Explaining Death
A/N: Yes… I'm beating up Bucky… again. I love tragedy! I love angst! Can't get enough (thank you Thegraytigress for fulfilling some of that). Also, I know Bucky is not in Avengers:Age of Ultron, but I'm putting him in there because…. Well… Bucky! I'm being like Marvel: he's "died" at least 3 times in the comics and come back. Why not one more? (Blending the Comic Universe of Fear Itself, Age of Ultron and Winter Soldier with the MCU). Oh and what the heck… let's throw in Dr. Strange too. By the way—"conveniently" bending some scientific principles for sake of story telling, that's why it's fiction.
The coppery metallic scent of blood filled his nose; his blood. Pillowing his head on his right forearm, James felt with every slowing heartbeat his blood trickling out of his body from his injuries. Face down in the rubble, eyes closed, his body draped across the riprap after the explosion, he was too weak to move. Please… if I'm going to die for real this time, let me do it before Steve gets here, he thought cynically. I don't want to have to explain this to him.
Pain was no stranger. At this point in his unnaturally long life, it seemed pain was the only lover he had because she was constantly with him. Her tantalizing fingers worked her way meticulously through his body from his gaping wounds, softly, pulsing with his slowing heart, calling him to let go finally. Oddly, he felt relaxed as his life ebbed away into the broken rock beneath him. The energy blast had caught him by surprise but it shouldn't have. Steve told him not to go off on his own to engage the robots allied with Ultron. The robot minion, in the process of going berserk decided to bring a building down upon James. Luckily, Bucky had gotten all the civilians out just in time before the bolt hit him and the structure.
Imagine me, listening to Steve like a good boy, he thought, smiling in his head. We've never listened to good advice from anyone, especially each other.
Bucky could feel his soul beating within his body like a startled bird in a cage, trying to find a way out of his mortal shell begging to be free. I always wondered what was on the other side, he thought distractedly. The sound he heard suddenly diverted his thoughts from his apparent end: Iron Man's power suit landing nearby. Come to gloat, Barnes thought darkly almost wishing he had the strength to turn over and fight him, or finish me off? Barnes tolerated Tony, finding his ego too much despite his amazing brains. When Tony not-so-vaguely hinted that Bucky had killed the Starks when he was the Winter Soldier, that soured things further. One of many reasons why he an Rogers didn't live in the Avengers Tower.
"Barnes?" the hooded voice of Tony Stark reached him as the metal boots crunched over the crumbled destruction.
Bucky couldn't answer.
"Oh hell." was Stark's next comment, kneeling at the side of Barnes.
J.A.R.V.I.S.'s voice filled the helmet, "Seargent Barnes is still alive, according to my scan, but just barely, sir."
"I can see that J.A.R.V.I.S." Tony spat back but glad J.A.R.V.I.S. was still functioning for him and not Ultron. Only two outcomes to this scenario were spinning in his brain: either Bucky dies here and Steve never, ever forgives him or he saves Bucky and is eternally grateful and maybe, just maybe help erase the red marks on his own ledger from his hand in Ultron's creation. Could it really be that easy? The dark side of Tony sneered, of course not you idiot. You're no doc and Rogers is no fool.
Please don't die now, so I don't have to explain this to Steve, Tony thought quickly, slightly afraid.
"Stark?" a woman's cautious voice called from behind some wrecked cars, "Is that you?"
"Natasha! C'mere!" Stark looked up suddenly to find the red haired assassin running toward him at breakneck speed over the rubble.
"Bucky!" she gasped, seeing the fallen Barnes in a bloody heap on the ground.
"We need to get him to… a hospital. Something!" Tony said feeling the edges of panic in his voice rising. His PTSD began to crank up exponentially like a pressure gauge on an autoclave. Swallowing hard, he shoved it down in his consciousness.
"Is he…?" Natasha asked tried not to think the possibility that he was gone.
"No. Not yet. Help me!" Tony flipped up his facemask; his brown eyes blood shot and a tremor in his voice. Suddenly the idea that his parent's alleged murderer getting justice served didn't seem so appetizing. What was that expression, "Revenge is a dish best served cold?" he thought rapidly and it left him with a sour taste.
