Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is not mine. The bad guys of Sailor Moon are not mine. I will take no credit for
their creation. I merely take credit for their follies while they are in my care.
Author's Note: I am sorry. I am so sorry. This peice of filth springs directly from a conversation I had with
my sister concerning Christmas presents from Nephrite, and the dubious virtues of Pina Coladas. I know that none
of you will ever recover, and any guests who are easily offended, please exit stage left. Thank you for your time.
Nephy-kum
"Almost.... Ahh.... Done...." Nephrite groaned and stretched, putting a cork on the wine bottle he held in
his right hand. "That'll teach the little fairy." He smirked. Now to deliver the "present."
~*~
A soft knock sounded at Zoisite's door. The copper haired general moaned and stood up, grabbing for the
handle to his door. "Who-" He scowled. "What are you doing here?" he asked his nemesis, eyes narrowed.
Nephrite smiled congenially. "Actually, Zoisite, I came to make amends. We can't go on as enemies
forever, and I wanted to offer a gift of truce." He held out a wine bottle filled with an opaque white liquid.
"I heard somewhere that you and Kunzite enjoyed Pina Coladas, so I brought a pre-mixed bottle."
"Uh... Thanks, Nephrite," Zoisite said uncertainly. "Uh... See ya..."
"You're welcome, Zoisite. Enjoy."
~*~
Zoisite stared at the bottle, wondering at what change of heart had caused Nephrite to be so... Carebear.
Did he trust this sudden desire to "be friends?"
He shook his head. Yeah, right, he thought. If Nephrite wants to 'kiss and make up,' I'm queen Beryl's
personal concubine, Kunzite has always been straight, Jadeite doesn't have a harem, and Nephrite's never
had a drop in his life. Still...
"Hey, what's that?" Kunzite entered, interrupting Zoisite's reverie. "Didn't think you drank."
"I don't." Zoisite grinned, maliciously. "Nephrite dropped this off for you. He said he doesn't drink Pina
Coladas and heard that you did."
Kunzite shrugged. "I'm pretty partial to them." He picked up the bottle and uncorked it. Zoisite smirked as
the silver haired man paused about to take a swig. "What?" Kunzite asked, annoyed.
Zoisite's smirk turned into an innocent smile. "Nothing. I've just never seen you drink straight from the
bottle before."
"Oh." Kunzite took a large swallow of the liquid, and had filled his mouth again before he tasted it. He
sprayed the mouthful, covering Zoisite with the offending liquid. "Did you say Nephrite gave this to you!?"
Zoisite nodded slowly, uncomprehending.
Kunzite dashed to the bathroom and knelt before the toilet, trying violently to vomit. Zoisite followed him
curiously. "What's wrong?"
The first King of the Dark Kingdom took his fingers from his throat long enough to reply. "Nephrite jacked
off into the bottle and disguised it!" He stood up and grabbed his toothbrush, covered it in toothpaste, and
furiously scrubbed at his mouth.
Zoisite looked down at his front. He was covered in a fine film of the stuff from his hair to his boots.
Turning a distinct shade of green, he tore at his clothing, fighting to remove it. When he had finally
stripped down to nothing, he dashed into the tub, turned the hot water to full blast, and started scrubbing
violently at his skin.
Kunzite watched his lover's antics for a moment, then decided to follow him. "Zoisite," he called. "Mind if
I join you?"
Zoisite's head appeared from the immense cloud of steam. He smiled. "Maybe we can rid ourselves of
Nephy's contamination together."
Kunzite hastened to join the smaller man in the shower.
~*~
Kunzite and Zoisite lay in bed, the larger man's chest providing a pillow for his smaller lover.
"We have to pay him back, you know," Zoisite twisted to look at Kunzite's face.
"I know."
"It has to be something atrocious."
"I know."
"I think I know what we can do."
Kunzite gazed placidly at the face of the small copper haired man. "Oh?"
~*~
"Almost... There... Ahh..." The two kings smiled at each other. "That'll teach him."
~*~
Nephrite sighed, entering his quarters in the Dark Kingdom. "How much longer can this go on?" he asked
himself rehtorically. He knew he could only survive so long in this world, and that time was growing ever
shorter with each of the Queen's disciplinary sessions.
He sighed again and stretched. Be that as it may, the only thing he wanted at the moment was to crawl into
bed. He stripped to his boxers, a comfortable undergarment he'd discovered on Earth, and pulled back his
blankets. Praying to whatever deity might have been listening that he might survive the Dark Kingdom
longer than his nemesis, he climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to his chin.
In an instant, he jumped up and threw back all his blankets. Why is my mattress wet? he thought
suspiciously, revolting at the clamminess covering his skin and shorts. Bending over, he sniffed at the
mattress. Smells very like...
Nephrite dashed to his bathroom, stripping along the way. He flipped the faucet to the hottest water it
would emit, and jumped into the shower. He scrubbed furiously at his body trying to remove all of the skin
affected by his moist bedding. On imagining all of the activities that would have occurred on the offending
mattress to make it so wet, he redoubled his vicious bathing, until his skin was bright red, and he was sure
he was disinfected.
"I don't believe they..." Nephrite shuddered. He knew Zoisite was depraved, but to do that on his bed, just
defied the precepts of demon logic.
Unbidden, a thought crossed Nephrite's mind. He tried to banish it, but it persisted, almost as though it
were being directed to him telepathically.
Payback's a bitch, ain't it?
~*~
What'd ye think? Pretty narsty, wasn't it?
"Unanswered questions are far less dangerous than unquestioned answers."
