Author: Jen

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own anything or any of the characters.

A/N: The story takes place in season nine. The very beginning, or the paragraphs in [ ] is Rachel's writing to the magazine. Please read and review!

Craziest Lovesick Stories

Submitted by: Anonymous

[ I guess anyone could call me a fool for love. Yeah, I'm into that whole true love, mushy romantic, sweep me off my feet, I cry at every little love story movie, type of stuff. Even bearing in mind I ran out on my own wedding, but hey I found out the bastard was cheating anyhow. Regardless of all that, I never thought I would be this type of girl, the manipulative, crazy girl who begins to play dirty tricks to get what she wants from the guy she's crushing on. Everything was a real shock to me; including the minor detail that the guy I ended up liking was one of my long time friends whom I've known for nine years! I tried to convince myself that it was just physical and some silly dream I had just put the thought in my head, but as more and more time passed these 'thoughts' continued to engulf me constantly. The fact that we're roommates also doesn't help me get over this developing curiosity. So, my insane, crazy lovesick act happened on a Tuesday night. I'll have to summarize it all for you, especially seeing that I've already begun to ramble. ]

The pen freezes in my hand as I ponder how I'm about to shorten this complicated string of events, as well as avoid using either of our names…no way I want anyone knowing about this. I just want to win the trip to Hawaii. Unfortunately, this story I'm about to submit to my weekly subscribed magazine, I did not make up. Regrettably, I have actually done the things I'm about to attempt to write down. As much as I deeply regret my actions, at the time, I couldn't have felt more fulfilled. It's awful really, I almost don't want to think about it, but I have to if I'm going to figure out how to shorten it to the required length for submission.

It happened on a Tuesday night. That's right, a long day where I hadn't seen Joey all day. He actually had a full day of auditions and I had an endless day at the office. I stumbled home, exhausted, to a dark, empty apartment. My building desire for Joey was becoming a definite sore spot when, like this morning, I had to watch him escort a slutty girl home. Normally, I would have just been filled with disgust, but now a raging jealously takes its place and frankly, ruins my mood for the entire day. Seeing that Joey is such a man whore, this happens often and everyone has been concerned with my off putting mood swings. I claim they're from a new stressful project at work, but even I don't want to be around myself lately.

I let my bag fall on the counter top as Joey walks in. He's acts submissive around me now, like I'm his mother ready to yell at him for something pointless. Of course, I don't want to be this way and especially don't want him, of all people, being so defensive around me. The bad news is I can't control these temperamental emotions running through me. The best I can do is try to forget about the many mornings that cause this, forget the UN-returned yearning from the very man causing this, and try to be sweet around him by the end of the day.

"Hey Rach, how was work?" he tries to smile warmly at me. He purposely makes his way around me before removing his coat and backpack. Every night he asks me the same thing, obviously hoping for some enlightening news that will cheer me up permanently, but usually I respond with the same weak answers. Tonight, though, I don't want it to be the same thing. For us to awkwardly exchange small chit chat, maybe watch a movie or something and then go to bed. The same cycle happening over and over again, I can't… I just can't take it anymore. I have to tell him what's really going on with me, what I've been feeling for a couple of weeks now! I open my mouth to speak, but the words don't form. He finally looks up at me; avoiding eye contact has become more common between us lately.

"Rachel?"

I quickly close my mouth.

"Yeah?" I pipe up.

"You okay? What, did work get worse?" He asks remorsefully. I shake my head and already see a shimmer of hope in his now lit eyes.

"Actually… things have turned around," I begin to lie unknowingly.

"Really, that's great…what's happening?" his voice has renewed life in it and I feel my stomach turn with excitement at his familiar tone. My next words roll off my tongue with actual enthusiasm.

"Yeah, we are finally closing this project, got Ralph to finally agree on something! I'm just so excited, we need to celebrate!"

"Really, wow that's so great! I'll go get the others!" Joey cheers.

"No, wait!" I grab hold of his arm when he rushes past me to the door. I don't want the others, I want to be alone with Joey, but what reason would I have for not including the others in such great news?

"I want to wait to tell them, 'till tomorrow."

He looks at me.

"Why?"

Why, what a good question, I have no idea. I could lie about them not feeling well or something. No, how would he not know and how would they all be sick at the same time? Okay, I'll just say there's no reason…what? Oh, whatever is the last thing I think before I start fibbing all over again.

"I just want to celebrate here, alone, well, with you. I mean when was the last time we just hung out?"

"Every night, we live together," Joey defies.

"Yeah, but I just don't want to bother them so late, and besides, at work I'm always surrounded by so many different people. I don't know why, but the thought of just two, just you and me makes me feel better for now, at least." I don't even know what I'm saying, but I guess Joey has no real reason to object to what I want.

"Okay?" he says and I let his arm go.

"So, wine?" I ask.

"I think we only have beer."

"Whatever alcohol is fine!" I say too jumpy and he takes the beer out hesitantly. I just keep smiling at him and he gives me a half smile as he hands me one of the beers.

"Cheers… to finally getting a chance to relax," I project and hold my bottle out; he clinks his to mine.

Over an hour goes by and we're both on our fourth beer each. I've convinced him to keep drinking and by the looks of it, he only agrees because he doesn't want to get me upset. I guess finally seeing me even remotely happy forces him to stay. We're both pretty tipsy already, when I hand him another beer. He tries to refuse.