"Turn him over…. Gently!" Natasha scolded as Tony gingerly lifted the wounded Barnes.
"Oh God." Tony breathed. Natasha sucked her breath in disbelief. Bucky's abdomen looked like hamburger soaked in crimson. Both of them had to look away; Stark wretched to the side. A small exhalation that might have passed for a hiss of pain came from James.
He couldn't see, but he could hear and feel. Barnes' brain twisted with the agony, fire lancing at his guts like ground glass pressing on flesh as Tony flipped him over. James wanted to scream but lacked the strength. Trying desperately to block the suffering he waited in vain to fully pass out or die.
"There's no way… just… I can't fly him… Nowhere to take him." Stark began to mutter to himself as he surveyed the gore. Mr. Fix it couldn't fix this.
Natasha ignored him looking around the wreckage of the street intersection, her own mind a haze of confusion, "Where's Thor?"
"He's … I don't know." Tony looked up at her from the ground.
"Is Hul- I mean Banner anywhere?" she asked, her gaze like ice.
"The Scarlet Witch has him under her control. I couldn't beat him with my Hulkbuster armor. I had to eject." Tony's voice found a hard note to it recalling the battle and losing his tech.
"And Steve?" Natasha waivered slightly saying Rogers's name. Bucky was all ears as his wounds throbbed like hot pokers and his blood still obeying gravity flowing towards the ground like rivulets of a spring rain.
"I …dunno. I found his shield…. Broken in half. " Tony remarked coming out of his overstimulation moment. His eyes met Natasha's who gave him a look of pure horror at what that could mean for Cap.
Bucky's heart almost stopped. His shield? Shattered?
"But let's stop roll call and get something done, or we're digging a grave." Stark finished.
Bucky's soul froze as he thought with panic, Is Steve dead too? Or is he lying somewhere like me?
Natasha looked at the mangled form of Barnes and inhaled slowly to clear her mind. There was no hospital, no doctors that they could get to fast enough before Bucky was bled out. They had maybe a half an hour, and that was pushing it. Fury had given Bucky his last infinity formula injection after the Serpent, but was it enough to save his life? Closing her eyes, she rubbed the back of her neck and then looked across the street. A restaurant was in a relatively undamaged building across the street that still had power. "Tony, do you know anything about refrigeration?"
"Of course, Red." He looked gruffly at her as if she suggested he couldn't so something simple like count or read. "A lot of quantum mechanics use super cooled materials. I know it like the back of my hand!"
"Well, then I need you to make me a cryochamber." Her gaze was imperturbable, "In less than half an hour." She ignored Stark's ostentatious protests that he'd need more than thirty minutes to do a half decent job.
Looking down again at the broken form of Bucky she thought sorrowfully I'm so sorry, it's the only way to save your life, любимая . * beloved
Bucky couldn't believe his ears but was helpless to intervene, NO, don't put me back on ice! Nat, NO!
When Stark finished, the container was the salad bar, which would just barely fit a fully-grown man, wrapped in the cooling pipes from the walk-in freezer. Tony had pulled off the glass panels and lighting so it looked simply like a stainless steel coffin. Natasha swallowed hard as Tony gently laid the seemingly unconscious, barely alive Barnes into the jerry-rigged device.
The pipes were still circulating the liquid ammonia and J.A.R.V.I.S. did the math reassuring both Stark and Natasha that it could reach temperatures low enough to send Bucky into cryogenic sleep.
Romanov leaned down and kissed Bucky's cold, pale forehead brushing away some bloodstained hair, whispering, "I'm sorry. It's the only way to save you. I can't let you go without trying."
Standing back up, Stark placed the repurposed glass panels over Barnes and then flipped a makeshift switch. The pumps of the freezer began to work in a soft whooshing sound, circulating the ammonia. Frost began to form on the steel and improvised glass cover. Bucky's lips turned blue. He stopped breathing.
"We have reached the final temperature." J.A.R.V.I.S. intoned.
