I'm Dying Inside

Author's Note: So this takes place after Shadow Souls so obviously SPOILER ALERT. Basically it's just a fic about Damon dealing with becoming a human again, very dark fic don't read if you can't deal with it. Not much about Shinchi in here just Damon dealing with being alive.

I wasn't really planning on posting this I was only writing this to get the idea out of my mind so unless a get a few reviews at least I'll delete it and go back to writing it without an audience so if your interested in more, review it.

Warnings: Self-mutilation, gore, vulgar language, drug use, not a real happy ending fic, and maybe strong memories of child abuse..

Chapter One: Broken

"Don't forget to breath." Sage announced for the hundredth time that day. A dark glare was sent from Damon catching Sage's eye, causing him to smirk.

The Boarding House was silent and tense. Elena had finally calmed Stefan down so he could be in the same room as Damon without pouncing on him. Bonnie and Ms. Flowers were busy cooking food in the kitchen, every now and then asking Damon if he wanted anything to eat and like every time he would only stare off into space, no answer coming.

Matt and Meredith were sitting in the living room as well, researching the kitsunes, finding out what they could do next.
"Sage," Elena gave her warning tone, narrowing her eyes at him. "Leave Damon alone."

Damon scowled off into the distance, his eyes blank as he stared at the wall in front of him, his shallow breathing the only sound beside the clicking of Matt and Meredith's computer keyboard, that filled the room and he hated every breath.

The silence was suffocating and with each second Damon felt the walls close in around him, getting smaller and smaller. His skin started to scrawl and he started twitching and fidgeting in his seat.

As Matt was in the middle of his sentence explaining something to Stefan and Elena, Damon jumped up from the couch, swaying on his feet. He turned and hesitated once and without a second glance started walking up the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Stefan asked trying to keep his tone calm and even.

Damon didn't answer, he continued on walking until he was in his room. He hadn't talked much since he had become human, he mostly stared at the wall with a blank stare, hollow eyes.

It seemed the Damon they all knew was lost. This wasn't Damon anymore, just a hollow shell.

XXX
Damon sat on his back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling with a hateful gaze that could stop a full grown man in his tracks. He was silent on the outside, seemingly nothing going on inside his head but boredom but from the inside a flood of memories was washing over.

Damon saw red. It was everywhere in his mind, all the memories, every person he has killed. Memories of those he murdered. So much blood.

It seemed to rain blood inside his mind. Echoes of their screams ricocheted in his head. They screeched in his ears like nails on a chalkboard as if screaming accusation at him.

So many faces, he could barely remember them all. So many names, they all a been lost in the seams of his mind, or maybe they had never even been there at all.

A knock came on the door, Damon didn't move nor react at all. Stefan entered, closing the door behind him holding a tray of different kind of Italian food.

"Brought you your favorites." Stefan muttered dropping the tray on Damon's chest with a thud. He sat down on the edge of Damon's bed.

"So," Stefan started with a sigh "How do you feel?"

Damon made no move to answer nor did he move to eat the food resting across his chest.

Stefan sighed, rubbing his forehead as if he had a massive headache which, dealing with Damon, he most likely did.

"Damon," Stefan groaned in irritation. "Talk to me." He snapped his fingers in front of Damon's eyes to get his attention, it didn't work.

Damon didn't speak he was lost in his memories. With a sigh Stefan got up and left, sparing one last glance at his older brother. Anyone looking at him would see a strong exterior, someone who was easily dealing with this. But Stefan knew better, Damon was broken inside.

XXX

This is just a tiny taste of what is to come I already have the rest typed up and ready to publish and I will update if I get some reviewers willing to read more, if not I'll delete it. So tell me if you want more.