(READ) - AN/ Well.. I found my old portfolio, and I wrote this Degrassi oneshot a few years ago.. Though I didn't write any names, so I'm not sure who this is supposed to be about. If I recall correctly it's supposed to be an alternate universe for sean/ellie.. Ellie as a teen mother, struggling with her demons as well as Sean struggling with his.. enjoy, hopefully.. Sean's PoV.
Love is a Battlefield.
I know I shouldn't, but I do anyway.
I can't help but love her.
we never speak, but I hear her singing at night.
We still sleep in the same bed. Though it's hers, she still sleeps on the old side, away from me...
Sometimes I hear her crying. I can't do anything about it, but in my mind I'm holding her and brushing her tears away.
I wake up and sometimes find the other side of the bed empty. I panic every time, wondering if she'd run away or hurt herself. I stay awake until she returns. Some nights when she doesn't...I find myself praying for her.
She still drives me to school every morning, and I turn her music up full blast. It reminds me of old times.
Sometimes I catch myself watching her... She is so graceful. Even if she's just doing the dishes or playing with our son, it's still enough to make me smile.
I've found her passed out on the bathroom floor more than once, a bloody mess dancing around her. Her skin was always so white, her body cold. Too cold. I simply cleaned up her mess and returned her to the safety of our bed.
She has nightmares almost every night... she wakes up sobbing, looking so fearful. Those are the nights where I know I have to comfort her... no matter what we thought of each other. I'd hug her and stroke her hair. But she's so thin and cold, so fragile that I fear if I embrace too tightly I'd hurt her... I would inhale her sweet scent while I could. I'd kiss her softly and tell her she'll be fine and everything would be okay. We both knew it way a lie.
Then she would fall asleep and I'd be forced to let her go...
She never smiles anymore. Not even our son could make her smile. Nobody could.
Her eyes look so dull and worn out. Her skin is slightly sunken, she's starting to look lifeless.
There's nothing I can do to help her... We don't speak, we don't even look at each other. She doesn't seem to even notice when I'm around. I'm just... there.
Her eyes used to spark with joy whenever she saw me, we used to watch movies together and laugh. She used to make sarcastic remarks about the most unimportant things, and I'd tell her how much I love her. And she'd tell me she loves me too.
Now there's nothing left of us.
She told me once, how it hurt to smile. How it hurt to laugh. It hurt to breathe, to exist.
I didn't listen when I should have, and now it's too late. She's gone.
She told me this, this was HER battle.
The battle she was surrendering.
AN/ Well? Reviews? I'm sorry it's so angsty...