Both Tony and Natasha stood there silently, reverently, not sure if they just killed Steve Rogers' best friend.
"You did what?!" Steve slammed the table with an angry fist, blue eyes blazing. His uniform was caked in blood, some his, and dust. It was ripped in several places and his shield lay in fragments on the table.
Regrouping at the underground facility that Fury had convalesced in after the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., Natasha stood her ground with Tony behind her. Notably absent from the Avenger group was Banner, Thor and Clint.
"Steve, we had no choice." Natasha reasoned, hands flying wide in explanation. Her green eyes, suddenly growing moist after a long and stressful day, were pleading, "There was only two of us and no medical aide anywhere!" Hardening her voice she continued, "You'd have rather he died?"
Rogers inhaled a huge breath and then exhaling, rubbing his face with his hands as if he could wash away the terrors of the day, "No." he said then again, his voice softer, "no."
"I'm not sure about one thing, though." Stark interjected with his trademark arrogant tone that he always hid his fears behind, "And I'm not sure how to explain it." Natasha cut him a look to be quiet.
Steve looked at him sternly, "What is that?" his voice could cut glass. Rogers still was waiting for Stark to redeem himself after setting Ultron upon the world.
"Bucky may be dead anyway. We only cooled his body to cryogenic levels." Tony said casually, "I didn't have all the chemicals and drugs that the Russians used on him during his sleep periods."
Rogers again inhaled trying to be the bigger man. Through gritted teeth he replied, "You tried and I thank you for that." Stark looked somewhat relieved then Cap became deadly quiet and said in a tight voice, "Take me to him."
What is this? Some perverted Snow White? Steve thought incredulously when they brought him to the gutted restaurant. "Bucky." Steve managed to exhale quietly from holding his breath, hands lightly resting on the salad bar glass top like he was paying his last respects. His guts twisted like a wrung dishcloth to see his friend entombed in cold again. A hint of tears collected in Steve's eyes but he blinked them away. Bucky is a fighter. He would make it through this too, just like every other scrape he'd been in, Cap thought fiercely, narrowing his eyes. The flashlight shined upon the makeshift cooler casting eerie light upon the improvised cryochamber. Turning his head away in anguish, Rogers began to have memories of Barnes' Russian files showing the frozen Winter Soldier. I just got him back…the thought trailed through his mind like a sad song. Snapping out of it, he looked sharply at the other two Avengers, "How long has he been like this?"
"Almost an hour. We had to stabilize the cooler. Now we have to find a doctor." Natasha replied gently. Trying to repress a shudder, she guarded her own memories of the Red Room and seeing James refrozen when his missions were complete. The sight of him sickened her as much as Steve, but it was the only way to try and save his life.
"Ok, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist." Steve looked at Stark with dark, hooded eyes and venom in his voice, "Where are we going to find that doctor?"
"I think I know just the right guy for this situation." Tony almost smiled, holding Rogers' unyielding gaze, trying not to glance at the frozen Barnes out of guilt.
Stephen Strange appeared unlike a Sorcerer Supreme should, quietly without fanfare. His black cape swirled around his tall, thin frame like a living shadow. Rogers blinked in double take noticing how he and Tony had an uncanny resemblance, except for the white streaks through the wizard's jet hair. The air around the man seemed to electrify as if the very elements of the earth were humbled by the sorcerers' presence. Looking down his prominent nose, he spoke calmly with a touch of disdain, "Why do you call me here? I am no longer in the service of the Avengers."
Tony straightened up in his suit feeling some competition for biggest ego in the room, "Well, once an Avenger, always an Avenger. In our club, you keep the jackets, "Tony quipped extending a hand to the sorcerer, "Dr. Strange, an honor. Tony Stark, Stark Industries."
"I know who you are." Strange sniffed ignoring Tony's handshake, glancing tentatively at Barnes in the makeshift cooler, " I know who all of you are."
"Then lets stop beating around the bush here." Cap interjected, visibly annoyed, "We need help curing my friend."
