Hi folks!

Yeah, don't be surprised, this is an other self insert story, highly inspired by CPunchMaster and my dear beta, Some Random. You rock guys!

Anyway, I hope I can show you something new. A little irony here a little "moron-y" there and smack it with a frying pan. If that makes sense.

So let's sta...wait wait wait... I forgot a few things.

I'm new to this story-writing-thing-in-English (I'm a Hungarian), but I'm open to all criticism, be it flame or a helpful review. (I like the later the better) Be gentle, this is my first time.

Fast disclaimer: I own only myself (mostly) everything else belongs to the proper people/companies, like Lord Lucas, Obsidian Entertainment, Bioware... etc.

Rated "M" for language. For now

Now let's see how the sh*t hit the fan.:

'Hey, wake up...' I heard a voice and felt gentle fingers lightly shaking my shoulders. There's no way I'm waking up. I've just worked twelve hours and only slept about four before that. Find somebody else, I'm going back to sleep...

'Come on, you have to get up! I know you're awake.' I heard the voice again. If I were paying attention I would have found it strange hearing a woman's voice waking me up, considering I live with four more guys in a house where I rent a room for myself alone.

'Leave me alone. I'm tired.' I replied finally in a sleepy weak voice, but opened my eyes into narrow slits to get them used to the light. I was lying on my back all wet, my hair and underwear stuck to my skin. It was definitely not the way I went to bed.

Suddenly I sprung up and hit my face into something. I lay back with a groan, clutching my nose. I already hated this morning. I was seeing stars from head butting somebody who happened to be hovering over me as she tried to wake me up, and now she was next to me on the ground holding her head. At least that's what I felt, because my eyes were still fighting with the strong light and the fresh tears from the pain in my nose.

'Stop jumping around damn it!' She said, slowly getting up on her arms and knees, gently removing my hand covering my face. I could see her face finally. She was a young looking woman with short black hair, and somewhat pretty face.

While she inspected my nose, I kept staring at her face, checking out her delicate features. She seemed to have soft, pale-pink lips, cute little nose and deep blue eyes.

'You're going to be all right.' She said finally and stood up. I couldn't help but let my eyes roam over her half-naked, athletic body, clad only in some kind of formfitting white top and shorts. She was still wet, making her short hair stick to her forehead and her clothes almost see-through. And the cold air wasn't helping either... Oh man I'm such a pervert... When my eyes went back to her face, I met with her annoyed look. 'Keep your eyes in their sockets geez.'

'Yeah, sorry, it's just...' I was blushing madly and wanted to come up with something but she just rolled her eyes and waved dismissively.

'I'm just glad you're okay. It took a while to get you out of that tank. I wasn't sure you were gonna... never mind.'

`You weren't sure I was gonna what?' I asked raising a brow, not quite understanding what she meant.

'Look, your life signs were weak, but stable. I thought it's better to get you out of there, because something is odd here.' She looked around, inspecting the big mechanical door at the end of the corridor. It appeared to be stuck, with the locking mechanism spraying sparks on the floor.

'Yeah, definitely.' I looked around in this futuristic room, spotting five tanks. Three were full of some liquid and a person was floating inside each of them, while the two other were empty, one just a foot away from me. 'By the way, where are we?'

'I was hoping to get that answer from you.' She replied, holding out her hand to help me up. I accepted it and was soon standing near her, looking around.

'Well, I can't help you. I don't even know how I've got here, wherever here is. And who are you?' I asked curiously, looking in her deep blue eyes, trying to get some answer straight from her mind like I was a telepath or something.

'I'm Kara, and you?'

'Peter.' I looked around again, still not understanding where I was or how I'd got here. But the place seemed familiar and I had a bad feeling about this. 'So no ideas, I guess?'

She shook her head, running her fingers through her short hair. `No. Last thing I remember... I was on the Harbinger, a Republic vessel to meet with Admiral Onasi. We'd been attacked and after that... nothing, I woke up here.'

