Ayye! Let me be the first to say: "Congratulations! You are now reading my first ever story here on Fan Fiction" :D Yayer! I'm really nervous about this being my first time...I'm a Fan Fic Virgin! D: So, that being said...please be gentle with me :P This is a story that I have been typing for a very long time, I thought that it was about time to post this on Fan Fic, maybe get a few reviews, followers and readers! Choice is yours to review or not, no pressure...! But I would like to know your thoughts on this -_-

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing of Bleach! Abso-bloody-lutely NOTHING! Nothing with a capital 'N', nope! Nadda! Never will...not even in my dreams -_-

NOTE: This is an O.C type of story and it's a boyxboy sort of thing, so if your not into that sort of thing...turn back and never return. (I love boyxboy...Go ahead...judge me! xP Nyaah!)

P.S: I got no Beta or auto correct things on this...thing. So yeah...! 7_7

"It is easy to go into Hell; day and night the gates of dark Death stand wide, but to crawl back out to retrace one's steps...now there's the rub, the task."

Chapter 1/ Stone Cold Daze

Ichigo kept his eyes on the ceiling, for about an hour now...that was all that he was looking at. He felt not an ounce of sleep that hazed his mind or weighed on his eyes, he didn't feel tired and he didn't feel the need to be laying in his bed, counting the seconds for the expecting dawn, which was hours away. He didn't want to lay there, waiting.

What was wrong with him? Since when had killing Hollows become something he wanted to do all the time? It was more of a chore than anything else, so why feel the need to go out and look for them?

"Damn it...!" He gave a low whisper and held his head, as if he were trying to rid his mind of the pending thoughts of killing Hollows. It was sick...it was sick to feel the need to kill them.

For awhile now...

His mind hadn't been...thinking straight.

He knew that it must be from the lack of sleep, otherwise he wouldn't be having such morbid thoughts. But how could he sleep...when his nightmares are the main cause of his little bout with insomnia.
It's been weeks since he had been able to sleep peacefully, and as the nights went by, each was being ripped away from him by the nightmares. Each and every night, sleep was growing thin and his nightmares were now causing him to lie awake almost all night, in fear that he might have them again.

It was always that one...and only nightmare.

Just the one was becoming his reason for torment and restlessness.

Ichigo shuddered, his thoughts of that terrible dream rendered him so vulnerable and...scared. That reoccurring nightmare...

"No...!" He shook his head free from the thoughts that were slowly consuming him. I don't...want to think about it! He shifted in his bed, wrapped the blanket up around his shoulders, and he sunk lower into the covers like that was his only protection from the lurking shadows all around him. He fought off the urge to fall asleep, he didn't want to sleep...not now...not ever, not until that damned nightmare went away. He hoped it would...he could only hope that it would leave his subconscious and stop tormenting him day and night.

What was happening to him? Was he going insane? Was this what insanity felt and how people are drawn into it? What ever it was...he kind of knew deep down that it was driving him mad.

"Go away...just go away..." He mumbled to himself, lately that was all he found himself doing at nights...talking to himself. That was all he could do to relieve the silence that engulfed everything around him, sure he could talk to someone about it...but he chose not to. He didn't like talking about himself, especially to others, that just wasn't his thing. He was never comfortable around people to begin with and at times he often wondered why he had so many friends when he had none at first glance. How many people became his friends...was a mystery even to him.

"Ichigo...? Are you feeling alright? Did you get any sleep last night?" Yuzu asked graciously and poured him his orange juice.

Morning had come way to fast, it wasn't just moments ago that he was laying in bed waiting for it to arrive, it actually surprised him this time that dawn came quickly. It must have been the book he was reading, he wasn't into it...but it did pass some time.

Ichigo, too preoccupied with staring at his food, was unaware that his little sister was talking to him.

"Ichigo?" Yuzu called but as soon as she was about to tap his shoulder, Karin chucked a grape at his head, which had seemed to work as Ichigo held his head and looked up with a frown.

"What was that for?"

"Yuzu was talking to you!" Karin snorted, as she stuffed a forkful of pancake into her mouth, spitting out crumbs as she chewed and made a face at him, only to get another frown from her brother.

"Karin! Eat properly! And don't throw your food!" Yuzu pointed at her sister and then turned to Ichigo, "sorry, Ichigo she was-" Once she turned, she seen him walk away from the table, and seeing this made her even more worried of his behaviour. Lately...Ichigo just wasn't acting as himself, Karin always dismissed it as "teenager problems" but that just didn't suit Ichigo, he was not one to fret and fuss over trival things. Teenager or not...he just wasn't himself.