-Unknown
their creation. I merely take credit for their follies while they are in my care.
Author's Note: I am sorry. I am so sorry. This peice of filth springs directly from a conversation I had with
my sister concerning Christmas presents from Nephrite, and the dubious virtues of Pina Coladas. I know that none
of you will ever recover, and any guests who are easily offended, please exit stage left. Thank you for your time.
Nephy-kum
"Almost.... Ahh.... Done...." Nephrite groaned and stretched, putting a cork on the wine bottle he held in
his right hand. "That'll teach the little fairy." He smirked. Now to deliver the "present."
~*~
A soft knock sounded at Zoisite's door. The copper haired general moaned and stood up, grabbing for the
handle to his door. "Who-" He scowled. "What are you doing here?" he asked his nemesis, eyes narrowed.
Nephrite smiled congenially. "Actually, Zoisite, I came to make amends. We can't go on as enemies
forever, and I wanted to offer a gift of truce." He held out a wine bottle filled with an opaque white liquid.
"I heard somewhere that you and Kunzite enjoyed Pina Coladas, so I brought a pre-mixed bottle."
"Uh... Thanks, Nephrite," Zoisite said uncertainly. "Uh... See ya..."
"You're welcome, Zoisite. Enjoy."
~*~
Zoisite stared at the bottle, wondering at what change of heart had caused Nephrite to be so... Carebear.
Did he trust this sudden desire to "be friends?"
He shook his head. Yeah, right, he thought. If Nephrite wants to 'kiss and make up,' I'm queen Beryl's
personal concubine, Kunzite has always been straight, Jadeite doesn't have a harem, and Nephrite's never
had a drop in his life. Still...
"Hey, what's that?" Kunzite entered, interrupting Zoisite's reverie. "Didn't think you drank."
"I don't." Zoisite grinned, maliciously. "Nephrite dropped this off for you. He said he doesn't drink Pina
Coladas and heard that you did."
Kunzite shrugged. "I'm pretty partial to them." He picked up the bottle and uncorked it. Zoisite smirked as
the silver haired man paused about to take a swig. "What?" Kunzite asked, annoyed.
Zoisite's smirk turned into an innocent smile. "Nothing. I've just never seen you drink straight from the
bottle before."
"Oh." Kunzite took a large swallow of the liquid, and had filled his mouth again before he tasted it. He
sprayed the mouthful, covering Zoisite with the offending liquid. "Did you say Nephrite gave this to you!?"
Zoisite nodded slowly, uncomprehending.
Kunzite dashed to the bathroom and knelt before the toilet, trying violently to vomit. Zoisite followed him
curiously. "What's wrong?"
The first King of the Dark Kingdom took his fingers from his throat long enough to reply. "Nephrite jacked
off into the bottle and disguised it!" He stood up and grabbed his toothbrush, covered it in toothpaste, and
furiously scrubbed at his mouth.
Zoisite looked down at his front. He was covered in a fine film of the stuff from his hair to his boots.
Turning a distinct shade of green, he tore at his clothing, fighting to remove it. When he had finally
stripped down to nothing, he dashed into the tub, turned the hot water to full blast, and started scrubbing
violently at his skin.
Kunzite watched his lover's antics for a moment, then decided to follow him. "Zoisite," he called. "Mind if
I join you?"
Zoisite's head appeared from the immense cloud of steam. He smiled. "Maybe we can rid ourselves of
Nephy's contamination together."
Kunzite hastened to join the smaller man in the shower.
~*~
Kunzite and Zoisite lay in bed, the larger man's chest providing a pillow for his smaller lover.
"We have to pay him back, you know," Zoisite twisted to look at Kunzite's face.
"I know."
"It has to be something atrocious."
"I know."
"I think I know what we can do."
Kunzite gazed placidly at the face of the small copper haired man. "Oh?"
~*~
"Almost... There... Ahh..." The two kings smiled at each other. "That'll teach him."
~*~
Nephrite sighed, entering his quarters in the Dark Kingdom. "How much longer can this go on?" he asked
himself rehtorically. He knew he could only survive so long in this world, and that time was growing ever
shorter with each of the Queen's disciplinary sessions.
He sighed again and stretched. Be that as it may, the only thing he wanted at the moment was to crawl into
bed. He stripped to his boxers, a comfortable undergarment he'd discovered on Earth, and pulled back his
blankets. Praying to whatever deity might have been listening that he might survive the Dark Kingdom
longer than his nemesis, he climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to his chin.
In an instant, he jumped up and threw back all his blankets. Why is my mattress wet? he thought
suspiciously, revolting at the clamminess covering his skin and shorts. Bending over, he sniffed at the
mattress. Smells very like...
Nephrite dashed to his bathroom, stripping along the way. He flipped the faucet to the hottest water it
would emit, and jumped into the shower. He scrubbed furiously at his body trying to remove all of the skin
affected by his moist bedding. On imagining all of the activities that would have occurred on the offending
mattress to make it so wet, he redoubled his vicious bathing, until his skin was bright red, and he was sure
he was disinfected.
"I don't believe they..." Nephrite shuddered. He knew Zoisite was depraved, but to do that on his bed, just
defied the precepts of demon logic.
Unbidden, a thought crossed Nephrite's mind. He tried to banish it, but it persisted, almost as though it
were being directed to him telepathically.
Payback's a bitch, ain't it?
~*~
What'd ye think? Pretty narsty, wasn't it?
"Unanswered questions are far less dangerous than unquestioned answers."
-Unknown