He was beautiful to me. Perfect in all his imperfection. I loved him. Hell, I was still in love with him despite telling him I wasn't. My best friend, my only friend.
I smiled softly at his back across the darkness of our shared room. This was the only time he stopped moving. He was always kicking, punching, yelling, throwing things; he never stopped even for a second. It was one of his imperfections I loved so much, right after the chocolate obsession.
His blond hair, that he still insisted was not girlish in any way, shape or form, hung around his head in a halo. The only light against the dark fabric of his sheets. Sighing I turned away from him, acquainting myself with the ceiling instead. It was like this every night. He fell asleep first, thinking I was already out, and I watched him. I told myself it was to make sure he didn't have nightmares or fall out of bed or something of the sort, but eventually I realized exactly why I watched him so often. I was by no means a slow person, even if I was only third at Whammy's House, I simply had no experience with this kind of situation. It wasn't as if love was taught as a class. I had my scrapings of past girlfriends, but none of them had inspired this thing called love. That was all Mello. Everything was Mello when I really thought about it. No one could look at him and not feel something.
For most it was fear or amusement compliments of his black leather and chocolate. For a rare few it was respect thanks to the constant anger. For me, it was amusement, respect and, most importantly, understanding. I knew the parts of him others would never know.
I sighed at the ceiling, again turning to face the blond hoping he'd have rolled over so I could look at something more interesting than his back. I nearly screamed when he blinked at me from the edge of my bed. I managed not to, but I couldn't control the impulse to jump away from the boy.
He smiled, chuckling just a bit, and I thought I was going to cry. It was rare he ever smiled at anyone, but when he did it was so heartbreakingly beautiful it made my eyes sting and a lump form in my throat. I cleared my throat, hoping it would allow me to speak around the lump.
"Mells, why are you sitting there? I thought you were asleep." I could only manage a faint whisper but he heard me all the same. Sitting on the edge of my bed he smiled again. I blinked to keep the tears behind my eyelids where they belonged.
"I could feel you starring again and it woke me up. You do it every night you know, it can get troublesome for me." he gave me a mock stern look. "You really shouldn't stare at me for so long, at this rate we'll both be losing precious sleep. And if I lose sleep I might fall further behind Near and then I'll never be number 1."
Of course, in the end it was about Near. It was always about Near in the end. Why? Why couldn't it, just this one time, be about me? Why did he have to act like he never noticed my feelings when I knew very damn well that he did?
"Sorry Mells, I'll stop from now on. I didn't know it was waking you up." I managed to keep the anger and edge of tears from my voice. Barely.
He nodded, seemingly appeased by this, but he made no move to get off my bed. He just hung his head low and played with the fringed edge of my sheets. His shoulders were the only thing that showed he was the least bit upset.
I moved just and inch closer, afraid to get too close in case the tears I could still feel escaped the confines of my eyes.
"Mello? What's wrong?" he stiffened as my hand touched the smooth fabric of his shirt. It was only after touching him did I notice he was shaking. Damnable darkness had kept me from seeing it beforehand. "Mello? Seriously tell me what's wrong! You're scaring me here!"
I didn't bother keeping the frantic edge from my voice. If something was wrong with him I needed to know. I had to know so I could fix it. I wouldn't let him be hurt by anything. Not now, not ever.
He still didn't answer, he just hunched his shoulders more and shook as if I had dunked him in ice water. I gripped his shoulder tighter, digging in my nails. He winced but didn't answer. I dropped my arm into his lap. If he wasn't going to answer I was going to have to wait.
Small drops fell on my hands running off my fingers to the sheets and Mello's pants. He was crying? Mello hadn't cried since we were six. Not since he first came to Whammy's. It was a rule for him not to cry. So why was he?
"Mells, you're crying… Wha-what's wrong? Just tell me already, its driving me crazy." I was begging now. I wanted to get him to stop so bad I was starting to cry too. "Mihael… Please…"
He looked up at me, blue eyes shining, tears still streaming down his cheeks. He smiled sadly, no doubt trying to assure me he was fine, it did anything but.
"Melissa broke up with me." He whispered quietly I could only just hear him.
"Oh…" That was all I could manage. Melissa… Two-timing skank. She'd been cheating on him from day one. Treating him like garbage at the same time. I hated he with enough passion I'm sure I could make her combust if I glared long enough. The whore tried to sleep with me, after I caught her in bed with some chick nonetheless. In exchange for not telling Mello. Blah. If she'd done her homework instead of sleeping around she'd have realized my feelings for Mello and noticed that nothing in this world would stop me from telling him. From protecting him from people like her. I told him and she'd denied everything, saying I was jealous. Of course I was, just not because of the reasons she thought.
