Just a little oneshot I wrote, in Azula's POV
Whenever people ask me why my fire is blue, I usually respond with a snide remark and a vicious glare. There questions irk me, but not in the way they think it does. It's not because I don't know how to answer them, it's because I do.
I remember when I first noticed my fire start to change color. It happened a few years after my mother disappeared. The day after she vanished felt different, strange to me. Zuko, of course, was devastated our mother had gone, and he had a right to be, for out of the two of us, he had the stronger relationship with her.
As for me, I had no relationship with my mother.
From the start, my mother knew I was an odd child – my sharp quips would often infuriate her. I, of course, being young, did not realize the severity of my words. There were times when I would attempt to "bond" with my mother, but these excursions often ended in bitter arguments. Over time, I stopped trying, allowing Zuko to get closer to her than I ever had. They got along well; often erupting in quiet laughter down the hallways, while I busied myself, either with my firebending, or with Mai or Ty Lee. I always envied the close-knit relationship Zuko and my mother had, wishing my mother would love me.
Then, the moment came when she called me a monster. From that day on, I knew my mother would never love me.
My mother's disappearance took a toll on the entire family, including my father. He became stricter, colder, hardly ever taking the time to bond with his children. He did, however, remain as my firebending teacher, becoming harsher than ever before. He pushed me constantly, always expecting the best from me. One misstep, just the slightest mistake, would set him off. He justified these methods by telling me that mistakes showed weakness, and that firebenders were never weak. On the other hand, Zuko became ever more distant from my father and I, detaching himself from the two of us.
In a few years, Zuko was banished, leaving me as the only child in the palace. I knew my father preferred me over Zuko, but it wasn't the same approval I craved from my mother.
I recall one particular day, when my training had been especially brutal. I had slipped while practicing a bending combo, and my father screamed at me, telling me that I was pathetic, worthless, not good enough. Afterwards, I raced toward my room and sat on my bed, fuming. I skipped dinner that night, fear rooting me to my room. That night, I had a dream that my mother came back, and that she had a change of heart, deciding to love me again. I awoke in a sweat in pure darkness, and, for only the second time in my life, I began to cry. The first time I cried was when I was two, when my father refused to take me out into the city. However, those tears stemmed out of anger, whereas on that night, I cried out of grief and anguish. I realized for the first time that I truly wanted my mother back.
After a few minutes of weeping, the door to my room burst open, and my father walked in, his night robes billowing about him. "Stop crying Azula, don't be weak, like the others. You're not like them. Stop it, stop crying." The words chilled me to the bone, and I quickly sucked in my tears to satisfy my father.
Months passed, and I learned to control my emotions, becoming cold, and numb to any feeling. There are still some nights where I find myself longing for my mother, but I stop the tears in its tracks, knowing it would only expose my weakness.
And I am not weak.
As always, reviews are always greatly appreciated!