When he is away, nothing in my life matters. Colors aren't as bright. Nothing seems quite as is should. I can't be away from him. I just can't. I don't know how i will survive when he leaves me...
My life is coming to an end. I can see it, i can feel it coming. My purpose in life has gone. I no longer see any reason to carry on. Give me one good reason to live, one reason not to end my life now. Please, I'm begging you, just one reason. Someone please come up with something. Something for me to live for. When he is gone, I have nothing to live for.
*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*
Let me go back to the beginning. Back to when I first noticed him as more than a dunderheaded death eater. Back to when our eyes met across the room during the opening feast. That is when i first saw him for who he was. Not the image that he portrays for everyone else to see. I saw him as the man he wanted to be, the man he wanted someone to want him to be. I saw courage, I saw strength, and oddly enough, I saw an undying love directed at me. All through these silver orbs, I saw everything that i needed. I no longer survived on oxygen, my survival was dependent on him.
From that moment on, we were together. It was understood. There was no need for formalities like most couples. We both just knew that we were together. And soon, everyone else did to. It is hard to hide when you are in love. Not when you like someone, but when you are so in love that is is beyond comprehension. We did well for the first few weeks. Then people began to notice the way we looked at each other, they began to notice the love in our eyes. It is impossible to not want to tell the world that you love each other. And we did. We stopped hiding it and began to be the people we both wanted to be. Me, I grew into the person I always wanted to be, I became a mom. No I'm not pregnant, let me explain. I've always been alittle old for my age. My mother used to say i was born 30. So i finally had someone with whom i could act how i wanted. It was Ok for me to be mature, it was Ok for me to be motherly to the first years. It was Ok for me to not participate in childish things. And he, well he was no longer the death eater, he was the man he wanted to be. A father, again no, I'm not pregnant. But he was finally able to act like the mature adult he is. See, we both had to grow up before our time. So we fit together. In every way. And soon, we would find out what its like to have that taken away, but more about that later.
Soon all of this would be taken away from me. Because even though he was amazing, and I love him more than life itself; he had one fault. He wants to leave me. Not because of me, but because something else is more important than me. He said he will be back. He'll come back for me. But I know.. I know that truth. He will go and be fine. While I will be left here to die. He will be busy and having the time of his life, while I, will be here, falling apart. The shreds of my life being ripped before my eyes. Everything good in this world will be gone with him. I have nothing left to live for. I would rather die than be away from him. And he wont see any of this. Because he will be happy, he wont be bothered by this. And I wonder, if I will survive long enough to see him again. Or will i give up. Will I let go and give into what I want. To be rid of this world. Will he come home to his girlfriend? or her grave?
This is my story. Its sad but true. My name is Hermione Granger, and this is my story of how my love for Draco Malfoy killed me.