Falling Away

Chapter 1

By Voodoo Queen

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Author's Note: Hello, Dear Readers. Thank you so much for taking time out to read my fanfiction. I know there are those among you who are awaiting updates to my other stories but to be honest, I'm stumped. Writer's block is nothing to play with as many of you are all too well aware. So, I've been spending my time playing videogames, watching movies, and surfing the internet looking for inspiration. Sadly, I have yet to really find anything to get the old creative juices flowing. However, my foray back into gaming implanted this little narrative in my brain and I figured I may as well write it down. I hope you all enjoy. Love ya! And now for some legal mumbo jumbo…

Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than my own original characters and my measly, little plot. All the good stuff belongs to their respective copyright holders.

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All things considered, he supposed it could be worse. No, scratch that. He knew without a doubt that it could be worse. Instead of community service on the Citadel he could be rotting in a prison somewhere. If he had been anyone else, he was certain, things would have gone down much, much differently. His ill-fated foray into his father's trade had started a chain reaction of events that he felt almost helpless to stop. His eidetic memory chose the most inopportune times to replay his trip down to the 800 Blocks to assassinate the turian, Joram Talid, and the subsequent interruption by Commander John Shepard and his father.

Kolyat Krios, snorted in derision as he quickly pulled on the C-Sec trainee uniform he had been provided with by Captain Bailey. If it was one thing he hated dwelling on above all others it was his father. Thane Krios was little better than a stranger to him. When Kolyat had been but a very small boy, he had idolized his father above all others. If he had the mind to, he could remember times he had spent with his father playing games, reading stories and laughing along with his mother. Those memories, however, were few and far between and greatly outnumbered by the volumes of memories in which his father simply wasn't there.

It hadn't happened all at once. It had been a gradual process. His father's 'business trips' slowly become longer and more frequent. Eventually it had reached the point to where even when Thane was home with his wife and son he wasn't really there. He would be locked away in his office working on the details of his next assignment. He was too consumed by his job to engage in any of the activities they had once enjoyed as a family. He hadn't even the time, apparently, to spend a few minutes 'dancing crazy' with the young son he claimed to have so much affection for. Work came first. Work always came first.

Kolyat had been too young to understand what his father was doing for a living back then. His mother, Irikah, had always covered for his father. Why she did, Kolyat would never understand. In his mind, Thane had abandoned her just as much as he had abandoned him but the woman had been steadfast and loyal to the very end. Where had all her care, love, and concern for the man got her? Dead, that's where. Irikah Krios had loved her husband with a passion and for that she had been murdered by his father's enemies leaving Kolyat virtually an orphan when Thane, too, had disappeared after her funeral only to reappear in his life only a few short weeks ago.

Kolyat had spent a long time hating the man and blaming him for all of the problems he had in his life. He still wasn't fond of him but Thane's admission of responsibility for his mother's death and his acknowledgement that he had not been the father to him that he should have been somewhat tempered his hostility. At least the man could admit he fucked up beyond all reason. Kolyat would give him at least that much credit. There was, however, a huge chasm between admitting one's mistakes and being forgiven for making them. Kolyat wasn't ready to forgive and it was physically impossible for him to forget even if he had wanted to.

Then, of course, there was his father's condition. Though Thane Krios looked like a healthy man in his prime based on outward appearances, his body had been ravaged by Kepral's Syndrome for many years. Kolyat hadn't realized just how far gone his father was until an extreme coughing fit during one of their lunch meetings had resulted in the older Drell bringing up thick, dark blood in an amount that would have prompted any other person to run to the nearest emergency room for help. The elder Krios had waived off his son's concern for his health and had casually picked up their conversation where they had been interrupted and continued on as if he weren't slowly drowning in his own bodily fluids. Kolyat found himself hating his father anew for that.

Though he often felt like an orphan, Kolyat knew he wasn't far from being one in the truest sense of the word. He was surprised how much that knowledge affected him. Certainly, he barely knew his father but the thought that the man could pass at any given time leaving him without any immediate family at all caused something to twist painfully in his chest. That feeling, too, made him angry. He didn't want to care as much as he did and he would never admit it aloud but he still felt like that little boy back on Kahje every time he and his father parted ways after a meeting, wondering if he would ever get the chance to see him again.

