disclaimer I don't own twilight. After seeing some put Bella in bad light and some one blame or whatever for being weak.
being inspire of one Marylin Monroe quote and Nicky Minaj - Marylin Monroe and Nickelback - if everyone cared.
Polygamy/polyamory: that can have more than one boyfriend/girlfriend or wife and husbands. if you need more info search it on Wikipedia.:)
Italic - Bella's Chant/pray.
Waiting that Jacob would come so I could say my last words to him.
I have do it , I have do it I said in my head over and over. Where is the strength when I need it?
"What you want? I miss a bloody battle with blood sucking leeches, tell it fast!" he said irritated.
"I just have to say that I am sorry for lead you on and leave the mixing signals." I excused. They say the first step is to admit it. Well I must say that I have been selfish, bitch, greedy and hurt Edward and again after we got back from Italy. It did not help either that Charlie pushed me to Jacob either because he was best friends with Jacob's father.
"Come on you do not mean it," he moaned. "You love me, you just do not know it."
"No, I just hang with you because of Charlie to get more freedom." I said back honest. "And I thank you for being there for me when I needed it." I do not know what I saw in this boy if I had to be honest. Clearly he is attractive and girls fall for him from the left and right with that smile, but he were arrogant, cocky, and when I thought of that kiss with him as he was very offensive and forced a kiss that I didn't want.
In several of the sleepover's with Alice and Rosalie have taught me about boys. And I learned that friends with feelings can change to friends with benefits or couple. Also spoke to Angela about it and she is also agreed. So here I am to prevent this disaster.
"But I love you," he pleaded. "Don't you see it."
"It is not love," I pointed out. "It's lust. You just want what you can't have. "
Let me make a good thing. I prayed again.
"You are not the only one that can do self-sacrifice." he said cocky.
"By all means do what you want, but think about your dad and your pack they are certainly be very sad when you die," I said and walked away from a shocked Jacob to the tent where Edward was with Seth.
I have feelings for Jacob but I had to be masochistic and keep my feelings inside and slowly but surely die untill I do not have any feelings for him again. But it's not my feelings it's about Edward's.
It's for the best, it is the best I chanted while I closed my eyes. felt heavy in my heart after I say goodbye to what I had with Jacob. But I can not love two guys at the same time if you not agree or do not have anything against polyamory but do not think that's Edwards style, he would have been hurt if I kissed another since he is possessive and gets jealous when other guys around me.
"Hey, are you okay?" Asked Edward worried. When he saw me went into the tent.
"I made the right choice , I made the right choice" I mumbled, still hurt after the argue with Jacob.
"You probably heard what I said to Jacob by Seth»
"Yes, I did" he smiled. "It was brave of you to stand up for yourself against a werewolf"
"I'm so sorry that I used you again and again, I'm a monster who ignore your feelings" I apologized to him and looked down at my boots. I am a monster who uses people, please forgive me, even though I do not deserve it.
"No, it's me who should apologize, it's me who made this domino effect, if I did not leave you would never have come close to Jacob. If I was strong enough to leave you in the first place you could have careers, family, children, and die when the time comes." he said bitterly.
"I'm not much good when it comes to emotions, but it is perhaps something we can work on being more open with each other I mean," I said shyly "but you have to stop putting me on a pedestal because I'm not so perfect as you think. "
"It's totally absurd," he shook his head. "silly Bella."
I raised an eyebrow and said, "I've been selfish, complained and complained, been greedy, weak and not for not standing up for myself when it comes to my dad and ignored your feelings." and looked straight in his eyes his.
He opened his arms a sign that he want his arms around me, and without thinking I went in his arms and whispered, "he'll find another. I can see him as a womanizer, and one that turns abusive and maybe rape if he gets angry or don't get what he want." Thought about the movies with Mike, that he wanted me dead than to be with the Cullens, how he talked about them, forced the kiss on me and until now, was the last straw I had for him. "But that's just my impression on him, but who knows maybe he will change." I shrugged.
"But I will make it up to you, I shall try to be a good girlfriend even though we are something more than that, heck, I'm not perfect but no one is perfect, everyone has one or more flaws in themselves."
And slowly but surely took hands on either side of his cheek to his and looked him right in the eyes with all the love and maybe hint of lust and kissed him tenderly. After the kiss I said "I love you."
Am I only one that is annoyed with Alice behavior? forcing Bella to Dances,Parties, Shopping and slumber parties that probably is about make overs,manicure and pedicure. I am sure she is stuck in "Movie Bestfriend/sister"
here a theory I have, I think Bella might be terrified of Jake would hit her if he hear what he didnt like, just a thought. but i am sure some one would disagree on that.