Disclaimer: I own Gilmore Girls? Of course not!...If so, Luke would have been shirtless a LONG TIME AGO.
A/N: This story is based upon my own speculation on certain events that will happen in Episode Three of Gilmore Girls this season. Thus, this is a one-shot deal. Perhaps, other vignettes will be written in the future. This fic is dedicated to my GG compatriot and partner-in-crime, gilmoregirl1979. I suppose I can plan a sneak attack just as good as thee. So, in the immortal words of Gomer Pyle, "Surprise, surprise!" This one is for you, Debbie. Long live L/L first MMS forever!!!!! Also, thanks to bob (aka AudiRox aka LorelaiGilmoreDanes)...for making me get the bug to write again. Your compliments mean so much to me.
A/N 2: This fanfic contains more spoilers than the number of times that Lorelai has uttered the word, "DIRTY" on Gilmore Girls. Therefore, if one does not desire to be spoiled by spoilers, one better not set his/her eyes on this fic. Unless, of course, one wishes to join all my fellow spoiler whores over on the dark side (insert evil laughter). Then, read away!
Title: This Calls For Champagne
GILMORE HOUSE--LORELAI'S BEDROOM--4:00 PM
Lorelai is sitting on the floor in front of her closet, surrounded by mounds of clothing. A faint cell phone ring is heard.
Lorelai: (rolling her eyes) Oh geez. (She starts pulling clothes from the pile, in an effort to find the buried phone.) Don't hang up....Don't hang up....(Finally spotting the elusive cell phone.) Yes!....(answering the phone) Hello?
Rory: You couldn't find your phone, could you?
Lorelai: (sighing) It's not my fault it was swallowed by the Almighty Clothes Heap, which has grown large enough to require its own zip code!
The scene switches back and forth from Rory's dorm room to Lorelai's room as the two converse.
Rory: Actually, it is your fault. You created the heap in an effort to find the perfect outfit for your first official date with Luuuuuuke.
Lorelai: (puzzled) Why do you keep saying his name like that?
Rory: (feigning ignorance) Saying it like what?
Lorelai: You know, all sing-songy...
Rory: (shaking her head) I have no idea what you're talking about.
Lorelai: (rolling her eyes) Fine...Whatever...Rory, what am I going to wear?
Rory: (smiling) Oh...you mean to impress Luuuuuke....
Lorelai: Ha!!! There it is again!
Rory: (giggling) Oh, Mom...It's just cute...The whole you dating Luke thing...It's like you two are back in high school...
Lorelai: (raising her eye brows) Um, Hun...This time, back in high school, I was a month from hoisting my legs into stirrups and preparing for your head to crown.
Rory: (frowning) Okay...Bad comparison...It's still cute, though.
Lorelai: (whining) I can't believe you totally abandoned me in my hour of need.
Rory: (sighing) It's the first week of school...I just got here...I couldn't just drive back home to help you pick out something to wear.
Lorelai: (pointing her finger) Hey, last year I made a U-turn and came back to Yale when you desperately needed to see me.
Rory: That was different.
Lorelai: (nodding) You're right...It was different because not only did I high-tail it back to Yale when you missed me, I also raised you singlehandedly for eighteen years before that, changed your dirty diapers, went through hours of excruciating labor, and carried you nine months while you stretched my stomach to the size of Connecticut, ultimately ruining my favorite "Where's the Beef?" T-shirt...
Rory: (sarcastically, rolling her eyes) It's such a shame you didn't inherit Grandma's guilting abilities.
Lorelai: (gasping) Rory...This is serious...I have nothing to wear, and Luke will be here in three hours!
Rory: (surprised) Three hours?!?...Why are you getting ready now?...You're always late for your dates with other....(smiling, realizing something) Ohhhh....I get it....
Lorelai: (brow furrowed) Get what?
Rory: (smiling) Why you're getting ready so soon...You wanna be early because it's Luuuuuke.
Lorelai: (rolling her eyes) You're crazy.
Rory: (sighing) And you're so Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles...well, minus the red hair and the geeky freshman stalker.
Lorelai: Rory...I need you to fast forward two decades and help me now...
Rory: Okay, okay...Calm down...Please breathe...I doubt a brown paper bag will be an attractive accessory to anything you choose to wear.
Lorelai: (eyes widening) Oh God...Accessories?...Hadn't even thought about those yet...This is so nerve wracking....Maybe I should cancel before I end up gluing popsicle sticks together in the Psych Ward of the Stars Hollow Clinic.