Ichigo sighed and began putting on his jacket, it was late autumn, so a jacket was required, but as he was about to turn his heel and head out the door...he seen him coming at him full speed.

"IIICCHHHIII-"

Quickly, Ichigo opened the door and got out of the way as his father was launched into the air and outside the door in a matter of seconds, and was now laying in the cold ground, face planted in a pile of leaves which his entire head was now covered in.

"Bye, Yuzu...Karin" He walked away from the group in a hushed silence after he had said his farewell and didn't bother to look back.

"Dad! Ichigo isn't well! You should at least try and cut back on your morning attacks!" Yuzu stood at the door way, her hands on her hips like she was a scolding mother. She looked down on her father who looked up from the leaves and looked over to his daughters.

"But daddy likes to attack!" He smiled, making Karin roll her eyes.

As they rambled, Karin's attention was on her brother, who was slowly disappearing into the distance. Like Yuzu, she was worried too, as every sibling should be when the other isn't feeling well, or in this case...acting normal. Ichigo, dispite looking angry all the time, was really fun and easy going...frequently loud at times, but he was a great joy to have around, and now...now it was different. Instead of looking like a punk...he looked...sort of depressed. She kept saying to Yuzu that this was how teenagers acted when they reach a certain point where they're all hormonal, childish guys, but Ichigo was far from hormonal...he looked strained. Strained of energy, strained of sleep and definately strained from his family. He was like a zombie or a stranger.

What was wrong with her brother?

Why did he act this way?

She even wondered how he was at school, did his friends know about his drastic change in mood? Are they even worried? Do they care?

The thought of them not caring made her angry, if they didn't notice then perhaps that was the problem. She wished she could sneak into his school and see what all happens...but there would be no way.

So what can you do...? A brother that doesn't like to talk about his problems, external or internal, and who dislikes people who ask him what were his problems. There is simply nothing you can do...nothing, but watch him struggle with day to day things.

What's troubling you...Ichigo...?

Karin sighed and looked above at the clouds that passed by rather quickly in the wind, it was autumn, and the days seemed to get more windy everyday. The trees were bare from their leaves and the only thing that waits to cover them is a blanket of snow, which will happen soon with all this cold air and wind.
She shivered and looked over to the street one last time where she had seen her brother last.

Ichigo looked up at the clouds, then back on the ground as he watched his feet walked in a slow pace.

He felt tired and weak, which was the feeling he had for the past two weeks. He never knew that feeling this way was taking a toll on his family...and on his body. When was the last time he had a good meal? All he ever ate was a nibble of food each day, even with the tasty dishes served from Yuzu went untouched. He hadn't slept for two goddamn weeks and he wasn't able to focus on his school work.

Was this all caused by one stupid nightmare?

Certainly it must have been other reasons, but no matter how hard he thought about it...the only answer he came up with was indeed the nightmare. How was it possible to have everything feel like a struggle just by his night terrors?

He stopped in his tracks, finally he was able to think a little more clearly.

This all happened when he killed that Hollow...

He didn't remember killing it...and that wasn't the strange part...what was strange was that it was dead in a matter of seconds.

And ever since that day...all he kept hearing was...that voice. The voice of a beast...

It echoed, it resonated...

This one voice...was coming from his mind.

That Hollow side of himself was talking...talking loud enough for him to hear it all around him, echoing deep inside the consciousness of his brain. It was talking like he usually did back in the past.

"Ichigo...why are you wasting your time on this thing? Have you forgotten how to live? You live to fight...yet here you are, fighting a low common Hollow who hasn't the slightest clue on how to fight and put up a good challenge. If I were in control...I would have burned this entire town into the ground, bury it down into the fiery depths of Hell and watch everyone...BURN AND DIE!"

"SHUT UP!"

He yelled out loud and felt completely stupid for doing such a thing. He was remembering, so why tell this "voice" to shut up when he was silent today.

"That's it...I'm going insane. I need help...!" He scolded himself as he started to walk again, taking his strides slow and kept his eyes to the ground. He felt himself sway, but that must have been from the recollection that caused his sudden dizziness.

I need to see Urahara...maybe he knows something about this. Ever since that..."thing" made his voice known, all I've been having are nights filled with one occurring nightmare. But...the thing is...that thing hasn't spoken a word since then and only then...so what's going on...? That damn thing should have been gone...ever since I-

As he was about to turn into the school, his eyes strayed from his feet and up at the large building. It looked sort of depressing from where he stood, with the dark gray clouds shrouding the area, the howl of a lonely wind and a rustle of dead leaves made it look like a visual of prison. He wondered how a school can look so much like a penitentiary than anything else.

