Hi there! Thanks for checking out my story! I warn you now, this is a pure crack fic. It makes no sense, but is made of awesome like Prussia. Seriously, I had a bad day and wanted to write a crack Hetalia piece. I wanted to write with the Bad Touch Trio (mostly Prussia) and Canada. Hope you enjoy, something for everyone in this one! Loosely (very loosely) inspired by an event between me in my Canada cosplay at a Con with a Prussia.
Please read and review. Crack or not, I appreciate feedback. :)
Prussia was sitting awkwardly in the chair. He had both legs dangled over one arm with his back resting on the other. Honestly, the position was quite uncomfortable, his legs were tingling with sleep and the small of his back was begging him to adjust, but it looked too cool not to be doing. He glanced around the room with a vacant, bored stare. This afternoon had to have been one of the dullest he'd had in a while. He was with two of his best friends, France and Spain, but they were as bored as he was. Spain was absentmindly plucking away on his guitar and France was quietly humming to himself, staring at his nails mumbling how much he needed to get another manicure. Prussia couldn't take it for much longer.
"This is so NOT awesome! When did we turn into a bunch of silly, langweilig, twits doing nothing but twiddling our thumbs?" Prussia cried out throwing his hands in the air. France let out a sigh.
"Zhere is nothing to do at ze moment, mon ami." France said looking to Spain for his input. Prussia scoffed.
"There is ALWAYS something to be done! Are we not the 'Bad Freunds Trio' or whatever the hell the other nations call us?" he said raising his voice more than necessary. Spain smiled and nodded.
"Si, we are, but I suppose today is an off day for us, no? It happens sometimes," He said almost cheerfully, like he was reveling in the boredom. It was too cheerful for Prussia to take, he clicked his teeth with disgust and stared evilly at his two friends.
"I do not have 'off days' because I am made of AWESOME and the AWESOME me does not get bored!" He yelled, gesturing wildly with his hands and kicking out his feet. That was mostly an attempt to get the tingling to go away, all it did was make it worse. Prussia just grimaced and folded his arms across his chest. He did not want to have to resign himself to spend a boring afternoon at the world conference building, but it was looking like he had no choice. His so called "freunds" weren't doing anything to change the situation.
They sat in agonizing silence for a while longer, Prussia taking every opportunity to make sounds that signaled his annoyance with his friends. France kept glancing at Spain, practically pleading with the looks he was giving him, to come up with an idea and fast. The last thing they wanted to deal with was an annoyed, bored Prussia. After, several more intense glances, Spain finally jumped up clapping his hands together. The motion made both Prussia and France jump.
"I know what we can do! Yea! It'd be so great!" Spain said excitedly. The other two looked at him curiously.
"Care to elaborate on zat brain wave for us?" France asked, somewhat eagerly. He had had no luck coming up with a solution to their problem and had been relying heavily on his tomato loving friend. Spain suddenly looked down at Prussia, almost menacingly, and pointed a finger at him. This certainly got Prussia's attention.
"Jou, Awesome Prussia. I challenge jou to a dare!" Spain said evenly, his body giving away how excited he was. He was practically shaking with excitement. Prussia's smile grew as wide as it had in hours and he finally relieved his aching back by jumping up out of the chair to stand in front of Spain.
"Dare accepted! What are the terms?" He asked. France came over so that they were almost huddled together. Spain dug quickly into his pocket and pulled out a thin foiled package. It was already opened and the smell of cheap chocolate hit their noses.
"I dare jou to play the Pocky game with the first person to walk through that door!" Spain replied, an evil grin twisting onto his face. France let out his signature laugh in approval.
"Zat is a brilliant dare Espagne!" He said, smiling almost as wide as Prussia had. Prussia turned his attention eagerly to the door. They were in the break room, so it was impossible to conceive no one would come in. Any moment now, some poor, unsuspecting nation would walk in and be at the mercy of the Bad Touch Trio.
They did not have to wait long before they heard light footsteps coming down the hall. Prussia grinned cockily as they drew closer. He snatched the foil package from Spain and stood in the middle of the room. The handle turned and the nation walked in. France gave a small gasp of horror, Spain began giggling like a school girl and Prussia just stared menacingly.
"Bad timing Birdie," he whispered so that only his friends could hear.
