IMPORTANT

Hey, so I tried to write a fanfiction with basically the same premise, but **SPOILERS FOR CURRENT MANGA CHAPTER** then the Shinsengumi got disbanded, making Okita not a policeman, which kinda' hindered my story. I decided to wait until the arc was over, but that doesn't look like it's going to happen soon (I think Kamui's punch made Nobunobu go a bit mental), so I'm writing it in the current position of the manga.

CURRENTLY, CHAPTER 527 IS OUT. Okita is currently homeless and is being attacked by ronin. Kagura, supposedly on a walk with Sadaharu, knocks a few of them out. This is where I'm picking up from. SHALL 528 COME OUT AND DECLARE EVENTS UNCANONICAL, PLEASE IGNORE THAT AS I'D LIKE TO NOT WASTE TIME ADAPTING MY STORY. (I also want to write this while my idea may still be relevant)

The prologue will be in Okita's perspective, afterwards, it should be all Kagura's perspective unless I change my mind.

PROLOGUE : If You Stick Your Nose in Where it's Not Supposed to be, You're Bound to Smell Something Fierce

"Tch." 'Cornered by some nobodies while I wasn't bothering anyone… Everyone knows we've been disbanded, so what's their motive? Revenge?" I prepared to defend myself when I heard the sound of multiple bodies collapsing and getting the wind kicked out of them.

Behind me stood a tremendous dog and an orange haired girl, looking rather apathetic. "Outta my way. You are blocking my way, yes?"

"Wh-Who are you?!"

"No one important." She huffed and continued strutting my way.

"Get her too then!" the men cried behind her, running for her exposed back.

"Hey, don't come here causing trouble for me by not watching your own back," I sneered to her as I quickly unsheathed my sword and sliced them open. They all fell to the ground with a unified gurgle of a last breath. I heard a thumping noise behind me and turned my head.

"I could say the same for you, uh-huh." Her arm was outstretched, umbrella in hand. There was a handful of men before her, freshly collapsed on the ground.

"Don't hesitate! Just get them both at once!" one commanded.

"Right!" they all responded, slowly closing in on us.

The China girl and I both took a step back and pressed our backs against one another. We both slung our weapons over our right shoulders. The gunpoint of her umbrella almost clipped my hair.

I glanced at her over my shoulder. "Hey, hey, look at this now. You know I'm not a police officer anymore, right? If you get into the slave trade somehow, it's not my responsibility anymore," I warned her.

"Heh. Are you really concerned about losing to this small lot?" she shot back. "I have no intention of losing to a few washed up ronin, uh-huh."

"Tch. Looks like they picked the wrong fight then." I brought back my attention to the mob before me.

They seemed to be staring at me. Most of them broke a sweat, as if they were reconsidering this small attack.

"Listen, all of you. If you know who I am then you've clearly done your homework and know that I'm the best swordsman in the Shinsengumi. But now I have an ally. She isn't strong, but she's one hell of a meat shield."

"Huuh?! Take that back, you bastard!"

"Are you alright with cutting up your sex slave? Doesn't that make the value go down?"

"You're the only one implying anything about prostitution here, yes?! Quit it or I'll switch sides and pummel you, uh-huh!"

I sighed. "But what's the hesitation? China, do you think they'd wait this long to attack us if they didn't have something up their sleeves?"

"Well my share is all knocked out, so I wouldn't know, uh-huh."

"Huh? Really?" I deadpanned and turned around.

True to her word, the whole mob looked collapsed with that demon dog of hers in the far end of the alley wagging its gigantic tail with a blood-stained face to match.

"You never said I had to wait for you, uh-huh."

I turned back to my side and they were all running away; they didn't get too far though.

"This is bad! This is really bad!" one shouted.

'There's my target...' I thought to myself and sprinted at the source of the voice, pinning him to the side of a wall before he could tell what was going on. "Isn't it your lucky day? Only one man needs to be alive to be an effective messenger."

"D-Don't tell me… you're going to kill every last one of them?"

"That's too much of a pain in the ass," I proclaimed as I held up my sword to his neck, "so one will do."

"H-How is it my lucky day then? How?!" He started squirming desperately. "I thought I was the messenger!"

"You get the privilege of being my messenger… to Satan himself."

"HELP MEE! Someone, anyone come back and help me!" he cried as I pressed the sword further into his neck until it was about to break skin.