Rory: How very Cuckoo's Nest...except the clinic doesn't have a psych ward...
Lorelai: (shaking her head) No...Remember when Kirk was hallucinating about Kevin Spacey riding a unicycle in front of Doose's...He wanted to commit himself, so they turned the janitor's closet at the clinic into the new "psychiatric wing."
Rory: (remembering) Oh...riiight...and then they realized that he wasn't crazy, but he'd eaten those poison mushrooms from Miss Patty's lawn.
Lorelai: (smiling) Good times.
Rory: (nodding) Indeed.
Lorelai: Anyway...Back to the crisis at hand...I have no clothes...
Rory: (rolling her eyes) You have plenty of clothes.
Lorelai: (shaking her head) No...no...Nothing looks right...I try something on...I stand in front of the mirror...and then I do my best impression of Joan Rivers on crack.
Rory: What does that sound like?
Lorelai: Pretty much like regular Joan Rivers, but with occasional freakouts and long chains of expletives...I wonder what the record is for most curse words used in a sentence...
Rory: Consult the Osbournes.
Lorelai: (looking at her watch) Ugh...2 hours 55 minutes and 23 seconds 'til go time...Rory....Advice... Now.
Rory: (sighing) Well, what kind of look are you going for?
Lorelai: Hmm...I dunno...I think the Come-hither-I'm-too-sexy-for-my-Manolo Blahniks" look is a little too formal, don't you?
Rory: (confused) Did you just say "come hither"?
Lorelai: (sighing) Rory, stay with me here...
Rory: Okay, okay...
Lorelai: And I think the "Hippie-love-child-just-rolled-outta-bed-forgot-to-shave-my-legs" look is a little too casual...
Rory: And frightening, if you're wearing a skirt...
Lorelai: (nodding) Right...So, what should I do?
Rory: Mom...This is Luke....He's seen you in your pajamas, pre-coffee, pre-shower, and did NOT run away screaming in the opposite direction...I think it's safe to say that you could show up in a garbage bag, and he'd be okay with it...well...as long as you take the trash out of it first...
Lorelai: Hmm...Garbage bag...Nah, that's more a third date kinda outfit...So, what should I wear tonight?
Rory: Okay...Um....I got it....Survey says...
GILMORE HOUSE--LIVING ROOM--THAT EVENING
Lorelai sits on the couch with her arms crossed, looking around the room. She looks at her watch and rolls her eyes.
Lorelai: (mumbling to herself) Luke...Where are you?....Ugh...I'm ready on time; He's late....(getting up and pacing the living room)....He's never late....for anything....In fact, he's obnoxiously punctual....(standing next to the desk)....Should I call him?....No...no....He's probably on his way....He'll probably knock on the door in like five seconds....Okay...1...2...3...4...5.....Hmmm....Maybe I should call?.....But, then...What if he answers, and he's ready to walk out the door?....and I'll feel all stupid for calling...and he'll think I'm one of those women who checks up on her guy all the time....and I'm so not one of those women...He's late....late for the date he asked me out on...He's never late...Oh God...What if something happened?....No...No...Everything's fine....This is crazy...and you know what else is crazy?....Standing here...waiting...and talking to myself....(grabs her jacket and purse)...Luke, ready or not, I'm comin' to get ya....
Lorelai walks out the front door, shuts it, and then turns around only to be surprised by a very well-dressed Luke, standing on her front lawn.
Lorelai: (surprised) What....You're here...
Luke: (smiling) Yep.
Lorelai: (walking down the proch steps) I was...I...was just about to come see what was taking you so long.
Luke: Oh?
Lorelai: (standing within arm's length of him) Yeah...I mean...You are kinda late....
Luke: (looking at his watch) Actually, according to "Lorelai Gilmore" time, I'm still early...and if I'm early....then you are really early....
Lorelai: (embarrassed) Well...I...Rory must have set the clock wrong again....Huh....yeah...cuz...see, I thought it was actually 7:45....and...Oh look...(looking at her watch)....it's only 7:15....My mistake....
Luke: (smiling) It's okay...You look great...
Lorelai: (blushing a little) Uh...thanks...You don't look so bad yourself...(gesturing towards the truck)....So...You ready?....
Luke: (opening up the passenger door) Yep...Let's go...
Lorelai gets in the truck, and then Luke shuts the door and walks around to the driver's side.