"No, I wasn't really planning on getting drunk," he tells me. Then it hits me, without even considering it, I think I was almost subconsciously trying to get him drunk. I'm not sure why, although now a million ideas consume my mind. Maybe the alcohol was rushing to my brain or maybe it was just me, but right at this moment, I can't help but want him more than ever. His dark, ruffled hair; deep, brown eyes; and olive skin have never had me so mesmerized before. I can't keep my eyes from running all over his body and wondering why in the world he's allowed to wear clothes. I push the bottle of beer forward again and give a pleading pout to my lower lip. His eyes immediately give away he's fallen for my little trap. He's so defenseless against my sad act. He slowly reaches and takes the beer from me.

We've been sitting on the bar stools at the island this whole time and now I realize I want to use this drinking thing to my advantage. I stand up shakily, partly on purpose and partly out of my control. He jumps forward slightly, ready to catch me. I hold my hand out.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm just so happy I-" I start and then take away my balance so I wobble to the floor. He quickly rushes to my side and takes my arm to help my back up.

"No, no, I'm fine right here," I smile widely. He pushes the bar stools away so I can lean up against the island.

"Maybe no more beer for you," he says and takes the bottle from my hands. I giggle at him with an innocent face and he fakes a smile at me.

"But I don't want to stop you, please drink…we're celebrating!" I play up being more drunk than I am. I want to be more aware and him less. I'm guessing he saw me stopping as his way out, but my eagerness makes him take a few more sips. My face brightens until he continues to drink more. He slumps down next to me and I playfully squeeze his arm, letting him know how happy I am.

Somehow I've urged him on enough to finish the entire beer and even start on his sixth. The effects are becoming very prominent now. We're laughing and talking about everything we haven't talked about in what feels like ages. Mostly, I'm so content just doing this even though my head still spins occasionally and who knows how Joey's holding up. It's pretty clear if he wasn't on the floor already he probably would be from the beer. I snuggle up close to him and we continue on through the night. He's good and drunk while I'm slowly starting to sober up, although barely. Luckily, I was never as drunk as him to begin with so sober or not I've got at least a decent head on my shoulders. I'm staring up at him as he's talking about some night from a long time ago he remembers with his friends from back home. This is when it happens, when I decide I want to do something. Not sit here and talk with him, but do something with him. I figure no matter how drunk he is he will still realize it's me, his friends Rachel. So, I need to make up a game. Hey some genius thought of pointing a bottle at someone and you have to make out, so it can't be that hard; can it?

"Hey, I have a game," I interrupt him, but he doesn't care. I think he's already forgotten what he was talking about.

"Why don't we play 'Never have I ever'…but strip never have I ever."

His eyes widen at my words and then they narrow in my direction.

"You're not gonna go through with it, you girls never do!"

"Well, there's only one way to find out," I say playfully. "Okay, so the rules are if you have done it, you remove a piece of clothing."

He gives me a challenging look to see if I'm really game, but probably concludes there's no reason not to.

"Okay, okay, I'll go first. Never have I ever…uh… got a girl pregnant."

"Good one," I laugh. "Okay, never have I ever… had a threesome."

Joey gives me an accusing look and I match it back.

"What, you have?" I ask in a naive voice as if I didn't know.

He looks away with a smirk and I'm not surprised.

"Okay," he gives in and takes a shoe off.

"Oh La La! Okay, stud, your turn!" I tease.

"Never have I ever… went streaking," he chuckles.

"Me either!" I cringe at the thought and we laugh.

"Never have I ever…" I stop from even thinking of a next one. I know what I want to say and I sit up straight to get ready. His eyes follow me, unsure of what I'm preparing for.

"Never have I ever…" I lower my voice to a whisper and rest my hand the button of the shirt I'm wearing. His eyes are unmoving now.

"Wanted someone in this room," I finish and begin to unbutton my shirt, much to his surprise.

"Wha- Rachel, what are you doing?" he gulps. The buttons are done and I slide the shirt off and I'm left in my purple bra.

"It wasn't true," I shrug in a child like manner. The stunned look in his eyes changes when he seems to realize something.

"Oh, when you had a crush on me," he says almost to himself and then he takes off his other shoe. Seeing his shoe come off, and knowing that's a sign that means he once wanted me too turns me on unexpectedly. I take a deep breath when I realize now he's clearly enjoying seeing me in my bra and takes his time for his next turn. He sits there thinking it over until I slap his arm with a smirk.

"Okay, uh… never have I ever…hmmm…had sex in a public place." The second he says the words I don't believe him, which is why his hands fall to the buttons of his shirt. I watch unmoving as his shirt slowly comes off. If only he knew what effect he was having on me. I try to hide the nervous gulp in my throat. My voice turns seductive suddenly.

"Never have I ever wanted to kiss someone in this room," I whisper. I think he's eagerly waiting to see what clothing I'll take off next, but I don't- I don't move.

"It's true?" his voice almost squeaks. I smile and then stare to his lips.

"No, it's not true, but I was thinking of seeing what it would be like instead."

"What?" he speaks barely audible now. I'm leaning in closer and closer.

"Who would it hurt?" I quietly breathe out right as my lips are just about to touch his. I can sense he's hesitant, but he's frozen and so I simply take my chance.

This was the beginning, the kiss, the rest of the clothes coming off, and then…his bed. I talked Joey into having sex with me, amazing sex by the way. I was in pure heaven for every second of it. And while it was happening, I wouldn't regret it for a second. It was everything I had been fantasizing about for weeks and more! But that was not the dirty trick that makes my crazy lovesick story. Maybe to my friends, sleeping with one of my best friends when I have a child with our other best friend is insane enough, but it's actually what I did after this night that's the reason I have a good story. The crazy person inside of me came out the next morning when I played a dirty trick on Joey so I would never have to face the consequences of my actions and the worst part is; it worked!