"Its ok. That's not why I'm upset anyway. She was whore, you know. Caught he screwing some guy yesterday. She told me it was my fault 'cause I didn't put out enough for here or some shit like that. Idiot. But I'm upset because she said something else and I think its true…"
He trailed off looking down again. I smirked hoping he didn't catch it. Bitch didn't deserve him anyway. But what the hell did she say that would make him cry? I rubbed small circles into his back while he kept crying. I don't think he noticed what I was doing. He just sat there and cried.
When he actually did notice my hand he froze, still sniffling, and practically cringed away from me. I couldn't keep the hurt from my face, not that it mattered in the dark, but it was unexpected.
"Why the hell were you touching me like that Matt?" he whispered violently. He never got angry with me… what the fuck was going on with him?
"I was just trying to help… I didn't know you'd be so… moody." I flinched internally, wishing I could take back the words. Even in the dark I could tell he wanted to hit me. Shit I'd really done it now. I shifted as fast as I could to the other side of the bed. He probably wouldn't hit he but it was still good to be safe, just in case.
He sighed and I felt him shift until he was lying with his head in my lap. Unexpected but not all together uncomfortable.
"I'm sleeping here tonight. Maybe you wont stare at me and I can get some sleep." Ha, fat chance. "There's a big test tomorrow, you know. I need to get a higher score than Near just this once." He yawned and then he was snoring lightly in my lap.
I smiled down at him, wiping a few stray tears from his cheeks. He was a strange person, this Mello. And I loved that about him. Smiling wider I made up my mind.
If I got a higher mark than Mello on the test, I would tell him how I felt. If not, I'd wait until the next test. Really it wasn't that hard. I knew all the answers anyway, I was simply too lazy to answer some. And if I bested Mello constantly he'd be at my throat just as much as he's always at Near's. That was counter-productive if not entirely stupid.
The next day the test was more challenging than others. Apparently they decided we needed more stimulating tests to be at our very best. It still wasn't a big issue for me and Mello looked calm compared to his usual demeanor during tests. Normally he was hunched over the paper as if his life depended on every letter being absolutely perfect. Today, he was calm and looked at ease even as others around him were throwing their heads in their hands in frustration. I smiled, positive that this time he'd beat Near.
And he did. He scored a whole three points higher than him for the first time in his life. I got one point less than Near, meaning there would be no confession today. But I got to see him truly happy for once, that was worth it. It didn't keep all the depression away but it was enough that I could share in his "celebration" in our room later.
The celebration included chocolate, of course, and really only the two of us. He'd stolen some foul smelling liquid from the kitchen, why they even had it in an orphanage was beyond me, and was happily chugging a quarter of the bottle on his bed. Great a drunk Mello. Never seen that before. I doubt I'll enjoy it very much somehow.
I sighed and went back to my game. I managed to get an advance copy of Final Fantasy and I was nearly done with the final boss. And who would have guessed that the second I was hitting the guy with a kill strike Mello decided it was a good idea to latch his mouth to my collarbone. Needless to say I was killed and my controller was completely forgotten on the floor as he bit down hard, soothing the spot with a light kiss after. Fire exploded in my chest and made its way to my groin. I pushed him away before I lost my will to preserve our friendship. If I let myself return his drunken kisses we'd never be able to be in the same room again.
He whimpered as he fell to the floor in front of me. Yep he was definitely drunk off his ass. A sober Mello would sooner kill someone than make a noise so feminine and… delicious in their presence. I scrambled for the door, needing to be as far away from him as possible before I ruined everything. But even drunk he was quicker and stronger than me. He blocked the door just seconds before I reached it and connected his lips to my jaw line.
"Mell-Mello! Get o-off!" I choked on the words and they came out in hoarse gasp. He heard me, thanks to whichever higher power existed, and stepped back just enough to stare at my eyes sadly. I nearly gave in then. "Mells you're drunk. Just go lie down until you're sober again."
It took all my strength not to give in to the blond when he was still pressed against me like he wanted nothing more than to have me throw him on the bed and… I gulped loudly, fighting back the images that popped up at the thought. Mello just stared at me, eyes dark and blurry.
"You… you don't want me? I thought that was why you were staring at me every night… That was why I stared at you… Why I slept in your bed last night… " I wished he wouldn't sound so disappointed. I wished I could tell him that it was true but if I did he wouldn't remember in the morning and I'd be back to square one. "Melissa told me she knew I was in love with you… That that's why she was breaking up with me… She said… She said you two had… "
He trailed off leaving me helpless and wanting to know more. Tears spilled over his lashes and down his cheeks. He was crying for the second time in as many days. But… why? What had Melissa said about me?
"Mello… what did she say? Please just stop crying and tell me." I rubbed my thumb over his cheek, brushing the tears away. He sniffled and looked at me, something in his eyes I'd never seen before and automatically blamed the booze for.
"She said you two had, you know, done it." I could hear the hope in his voice that it was just a lie and cursed the booze for giving me what I wanted only so it could be ripped away in the morning.