After the coughing incident at lunch, Kolyat had tried to speak with his father about treatment options. There was no cure for Kepral's as of yet but there were treatments that could significantly improve the quality and span of life. There were medications, immunosuppressant therapies, and lung transplants all of which had been shown to improve symptoms of the disease. Thane had outright dismissed the notion stating that he had come to terms with his impending death and that there were people much more deserving of medication intervention than he was. He claimed that his final act, to reunite with the son he had left behind so long ago had been the last thing he had wished to accomplish before he left his physical body. The casual dismissal had enraged Kolyat.

Who did Thane Krios think he was? Who was he to think he could just walk back into his life after walking out on him? Who was he to think an apology and admission of guilt could make up for a dead mother and his prolonged and unexplained absence? What kind of person would walk back into their child's life after years of estrangement, proclaim their sorrow, affection and hope for more time to right the wrongs that had been done and follow that all up by refusing to seek help for a terminal illness? In Kolyat's eyes, his illness was just another way his father had found to abandon him except when it happened this time there would be no coming back to ask forgiveness…not that Kolyat had any plans on granting it in the first place.

Kolyat cursed when a quick check of his omni tool showed him he was going to be late for his assignment…again. Quickly, he finished dressing and headed out of the small studio apartment that had been provided for him by C-Sec under the direction of Commander Shepard and headed toward the rapid transit terminal. He knew Captain Bailey had been more than generous by not hauling his scaly blue carcass off to jail and he was grateful for the opportunity Shepard had arranged allowing him to work off his debt to society within C-Sec rather than go to trial and take his chances. He also knew he wasn't doing a very good job of showing his gratitude but really couldn't find it in himself to care.

He was do bogged down in his own memories and angst that it made him nearly oblivious to those around him. Where a loving, optimistic young boy had been all those years ago there was now an angry, bitter young man. He didn't have any friends to speak of and the only family he had other than his father were his mother's relatives back on Kahje. He kept everyone at arm's length. It was far easier for him to hold on to the anger and discontent than it was for him to admit the truth of the matter.

Kolyat Krios was afraid.

When his father had left him after his mother's death, he had been convinced that it had to have been something he had done wrong to cause him to go and not come back. Time had only worked to reinforce the idea in Kolyat's mind that he was unwanted. Though his extended family had shone him love he had always felt himself more of a burden or obligation to Irikah than a true member of the family. He could see the pity in the eyes when they looked at him and thought he wasn't paying attention. He heard them when they spoke about him in hushed whispers they thought his ears weren't sensitive enough to hear. He had always been the odd one out and there remained in the back of his mind the fear that he would do or say the wrong thing and they would leave him as well.

That niggling fear was always there even now as a young adult. Kolyat didn't do relationships, familial or otherwise. Relationships required some modicum of emotional investment. Emotional investment only made it that much more painful when the other person walked away as history had proven that they would. Kolyat was already broken. He didn't think he'd be able to survive another emotional upheaval of that magnitude again. Why couldn't his father understand that?

The trip to C-Sec was a fast one and one that was over before Kolyat even realized it had begun as he was so lost in thought. He gave himself a quick once over to make sure his uniform was in order after his morning rush. Attempting to banish his feelings of self-loathing and prepare mentally for the lecture on the importance of punctuality he was sure to receive from Bailey, Kolyat made his way into C-Sec.

"Krios! My office! Now!" Captain Bailey's voice rang out over the sound of the constant hustle and bustle that was C-Sec.

Kolyat cringed but made his way to the Captain's office as instructed. He really couldn't blame the man's irritation. If the roles were reversed, he'd be irritated with him, too. He stepped inside the room, his onyx eyes roving over the fine details of the older man sitting behind the desk and committing them to memory without even trying, and tried to adopt a casual pose with his hands clasped loosely behind his back. He tried unsuccessfully to swallow the ever-present lump in his throat and waited for the man to speak.

Captain Bailey looked the young drell over with a critical eye before giving a tired sigh and getting down to business. "Son, are you trying to end up in prison because you're cutting it real close."

"No," Kolyat's dark eyes widened. "No, sir. I know I was late this morning-"

"And yesterday morning and the morning before that and the morning before that," Bailey shook his head in disappointment. "You've been here for three weeks and you haven't been on time once, Krios."