INTERIOR OF LUKE'S TRUCK
Luke and Lorelai are driving on the highway. Lorelai is looking out the window and sighing. Luke glances at her.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: (looking at him) Where are you taking me?...We've been driving for like a half an hour...
Luke: (rolling his eyes) Like I told you...five minutes ago...It's a surprise....
Lorelai: (smiling) Well....Can't you just give me an idea...So...You know...I can be properly prepared to be surprised when the surprise takes place...
Luke: You do know the definition of "surprise,"....right?
Lorelai: No...Merriam Webster...Do enlighten me with your detailed knowledge...I'm expecting a phonetic spelling....multiple definitions....and parts of speech....Oooo ooo...and an etymology....
Luke: (smiling) Alright...alright...if you stop, I'll give you a hint.
Lorelai: (excited and bouncing up and down) Yes....Tell me...tell me...
Luke: (with his eye brow raised) This place....It used to be...a...place where men went to pay for...you know...
Lorelai: (confused) For what?
Luke: You know...
Lorelai: (still confused) What?....Beer?....Cigarettes?....An autographed copy of Liberace's memoirs?
Luke: (whispering) It was a...uh...a whorehouse...
Lorelai looks at him, gasping, as a smile spreads across her face.
Luke: Dirty?
Lorelai: (smiling) Extremely!...I gotta say Luke....I'm impressed.
Luke: (smiling) Well...I aim to please.
Lorelai and Luke look at each other and smile.
LOBBY OF "MADAME CHERRY'S JUBILEE" (NOW A RESTAURANT)
Luke and Lorelai walk in, and Lorelai scans the room.
Lorelai: (in awe) Wow....Look at all the pictures...and the curtains...Oh my gosh...and the furniture....Oh, Luke...This is totally my Graceland...
Luke looks at her, smiles, and starts to respond, when a woman yells from off screen. An older woman with a colorful dress appears.
Mazie: (running over and hugging Luke) Lucas!....You're here...This is wonderful....Buddy!...Buddy!....Lucas is here!....(pulling back)....Where've you been?...It's been ages since the last time you visited.
Luke: (looking down) I know....I'm sorry....It's been awhile....Um...Mazie...This is Lorelai...
Lorelai holds out her hand.
Mazie: (waving her off) Oh....No, you don't....Any friend of Lucas's, is a friend of mine....and a friend of mine, gets a hug....
Mazie grabs Lorelai and gives her a great big hug. Mazie pulls back and smiles.
Lorelai: (smiling) Well....It's nice to meet you...
Mazie: You too, honey. Come on, you two....Let's go find Buddy and get ya the best table in the house.
Mazie, Lorelai, and Luke walk into the dining room.
Lorelai: (looking around) This place is really great.
Mazie: Yeah...It pays the rent....(stopping in front of a table) Here ya go....The best table we got...Have a seat...
Luke: (sitting down) Thanks, Mazie....So, where's Buddy?
Mazie: Ah...He's around here somewhere...(calling out) Buddy!....Buddy!...
Suddenly, an older man with a beard appears, with a bottle of champage and two glasses.
Buddy: (rolling his eyes) I heard ya the first time, woman...Lucas is here...I know...I had to grab the champagne....
Lorelai: (already seated, looking at Buddy) Champagne?
Buddy: (smiling) Of course...It's time to celebrate...Our boy Lucas is here....after 4 months of being MIA...and...He's brought a young lady....
Mazie: (smiling, patting Luke on the shoulder) Yes...Lucas never brings his girls here...This is a special occasion...This calls for champagne...
Luke: Uh...I'll have a beer, if that's okay...
Mazie: (rolling her eyes, talking to Lorelai) He'll have a beer....How classy...He's not doing a very good job of channeling James Bond.
Lorelai: (laughs) Double O Luke.
Mazie: (smiling) You got it.
Buddy: So...Is someone gonna introduce me to this lovely lady, or should I guess her name?
Luke: (smiling) Buddy...This is Lorelai.
Buddy: (shaking Lorelai's hand, smiling) Beautiful name for a beautiful girl...It's my pleasure....So, tell me you're gonna have some of this great champagne even if Lucas isn't?...
Lorelai: (smiling) I'd love some.
Buddy pours the champagne.
Mazie: Well...You two brace yourselves...We're gonna cook you up somethin real special...I hope you brought your appetites....Lorelai, you're not one of those girls who eats rabbit food and then uses a Stairmaster for three hours?
Luke: (rolling his eyes) Don't worry about her...She can eat more than the three of us put together.
