Gundam Wing- The Lost Scenes
By Kairi Taylor
Disclaimer. No, I never created them. Soetsu makes it all. Everyone else is Rumiko Takehashi, Pioneer or Numbskulls Inc. (You know them as Marvel.)
(Lady Une is sitting at a lounge table with a film reel.)
Une: Welcome. Today, we've got a special treat for you Gundam fans. We're going to show you scenes that for various reasons, be it financial or seriously damaging to the directors psyche, was hidden from public until now.
(Sally Po comes on screen.)
Sally: Hasn't this lost scene bit been done to death?
Une: Yes, but people seem to enjoy it. Besides, the writer just thought of it this morning.
Sally: Eh, whatever works. But you just know there's going to be plenty of yaoi references.
Une: Nope, none.
Sally: You're kidding.
Une: I'm serious. Now let's get started.
Mobile Suit Gundam Wing
The Lost Scenes-Unveiled!
(Relena hands Heero an invitation to her birthday party. Heero promptly tears it in two.)
Heero: I'm going to kill you.
(Relena responds by kneeing him in the groin.)
Relena: BAKA!! Do you realize how much this invitation cost me?! As well as the price of getting all the proper decorations & considering carefully who I wanted to come to my party? Well do you??
Heero: Gomen nasae….
Relena: Now you listen to me, bucko! You're coming to this party whether you like it or not!! And don't let me catch you even entertaining any thoughts of upstaging me!!!
(Heavy Arms & Sandrock are fighting it out. As they stop in a face off, the cockpit to Sandrock opens up & Quatre steps out.)
Quatre: Hey! We shouldn't be fighting one another!! We—ack!!! (A flock of birds fly at Quatre, knocking him into the sand below.)
Trowa: Hey down there, you OK?
Quatre: Never better…
(Doctors are medically examining Heero.)
Sally: Geez, how look how many bone fractures does this kid have. Wait a sec doc; what's that in his hand here (points to X-Ray.)
Doctor: Um, well if I didn't know any better, I'd say those were—claws?!
(Adamantium claws pop out as Heero rips off his restraints.)
Heero: You had yer chance bub-now it's my turn!!
(An OZ mobile suit attacks the academy. As a piece of rubble is about to fall on Relena, Wing Zero-1 catches the debris. Unfortunately, it slips & falls on Relena.)
Heero: Opps. My bad.
(A side of a house is caved in as Wufei jumps in with his sword.)
Wufei: I am Wufei Chang—uh what the—
Tenchi: Just who are you?
Wufei: Isn't this Trieze's ship?
Ayeka: Does this look like a boat to you?
Ryoko: Wrong series. (Wufei walks out.)
Tenchi: Well at least it wasn't Mihoshi that nearly destroyed the house this time.
Sasami: Um, where is she? She's late for dinner.
(Over near the boat, Mihoshi's Galaxy Patrol Ship is on a crash course with Lady Une's Mobile Suit
Une: Oh hell.
(Duo shoots Heero just before he can shoot Relena. As Duo's about to fire again, Relena gets in front of him)
Relena: Stop!
Duo: Lady, what are ya doing?
Relena: Your aims all wrong!! Shoot like this! (Takes gun & shoots Heero in the leg.)
Duo: Oh, that's much faster.
(Heero's singing as he destroys wave after wave of Mobile Dolls.)
Heero: Hope unknown, sometimes just waking is surreal! I walk in through the nameless ones!
Quatre: Ok, who let him get to my Offspring albums again?
(Relena is dressed as the queen of the world as Dorothy comes in.)
Dorothy: So, are you ready, Ms. Relena?
Relena: Not quite. There's one thing I want to do.
Dorothy: What is that?
Relena: Make wild passionate love to another woman! Care to indulge me?
Dorothy: Sure!!
(As Relena & Dorothy kiss passionately, Kairi comes in.)
Kairi: Ahem!!!
Relena: What?
Kairi: I don't write yuri fanfics. No matter how much I want to.
(Duo & Heero are playing basketball. Relena comes in on her pink Limo.)
