I do not own the 100 or any characters. Nor do I own the song. Obviously.
Based of Oceans by Twin Atlantic.
'Cause I
I don't wanna live
Don't wanna die alone
And it's true
There's nothing out there for me without you
There is peace now.
It's tentative to say the least, unpredictable, but peace nonetheless. He tries to enjoy it, tries to - at the very least - feel it. But his heart has become hard, the stone turning him numb, so much so that he fears he'll never feel again.
They had moved east, to the ocean. Many had wanted a new start, and after all the death and destruction he couldn't blame them. Among them had been his sister, left sore after losing Lincoln. And where his sister goes, he follows.
A few had wanted to stay, the survivors said their goodbyes and left. Bellamy didn't particularly care either way, the only influencing factor being his sister, and the overall desire to be near his people.
All he wanted to do was forget, forget the look on her face when he had turned her away, hurt that she had lied to him, hurt that she'd let so many people die. He wanted to forget her eyes, the sadness, the guilt.
That was the last time he saw her.
After months of waiting, searching, watching parties leave and come back. With each sunset a little more hope died, and a little more of his heart hardened.
He had held on longer than Abby, but eventually he had to give up, move on.
Except he couldn't. Didn't want to move on.
There was nothing out there for him without her.
He didn't tell her that. He didn't tell her how much she meant to him. She probably died thinking he hated her. That thought hurts him more than his enemies ever could.
He often makes visits to the sea, walking along the sand, wishing he could take pleasure in the feel of the sun on his skin, the water between his toes. Instead he imagines her walking beside him, the silence between them that he loved, the silence that meant so much.
Things are quieter now, and yet somehow still too loud. People have moved on. Kane and Abby, Jasper and Octavia, Raven and Murphy. Each of them give the other a reason to smile again.
But he has lost his reason to smile.
He thinks about what he would do, how much he would give up to see her again, alive and well. Just for a minute. He looks out at the ocean and imagines how far he would row to get to her.
One day, as he sits on the warm sand, staring out along the beach and imagining, for the hundredth time, the life they could've had, he sees a figure in the distance.
It is not uncommon, the beach is popular to all of the camp's inhabitants. They have learned to ignore him and often he fails notices them.
This one is different, familiar.
His eyes never leave the figure. With each step closer, the person's identity becomes clearer. He stands, walking slowly to meet her, eyes not quite able to believe what they are seeing.
She stops in front of him, her eyes fall to the ground and he places a shaking hand under her chin, tilting her head up until her eyes meet his. She is ashamed. Still.
He searches for words.
"Clarke," he manages. It sounds weak. He strokes her cheek with her thumb and she smiles, actually smiles and leans into his hand. Her face is scarred, like his, and yet she is still beautiful. He wonders how he was ever mad at her, how could he have been so harsh?
"I.." she begins, but he stops her, placing his thumb over her lips and pulling her into a hug.
Wrapping his arms around her in a way that so reminds him of that first time they had hugged, after she had escaped from Mt. Weather. It all seems like a lifetime ago now.
He can't quite believe that she is here, in his arms again. Perhaps it's all in his imagination. Perhaps he has finally descended into madness. In that moment he doesn't care.
…
When he walks along the sea now, with her by his side and a smile on his face, he feels the sun on his skin and the sand between his toes and he knows that, while they may not always have peace, whatever happens, along as she is here he'll be able handle it.
As long as she's here, he'll be okay.
He points to somewhere in the distance, towards the setting sun, and reminds her once again.
There is nothing out there for him without her.
And I'm making visits to the sea
For visions of you and me
And when I get there I will row
Oceans between me and my home