Lorelai: (nodding) It's true...You know that Japanese guy who eats all the hot dogs...I frighten even him with my mandibular mania.
Buddy: (laughs) My kind of woman....Good appetite...sense of humor...and a looker....Great job, Lucas...
Luke: (holding up his hands) Hey...I had nothin to do with it.
Mazie: (grabbing Buddy by the arm) Come on, Hun...Let's leave these two lovebirds alone...
Mazie and Buddy leave. There's a moment of silence before Lorelai looks at Luke and speaks.
Lorelai: So...They know you, huh?
Luke: (rolling his eyes) Yes...They know me....
Lorelai: (smiling) They're sweet...and they called you Lucas.
Luke: (sighing) I know...unfortunately....Besides my parents and Mia....They're the only ones who have ever been allowed to...So, don't start...
Lorelai: (putting her hand on top of his) Come on....Let me call you that....
Luke: (shaking his head) Nope...I hate that name...
Lorelai: (smiling) Well, I like it...It's nice...
Luke: (smiling) Yeah?
Lorelai: (nodding and smiling) Yeah.
Luke: (still smiling) Okay...We'll see...Maybe for you...
Lorelai smiles at him, lets out a little laugh, and then looks down.
MADAME CHERRY'S JUBILEE--LATER THAT EVENING
Lorelai takes one last bite of pie and puts the fork down.
Lorelai: (sighing) Besides yours of course....That was the best blueberry pie I've ever had...
Luke: (smiling) Yeah...the food here is great...Mazie taught me to cook, you know...
Lorelai: (surprised) Really?
Luke: (looking down) She and Buddy lived two houses down from ours when I was a kid....They were friends with my parents...When my Mom got sick...Mazie used to come over and cook us dinner...After my Mom passed away...my Dad wasn't real good in the kitchen...So...Mazie still stopped by every other day...made sure we had a home cooked meal at least a few nights a week...Then...her and Buddy bought this place...decided to renovate it...turn it into a restaurant....They sold their house in Stars Hollow and got a place here....Before they moved, Mazie wanted to make sure that the three of us were always well fed....so she taught me as much about cooking as she could...and then left alot of her recipes...and some books, so that I could figure out the rest on my own...I've tried to keep in touch with them over the years...visit as often as I can...They don't have any kids of their own...and they were always so good to us....So...
Lorelai: (smiling) They mean a lot to you, don't they?
Luke: Yeah...They're really good people.
Lorelai: And...you brought me here....To meet them...You never brought anyone else here before?
Luke: (looking down) No...I...I just wanted you to know them. (Luke looks at her.) Look, you know me pretty well...probably better than almost anyone...and you're a part of my life now...Well, you've always been a part of my life, but now you're a bigger part...and I know that with Nicole, I did everything half-assed...You know it, I know it...I didn't put alotta effort into our marriage...and I guess that's one of the reasons that it didn't work...I mean...it didn't help that she was bedding the SockMan...but our break-up wasn't entirely her fault either...But, that's over now...I'm with you...and I plan to do things right this time...So, I just want you to know that this thing we're doing here...I'm in....I am all in....
Lorelai: (smiling) Good to know...and I'm glad.
Luke: (smiling) Good.
Mazie appears in front of the table.
Mazie: (smiling) So...How was everything?
Lorelai: Delicious...I can see where Luke got his great culinary abilities.
Luke: (smiling) Yeah...You guys outdid yourselves....Hey...Can we have the check?
Mazie: (waving him off) Nope...Food's on the house...
Luke: No...Let me pay...
Mazie: No, Honey...Keep your money...Buy this girl somethin pretty...
Luke: (smiling) Alright, if you're sure...but pomise that I can take you and Buddy out soon for dinner...
Mazie: (putting her hand on Lorelai's shoulder and looking at Luke) Ah...Sweetie...Hold on to this one....He's somethin special....
Lorelai: (smiling, looking at Luke) That's the word on the street.
OUTSIDE OF MADAME CHERRY'S JUBILEE
Lorelai and Luke leave the restaurant, and as they step outside, they notice that it is beginning to rain.
Lorelai: (stepping back under the restaurant awning) Aw...I guess we're gonna have to make a run for your truck....
Luke: (shaking his head) No...You stay here...I'll go get it...Be back in 2 minutes...
Lorelai: You're gonna get soaked!
Luke: (smiling) Yeah...But you won't......I'll be right back...
Luke leaves Lorelai standing there. She watches him go, and an indescribable expression falls upon her face. One could venture to call it a mixture of realization and contentment.
