under this scary looking bed.
PRODUCER: Then he runs away because it's obviously a trap?
SCREENWRITER: No, he follows it. It turns out to be Pitch's hideout and he finds the teeth all piled in one place, so he starts looking through it to look for his memories, but then Pitch comes.
PRODUCER: Oh no. So what does Pitch do?
SCREENWRITER: He says a speech about how Jack's greatest fear is that he is afraid he'll never know why he was chosen as a Guardian and then he gives Jack his memories back.
PRODUCER: Awfully nice of him.
SCREENWRITER: Yes it is, but it's too late.
PRODUCER: What?
SCREENWRITER: You see, Pitch was stalling him, so without Jack, Pitch managed to destroy all the eggs and Easter was ruined.
PRODUCER: Oh no.
SCREENWRITER: Yeah, and then the Guardians gets super angry so Jack flies off super shameful.
PRODUCER: So where does he go?
SCREENWRITER: He goes to some frozen wasteland super mad at himself and as he's brooding Pitch comes.
PRODUCER: And then they fight?
SCREENWRITER: For a little while, but then they accidentally create this giant sculpture made of black and ice and Pitch says they should work together because he knows what it's like to be alone like Jack. But Jack says he doesn't want to be feared by children so Pitch reveals he has one of the Baby Tooth as hostage.
PRODUCER: So he blackmails Jack into working with him?
SCREENWRITER: No. Pitch asks Jack to give him his staff and then he breaks it in half.
PRODUCER: Oh no.
SCREENWRITER: Yeah. And then Pitch throws Jack into a pit and since he can't fly without the staff, he's stuck there.
PRODUCER: So what happens next?
SCREENWRITER: Jack has nothing to do so he looks into his teeth to find his memories and then he remembers how he became a Guardian. You see, he had a little sister and he always played a lot of games with her, so when he died, the Man on the Moon turned him into Jack Frost as a representative of fun. So Jack finds out why he became a Guardian and then he realises he needs to go back and help the other Guardians as soon as possible.
PRODUCER: I bet that's gonna be super hard to do.
SCREENWRITER: No, super easy, barely an inconvenience. Jack just puts his staff back together and then his powers are back.
PRODUCER: Wait, I thought Pitch took away his staff.
SCREENWRITER: Yeah, but then he was like 'it's broken anyway so you can have it back'.
PRODUCER: He didn't think of taking it away in case Jack could fix it?
SCREENWRITER: No.
PRODUCER: He's not very smart.
SCREENWRITER: So Jack finds out all the children in the world have stopped believing in all the Guardians except Jamie. So he goes to Jamie's house and convinces him to continue believing in the Easter Bunny by using ice magic, and then Jamie suddenly believes Jack Frost exists.
PRODUCER: Super convenient of him.
SCREENWRITER: Yes it is. So now that he can see Jack, he takes them to the other Guardians, who are super weak now, because almost no one believes in them.
PRODUCER: Okay.
SCREENWRITER: And then Pitch comes to attack Jamie, so Jack goes to fight Pitch while the Guardians get Jamie to safety, but Pitch is super strong now so he beats Jack easily.
PRODUCER: So what do they do?
SCREENWRITER: They decide to go get Jamie's friends and they manage to convince them that all the Guardians exist, so now more people believe in them.
PRODUCER: Okay.
SCREENWRITER: So now they have like 7 kids believing in them, but they're still not powerful enough and so, Pitch sends this whole tsunami of black sand against them and he's like 'Do you believe in the Boogieman? But then Jamie is like 'I do believe in you. I'm just not afraid.' And then when the sand touches them it just disappears.
PRODUCER: Disappears?
SCREENWRITER: Or gets purified or something, it's not clear. So anyway, all the Guardian's powers come back and Sandman comes back to life.
PRODUCER: Sandman's alive? How?
SCREENWRITER: Because
PRODUCER: Fair enough.
SCREENWRITER: So they beat Pitch and then Sandman spreads his sand around the world to bring back dreams, so the kids are gonna have super fun. But then Pitch comes back and he's like "How dare you have fun in front of me?" but the kids walk through him because they don't believe in him anymore.
PRODUCER: Wait, but I thought the whole deal was that they did believe he exists but they weren't afraid of him.
SCREENWRITER: Oh, whoops.
PRODUCER: Whoopsie.
SCREENWRITER: And then Pitch is going to be attacked by his own fear monsters and then the movie ends with Jack becoming a Guardian. So what do you think?
PRODUCER: I think it's awesome. We are gonna make a lot of money from this. We're gonna have super expensive 3D animation, I've hired great actors like Chris Pine, Isla Fisher, Wolverine…
SCREENWRITER: You mean Hugh Jackman?
PRODUCER: Yes, it's gonna be super awesome. There's no way this movie is gonna fail.
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