[A/N: Sorry for all these one shots, I just can't find any motivation to keep writing my story. But don't worry, I will finish it. But anyway, try to enjoy this one, I'm sorry to say, it's not as cute as my last one shot. If you are emotionally unstable at the moment, please refrain from reading this.]
She was an angel. Soft white hair, sparkling eyes and a cheerful laugh. She could light up a thousand Christmas lights with her smile, and her presence never failed to put me in a better mood.
She was perfect, but she was never mine.
Naminé Sakura was her name. Even saying that name would make me smile. It still does.
When I was in my early teens, I was diagnosed with depression. It had come to the point where I had stopped going out and playing with my friends, my hobbies stopped giving me interest, and I barely ate anything. My parents knew something was wrong with me, and as soon as the doctors revealed the truth, they were devastated. I couldn't stand seeing them broken hearted everyday, so I asked if I could stay in the hospital for therapy. I wanted to get better, at least for my parents sake.
Rehab seemed like a good idea. I figured if I was around other people like me, I might find a way to get through. And eventually, I did.
For the first few months, I didn't bode well with my group. They didn't seem to care about me getting better, or at least, in my interpretation. Then during my fourth month, a new patient came in. Her name was Naminé Sakura, and she was struggling with anorexia. From the moment she arrived I knew she was going to be different. As soon as we started one conversation together, we seemed to click. She always cared about me, and I cared about her. We promised we would get better, and we would get out and face our fears. We talked about everything. She told me about her plan to become a famous artist, and after showing me some of her sketches I knew she was going to be. I told her of my ambition to someday be a guitarist in a band, and she said as soon as we got out of rehab she wanted to hear me play.
I think the only reason I got through was because of her. Seeing her face everyday made me smile, and the doctors said I was getting better.
A few months later I was released, and a week after I was released Naminé was also dismissed.
Once we were out of the hospital, we had to go back to school. When I found out we were enrolled in the same school, I was overjoyed. We sat together at lunch everyday, and when we were in the same classes we were always partners. I started getting my friends back, and I began to enjoy activities again. My parents were ecstatic, which made me feel better about everything. Occasionally Naminé would come over to my house, and I'd show her my guitar skills. I still remember the first time I played for her, and she was speechless for a few minutes afterward. Then she told me I was sure to succeed because my talents were amazing. I think that was the greatest compliment I ever received. And coming from her made it all the more special.
Then it suddenly went from great to horrible. Not long after that, Naminé's father died in a car accident, which caused her to stop eating again. I had to stay by her, otherwise she would have had to go back to the hospital. She tried her best to eat and maintain herself, but her mother was taking it worse than her, and soon after the accident her mom killed herself. That's when she stopped eating again, and started something completely new:
cutting her wrists.
I was scared. She kept telling me she wanted a way out, and that she just wanted to be with them again. I thought it was completely selfish of her mother to do such a thing, especially when Naminé needed her the most. Now her daughter was worse than ever, and there was little her aunt could do to console her.
That's when the nightmares started.
Every time I fell asleep, I would dream about Naminé. I dreamt that she led me on top of a clock tower, she said she couldn't take it take it anymore, and would then jump off. I would wake up screaming, and then wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. My depression came back, as well as insomnia and anxiety. I was a mess. I couldn't bear to lose her, after all we went through together. I had to stay strong for her. I just had to.
So I tried my best to get through to her, everyday I begged her to stay alive for me. But I knew she couldn't heal with just my help. She needed more. So she was given counselling, as well as weekly therapy at the hospital. Through it all, I stayed by her, because I knew she needed me. I told her that things would get better, but she needed to stay. I told her she still had her life ahead of her, and I wasn't going to let her go that easily. It was really difficult, but she eventually got through it. I still remember the day we made that promise.
"Naminé, can you promise me that you'll stay strong for me?"
"Only if you promise to stay strong for me." She replied.
"We'll stay strong together." I said, knowing that we would always pick each other up when the other was falling.
I guess I was wrong.
High school proved to be difficult, what with parties and peer pressure. Whenever Naminé went to a party, I made sure she didn't drink too much and didn't get into any trouble. I always stayed sober so I could drive her home safely. She tried dating a few guys, but none of them could handle her 'problems', and usually stressed her out, making them worse than before. It didn't exactly help me out either, because whenever Naminé was with someone else, I got super depressed. I couldn't help it, she was one of the only good things in my life. I tried having a girlfriend or two, but they just weren't Naminé. I was always there for her when a guy broke her heart, and if I wasn't around, she probably would have died.
