A/N: Hello, this is my first attempt at a serious, lengthy KakaIru fic. It is a story about Kakashi's coming of age that focuses on his relationships with male role models in his life: his father, Jiraiya and Minato. It also goes into depth about his fascination with the Icha-Icha novels. It is a companion piece to "The Tale of Two Pots." A lot of work went into crafting these two fics. Feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading!
Prologue
Kakashi was afraid of his father. He was relieved when he went out of town. When he was home, he would shut himself in his room with his books. Or he would tip-toe out the back door to play in the neighbor's back yard with the dog who was kept chained there and snarled at everyone but him. Sometimes, the man next door would chase him away and Kakashi would run to hide in the tall grasses behind the house.
Other times the man next door would kick the dog. One day, when Kakashi heard the dog whimpering he wanted to kill the man. He told him so. Something about this, Kakashi wasn't sure what, made it so the man took the dog inside. Kakashi missed the dog but he was glad he did not have to hear it crying anymore because it reminded him of when his father would kneel down in front of him and say things to him like:
"Hit me."
He didn't want to. In his moment of indecision his father pushed him to the ground. Kakashi wondered when he would be as big as his father and what it would be like. He looked at his mother standing in the frame of the door. She appeared worried. So, he did not cry. He stood to show her he was not hurt.
"Hit me, Kakashi," his father repeated. He did as he was told. He pulled his fist back and hit him so hard he heard the cartilage in his nose crunch. And his father held his bleeding face and said, "Good boy."
He looked at the blood on his knuckles and wondered what about that made him a good boy. As soon as his father left the room, his mother rushed over and scooped him into her arms. She buried her face in his hair and whispered:
"He loves you. He loves you so much he doesn't know what to do. My brave, smart boy he loves you so much he's lost. I'm sorry."
He held on tight. He loved his mother so much it hurt. When she was gone he would wait at the window for hours for her to come home just so he would be there when she walked through the door. But, he didn t cry on those days either. He wanted to when he saw how sad her eyes looked. He reached to pull down her mask to see if she was smiling. She was, but he wasn't sure that he believed her.
"You'll see one day. You won't be like that. Love is the only guide you'll ever need. I promise. You'll make me proud."
When his mother died, he put on her mask and the necklace she always wore and he waited at the window for it to stop hurting. He told himself he would take them off when it did. When he found his father dead Kakashi took his sword from his corpse, gathered his belongings, walked out the back door and didn't look back. He wondered if this was also something he did because he loved him.