Galadriel's gifts
I, Evil Blackrose of Doom, solemnly swear that I don't own a mind as sophisticated and complicated as J.R.R Tolkien so there is no way that I might own Lord of the Rings or even create such an amazing trilogy as he did!
I only have the gift of making fun of all the things that I adore and deeply respect, because I love to see people laugh and have a great time, so enjoy!
The fellowship of the ring has reached the forest where Galadriel, the Ringbearer lives and they are ready to depart. Galadriel gathers the fellowship so as to grant them her invaluable gifts. She approaches Legolas and whispers to his ear :
''Actually I give you nothing, for you belong to the same race and we don't need to waste things. However, the others must see that we are not close-fisted so I borrow you this bow.'' she coughs and then speaks loudly :
''For you, Legolas, I grant you this bow, made from the hairs I shaved.''
''Which part of your body do those hairs come from?'' Gimli, who is secretly in love with her asks with jealousy.
''This doens't concern you, filthy dwarf! Galadriel said, quite annoyed by his comment and then she went on : Now tell me, what gift should I give to someone so disliked as you?''
Gimli lowers his face in shyness, blushed by the thought of looking at her once more, so he gathers his courage and tells her :
''I only ask your permission to see your ugly face again, which seems so beautiful to a dwarf like me.''
Then, she kneels and gives Gimli a kiss in the forehead, only to witness the unpredictable move of the dwarf who is pulling her hair.
''Why give hairs only to the elf? I want to have some of yours, too! Give them to me now!''
''Fine, dwarf. And get out of my sight with all your jealousy scenes towards Legolas.''
Gimli, as a dwarf, is too stubborn to accept defeat from an elf so he decides to make a deal with Legolas.
''I will have a contest with the Elf, the one who kills the more enemies will have a night with you! Says he to Galadriel, adding that it has been decided!''
Galadriel forms an expression of surprise and tries to skip the subject, so she goes to Sam and says :
''For you, Sam of the Shire, I grant you the magic scales so that they will always show you your desired weight.''
Then, she whispers to Sam's ear :
''And don't eat too much Lembas bread, for you will remain fat despite the miles you're going to walk!''
Sam is embarrassed, and looks at Mister Frodo, who looks back at him in a sweet way and smiles :
''Oh Sam, my Sam, I love you the way you are, you don't need to worry about how fat you are!''
Sam feels relieved to know that Frodo likes plump guys like him, and answers back:
''You're right Mister Frodo, we have each other!''
Hearts fly out of Frodo and Sam's heads while they are looking each other in full happiness, as if nothing or no one is near them...
Galadriel now goes to Boromir, who is stunned by what she carries in her hands rather than her face.
''For you, Boromir, I give you a perfect copy of the one Ring, containing the same power as the original one.''
The fellowship is surprised in a bad way. Why did that witch wanted to give Boromir such a powerful thing, which might be so dangerous at the hands of his? Having the ring on his tight grasp, Boromir loses no chance and flees from the fellowship now that he owns the perfect weapon to give to his psychotic father. Galadriel smiles as if nothing happens, and laughs with all her wicked heart. Aragorn stares at her in fear, until she calms him and the fellowship down :
''Don't worry, King of Gondor, it's a fake so that he will control his lust for the real one! Moreover, he will lure the Uruks to his death and Frodo will be able to escape in the future.''
Then, the Fellowship begins to party now that they got rid of this nuisance named Boromir. Merry and Pippin get out their pipes and start smoking, Frodo and Sam dance together, like Aragorn and Legolas do. Aragorn did not ask to receive a gift, because he knew that the elves bore the personality of Scrooge. After the little party was over,it was Frodo the one who would receive his own gift. Galadriel approached him and gave him a long and narrow thing that looked like a lamp :
''What should I do with this lamp, my lady?''
Galadriel takes his words as an offence, and becomes furious at him :
''This is our most beloved star, which will guide you in times of absolute darkness my child, use it wisely and never again should you call it a LAMP!''
''Star? How stupid it is to call a lamp a star!'' Merry giggles.
''It may mean that they call their lamps stars in their strange language!'' Pippin adds to Merry's comment.
Galadriel decides that it is pointless to discuss with such mindless creatures like hobbits looked to her so she eventually let it go. The fellowship began to depart slowly by getting in the boats that might lead them to their next destination... When she and Aragorn stayed alone, he made her one last question :
''Why did you give them those gifts?''
''Because they've been in stock for many months, so we wanted to get a rid of them.''
''Now, I see.'' Aragorn replied and went to get on one of the boats,too.
This was my first pure Lord of the Rings Parody, if you liked it please review. Constructive criticism and reviews are gladly accepted but no flames, please, to make a parody doens't mean that I am less fond of the Trilogy than you are. Thanks for reading this parody, stay tuned and more will come soon! xD