I guess I always was her safety net. I never really thought about it before, because it didn't matter. No matter what, I would always help her with her problems.
Time seemed to fly by, and soon, graduation was upon us. I got accepted into the college I wanted, and Naminé did too. The only problem was, our college preferences were different. She got into an art program, and I went into a music program. I knew that after graduation was over, we would never see each other again, and I was at a loss for what I was going to do.
At the end of the grad party, everyone said their farewells. I saved Naminé's goodbye for last. We were standing outside of the building next to the cherry trees.
"I guess this is...goodbye?" She whispered. I still remember the look of regret on her face, like there was so many things she wanted to tell me.
"It is...for now." I took her hand gently. Then, in an impulse decision, I kissed her. For the very first time ever, I kissed her. The wind blew softly, picking up cherry blossoms in its wake. As we parted, a single tear rolled down her cheek, and I brushed it away, cupping her face with my hands.
"No matter how far away you are, now matter how long you stay away, I will be here, waiting. I will wait for you Naminé Sakura. Even if it means waiting my whole life. I love you."
"I...I..." Naminé started to cry softly. She fell into my arms, and I held her tight. For a single moment, it seemed as though we were the only ones around. Time stopped, and I wished we could stay like this forever. Then, as soon as it started, it was over. She let go of me, her eyes red from crying, and whispered softly, "Just don't wait too long. I don't want to disappoint you."
"You will never disappoint me."
Those were the last words I ever spoke to her face to face.
College went as most colleges did, with the occasional party and crazy person you met the next day, claiming to know you from previous events. Through it all, I studied hard, because I wanted my passion to get me somewhere. The only thing I needed was a band. And sure enough, I found one.
At first, I was hesitant on making friends. Then I met Axel. He was a weird, sarcastic guy with the wildest hair I had seen. And apparently, it was his natural colour too. When I first met him, I thought he was just some crazy drug addict that had a way with drums, but as it turned out, he wasn't into drugs at all, he was just crazy. As we started talking, I realized who he reminded me of: myself, before I had depression.
I met some of his friends, and they were an ok bunch. There was Xion, a short girl with dark hair and striking eyes, who also happened to be Axel's girlfriend. Like him, she was wild and untameable, but also had a sweet side and an amazing voice. She was nice, but she wasn't Naminé by any means. Then there was Demyx, a typical blonde haired green eyed guy who lacked motivation, to put it politely. He didn't really care about how neat his apartment was, or if any part of his life was organized, but he had skills with a bass guitar. Zexion was the most normal one out of the three, a writer by day and a pianist by night. He was also the most mature, seeing as he was three years older than the rest of us. Pretty soon, as we hung out together, we discovered our interests were similar, and not long after that, we formed a band.
We decided to call ourselves "The Nobodies" because that's exactly what we were. No one about us, or our existence, but we were determined to fix that.
We started off small, playing in Cafe's and Charity events. Soon, somebody with importance recognized out talents and offered us a contract. Not long after that, we released our first album. It seemed as though, overnight, we went from unknown to famous. Before we knew it, we had half a dozen albums and were going on tour. It was hectic, and at the same time, amazing. My daily life was so packed with events, appearances, interviews, schedules and signings, not to mention tours and parties. For a single moment, i forgot the girl who I once depended on for happiness.
Then, all at once, it came flooding back.
It started with a phone call. I usually had many callers throughout the day, most of which I usually ignored (it was often fans) but the caller ID showed up, and it was a weird last name.
'Sakura N'.
At first I didn't know who that was, then all at once, it came back.
Naminé Sakura. The promise. My one true happiness.
I scrambled to answer it. "N-Naminé?!"
"Hello. Is it really you?"
"Yes, it's me. It's been a while."
"Y-Yeah, no kidding. Um, do you want to meet up somewhere?"
"No."
"What?"
"No."
"W-W-Why not?!"
"Because you're famous now. If we meet up, it won't be just us."
Then, all at once, I made a life choice.
"Then I'll quit. I'll quit and hide where no one will ever find me, then I'll see you again."
"What? No, you can't do that..."
"Yes I can. I love you Naminé."
After that phone call, I decided to quit. I walked out on them, without ever telling them why. And I waited. I waited for her to contact me. But she didn't, so I called her from the same number she called me with. She answered almost immediately.
"Hello, this is Naminé."
"When can I see you?"