"Ah, the noble patriot soldier." Stephen replied, "You and I share a great deal. We've lived exceptionally long lives." Moving to Barnes' side near Natasha, he looked down at Bucky laying in stasis. "Clever you were to freeze him." Strange complimented gently, "But perhaps you are fighting forces that were not meant to be conquered."
"What do you mean?" Rogers asked, leaning forward in irritation.
"Every life has a time. Every life has a purpose." Dr. Strange mused to himself, pulling his withered hands across the frosted glass Bucky's frozen wounds bright red underneath, "And I do believe your friend here has reached the end of his."
"STARK!" Steve raged pivoting to face Tony, his nerves about to break, "What kind of quack did you bring here?" Tony shrank back slightly; this was not the expected result he had calculated. Stark had forgotten how obtuse Strange could be at times. Cap turned to Stephen like a tsunami of emotion, "My best friend is dying. Maybe dead." Rogers' breath was heaving in his chest like he had run a marathon. Strange regarded him with an aloof stare. "This man has sacrificed his life, his future for me and hundreds of others. There is no other human on Earth more worthy of saving than him. So whoever the hell you are or whatever powers you wield, I need you to save my friend. No matter what the universe is telling you. You are not God."
"Such a noble speech." Strange regarded him almost scornfully, "You debate better than most in such a predicament." Strange turned his gaze to Natasha who had yet to speak. "And you, young lady. You have said volumes without uttering a word, unlike your loquacious companions."
Widow's eyes were veiled thinly with unshed tears. Strange turned his expression a few degrees warmer in spite of himself because of her visible emotional pain. He may be Sorcerer Supreme, but he was not cruel.
"I love him." Natasha said faintly, brushing her fingertips over the frosted glass covering Bucky's face as if she was pushing his long hair away from his eyes in sleep. "I think that is a… universal standard." she concluded looking up at the taller man, her lashes dotted with moisture.
Strange leaned away from the trio and regarded them each individually. Keeping his silence he stepped out from the building into the fading light of day.
"He's leaving?" Rogers seethed in disbelief, "What the hell, Tony!"
"I dunno what his deal is!" Tony shot back, "He's always been weird! But I know he can do this for us…if he choses." Tony rubbed his goatee with his gloved hand, "It's just convincing him to do it."
"I'm not leaving my friend's life up to someone else's choice." Steve growled coming inches from Tony's face.
Stark held his ground, wisely staying quiet.
"Boys. Stop fighting. Nick is out there." Natasha cut in, her voice sharp as a knife.
Both men looked toward the broken glass doors to see Strange conversing with Fury. By their body language, it would appear they were convening over coffee and plotting some crazy plan. There was even hint of a smile and laugh between the two men. It was clear that Nick possibly was winning Stephen over to their cause.
"Amazing how that man shows up out of the blue when you need him the most." Widow commented absently, her hand still resting over Barnes' stilled heart only separated by a sheet of iced glass.
Tony and Rogers kept watching the exchange; Tony hoping this would work to redeem himself, and Cap praying that Bucky could be saved because he was not ready to give up his friend just yet.
After what seemed to be eternity, as the sun was setting over the destruction and Ultron's minions didn't return to finish them off, Strange shook hands with Fury and returned to the three Avengers. He was enigmatic as ever as he approached them.
After a silence, Cap spoke up his voice taut, "You and Nick have a nice chat?"
Stephen barely acknowledged the comment, "Mr. Fury and I have much to discuss. Particularly after this debacle." Strange shot Stark a piercing look. Tony swallowed involuntarily.
"Is there a verdict from the 'judge'?" Steve continued, the hard edge still in his voice.
Strange pivoted suddenly towards Rogers as if annoyed by Steve's demands making his cape fly away from him like the dark wing of a bird, "Yes. I will help your friend." All three Avengers exhaled audibly, "But only on one condition. There are events in the future that you are not concerned with but that Mr. Barnes plays a part in. So does Nick Fury." Stephen paused drawing himself up to be most imposing, "So to keep things moving along smoothly, we need Mr. Barnes in good health."
"So he'll—" Tony began.