Canada walked in the room not even bothering to glance at the others. He was on a mission, he needed caffeine. The hot, dark liquid was the only way he could possibly endure these long meetings, particularly so, when those meetings involved extended period of times in the same room with his twin, loud, obnoxious America. He reached up and rubbed his temples before grabbing a cup, pouring some coffee into it. He began mumbling about America being a stupid hoser when Prussia coughed lightly. The sudden noise caused Canada to jump, nearly throwing the hot coffee all over the place. He whirled around to find two nations and one ex-nation staring at him intently.
"H-hi guys! What's, uh what's going on, eh?" He asked timidly looking at Prussia. He did not like the way he was looking at him. In a few quick strides, Prussia was in front of him, holding up the foil package. He expected Canada to instantly know what was going on, but Canada just looked at him with a blank stare. Prussia got frustrated and began to shake it roughly in his face, hoping that would give him a clue has to what was about to happen. Canada was still just as confused, throwing worried glances at Spain and France. France ran over and placed a hand on Prussia's shoulder.
"Perhaps, we should do it with ze next nation to walk in, non?" France asked worriedly. Canada was more confused as ever.
"Shut it France! Your liebhaber is going to have a special treat today, provided by the awesome Prussia!" He exclaimed. Canada tried to back up but found himself pressed against the counter. There was no escape and he had no idea what was going on. He cleared his throat to speak.
"What are we aboot to do exactly?" Canada asked quietly. Prussia pulled a piece of the chocolate candy out of its wrapper.
"Ksesese, the pocky game birdie. You do know how to play, yes?" Prussia asked, assuming everyone knew what it was. To his surprise, Canada shook his head. Prussia snapped his head at France, and France just grinned.
"We have not yet gotten to play zat particular game. I assure you, he knows othzers" France said winking. Canada turned a violent shade of red at the mention of his and France's very personal life like it was nothing. Spain was trying his best to hide his laughter.
"It is simple, no? Jou each bite an end of the biscuit, he will bite the other. Jou bite it until jour lips meet. Last person to pull out of the 'kiss' wins the game, si?" Spain said nonchantly, like it was the most normal game in the world. Canada swallowed hard.
"Uh, thanks but no thanks Prussia. I'd rather not, eh." He said trying to make his way to the door. He found his way blocked by Spain.
"Come on, it's harmless fun. France is right here, he won't let Prussia do anything too naughty to jou." He said smiling. Canada looked at France terrified.
"L'érable à sucre, you're not going to let him do this to me are you!" He asked panic started to rise. France looked at him softly.
"Qui, Spain is right, it is just 'armless fun, non?" France nearly whispered in Canada's ear, now blocking the way out on his other side. Canada's panic was more than just assumed now, he whipped his head from side to side looking at all three of them in turn. He almost wished his brother would come in and rescue him.
Prussia placed his hand softly on Canada's cheek and placed the pocky on his lips with the other. He leaned in very close and before putting it into his own mouth he whispered words of encouragement.
"Birdie, it won't be as bad as you think. I won't bite, I promise." he cooed. Canada sighed and bit down on the candy waiting for Prussia to do the same. Prussia smiled and followed suit.
He took a bite and was followed by Canada, it didn't take long for them to reach the center of the pocky. Canada's lips gently brushed Prussia's and he almost pulled back in surprise, however, if France didn't care and thought it was "'armless fun" he was going to do just that. Have fun.
Suddenly Canada threw his arms around Prussia's shoulder and pressed his lips firmly to his. The last piece of candy fell forgotten to the floor as Prussia gripped the side of Canada's face with his hands. He didn't try to pull away, he was going to win this, but the Canadian had surprised him for sure. The bits of candy they had yet to chew swapped freely between them, and he felt Canada's tongue slide gently into his mouth. Prussia smiled and returned the action. Canada gripped Prussia jacket hard, knowing he would soon pull away. He wanted to make sure France was rightly jealous before he did.
Canada finally smiled and pulled away, licking Prussia's lips and then his own.
"Guess I lose, eh?" He said cheerfully, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He just smiled and pushed France out of the way roughly so that he could leave. The coffee he had originally entered the room for left forgotten on the counter. The three friends watched him leave, dumbfounded and completely in shock about what had just happened. Prussia blinked and turned to France.
"Mien Gott…" He said weakly.
A/N: You didn't actually think I'd just let that happen to Canada did you? No sorry, in my headcanon, Canada has got a bit of a wild side. He usually reserves it only for France, but he made a special exception in this case :)