I blinked in surprise as I heard her words. Then my surprise soon became worry and nervousness. This can't be happening to me. There seems to be a lot of trans-dimensional displacement happening recently here on FFN. If that makes sense...

The day before yesterday I'd worked, then read some fanfiction, then watched SG: Atlantis until four in the morning, had to get up ten to nine to work twelve hours, then I watched some more SG:A, and then fell asleep. I'm sure it's just a very vivid dream... BUT WHY DOES MY NOSE STILL HURT LIKE HELL? I groaned and leant to the wall and slowly slid down, muttering 'This can't be happening' and then started laughing like a mad man. I just couldn't understand this.

'Come on, get a grip on yourself! What kind of guy are you...?' She said and yanked me back up on my feet.

'The lazy miserable kind... Can I just wait here for the Sith assassins?' They would kill me and I would just wake up. She frowned at my words.

'What do you mean by Sith assassins?'

'Well, if I'm correct then you are the Exile, an ex-Jedi, the one, who annihilated Malachor V and lost her connection to the Force. This is the Peragus mining facility, under lockdown by a crazy assassin droid, waiting for his mates to give you a lift and collect the bounty. And, above all of this mess, in a few hours the Harbinger docks here carrying an army of assassins and a maniac zombie Sith Lord, whose sole purpose is to kill you... I think.' I briefed her in a sarcastic tone.

'And how do you now this?' She asked unbelieving, with a lot of suspicion, like she's just met with an idiot. An idiot who knows a lot of things about her, and the current situation.

'I played the game...' Ok, now she's looking at me like I'm the craziest man in the universe. 'Yep... where I come from you are only a video game character, and this is...' I looked around, inspecting my environment. '...this is not real. It's just the creation of Obsidian Entertainment, approved by Lucas Arts.' I finished, not realizing that I was almost shouting in the end.

'Okay...' She took a step back, and held out her hands in front of her in a protective way. 'Just calm down, you don't need to shout, everything's gonna be all right.'

'Okay Bob, don't worry about a thing...' I rolled my eyes. 'I won't hurt you, I'm just a little... disoriented? Distracted? Desperate? Defeated? Do you know any more "d" letter words that express my current state? Sorry, I'm shouting again...' I shut up and tried to stop myself from rambling any more. 'Just leave me alone... I'm going back to sleep and then I'll wake up in my own, uncomfortable bed, with the familiar spring stabbing me between my ribs.' I said as I lay down onto the cold hard metal floor and closed my eyes. Soon I felt a shadow projecting over my face, and I looked up with one eye.

'You know... denial is not helping.' She started as she crouched next to me. 'Let's say...' She touched her chin, thinking. 'Let's say, I believe you're not a deranged idiot.' She said grinning and I grimaced and mumbled a short "thanks". 'But, if you are telling the truth, that this' she gestured at our surroundings 'is not real, and you know what is going to happen, then say something that would prove it.' She asked, almost in a provoking way.

'I've just said a lot of things.'

'Besides that, I mean... that only proves that you know... particular events about my past and... have a very imaginative mind... You could be just a creepy stalker after all...' She said slowly, stopping many times in mid-sentence, gathering her thoughts. I rolled my eyes and sat up.

'Thanks for your "compliments" and...' I sighed in defeat. 'Okay, so you'd like a demonstration? All right...' I stood up and went to the door for the morgue. 'There are two bodies in there. One has a plasma torch and the other is a deceiving bitch who pretends to be dead. At first. Then she trains you as you reconnect yourself to the Force, then betrays you as Darth Traya the Dark Lady of the Sith. Well, actually that's only in the end of the game, so don't worry about it yet.' She raised a brow sceptically and turned towards the door.

'So you're saying that there's an old woman in the morgue who's still alive? All right...' Before she could enter the room, I caught her arm and stopped her.

'Don't trust her. She deceives you.' She didn't seem to take it seriously. 'Please.'