"Leave us!" Stephen commanded, his eyes harsh, "Except for you, Black Widow."
Natasha looked surprised as the men's expressions soured. "It's ok, guys. I got this." She gave Steve's arm a gentle squeeze with a sympathetic smile. He put his hand over hers, a hurt but 'stay strong' look on his face before he turned to leave.
"We'll be right outside. No funny stuff." Rogers warned over his shoulder.
"I don't do 'funny stuff', Captain Rogers." Strange returned, not looking over his as the two men departed out the broken door into the twilight.
When Stark and Steve had departed, Strange spread his damaged hands on the salad bar cooler glass and looked deeply at Natasha, "Love is a powerful thing. Some of the greatest magic in the universe is made and unmade by it. It is your love for James that we need. Do you understand me?"
"Absolutely." Widow replied, her gaze even, although her heart raced in fear.
"I need you to shut off the refrigerant. I will begin to warm him and work my spell. You will place your hands on his wounds. You must not let go, no matter what occurs." Stephen's tone was grave.
"Not a problem." Natasha responded nonchalantly, reaching below the table and shutting off the ammonia valve. She then removed the glass plates over Barnes.
Strange looked skyward and began an incantation using words in a language Natasha didn't understand. Suddenly, his eyes glowed unnervingly purple as he reached out for her hands. Taking them, Romanov felt a jolt of power surge through her like hot lightening but it didn't hurt. He placed her hands on Bucky's abdomen and it felt like cold, wet meat under her fingers. She fought against the urge to recoil in disgust.
Continuing his spell, Natasha felt the air warm around them appreciably. Looking down at James, she saw the blood thaw, her hands deep in gore and she again had to repress her retching feeling. Stephen's voice rose in pitch and timbre like the waves of the ocean undulating during a storm building power. Oscillations of purple light engulfed them as it became warmer.
They were in the Red Room, sparring alone. No critical overseers watched the deadly dance between man and woman with batons and then fists. Parry, block, counter strike and block, they danced on. Suddenly, he grabbed her wrist trying to make her still. Twisting, threatening to break her bones with her effort, she could not escape his other hand. With both arms in his grasp, the young Widow looked into the eyes of the Winter Soldier. Instead of a coldblooded killer without conscience, she saw in their blue depths the shadow man hiding within the programming. "Natalia Romanova." He whispered tenderly, "I think I am falling in love with you."
No one had ever said that to her before, at least that she could remember. She didn't recall her childhood, her parents or anyone being kind to her. Yet here he was the most dangerous assassin on the planet, being just that; kind.
A small crack appeared in her hardened heart and out came a strange feeling she couldn't recall ever experiencing. It made her stomach all jittery and she felt lightheaded. Trying to suppress it, she averted her gaze from his riveting yet gentle stare. He released her and she stood there, not sure what to do next. Hooking a finger under her chin, he lifted her face to his. Carefully, lovingly, he placed a kiss upon her lips. Closing her eyes, she fell into him, giving into that inkling of a human feeling she had not felt in so long: love.
Natasha's hands began to burn like brands. With a cry of pain she squeezed her eyes shut, keeping her hands where they were recalling Stephen's words. The intensity amplified rapidly as she felt her hands were being scorched off at the wrists by blowtorch. Romanov could feel her own blood joining Barnes' as fire raced up her arms into her body.
Between her agony and Strange's chanting, she dared a glance at Bucky. Watching as his flesh began to knit together by cosmic forces working on the atoms themselves, her chest began to compress as if a great hand was constricting her. Muscle rejoined, holes in organs filled, skin began to stitch together. Pain lanced through Natasha like a power surge and beat her relentlessly as the Sorcerer's voice reached an inhuman pitch. Knees buckling, it became harder and harder to breathe as if someone was squeezing the life from her. Romanov's mind began to shred into pieces as she clung to one thought to keep her upright, I love you. I love you. I love you.
Finding her voice strangled, she repeated the whispered mantra over as and over, clinging to consciousness even as she couldn't breathe anymore. Her vision began to blacken at the edges. Widow was about to pass out.
