Assistants
Author's Note: Formerly titled It's Called Being an Idiot, this was written for the 1x2 ML's Hatsukoi Challenge, 2004. At the suggestion of one of the readers, it's been chopped into little chapters to make it easier to read. Enjoy the new, improved and edited version, with the scenes that didn't make the cutting room floor before!
Chapter One: Distracting, Mr Yuy?
Heero Yuy was incredibly irritated.
Incompetents generally made him pissed, more so when they got in the way of his work. If they didn't know what they were doing, they could go fly a kite or something else equally asinine- as long as they stayed well out of his way. There wasn't time to pick up behind the bumbling string of idiots.
No man is an island?
Heero Yuy was the living evidence that refuted that hypothesis.
The directors of the Institute had pretty much on trying to keep track of how many assistants he had fired within the puny space of four months he'd been working there. Heero Yuy was brilliant at what he did. Engineering technology for war and other industrial purposes.
He just couldn't work with other people.
The list used to bribe him to work for the Institute included six-figure pay, twenty-four hour unlimited access to the building, not to mention the state-of-the-art lab and the adjacent living suite. And of course, the permission to run through as many assistants as he wanted.
The directors were beginning to think the last was a bad idea.
Heero Yuy was... difficult. He expected nothing less than perfection, and it was punctual perfection at that. The last person anybody would have expected to fail was Relena Darlian Peacecraft. Half a second ago, the secretary Hilde had grabbed a loudspeaker in one of her fits of exuberance and run through the place hollering, "Relena Darlian has left the building!"
That was five hours after she'd first gone into the Labs.
Also known as Heero Yuy's domains, the people working at the Institute had learnt to give it a wide berth. You'd think they heard human screams issue from it every so often. After Darlian had made her overly dramatic exit, Heero had walked into the director's office and chucked down a manila folder with a note on top of it.
The director had wisely thrown the note in the trash: no one would hire Darlian again, after she had received a referral from the field's genius saying 'Incompetent, stereotypically bimbotic. Needs brain transplants.'
The last assistant had gotten 'Brains of a rock. And that's insulting the rock.'
The last last assistant had gotten 'Stupid beyond the human limits of stupid.'
The last last last assistant had gotten 'You've sent me a trained ape'.
The last last last last assistant had gotten 'I asked for an assistant, not a janitor.'
All in all, Darlian hadn't done too badly.
"So who do you think we should send in now?" the director asked, an exasperated frown seemingly etched onto his face. "Yuy is entirely too hard to please. But we can't just throw him out- the work he's been doing on that new alloy is too good to pass up."
Having finished her announcement-of-Darlian's-demise lap of the building, Hilde Schbeiker paused in front of the desk, her face a study in thought. Duo needed a job... but a university student? Granted, he was about Heero's age... but then again, Yuy and Duo were miles apart.
However, the campus-titled Shinigami wouldn't be the sort to run crying from Yuy, no matter how harsh the Japanese scientist was to him. She hesitated another second, then spoke to her superior. "Well sir, I have a friend..."
Heero Yuy stared down at the file. They were sending him a college student. One majoring in human psychology. A psychology student when he was dealing with war technology and metal alloys. What the hell?
If they're that desperate, I could work on my own. A college student? Who will probably know nothing about the specifics of my field? They're mad.
He could still remember Relena Darlian's attempt to... seduce him...
"Morning, Professor Heero!" Relena sang, sailing into the labs. Of course, sailing in a short skirt is never a good idea unless you're trying to seduce the professor you're supposed to be working for. Heero's mental alarms flashed code red.
If Heero Yuy cussed, code red would equal something along the lines of...
"SHIT!"
Instead, he said, "Miss Darlian. Kindly wear a longer skirt from now onwards."
Slightly abashed at this atypical reaction to the skirt maneuver, Relena had nevertheless decided to persist. "Do I get a desk of my own, Heero? I need somewhere to dump my stuff..."
"The floor will be appropriate, Miss Darlian. And since this is merely a trial, there will be no need for you to have a desk. The work is already on the laptop there," and here Heero finally gestured at the glowing screen. "Kindly work out the chemical formulae, Miss Darlian, and I would prefer Professor Yuy."
Growing slightly peeved at Heero's resistance, Relena had quietly sat down to work. Heero made the mistake of settling back into the work routine and letting his guard down... Seconds later Relena slammed straight into his lap, apparently having tripped over a non-existent crack in the marble flooring.
"Miss Darlian," he said, controlling the urge to puke as she- Christ, is this woman trying to nuzzle my crotch?- groped him, "Get out of my lap and out of my lab. Now."
She had stumbled on the 'getting up' part of the instructions- apparently her stilettos were not made for 'getting up', but Heero had anticipated this and quickly sidestepped, leaving her to bang her chin on the very sharp edge of the chair.
She had promptly burst into tears and run out. Heero breathed a sigh of relief. "Hallelujah."
But he chucked the note of rejection into the dustbin. After all, it would be only fair to give this... Maxwell... a tryout first. Like all the rest.
Heero doubted it would be lasting a very long time.