"Now… You're going to tell me who sent you and what-" I stopped mid sentence at the feeling of something metal being pressed up against the back of my head, and it certainly wasn't a sword. I lifted my chin. "What's this? I'm being double crossed?"

"I can't double cross you if I was never on your side in the first place, uh-huh." Her voice was unusually deadpan; the tone it became when she was only completely serious.

I reluctantly let go of my almost-victim and he ran away, so shaken with fear that he almost stumbled to the ground a few times. I could hear his wailing echo down the alley even when he was out of sight. "What do you want, brat?"

She brought her umbrella down from my head. "Answers."

I turned and faced her just as her dog sat itself next to her, staring at me with this innocent face that read as "bloodlust" for some reason.

"It's been a few weeks since Shigeshige-chan was assassinated," she relayed, still exercising the permission the former Shogun gave us to call him by his name. "Before that time, Soyo-chan told me you were put into the hospital because of a fight you had." She looked me dead in the eyes. "Who was it with?"

I raised an eyebrow at her. 'Does she have some kind of connection with that yato I fought on the ship?' "Just some guy," I answered indifferently. "Is that all you wanted?"

"What was his name?"

"Beats me."

"What was he doing there?"

"Beats me."

"What did he look like?!"

"Hm…" I smirked at her and took up a mocking tone. "You know, being homeless really gets to a guy, you know? I think I'm just so starving that I can't even remember things straight. You'll help me, right? You'll buy me a five course meal, riiiight?"

A vein popped on her head and she pouted, balling her fists. Groaning, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small cardboard box. She ungratefully pulled out the contents and crushed it in her fist, letting the debris fall to the ground.

A flake-like substance with an unattractive green hue fluttered to the ground, settling down like crushed leaves. They looked like sukonbu crumbs…

"You'll get more after you cooperate, yes?" she said, holding up four more boxes to prove her word.

"... Hey, China. Do I look like a damn pigeon to you? How do you expect me to eat this crap?"

"Crap?! Take that back, uh-huh!" She pressed her umbrella into my chest and pushed me to the back of the building.

"Give me a break… first I get a run-in with some bunk samurai and now I have to deal with a little girl on PMS," I sighed. I unsheathed my sword again and pointed it at her. My arm's length wasn't enough to reach her since her umbrella was longer, but she seemed to get the message. "I'm not really in the fight mood, so just make this quick, alright? If I'm late the garbage man will come and empty out that dumpster by that fancy restaurant."

She lowered her umbrella and I my sword. "I suppose it's true what they say… you are what you eat, uh-huh."

I crossed my arms impatiently. "Well?"

"I'm going to repeat myself one more time, yes? Who did you fight? Give me all the details you remember."

"He was a yato with orange hair and a braid," I recalled. "He seemed to rank high in the Harusame, as he was giving orders. That's really all I know."

"And he knocked you out cold?"

I frowned. "I held my ground and even put a number on him. What ended our fight was an explosion on the ship," I recalled, "or at least I think so. My mind is hazy around that point. It feels like yesterday, but that was around twenty chapters ago. What is that, five months?"

"What? It can't be, uh-huh? This arc has been going on for that long?" She stepped back and looked at her right palm, then clenching it into a fist and turning her arm over. "So you haven't met him before then, yes?"

I narrowed my eyes. 'She knows him...' "As far as I know, there's no police record of the guy. I've been looking for him ever since, but why are you?"

She turned away from me. "Hmph. I'm not." She began to walk away. "Go eat your trash, or whatever!" she called back without a care in the world. Her umbrella opened up, blocking my view of the back of her head, and her dog began to follow her.

I stared at her back. 'It can't be… are they related?' I wondered. 'But that'd be too convenient.. The only similarity I see between them is the orange hair.' I turned. 'What's on your mind, China?'

THE END (of the prologue, please don't leave… unless you're reading this when only the prologue was out)

Yep, so tell me how I did on the Gintama humor since I'm always looking for ways to improve.

I'm not a fan of japanese language in english works, but I replaced all the "oi's" and "aru's" and it feels a bit off, so I'm going to keep honorifics in.

Next chapter switches to Kagura's perspective, so look forward to that.

Thanks for reading, following, favoriting, reviewing, or whatever else you're going to do. Keep procrastinating and disappointing your teachers!

-Is Not Doing Homework