He sighed and walked into the building...but something felt off. There was something wrong...with him. He felt his chest tighten, and his breath was caught inside his throat, as he started to heave, he felt his stomach twist in pain and soon nausea settled in. His legs trembled and his body started to break out in a cold sweat.

"Damn..."

He muttered as he leaned up against the wall and held his stomach. He felt sick...incredibly sick, and he was getting weaker and weaker by the minute. What was happening to him?

He tried to walk again, but it wasn't possible to ignore a feeling like this, his body was unstable and even his mind began to cloud, and every time his eyes glanced somewhere he seen only obscure objects and blurred walls.

"Ugh..." He fought off the urge to vomit and he held his head as it started to go into a frenzy of whirling dizziness.

As he made one last step, his knees buckled under and he collapsed to the floor.

His vision was slowly fading into darkness and the last thing he had seen...was the unrecognizable blur in the distance that walked in his direction, and after that...he seen nothing else.

Mm...where...am I?

Ichigo felt himself struggle to open his eyes, even that was a complex thing to do when he was this weak.

"Ugh..." He slowly fluttered his eyes open and he squinted in the bright light, which looked to be hovering above him.

"Ichigo? Ichigo!"

He blinked a few times and stared, he was taken back at what he had seen the first moment he opened his eyes, which was to see a pair of glasses look down at him with nothing but the light reflecting from them.

"GAH!" He pushed the head aside, causing the the person to fly back and onto the floor with a loud "oof!"

Ichigo looked over and blinked cluelessly. "Uryu...? What are you doing here?"

"Agh..." He looked up with his chin on the floor and glared viciously. "Idiot! Do you even know where 'here' is!? Look around! You're in the infirmary..."

Ichigo glanced around and sure enough...he was in the infirmary.

"How'd I get here...? How long was I passed out?" He looked to Uryu who was just getting up from the floor, looking rather displeased that he was pushed to the ground.

He dusted himself off with a scowl. "I brought you here, I just happen to stumble upon you in the hallway" He looked at his watch and pushed up his glasses. "And you've been out for at least 15 minutes"

"So why are you here...?" Ichigo eyed him and raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure that I would have been fine without you being here..."

"Shut up! You should be lucky that I didn't leave you out in the hallway!"

There was a silence.

"How long ago has it been since you last ate something decent?" Uryu pushed up his glasses and kept his dark blue eyes on him.

Ichigo turned his head away. "It's none of your business! I'm fine, alright!?"

"No you're not! You're obviously not eating well! This pass out today was just proof that it's from malnourishment! And by the looks of those dark bags under your eyes, means that you aren't sleeping either."

"Back off! Why do you care anyway? I don't need you looking after me you know!?"

"Shut up! That doesn't give you a reason as to why you're ignoring your friends and keeping your distance! They want to help you, Ichigo, but you're too stupid to even care."

Ichigo kept quiet and turned his eyes to the wall next to him. "I'm fine..."

"Orihime is worrying about you..."

"Well tell her that I'm okay."

"Tell her yourself, I'm not going to tell her..."

Ichigo glared at the four-eyed pain in the ass and gave an exasperated sigh. "Whatever..."

Silence again...

"Look...I'm fine! So you can leave now...unless you want to talk some more..." Ichigo said sarcastically, only to recieve another hard glare from the boy. "Go ahead...talk."

"Shut up..." Uryu hissed and with a sharp turn of his heel, he began to walk away. Ichigo blinked, perhaps he got Mr. Stick-Up-His-Ass mad, but then he looked back at him once more. Uryu stared at the exhausted looking teen and furrowed his eyebrows. "I don't expect you to listen...but if you don't start taking care of yourself, then not only will you end up hurting yourself but every one else." With that being said...he was gone.

Ichigo sat there and stared at the wall.

Hurting...everyone else...?

Now that was something to make him think, he swore to protect those he loves...so why put them through the pain that he was feeling? That was obviously not his intention...he never wanted to worry them...but...

Ayye! First chapter done! Yeah! *fist pumps air* Yeah, its a bit angsty but hey...how would you feel if you lost your Soul Reaper powers...? Pretty low I bet! :p Anyway, tell me what you guys think, just to let you know...to all my pretty little boyxboy fans...I assure you...the boy is on his why! I repeat...the boy is on his way. But first...you gotta tell me what you think on this chapter before I move on...! ^o- ~3 *Blows a kiss*

Ta-tah!

QueenKill33