Relena: Heero, I've finally found you! I've been looking everywhere.
Heero: NOOOOO!!!!!! (Runs off the basketball court.)
Duo: What's with him?
(Cut to a train speeding on a snow filled night. Heero is in a trench coat, looking out the window.)
Heero (Thinking to himself): Once again, I'm on the road. When will I be free-free from the nightmare they call Relena?
(A bedroom wall caves in as Wufei jumps in with his sword.)
Wufei: I am Wufei Chang. I'm here to—
Akane: HENTAI!! (Akane bashes Wufei over the head with a nearby cabinet.)
Wufei: Oh no not again!! Someone get this bloodthirsty stupid onna away from me!
Akane: What did you call me? (A dangerous glow is stirred in Akane's eyes.)
Wufei: Me & my big mouth.
(Dorothy & Quatre meet up in the Epyon System Room.)
Dorothy: So, we meet at last, Quatre Rababre Winner. (Walks over to Quatre & starts to remove his clothes.)
Quatre: Ms. Dorothy, what are you doing?!
Dorothy: What would you rather do, have a meaningless swordfight or have wild meaningless sex? If you ask me, the show's writers deprived the viewers of what they want.
Quatre: Uh, I don't know about this (Dorothy unzips her suit to reveal she's not wearing anything underneath.)
Dorothy: Well?
Quatre: Oh to hell with it!! (Starts making out with Dorothy.)
(Quatre has Heero cornered in Wing Zero.)
Quatre: I guess it would be pointless to ask you to give up.
Heero: Actually, I was.
Quatre: WHAT?
Heero: Hey, I'm in a Vayate Mobile Suit & you've got the buster rifle pointed dead at me. How suicidal do I look?
Quatre: Good point. But before we leave you have to repeat after me.
Heero: Huh?
Quatre: This land…
Heero: Um, this land…
Quatre: …is made of…
Heero: …is made of…
Quatre (In Vash like voice.): LOVE AND PEACE!!
(Relena confronts Lady Une during the battle in space.)
Une: I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. (Hands her a gun.)
Relena: Actually, there's another way you can make this up to me.
Une: How?
Relena: You. Me. Bed. Now.
Une: Cool
(The wall to the Fanfiction Writer's Guild breaks in as Wufei jumps in with sword.)
Wufei: I am Wufei Chan—ack!! (Kairi is strangling Wufei with a Dreamcast controller cord.)
Kairi: WRONG SERIES, WRONG COUNTRY, And WRONG COMIC!!!
Jubilee: Never interrupt him during a marathon session of Capcom Vs. SNK.
(The wall to Treize's room breaks down as Shampoo comes in.)
Shampoo: Nihao!! Wait second, Shampoo not in Nerima! Not even in proper anime series.
Trieze: You're not the only one. (Trieze points to Mihoshi, Monet, Washu & Une, who are all playing poker.)
Washu: It's a long story.
(Millardo uses the beam sword on the Epyon to cut through the Barge's giant cannon. But it gets stuck halfway.)
Millardo: Oh, damn…er could someone kinda give me a hand here?
END!
Trowa: Well, that certainly was amusing! (Notices Kairi putting on black boots.) Hey, what's with the combat boots?
Kairi: I gotta ask a couple of quick questions-if ya wanna see SOMEBODY out there write a halfway decent yuri Gundam fanfic, give me a hell yeah!!
Crowd: HELL YEAH!!!
Trowa: Where did they come from?
Kairi: Don't ask me, I haven't the slightest idea. If ya wanna see me open the biggest can of whoopass on Tito98310 that has ever been unleashed give me another hell yeah!!
Crowd: HELL YEAH!
Trowa: Good response.
Kairi: Totally! (Walks off.)
Trowa: Well, see ya!!
Reviews, flames? Send 'em here!!
By the way, I've actually finished that revenge fic me & my partner were working on. If you want me to post it on Fanfiction.Net & see Tito get beaten bloody, give me a 'Hell Yeah'.
Later….