"I'm sorry," Kolyat lowered his eyes in apology.

"Don't be sorry. There are enough sorry people in the galaxy." Bailey rose from his seat and came around the desk. He crossed his arms over is chest and regarded the young man before him carefully. "This isn't about oversleeping or procrastination. What's really going on?"

"Nothing is going on," Kolyat denied with an irritated huff. "I was late, that's all. I'm sorry and it won't happen again."

"Kolyat," Bailey sighed. "We humans have a saying. Actions speak louder than words. Your mouth is telling me one thing but your behavior is suggesting something entirely different."

"Yeah, well," Kolyat rolled his eyes. "There's a lot of that going around."

"Look," Bailey started, "I know this situation with your father-"

"I don't want to talk about my father!" Kolyat's voice came out sounding more hostile than he had intended and the flanging nearly drowned out his words. Belatedly he added, "Please…"

Bailey studied the drell for another long moment. He opened his mouth to say something more but seemed to think better of it. Instead, he retreated back to the other side of his desk to rummage through the massive stacks of data pads and paperwork on his desk. Pulling what appeared to be a thick stack of paper from beneath a pile, he returned to stand before Kolyat.

"Here." Bailey thrust the stack toward the younger man. "If you don't want to talk you can work."

Kolyat took the stack with a raised brow and more than a little relief. "What's this?"

"Public request for information." Bailey inclined his head towards the papers. "You know those late night muggings that have been happening down around the ship docks over the last couple weeks or so?"

"Yeah," Kolyat nodded. "I overheard one of the officers on that case saying the guy is getting more violent towards his victims. He said he messed the last lady he mugged up pretty bad."

"Yeah, well, we finally managed to catch the bastard on security cam. Tech managed to clean up the image enough that we're hoping someone may be able to recognize the scumbag. I want you to take these flyers and post them around the Citadel in places where they can be easily seen. You know, high traffic areas where people gather, eat, shop…think you can handle that?"

"I, uh, yeah," Kolyat stuttered. Typically, his community service duties entailed things like janitorial work and filing away reports for C-Sec officer freeing them up to work on bigger and better things. Gods how he hated filing. To be asked to help with the actual investigation of a crime, even if it was just posting up flyers asking the public for information, make Kolyat feel like he was actually a part of something bigger than himself if only for a fleeting moment. "I mean, yes. Yes, sir."

Bailey gazed at Kolyat for another long moment and then nodded to himself, seemingly pleased that he had found whatever it was he had been looking for. "Alright, Krios. Get out of here and get to work."

Kolyat straightened, flyers clutched in his hands, and nodded. "Yes, sir."

Bailey watched the young drell turn to leave. Despite what Kolyat had tried to do, he knew Shepard had been right on the money about him. He wasn't a bad kid. He was just confused and hurt. Those two elements combined often led people to do things they wouldn't have even considered otherwise. He hoped the boy's father would be able to mend some of the damage time had caused between them before he died.

Bailey hadn't been lying when he told Shepard that Thane Krios wasn't the first man to mess up raising a son. Bailey had experienced plenty of his own struggles with his children over the years and so could sympathize with the elder Krios to a point. He had spoken with Thane several times over the last few weeks as the drell was adamant about checking in regarding Kolyat's progress and wellbeing. It was painfully obvious to Bailey that the man loved his son deeply and had truly believed he had been doing right by him by staying away. The regret he always felt radiating off of the drell during their meetings was nearly suffocating in its intensity.

He knew Thane was only now realizing the entire scope and breadth of the hurt his leaving had caused his son. The impact on the boy had been immense. Father and son needed time to sort through the mess that had been made of their lives and time, unfortunately, was a commodity they didn't have enough of. Bailey was aware that the inevitability of Thane's death hung unsaid between the two and the tension that it caused between them was hindering the healing process. His hope for them was that they could move passed that and take advantage of what time they did have before it was too late.

"I don't get paid enough for this." Captain Bailey grunted as he plopped back down into his chair. He scrubbed a hand down his face and groaned wearily. "I hope you're appreciative of all the mental anguish you're putting me through with this pair, Shepard. God Almighty…"

End of Chapter 1