'To be honest, I don't quite believe you, but if you are right about this and she is alive, then... I'll be careful.' I let her arm go and followed her into the cold room. It wasn't like in the game. It looked like an actual morgue, much more like in the movies, a few big lockers on the walls, and a few tables in the middle. One was occupied by a charred corpse and the other by Kreia. At least here (in the future?) they didn't use any formalin or other preservative chemicals. Believe me, they stink like hell.

'He has a plasma cutter that you can use to open the door in the hallway.' I pointed to the corpse lying on the table in the back. She went for it, her eyes glued on Kreia. I guess this zombie story I told her was a little scary. When she leaned over to search the corpse, Kreia finally sat up and pulled her hood over her eyes, then "looked" at us. First she glanced at me, and then turned towards Kara. I'm still not sure if she can see under that hood, or... never mind.

'So you've come to search the dead...' At her coarse, old voice our former general visibly winced and looked back over her shoulder before turned her whole body towards the old woman. 'What made you commit such a shameful act?'

'You're alive.' She stated and looked at me. I just shrugged in an "I told you" way.

'I was resting, gathering strength. Meditating. Some could believe I was dead.' She said in an even, cold, raspy old lady-like voice. Well, technically she was an old lady, but it still seemed like an act. She possibly practised it, recorded it, then played it back to analyse it and make it perfect so she can sound like an old, wise, creepy lady? I guess I never liked her. Who could? 'It was me, who awakened you.'

'And what are you doing here and how have you got here?' Kara asked suspiciously. I think she's starting to believe me or at least a part of my story.

'I don't know child. There are questions I just cannot answer.' Right like you would... That was when she turned to me. I could feel her mind probing mine, looking for answers. 'Who are you young man?'

'I'm Peter. Nice to see you alive, but we have to go... Kara?' I turned to the younger woman, holding out my hand in an inviting way.

'Go, find your answers, I shall rest here.' said the former-future Sith Lord (or Lady?) as the ex-Jedi walked next to me with the plasma torch in her hand. She was confused. Her eyes were moving between me and Kreia, not quite comprehending the situation. We stepped out of the morgue, leaving the old lady to herself

'Okay, let's say I believe you.' She said finally after a few seconds, deep in thought and stroked her hand through her short black hair. 'That was...' She just couldn't really find the words. 'What else can you tell me?'

'A lot of things, I guess.' I shrugged and leaned to the wall next to the stuck door. 'What do you want to know?'

'Everything?' She asked sheepishly and I couldn't hold back my laughter.

'Eager aren't we?' I said grinning, and then put on a more serious face. 'Look it seems fun and everything, but I think I'll skip this. This is nothing else but my mind's projected subconscious lusts in a very vivid dream. And when I wake up, I'll be back in my bed and forget this in a second.' I said to her, still not knowing how I could be here if it wasn't a dream. I've sure read a lot of KoTOR self-insert fanfics recently... but if it's a dream why not enjoy it while it lasts...?

I could do a million things here. It's way cooler than my shallow grey life back in Earth. Okay, this is still Earth, because it's just a dream and I'm lying in my bed at the moment, but I mean... fuck it's confusing. There is no proper explanation how can this be happening, so yeah, it's definitely a dream. And it's mine, so I can do anything I want. If anything bad would happen to me then I would just simply wake up, so no worries.

But what if it's not a dream? If it's somehow reality, a weird impossible one, then there are much worse dangers waiting for me, than waking up with a start. But still... it's time to live man, enjoy it while you can!

The next thing I saw was her hand waving in front of my eyes, and then she snapped her fingers. 'Hey, anyone in there?' She asked, annoyed that I zoned out for God knows how long. Or the Force knows... just to keep up the formalities.

'Yeah sorry I was just thinking.' I replied, my eyes tracing a narrow pale blue paint line on the floor and still thinking about my current situation.

'And?'

'And what?'

'What were you thinking about?' She asked impatiently. Well she wasn't the statue of proper Jedi traditions and beliefs after all... 'Are you going to tell me more?'

'No, I'm going to do this.' I replied and gently grabbed her by the waist and the back of her neck, digging my fingers in her still slightly wet hair. A second later our lips met, and I was kissing her passionately.