I tried to play off my distress with laughter. It was hallow and I knew he didn't believe it but he didn't mention anything. "No force on this earth could ever get me anywhere near that black hole Melissa calls a vagina. Not when…" I was cut off by Mello pressing his lips against mine clumsily, just a small, shy brushing of lips. I smiled against them and pushed back with more than enough gratitude.
He melted against me and I pushed him away from the door on to his small bed. I licked his bottom lip, begging with everything I had that he let me in. he gasped giving me room to explore every corner of his mouth hungrily. He laughed when I brushed the roof of his mouth and I pulled away, the need for air more powerful than my need to map out every bit of Mello I'd never seen before.
"You never finished your sentence before. Not when you what?" he asked, his voice husky and breathless. I groaned and leaned in to kiss him again, avoiding the question. It'd be the end of everything… But he was kissing me back… And he'd said Melissa knew he loved me… Maybe it wouldn't hurt to say it… Just once…
He turned his face from mine, denying me his lips. I settled for the soft skin under his ear. I bit it lightly earning a soft moan for my efforts. I licked the irritated skin and bit back a laugh. He tasted like chocolate. How the hell did he manage to taste like chocolate there of all places?
"Answer me Mail. Please?" I sighed. He wasn't going to let it go was her? Well, at least I can make him squirm while I dig my grave.
"Not when I have you right here everyday of my life. Not when I would do anything in this world for you. Not when I love you so much it chokes me." I spoke against his neck, punctuating every syllable with a bite.
He pushed me off him. I closed my eyes not wanting to see the anger, or worse hatred, that may be there. He grabbed my chin forcing my face toward what I assumed was his. I kept my eyes shut even as he told me to open them in a voice that was neither angry nor filled with hate. It was soft and beautiful and I melted in to it. I didn't want to leave whatever heaven I had gone to. It was the only explanation for him to be here, saying those things to me, speaking to me with that voice. I had to be dead.
"Please?" he mumbled in my ear. When had his mouth gotten there? Where in the hell did he learn to do that?!
My eyes opened, widening while Mello licked the ridge of my ear before biting it lightly. I moaned, unable to stop myself, and buried my hands in his golden hair. He chuckled, a breathy sound in my ear, before pulling himself up to look down on me. When did he get on top? I didn't bother figuring out because I noticed with a jolt he was more or less straddling me. More heat rushed to the spot he occupied.
I felt myself blush, there was no way he didn't feel that. But he ignored it and simply stared down at me, making me sink deeper into his blue eyes. He smiled as if I'd pleased him by simply opening my eyes. I smiled back, not caring that it probably looked like the goofiest thing ever in existence.
"So what do we do now?" I asked keeping the want from my voice. He smirked and I knew what was coming next.
"Now, my friend, we go to sleep." OK didn't see that one coming. He punctuated his comment with a loud yawn. I laughed as he buried his face in my neck, sliding off me to curl against my side. Of course he was tired now that I was perfectly awake. Damn alcohol. It had a lot to answer for.
I sighed knowing once Mello decided he was going to sleep there was no force that could stop him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him as close to myself as I could. He nuzzled his face into my collarbone kissing it sweetly. Smiling I ran my fingers through his hair as he fell asleep, his breath coming out evenly against my flushed skin.
"… Love you Matt…" he whispered so quietly that if it hadn't been silent in the room I would never have heard him.
I kissed he top of his head happily. "Yeah Mells, I love you too." I sighed and kept my fingers through his hair until his breathing led me into a peaceful sleep.
A poke on the nose woke me up sometime the next morning, followed by the taste of chocolate. I rolled away from the boy kissing me, mumbling something resembling 'five more minutes.' The jerk was persistent though and crawled over me to capture my lips again. Bastard, not all of us slept like a fucking log you know.
With a tired groan I kissed him back using his distraction to pull him under me and hide my face in his chest. I felt it rumble as he laughed.
"Matt, as much as I'm enjoying you this morning, I'm out of chocolate and need more."
"Fine…" I grumbled, letting him find his own way out from under me. It wasn't until he was almost at the door did I realize he no longer smelt like a bar. I dragged myself up, my joints cracking after being in such and awkward position all night. "Mells? Why don't you smell like booze anymore? You drank half a bottle of whatever disgusting stuff that was last night."
He smiled wickedly. "I never drank any of that stuff. It smelt awful. I just pretended to so you wouldn't resist as much when I kissed you." he laughed as my mouth fell open. "You really did put up a good fight for someone who was finally getting the man he loved. I expected you to cave much sooner."
He laughed again and I pulled myself out of bed to smack him playfully on the head. His only response was to laugh like the demented little boy he was, kiss me lingeringly for a moment, and run out the door for his chocolate. I could vaguely hear him calling for me to find him after I'd gotten dressed.
Crazy boy. But he was my crazy boy. So I put on my normal clothes and followed him out, slipping my hand in his. He smiled and linked out fingers. Some of the other kids stared, while others made gay jokes, but none of them bothered us. We were happily in our own little bubble. I was right where I belonged, by my Mello's side. Forever.