LUKE'S APARTMENT--LUKE'S BED--LATER THAT NIGHT
Luke is lying sans shirt--FINALLY--under the covers, with Lorelai resting her head on his chest. She starts to smile and then laugh.
Luke: (curiously) What?
Lorelai: (looking up at him) I can't believe you actually thought that I wanted to come here.....for coffee.
Luke: Hey...You only drink a gallon of the stuff a day...and I should know...I'm your main supplier.
Lorelai: (smiling) But Luke...
Luke: Not that I'm complaining--But this being our first real date, I didn't exactly expect the night to end this way.
Lorelai: (rolling her eyes) Oh please....Not one time tonight, did the thought cross your mind that this could happen?
Luke: (lying) No.
Lorelai: (smiling) Luke...
Luke: (smiling) Okay...Maybe once...But the odds weren't exactly in my favor.
Lorelai: Sure they were...I always put out on the first date.
Luke: (sighing) And here I thought I was special.
Lorelai: (smiling) Technically you are...I usually make a guy pay for dinner and a movie before he gets me into bed...You just had to feed me.
Luke: (rolling his eyes) Well...Eating is your favorite pasttime.
Lorelai: (leaning up and kissing him) Um...second favorite...Now...
Luke: (smiling and pulling her closer to him) Ah, I see.
Lorelai: (looking him in the eyes) Seriously, I want you to know that I don't normally do this.
Luke: Do what?
Lorelai: Jump into bed with a guy, at the drop of a hat.
Luke: (nodding) Oh...so just with me...and hey, I wasn't even wearing my hat when this happened.
Lorelai: Paging Robert Stack in the Great Beyond....Yes!...The mystery has finally been solved.
Luke: (curiously) What mystery?
Lorelai: Hmmm....There's been much debate as to whether or not "the hat" is worn when Luke Danes does the Horizontal Mambo.
Luke: (in disbelief) You gotta be kidding me?
Lorelai: Nope.
Luke: You're serious?
Lorelai: (holding up her hand) Swear on Taylor's Toupee.
Luke: (rolling his eyes) You people have too much time on your hands.
Lorelai: (lying her head back down on his chest) Looks like it's my duty to report this important finding at the next town meeting.
Luke: Not if you ever wanna Mambo again...
Lorelai: (looking up at him) Ugh...Fine...You win....Happy?
Luke: (pausing a second, then smiling) Very.
Lorelai: (smiling) Ah, I see.
Luke: So, I guess this officially makes me your boyfriend.
Lorelai: (with that pondering look) Or Stars Hollow's first male prostitute.
Luke: (sighing) Uh..."boyfriend's" good for me.
Lorelai: (smiling) I dunno...With a town full of willing cutomers like Miss Patty and Babette...You're sure to earn a pretty penny.
Luke: (rolling his eyes) I'll stick with my day job.
Lorelai: (smiling) Yeah...You're good at that too.
Luke: Well...I'm a man of many talents.
Lorelai: (giggling) No arguments here.
Luke: (kissing her and then pulling back) We should get some sleep.
Lorelai: (raising her eye brows) Oh...So you want me to spend the night?
Luke: (sarcastically) No....Go fnd your clothes and get the hell outta here...Lorelai...Of course, I want you to spend the night.
Lorelai: (smiling) Good...Cuz I'm lovin' this bed...It's comfy...When did you get it?
Luke: Uh...I dunno...Awhile ago...So, you like it?
Lorelai: (nodding) Uh huh...It's a...very...spacious.
Luke: Yeah.
Lorelai: I mean it...We could fit like two Sumo wrestlers on here with us....
Luke: (brow furrowed) Why would we do that?
Lorelai: I dunno...If we got really bored...or lost a very weird bet....although, I don't understand why we would agree to terms like that before we made a bet...but who knows?
Luke: (sighing) You're babbling.
Lorelai: (smiling) So shut me up.
Luke: (smiling) Gladly.
Luke kisses her. After the kiss, Lorelai pulls back, smiles, and lays her head on his chest again.
Lorelai: (quietly) Luke?
Luke: Yeah?
Lorelai: (smiling) I like this.
Luke: (smiling) Yeah, me too.
Luke leans over to turn the lamp off. The two lie there in silence for a second.
Lorelai: (quietly) Luke?
Luke: Yeah?
Lorelai: (giggling) Love the tattoo.
Luke: (laughing) Thanks.
The End.