She gasped on the other end.
"Why did you quit the band?"
"I told you, it was so I could meet you."
"You're so stupid. Why would you give up your life for someone like me?"
"Because I love you."
She took a deep breath, then began to speak again.
"The thing is...when I said I didn't want to meet up with you...there was a different reason..."
"Were you busy?"
"No, I'm..." She took another breath.
"I'm engaged, Roxas."
Upon hearing those words, I almost went into shock. No. She couldn't be. Not my Naminé.
"You...what?!"
"I wanted to tell you, but I just..."
"What's his name?"
"Riku."
Riku. She chose him over me.
"Roxas, I... I'm sorry."
All at once I lost it. "You're..sorry? Are you really? You obviously don't feel sorry for me, so don't make shit up!"
She started crying.
"But I am!"
"I HELPED YOU GET BETTER! I STAYED SOBER FOR YOU! GOD DAMMIT, I GAVE UP MY FUCKING CAREER FOR YOU!"
Her sobs became louder. "P-Please calm d-down..."
"HOW CAN I CALM DOWN, NAMINÉ?! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!"
I stopped. Then I started to cry.
Naminé sniffled. "R-Roxas..."
"You didn't ruin my life, Naminé. You gave it a purpose. I'm sorry I let you down."
Then, with tears streaming down my face, I hung up the phone.
Every night, I watched the news. I like to know what's happening, and what I should look out for. But today, I stared blankly at the television, no real emotion left in my body. I felt numb, and it was hard to breathe.
I lost her. I lost Naminé Sakura to Riku.
She was all I ever really wanted. I have never loved a girl so much. I guess that's what makes this whole thing so hard.
I stared at the picture of her in my one hand, then at the hand gun in the other. One last tear rolled down my cheek. I guess there's nothing left to live for anymore. I pulled the trigger, and everything went black.
********
"Riku! Did you check the mail yet?"
"Not yet. I'll do that now."
Naminé paced back and forth. She was expecting a package from her aunt, which would contain the confirmation of the reservation of the church for their wedding that would take place in a few months. She was very anxious about the whole thing, but luckily, Riku was helping her through it.
"Hey, Naminé?" Riku came back, holding bills, flyers and newspapers.
"Oh, it's just junk mail? Toss it."
"Yeah, but I think there's something you should see." He held up a newspaper, handing it to Naminé. She opened it up and read the title.
'Reformed Band Member Dies of Suicide.'
Naminé gasped.
"W-What?! No!"
She started to sob. Riku rubbed her back comfortingly.
A little boy walked into the room.
"Daddy, what's wrong with Mommy?"
"Sora, Mom isn't feeling very good. Why don't you give her a minute?"
"Ok Daddy. I love you Mommy, get better soon."
Sora left, leaving Naminé and Riku.
"I-I didn't think h-he w-would g-get so upset..." Naminé sobbed.
"Hey, you can't blame yourself for this."
"Of course I can! I was his whole world! It's no wonder he killed himself!"
"Maybe it would help you if you read the article."
Riku took her hand and gently led her outside. He sat her down on the garden steps and left her with her thoughts.
She began to read the paper.
'Roxas Kawasaki, age 27, committed suicide five months after retiring from his former band, 'The Nobodies'. Reports were said to have found his lifeless body three days after his tragic demise. Officials discovered a gun near the body, which they later classified as a suicide. The reason for ending his life is still unknown.
'We have no idea why this happened.' Former band member Axel Ryuga stated.
'Things were going great for us, then all of a sudden he just left without telling us why. Then five months pass without anyone hearing about him, and they find him dead.'
"It's my fault," Naminé sobbed. "It's all my fault."
Her eyes were so blurry with tears that it was hard for her to keep reading.
'Officials did discover a torn looseleaf beside the body. They are unaware if it is in fact a suicide note or a message to a loved one.'
Naminé stopped crying. A message?
She continued reading.
'There is only one sentence, which has left all officials curious. It reads 'I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise.'
A fresh batch of tears formed, and she began to cry again.
"Roxas...Roxas..." She sobbed.
The wind blew softly, picking up cherry blossoms in its wake. All at once a settling calmness washed over her, and she knew his presence was there.
Another tear rolled down her cheek.
"Roxas..." She whispered into the breeze.
"Why didn't you stay strong for me?"
[A/N: I died making this, like honestly. It's depressing as hell, so I'm sorry you had to go through that. I suggest looking at pictures of kitty cats to make you feel better.]