Terri Sullivan sighed as she opened the door to the office she shared with Frank. She wasn't in the mood for work today—all night she'd been restless. Expecting to find Frank seated grumpily at his desk, she prepared herself for a weary "Hi, Frank", but was pleasantly surprised to find the room empty. She dropped into a chair, briefly glancing at the small mound of paperwork on her desk and ignoring it. The soft morning light filtered in through the window and she decided to go and grab a coffee.
Charlotte stirred the instant coffee around aimlessly, brooding. She had to tell Terri that she'd slept with Jack. Terri was her friend and her colleague, and she deserved to know. It was easy enough to say "Hey, I screwed your boyfriend", but it was so much harder to deal with the aftermath: the tears, silences and hot-tempered discussions. As if on cue, Terri suddenly breezed through the door of the nurse's sunroom, closing it quietly behind her.
"Morning Charlotte," she said, yawning.
"Had a bad night?" the blonde doctor replied, the irony of her words weighing heavily in her mind. Terri nodded.
"The worst...I turned Jack down again, then found myself alone with a migraine." she grimaced, rubbing her temples. Charlotte took a deep breath.
"Actually, Terri, I wanted to tell you something," she began, fiddling with her teaspoon. Terri looked up from the steaming water she was pouring into the mug.
"Last night...look, I know this can't sound good, but I have to tell you now, otherwise I'll regret it," Charlotte said quickly. Terri said nothing, but her eyes were sympathetic and Charlotte wanted to hug her. She suddenly seemed so naïve.
"We had a few drinks together, then we went home and...slept together."
"Who's 'we'?" asked Terri reluctantly, although she already knew. She had a sick feeling in the bottom of her stomach. Charlotte swallowed.
"Jack and I." she answered. Terri's blue eyes were suddenly hostile. Charlotte wondered how they could show so much emotion: Terri's eyes gave away so much of what she was thinking.
"Listen, I know that you're probably going to slap me right now...but were off our faces and we didn't know what we were doing," Charlotte pleaded, her coffee forgotten. Terri looked away.
"Do you think that makes it any easier?" she said quietly. Charlotte didn't answer. Both women were silent.
"That's what I thought," Terri murmured, half to herself, and strode quickly out of the sunroom, leaving Charlotte to slouch in her chair.
Charlotte pressed the ground floor button in the elevator. The doors began to close but Jack leaped through boyishly. Charlotte seemed unamused and vague.
"Listen, Charlotte...are we okay?" She didn't respond at first.
"I told Terri." she said, without thinking.
"What?"
"I told Terri that we slept together." Charlotte repeated, her voice even. Jack sighed.
"I thought we agreed—"
"We didn't agree anything, Jack.," she snapped. The two were silent for a moment.
"How did she take it?" Jack asked, concerned. Charlotte was irritated.
"She didn't yell or anything, she just seemed...I don't know, disappointed. I felt so ashamed. I haven't seen her since." The elevator doors opened and both stepped out.
"Hey Jack," Charlotte said. "Let's just leave things as they are, okay? It was a one-off and I'm over it." Her voice was light enough, but her eyes were stubborn and Jack felt hurt.
"We can be friends, right?" he asked as she turned to walk toward the cafeteria.
"Sure." she answered, but he didn't believe her.
Terri was staring into space when the door opened. Thinking it was Frank, she pretended to be busy, until she heard the voice.
"Terri?" She stood up quickly, arms crossed over her chest in defence.
"What do you want, Jack?" she said tiredly.
"Um..."
"This had better be a business visit, because if it's personal, I don't want to talk about it," she said impassively. For once, her eyes showed no expression, just a deep blue, and Jack fought off the urge to embrace her.
"Actually, I wanted to say sorry," he apologised. Terri shook her head.
"That's the thing—both you and Charlotte seem to think that you'll make it okay if you say sorry, or give me some crappy excuse." she spat, struggling to keep her voice toneless. Jack said nothing. Charlotte was right: Terri had made him feel ashamed. She'd be a good teacher, he thought.
"It's not going to work, Jack. We're not going to work," she added, turning away from him. She didn't want to let him see the tears gathering in her eyes. Jack nodded and closed the door quietly behind him. As soon as Terri knew he was gone, she slumped down between her desk and the wall and gave her body over to the sobs.
Frank walked toward his office, thinking. If he asked Terri to look after Kathleen again, he could go to the meeting, be home by eight and everything would be worked out. Yeah, that's what I'll do, he thought. Ask Terri to look after Kathleen. She'll do it. He pushed open the door of his office.
"Terri, I—"He stopped. She was sitting on the floor in the gap between her desk and the wall, shuddering.
"Terri?" He asked worriedly. She didn't even look up at him. Her body was rigid, leaning against the wall. Black mascara tracks wore down her cheeks. He walked slowly over to where she was hunched over and extended a hand. She took it gratefully and stood up.
"Sorry," she said softly, looking down.
