I yearn for it. For love. For happiness. For acceptance. But most of all I yearn for those red demon eyes, that skin as gray as ash, hair as dark as midnight itself and soft as silk.
He rules over the damned, the thefts, the lustful, the lazy. The sinners. How can I, a boy so loved and supposedly so very blessed by God, a boy born with a soul of white yearn for him? For the blackness his own soul holds and commands?
I ache for the relief those eyes offer me. Sweet, blissful, relief from the pain and hurt I'd buried deep, hidden behind walls of prayer and a false sense of forgiveness. Those eyes showed me the truth I'd been denying.
"See how they look at you?"
"See how they treat you?"
"See how God looks down upon your suffering and does naught?"
"How loved by him can you truly be Pip?"
"Join me, sit by my side, and I shall give you the happiness God has denied you."
And so I came to sit beside him on his throne of darkness. Already I was lost to the light of Heaven.
We humans are greedy beings, I see this now. Very soon I began to yearn for more from my red eyed demon. My lust began to grow. I needed more, I needed him and all he had to offer my broken being.
I'd promise him anything. Give him whatever he'd ask for. Pay whatever price he'd desired. And so I came to promise him my heart.
And yet how silly of a thing for him to ask for! Did he not realize my heart was already his? It beat for him, and only him. Whatever function that organ in my chest once held was just as lost to me as the white of my soul.
His touch burned me. His kiss tainted me. I could sense the darkness filling my soul. And still I begged for more. Oh I could feel the pain, but with the pain came a sick pleasure that I was unwilling to let go of.
I'm pathetic. Finding my bliss in sin. Heaven in evil and Hell. But I no longer care. For him I shall burn. For him I shall scream.
My soul is just as black as his. My blood as red as his eyes.