Shattered Voice-
Rachel Berry hears voices, she is abused, bullied and neglected and what will it take to make her snap? Mentions of suicide and attempted suicide.
I'm not crazy!…
Or at least I don't think so…
Well, maybe she is a little…
Not everyone heard voices in their heads, but that didn't necessarily make me crazy… did it? No I couldn't possibly be insane, I'm Rachel Berry, I'm a winner, I'm a star, I'm… broken.
It wasn't the voices that were my biggest worry, in fact sometimes they were a welcome distraction from the crushing loneliness, it made me feel like I had someone and no matter what they told me, however nasty, condescending and sadistic, they never abandoned me like everyone else did. So for that reason alone I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone, I couldn't bring myself to part with them, I couldn't let them leave me.
You're worthless, pathetic, they wouldn't miss you…
I try and shake my head trying not to listen, she's the worst of the voices, it seems she's gone for now and I sigh in relief just to have a slushee thrown in my face, the jocks keep walking laughing and high-fiving each other. I stand there and feel so alone, Kurt, Mercedes, Tina and Artie go past me and don't even look at me and pretend I'm not even there. It hurts, I remember when each of them got a slushee thrown in their face and she comforted them and helped them clean themselves up, no one did anything but laugh at her.
They wouldn't notice if you were gone, you might actually make someone happy…
I go to the bathroom with my spare change of clothes and get changed, I'll probably have to throw my clothes out after today, I stare into the mirror and I am disgusted by what I see, my face looks so sunken from all the weight I've lost, turns out being skinnier doesn't magically popular, my eyes look so faded and the only thing that stands out on me is the red dye from the slushee. I barely even recognise myself, the girl in the mirror smirks at me.
Like what you see…
I am enraged, and I decide I don't like the voices anymore, not her, not her. I can't stand to look at her and I throw my fist through the mirror, my hand is stinging and burning and there is blood, so much blood. I stand in shock, I don't know what to do but before I can decide anything my hand reaches and picks up a shard of mirror, and I put in in my school bag. I run the tap so blood all washes down the sink and wrap my hand up in paper towel, and I make it out just in time for glee.
I walk straight to the back room, which had become a routine, I do not talk and no one says anything and if anyone has noticed they are pleased for this change. Mr Schuester talks about teamwork, unity and caring about one another and says they are doing a group performance, he asks how want to lead and everyone fights for the main part except me, I sit there silent and no one noticed, no one noticed that the girl with the voice of an angel, who's singing was her passion has just stopped. I ended up being placed at the back to sway, I used to love glee, I used to pour my heart and soul into this group now I hate it.
Glee is finally over and everyone goes out laughing, hugging and happy, not me, I watch Finn, the boy I had loved, and Noah, my childhood friend that used to be so sweet to me before he began throwing slushee's at me, both with a love struck look in their eyes trail after the girl who made it her mission to destroy me. Quinn Fabray, she took everything from me, she stole the guy I loved, she turned Puck my best childhood friend against me, she encouraged the jocks to throw slushee's at me, she put itching powder in my clothes and did everything that she could to humiliate me and make me look like a loser.
I can't deal with this today, I skip school and walk home and sit on my bed. I clutch my pillow my chest and start to sob, why? I helped her when she was pregnant and had no one and have always tried to be nice to her and get her to like me, to be my friend, but instead she tortured me and made my life hell. Why?
You're right, you did everything that a good friend does…
I usually try and block the voice out, but I just feel so alone and she sounds nice now, so I listen.
Don't cry, it's not you it's them they're jealous of you and they're going to keeping hurting you and breaking you down until you stop them…
I look over to my back pack and its open and I can she the shard of mirror, so sharp…