"Are you okay?" He asked. She didn't respond, instead grabbing a couple of tissues and wiping the black mascara stains from her face.
"I'm sorry...I'll keep my personal life separate from now on," she said, her voice cracking.
"I think you'd better," Frank answered, but his eyes were empathetic. "I won't ask you what this is about, then?"
"No," Terri answered, smiling in spite of herself. "Please don't."
Terri stood in the carpark, waiting for her taxi. In one hand she held her handbag, in the other she held a cup of coffee.
"Terri, can we talk?" Charlotte asked, pulling her hair off her face. Terri shrugged noncommittally.
"Look, I'm so sorry. If I'd known what I was doing—well, I would have stopped."
"Once again, that doesn't make it any better from my point of view." Terri replied coldly. Charlotte exhaled deeply.
"I know, I know. But I just want things to be the same as they were. Can't we just be friends over this?" she asked.
"I don't know." Terri said as the taxi pulled up. "Maybe in ten years' time I'll look back on this and laugh, and we'll be best friends then. But not today." She'd cut Charlotte to the bone with her words. It's the least I deserve, Charlotte thought, consumed by guilt. The taxi driver glanced in the rear-view mirror at his passenger.
"She was a pretty girl, that blonde one," he said, making conversation. "She a friend of yours?"
"No," Terri said shakily. "Just a colleague."
The alarm was piercing and Terri reached to shut it off. She opened one eye sleepily and then remembered everything that had happened the previous day. She wanted to shut her eyes again, but instead she ran a hot shower, letting the water wash away her trepidation and anger. It's got to get better every day, she thought. Yesterday was the shock and depression, and today I just have to get back to where I was. Concentrate on work. She skipped breakfast and hailed another taxi, with a pang. No more early morning rides to work from Jack.
The day dragged on. Terri, Jack and Charlotte avoided each other uncomfortably. Charlotte was still stinging from Terri's words last night. Jack was confused about who he had feelings for—or was it neither of them? Terri was in a sort of numbness. She continued her work, busier than ever, filling the empty spaces in her head with medical charts and patient names. She felt particular sympathy toward one of their patients, Susanna Beauchanon, who was nine weeks pregnant and miscarrying. There weren't any beds in Maternity so Terri took to mothering her, visiting her room at frequent intervals.
"Is there anyone I can phone for you? Husband or partner?"
"My husband's in the Navy," Susanna answered, her voice almost a whisper. "I don't know how to contact him at the moment. He usually rings me once a week." She began to cry quietly. Terri took her hand and squeezed it.
"Don't worry, Susanna. Things will be okay."
"It's just...I'm losing everything, I just want everything to be well again." she sobbed. Terri nodded.
"It's okay. Everything will be all right. You'll see. The baby will be fine and you'll be fine." Drifting off to sleep, Susanna took a shaky breath.
"You think so?" she said drowsily.
"Of course. Try not to move too much," Terri answered and let go of her hand suddenly, surprised to find Vincent Hughes in the doorway with an obstetrician.
"Terri, can I speak to you for a moment? In your office?" Terri nodded wordlessly.
Vincent closed the door behind them.
"What the hell was that?" he asked, arms crossed.
"What was what?" She asked, bewildered. Vincent rolled his eyes.
"You know just as well as I do that Susanna will lose that baby. There's nothing we can do about it," he said. "You can't lie to a patient like that. Her baby will not survive." Terri felt the anger rising in her throat.
"I wasn't lying to her! I just wanted to reassure her. It's called compassion, Vincent, something you obviously know nothing about." She cried. He sighed, rubbing his temples and struggling to keep an even temper. He tried a different approach.
"Terri, have you ever miscarried?" he guessed. She looked up, and then away.
"What does that have to do with anything?" she snapped. He didn't respond and it was her turn to calm her temper.
"Yes. Once. It was Mitch's baby." She said quietly. Her eyes filled with tears and her chest tightened. "But that's not the point, is it?" Vincent shrugged.
"She doesn't have anyone there to look after her and tell her it'll be okay. And sometimes I think, when things happen to me..." her voice was muffled, suddenly, in his embrace. "...That I don't have anyone like that either," she sobbed. She pulled away, embarrassed, hoping Frank wouldn't walk through the door.
"I'm sorry," she said, almost hyperventilating. Her shoulders slumped forward in exhaustion. "'I've had a bad week." Her voice caught and she fought back a new wave of tears that threatened to fall. Vincent wanted to hug her again but he pulled himself back.
"Why don't you go home and get some sleep," he suggested. She nodded, taking a deep breath. With a hand on the door handle, Vincent turned around.
"By the way, I don't have anyone either, Terri." he said without consideration.
"Then I think...I think we should stick together," she said, surprising herself. She picked up her handbag and walked toward the elevator with Vincent.
Once he'd driven her home, Terri invited Vincent in.
"So I guess Jack's a no-go anymore?" he asked lightly. Terri was surprised that he hadn't heard: she would have thought that he'd heard all about Charlotte's one-night-stand with Jack, but obviously not.