Finally, everything stopped. Silence and normal light filled the room. Released from the invisible death grip, Natasha gasped for breath simultaneously as James filled his lungs with air. Romanov looked down at Bucky, who gazed back up at her, "Tasha." he whispered.
"Oh God James!" she threw herself over him and held him tight in the stainless steel box.
Strange stood back from the pair, a smug satisfied smile over his lips. Yes, a great Man in the Wall he will become. Too bad they will be separated by this fate. Stephen mused to himself.
As if summoned by the lack of activity in the restaurant, Rogers and Stark returned. "Is he ok?" Steve demanded, worry over his face seeing Widow leaning over Bucky as if bereaved.
Natasha stood up, wiping happy tears with undamaged hands from her cheeks, "I think he'll live to see another day."
"Bucky!" Steve smiled down at his best friend, offering him a hand to sit up out of the salad bar.
"Glad to see you too, jerk." James replied weakly with a grin, accepting the hand. As he stood up, James swayed as if he were about to faint. Steve caught him, looking worriedly at Barnes.
"The spell has restored his health, but not his strength. It will take time for him to recuperate." Strange intoned folding his hands inside his robe.
Steve looked at the wizard and politely clearing his throat spoke, "Thank you. I'm not sure what else to say." Strange inclined his head in acceptance.
"Capsicle at a loss for words? I'm not sure that's ever happened before." Stark wisecracked to lighten the mood. His arc reactor made him sense the remains of cosmic energy in the space and it was making him jumpy.
"Shut the hell up Stark." Natasha growled, "It's your damn fault we're in this mess to begin with."
"Yes. I admit that. BUT, everything is ok now. So… let's get that tesseract cube and blow up that Franken-freak android." Stark tried to distract from the moment.
"No, we get Bucky home first, fix my shield and then we'll dismantle that monstrosity you brought into the world." Steve said firmly.
"Don't I get a vote?" Bucky interjected feebly.
All three of them looked at them and said, "NO."
As they were about to leave, they all noticed Stephen Strange, Sorcerer Supreme, had quietly disappeared.
"So how's it feel being dead three times." Tony asked as he worked his microforge in the Avengers Tower. Chucking in hunks of Steve's shield, he watched them melt into glowing molten metal. Bucky took a bite of some food Romanov fixed him to regain his strength and then sipped his water.
"Well, I could kill you once and you can find out first hand." Bucky responded darkly from his seat. They were at the Avengers Tower for only two things: fix Bucky's arm and to recast Steve's shield.
"Leave him be." Natasha said, wrapping a protective arm around Bucky's shoulders. He patted hers warmly with his right hand. His left arm was on the workbench.
Steve brooded from the corner, ignoring them.
Stark pushed a few buttons on the forge and then sauntered over to Bucky's left arm, his arc reactor shining through his shirt. "I'd love to know how he did it." Stark said quietly as he slipped on a pair of magnifying glasses and set to work on the arm.
"Did what?" Bucky asked after a few moments of silence, just to be polite. His mother raised him that way.
"How Strange brought you back." Tony replied, looking up from the arm, his eyes huge in the magnifiers, like an owl's stare. Natasha would have giggled if they had not been discussing something so serious.
"Who knows? Who cares? End result is that I'm here and it's one less death you have to explain." James commented, trying to be patient with Stark. It was difficult.
"Remember what Thor said… Magic is just science we don't understand yet." The voice of Cap reached them from the far side of the room.
"Look who speaks!" Tony chuckled as he performed some microwelds on the circuits of the arm.
"Tony… for the love of God, do you ever NOT speak?" Romanov groused.
Tony gave her a flashy smile through the magnifiers, "It's what I do. Fix things and talk."
"How about more fixing and less talking so we can get on with Ultron and find out what happened to Thor, Clint and Hulk?" Steve commented, rising to walk toward them.
"Yeah. There are a lot of problems to solve and things to explain." Bucky inserted.
"Hopefully no more deaths." Natasha concluded solemnly, hugging Bucky harder.
Tony, surrounded by the grim moods returned to his work as the Avenger Tower fell silent.