One sherbet Lemon too many (aka Harry Potter and the game of golf)

A.N. - This is the first time I've done a Harry Potter fic, so don't be mean. When I say 'hyper' in this story I don't mean anything rude or to do with drugs, just an overdose of sugar. Please don't take offence to anything for no apparent reason.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry, or any of his friends/enemies. Or the books, or the movies, or the merchandise, or the funny little Snape key-ring my friend got for Christmas.

Dumbledore sits down on the big, leather chair in the middle of his office. Everyone always wondered at some point what he got up to in there. Today he is eating a bag of his favourite muggle sweet - Sherbet Lemons. He doesn't notice the warning on the side, no-one ever reads the labels of sweets unless they're ultimately bored. He is trying a new brand to test them for 'Safeway' magazine.

Dumbledore: Hmmm....... Very sweet....... Yum. I think I'll have another....... And another...... One more won't hurt....... Make that two...... Three.

This goes on for some time.

Dumbledore: Whoops I finished the packet! Oh well. D'ya know what? I feel very happy! Yees! Haphapityhappy! Wheeeeeeeee!

Dumbledore runs out of his office and slid down the bannister to the statue which is blocking the entrance to the secret office.

Dumbledore: SHERBET LEMON!

The Statue didn't just swing out of the way, it smashes several nearby classrooms as it swings off its hinges.

Meanwhile...... In Hogsmeade......In the bar.............. At a table................ I'll stop now........

Snape and Lucius Malfoy are sitting at a table. You probably won't understand this bit 'cos it's an inside joke, but it's really funny just the same.

Snape's hand darts forward and grabs one of Lucius Malfoy's....... Chips. (ha! You thought I is being rude!)

Snape: Fool!

Mr. M: I wish you'd stop doing that. : (

Snape did it again

Snape: Fool! : )

Mr. M.: Look, if you bought them then I wouldn't mind but....

Snape: Fool!

Mr. M.: Now, really. Is the name calling part absolutely necessary?

Snape: Fool!

Mr. M.: Look, this is getting highly irritating...

Snape: Fool!

Mr. M.: Stop it! Those are mine! You're getting them all dirty! "o

Snape:.................

Mr. M.: That's better. :)

Snape: Fool!

Mr. M: STOP IT!!!! I MEAN IT!

Snape (whispering): okay.....o_o........... FOOL! : p

Mr. M. :Mrrrrragh! ~

At another table, Hagrid is eating a pancake.

Hagrid: Mmmmm. Pancake

He wafts the smell towards him.

Hagrid: I love pancakes.

%

~

At the great hall, everyone is having their breakfast.

Harry: Well, Hermione. What have we got today?

Hermione: Golf

Ron: What?

Hermione: Golf.

Harry: Why?

Hermione: Don't ask me, I'm only a genius.

Ron: Oh. : o

Harry: Hermi.....

Hermione: Yeah?

Harry: Never mind. O_O?

^ ^

O

Dumbledore enters the hall and skids all the way down the middle to the Griffindor table.

Dumbledore: WHEEEEEEEE!! Whooo yeah! I feel sixty again!

Harry, Ron and Hermione looked at each other.

Prof D (proffessor Dumbledore): HIYA KIDDIES! WANNA PLAY GOLF?

Ron: Um

Prof D: Whoo

Harry: Uh

Prof D: Hup

Hermione: Eh?

Prof D: Wha

Ron: Er.....

Prof D: Heee

There is a confused silence.

Prof D: So, do ya?

Ron: What?

Prof D: Wanna play golf?

Hermione: No, thanks.

Prof D: YOU'LL DO AS YOUR HEADMASTER TELLS YOU AND THERE'LL BE NO BUTS ABOUT IT YOUNG LADY!

Harry: Hermione, let's play golf.

Ron: Yeah, me too.

Prof. D: Yay! I love golf.

Back at Hogsmeade.......

Hagrid: Mmm, this pancake is really good. ROSMERTA! CAN I HAVE SOME SYRUP FOR MY PANCAKE?

Rosmerta is busy, she's trying to chuck Mr. M and Snape out.

Rosmerta: CAN YOU GIVE US A HAND HERE HAGRID?

Hagrid: SURE!

He walks over, picks them up and throws them out. He goes back to his pancake. Rosmeta gets him some syrup.

Hagrid: Mmmmm....

Outside....

Snape: Fool! Now we've been chucked out!

Mr Malfoy: What? It was you who started it!

Snape: An unfounded accusation!

Mr. M.: A what?

Snape: An unfounded accusation!

Mr. M: What's that?

Snape: Er........ Fool!

Mr. M: AARRRGGHHHHHHH!!!!

Snape: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ginny has been sitting staring at Harry all lunchtime. Now she is in a state of shock at the fact that the person she is supposed to respect most in the whole school is challenging anyone and everyone to a game of golf. In fact, the sight was a little disturbing.

Dumbledore:HOW 'BOUT YOU KIDDO?

Ginny: Eep.

Dumbledore: GAME OF GOLF?

Ginny: Er, what's golf?

Dumbledore: THE KID DOESN'T KNOW WHAT GOLF IS! Right, that's it!

Dumbledore storms out of the great hall shouting, "The kid doesn't know what golf is! I'll be making a few changes around here!"

The timetable in Hermione's hand magically changes. Every subject changes to "Golf".

Ron notices this.

Ron: Golf. Hmmm. It'll be funny to see old Snape teaching golf, if a little disturbing.

Harry: Yeah. What's up with Dumbledore.

Hermione: He's probably just having a mental overload. Most geniuses tend to be a bit eccentric.

Ron: How about you?

Hermione: Erm........

Harry: Well.....

Hermione gives him an evil look.

In potions, I mean, "Golf" class.

Snape walks in, looking furious. Harry nudges Ron.

Harry: Whatd'ya think Snape'll do?

Ron: Umm....... I dunno but he looks pretty pissed off. (Oh! I said a naughty word! Sue me. No, wait please don't!)

Ron: Umm...... I dunno but he looks pretty angry.

Harry looks at Ron and raises his hand as if he's going to say something, but thinks better of it.

Snape (as if he's been given a life sentence) : Today I'll be teaching you the wonders of........ Golf.

Ron tries very hard not to laugh and Hermione has to stand on his toe.

Snape: A lot of you won't know what golf is, being wizard-born.

Malfoy nods, looking bewildered.

Harry (whispering): You're in for a treat, Malfoy.

Ron is now shaking so hard that several golf balls fall of the desk. He's bitten his lip so hard it's bleeding and there are tears in his eyes, due to his efforts not to laugh. Snapes face has gone bright red and he's glowering at Harry, Ron and Hermione. Malfoy still hasn't figured out what's so funny.

Snape continues: Golf is one of the greatest sports in the world, played by muggles.

At that moment, a loud Wheee! Can be heard from the corridor, everyone looks round and Dumbledore slides past the classroom. There's a loud crashing noise and muffled curses.

Prof. D. : Damn skateboard!

Snape looks round for a second and carries on as if the interruption hadn't taken place.

Snape: This is a golf ball.......

REVIEW NOW REVIEW NOW REVIEW NOW REVIEW NOW REVIEW NOW DO IT!!!!

A.N.Wanna find out what happens next? Wanna make a suggestion? Then review! One thing's for sure, there will be a teacher golf tournament! Hehehehe! Now review.