"Don't even talk about it," she answered, smiling. The two stood opposite one another.
"So...you want something to eat?" she asked finally.
"Nah, I'm not hungry," he answered, a grin appearing on his face.
"Neither am I." she said. She hadn't eaten all day, but still had no particular desire for food. She remembered feeling the same when Mitch had died. Lack of appetite. She shook her head to herself and let Vincent remove her jacket, then her shirt. She unbuckled his belt and they rolled over on to the couch. Suddenly she stopped, breathing hard.
"Vincent, I...I can't do this," she admitted, sitting up.
"Can't, or don't want to do this?" he asked sharply. Both, she thought, instantly regretting having invited him in.
"I just...I want us to be special," she said softly, feeling light-headed. "This isn't how it's meant to be."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll just let you go finish writing the script," Vincent said sarcastically. "Terri, you need to let go of him sometime. He's not here. Can't you move on?" Terri buttoned her shirt furiously.
"You wouldn't have any bloody idea, would you? Get out!" She yelled.
"Of course I have an idea. I've had a dead partner, too, you know, I'm not completely unfeeling. I just think it's time for you to move on. It's been what, two years?"
"Get out!" Terri yelled manically as Vincent walked toward the door. Once he was gone, she locked it carefully. Running to the shower again, she locked the bathroom door, choked on the steam, and cried.
Vincent looked at his watch. There'd be time to get Terri a present before work. What had he bought Charlotte when she was pissed off with him? Flowers? It needed to be more special than that. But without inspiration, he bought a bunch of orchids, and sat in the hospital carpark waiting for her. He watched a couple of taxis pull up, one after another, each time hoping it would be her. Finally he glanced at his watch. He was going to be late. Just as he was about to leave the flowers in the car, he saw her small figure stepping out of a taxi. He strode quickly toward her, holding the flowers by his side in one hand.
"Terri?" he asked tentatively. She glanced at him quickly, but kept walking.
"Terri, wait," he said again and this time she stopped short.
"What, Vincent?" she asked numbly. Ever since last night, she'd felt nothing. She had no particular desire to go to work and keep busy, but no desire to stay in bed either. She didn't even really feel cross with Vincent anymore, or Charlotte, or Jack. She was just so tired, and sick of them all. She wasn't in the mood to stop and chat.
"I just wanted to say sorry. For last night." he said quickly, handing her the flowers. She looked slightly embarrassed, and looked around herself quickly. "I was just...bad-tempered and tired. I'm sorry." He added. Terri's face suddenly softened, but not like he'd expected. She looked almost ill, as though she would cry. Dark rings had formed under her eyes.
"Vincent, last night after you left I felt more hurt than I had in a long time. Can't you just leave me alone?" she asked, almost pleading.
"I'm sorry," he said again but she shook her head furiously.
"I just want to concentrate on work and what's important at the moment. It was the wrong time to try anything new." she said quietly, still clutching the orchids. He nodded and she wordlessly walked away, across the carpark, leaving him standing alone. She kept her gaze down, staring at the ground as she walked so nobody could see the fresh tears forming in her eyes. And Vincent couldn't warn her until it was too late. The sickening sound of screeching brakes and a woman's scream reverberated around the carpark.
Vincent watched blankly, unable to move, as the Emergency staff attended to Terri's injuries. He didn't want to assist them; he felt physically sick. Turning away, he heard something about a ruptured spleen. He heard someone whisper 'damage'. Charlotte, also, stood back, seemingly paralysed. It was unlike her and if he'd had the strength, Vincent would have gone to comfort her. But instead, he stood and watched as Frank ordered people around. For once, he put all his trust and faith in Frank, and sank down onto the floor.
Terri stirred and tugged at the oxygen mask over her face, like a spider web. Von immediately stood up from the chair next to Terri where she'd been seated.
"It's okay, Terri. You're in All Saints hospital. You've been in an accident." she said, pressing the buzzer. Jack was there within seconds.
"Terri? How do you feel?" he asked, studying her face. She was pale and her body seemed so small and emaciated in the hospital bed. He didn't expect her to answer.
"Get out." She said, almost inaudibly.
"What did you say?" he asked, concerned.
"I said, get out. Please leave, Jack, I don't want to see you. Or Charlotte, or Vincent. Tell them all to go away." She gasped and sank back, exhausted, onto her pillow. Her breathing was rapid and shallow and Von replaced the oxygen mask on her face. Terri didn't stir.
"I suggest you leave." Von said mildly. "I don't know what you did to get her this angry but I'd suggest you leave."
"But...I'm her doctor," Jack said, looking hurt.
"Oh, for Chrissake, Jack." snapped Von, and he left, just as Vincent entered. Terri was asleep again, her breath catching as though she were crying.
"How is she?"
"I'm not sure. She just requested that neither you, Charlotte or Jack see her, though." Von shrugged harmlessly and Vincent rubbed his temples.
What had he done?