From the moment he stepped in, Duo Maxwell made a bad, bad first impression. Dressed in black jeans and a forming-fitting black tee, Heero had to admit they made a startlingly pretty contrast to his eyes, a bright vibrant shade of violet. Not to mention that burnished chestnut braid that dangled down his back. But... Heero disapproved.
"Mr Maxwell, I presume. First off, I'd like you to know that casual dress is not tolerated here."
The brunette blinked at him a couple of times. "You know, it would be a bit more polite to introduce yourself first. Ticking me off first thing for my dress is not filed under 'civil greetings'."
"That's beside the point, Mr Maxwell. If there is to be a next time, you will wear something a little less..."
"Distracting?" the grin was dangerously close to a smirk, something Heero Yuy hadn't encountered in a long time. "Unless you can't take your eyes off my ass when I'm here, I don't see why dressing the way I do would disrupt your work."
"It's a matter of image," Heero explained, the hint of temper already in his voice. "There are people in and out of here all the time-"
"-and most of them are here to see you, Mr Yuy. Not your pretty college assistant," Maxwell cut in. "Or is your work that boring?"
"Who are you to judge my work, Maxwell?" Heero hissed. Not even five minutes.
"I'm the latest assistant in the string of those you've bored to tears," Duo replied sharply. What was wrong with this guy? You got a stick shoved up your ass or something? "And if you're that worried about image, why'd you fire Darlian? According to Hilde, she's got image," he retorted.
Heero opened his mouth to argue, but nothing came out.
"Beached, aren't you?" Duo leaped into the opening and glared. "For your information, Yuy, I think you'd better stop asking everything of everyone. From what I gather you act like you've got a stick shoved up your pompous ass, and I have to say I agree. Newsflash, there are at least a billion other people out there."
"About five billion, actually." The words were out of his mouth before Heero could hold them back.
"Not the point!" Duo yelled, half in frustration, half in amusement. Was work really all this guy lived for? "The point is that I'd like you to be a little more civil, or I'll walk straight out of here and tell Hilde I bloody quit!"
Silence.
And some more silence.
"In that case, Mr Maxwell, would you kindly start work?" Heero gestured to an open laptop, turning back to his own work without another word.
Duo blinked for a moment. Not exactly civil, but it's probably the best this guy can do. I'll be charitable today. "Good afternoon to you too, Mr Yuy."
Chemical equations. Simple enough- Duo flopped himself down into the seat- and winced. He was almost sure he had damaged his tailbone by just attempting to sit... he resolved to bring a cushion the next time.
Forty-five minutes later, Duo leaned back, popping his joints as he stretched out. "You've got a pretty nice place here, Hee- Mr Yuy," he quickly changed gears midsentence as the other brown-haired man shot him a glance walking the fine line between neutrality and hostility. Intense blue eyes, eyes that spoke- more than that pair of lips, at any rate. Lips that would be entirely kissable if he didn't frown so much...
While Duo was lost in his abstracted thoughts, Heero looked at him and wondered. Okay. First, he walks in dressed like he's off to an early morning class. Yells at me. We start over as if nothing happens, and after forty-five minutes he attempts to call me by his first name. Is he alright?
Heero asked him- wouldn't hurt to know.
"Just figured being friendly couldn't hurt, sheesh," Duo muttered. "Okay. So I don't call you by your first name, Mr Yuy. Would you at least call me Duo? Mr Maxwell irks my ears."
"The numbers won't crunch themselves, Maxwell."
Well, better than having a 'mister' tacked to my name, Duo thought to himself. "Wow, who woulda ever thought it. The pretty college boy's done."
"In that case, Mr Maxwell, open the second document."
All of fifteen minutes went by before the other man opened his mouth again. "Just out of curiosity, why did you fire Relena Darlian?"
"I do not tolerate stupidity, nor do I tolerate people looking at me like I'm a side of beef."
Duo's laughter filled the air. "Never thought you'd have a sense of humour, Mr Yuy. Then why haven't you fired me? After all, I did quarrel with you the minute I walked in."
Heero turned to face Duo, eyes narrowing dangerously. "Shut up, Maxwell."
No words were said for the rest of the day.
"Do you suffer from verbal diarrhea or something?"
The question came after three hours of Day Two, which entailed more number crunching. Which, for Duo, meant being bored. And everyone knows that a bored Duo Maxwell talks. "Don't you ever try and communicate with another human being, Mr Yuy?"
"No."
"Great. He's PMS-ing," Duo stage-whispered, shooting a malicious glance at the other man. As Heero turned around to treat the braided boy with another Yuy DeathGlare™, Duo grinned mischievously. "Don't be mad at me. I'll behave, I promise, and I won't make even one mistake. Pinky swear."
Even as his eyes widened at the childish phrase, Heero for once found his reflexes confused as a chestnut braid dangled down to pool in his lap, filling his nostrils with the scent of... green tea?... as Duo bent down in one swift movement and hooked the end of his little finger around Heero's on the laptop.
Grinning, Duo Maxwell beat a hasty retreat to his desk.
Maxwell; 1, Yuy; 0.
Author's Note: And here ends the first chapter. Look back for this in five days time: that will be next Thursday! And again, if you liked this, please leave a note! In the pretty, pretty, pretty little review section. The lavender/periwinkle/or just plain purple button awaits thee.