Hey guys this is my first Star Trek fic! So since I don't have time for an official story, I decided try my hand at a "things-characters-aren't-allowed-to-do" story. This will have two OCs in it, who I may or may not eventually write stories for. Feel free to review or PM suggestions for the list, my goal is to get at least 50 rules.

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek, just my OCs and this list.

1. Playing "Womanizer" whenever the Captain enters the Bridge gets old quickly(plus he actually likes it).

Various sounds of annoyance were made when the dreaded song came on again. Even Spock's eyebrow twitched, showing how sick of the song the half-Vulcan was. The only person who didn't mind the song was the target of the failed prank, Captain Kirk himself. For all they knew, it could have been the Captain's idea in the first place. Spock gave one more eyebrow twitch as the song continued before deciding enough was enough(a whole month of "Womanizer" by Brittany Spears would drive a lesser crew insane sooner).

"Lieutenant Uhura," Spock said, looking at the dark skinned woman. "Inform Mr. Scotty he has approximately two hours before someone attempts to end this nonsense by means that will surely harm the ship."

Not only did the music stop within 30 minutes(Scotty doesn't like having his ship threatened), but a new list of unofficial rules was born.

2. Never flirt with Lieutenant Commander Amanda Pike.

Bones looked up from his paperwork to see yet another young male crew member being carried in by his friends. He sighed having a good feeling about what caused his injuries.

"When Lieutenant Commander Pike says that she's not interested, listen to her," McCoy advised the group. "If the Captain can't convince her to move on from her last boyfriend, what makes you think you can."

"Besides," Dr. T'Luminareth(aka Luna) Smith spoke up. "What kind of jerk tries to take advantage of a girl who lost not only her fiancé but all of her people too?"

In order to avoid future injuries to his crew, Jim added another rule to the list(besides, he didn't need the story of his failure in getting a girl to spread more than it already had).

3. Yes, Vulcans(and half-Vulcans) have pointy ears. No, you may not touch them.

"Please?" Jim begged.

"Captain it is most illogical," Spock answered. "No."

"Please?"

"Captain."

"Please?"

"Your behavior is most illogical."

"So? Please?"

"No Captain, you may not touch my ears."

"But they're pointy!"

"Captain by chance are you intoxicated?"

"No! I just wanna touch them!"

"Captain if you continue this childish behavior I will contact Dr. McCoy and inform him that his services are needed."

"But that's lying! Vulcans don't lie."

"It won't be a lie Captain, since I will require his aide in getting you to stop this behavior."

"… Fine, no touching your ears. I wonder if Luna will let me touch her ears."

In the end Bones's service was needed after all. Spock had managed to break both of Jim's wrists. It wasn't until after Luna(blushing the whole time) explained what touching a Vulcan's ears was the human equivalent to did Jim realize the reason behind Spock's violent action. Spock saved him the trouble of adding the new rule to the list.

4. "Your Mama" jokes are banned. Especially around Commander Spock.

Luna felt no sympathy for the three ensigns that had come from sparring with Spock. Anyone idiotic enough to insult mothers around Spock was asking for trouble. McCoy seemed to share her sentiments when he inflicted more pain than necessary when treating their various bruises and broken bones. Luna took the lead in adding a new rule this time, after all, she was the one stuck working with Dr. McCoy who had to treat the idiots who angered Spock in the first place. A grumpy McCoy was not pleasant to deal with.

5. Messing with Sulu's plants is almost as bad as trying to touch a Vulcan's ears.

Jim froze when he heard a crashing noise. Slowly he turned around in horror at what he had done. Laying on the floor in pieces was a plant holder, which just so happened to have had one of Sulu's prized flowers going in it.

"I'm dead," Jim muttered.

"Glad we agree Captain," Sulu said, standing in the only exit with his trusty fencing sword in hand.

By the time Sulu allowed Jim to get treated by Bones, someone had already added another rule to the list. Apparently Scotty had watched the whole thing via security camera with a bucket of popcorn in his lap. Jim swore vengeance against the Chief Engineer.