STAGE LIGHTS ON, CURTAINS OPEN, WE ARE LIVE IN 3, 2, 1,
ME: HEY EVERYBODY I AM HELIA THE GODDESS OF COMMUNICATION, TECHNOLOGY, AND TALK SHOWS AND WE ARE LIVE HERE IN THE OLYMPIAN STUDIOS SO OUR FIRST GUEST IS OUR KING AND QUEEN OF HEAVENS LORD ZEUS AND LADY HERA
APPLAUSE
ME: WELL, GOOD MORNING LORD AND LADY IT IS A PLEASURE TO SEE YOU
ZEUS: YES IT IS ALSO A PLEASURE
HERA: THANK YOU FOR HAVING US IN YOUR SHOW
ME: SO I WILL ASK YOU QUESTIONS THIS IS FROM OUR FELLOW OLYMPIANS MONSTERS, HALF-BLOODS, MORTALS ETC
ME: SO THERE ARE FIVE QUESTIONS PLS LADY HERA THIS QUESTION IS FOR YOU ( ITALIC IS QUESTIONS) WHY DO YOU PUNISH THE MISTRESSES AND NOT YOUR HUSBAND?
HERA: IT IS BECAUSE I CANT PUNISH HIM CAUSE HE WILL JUST TIE ME UP IN A MOUNTAIN AGAIN! WHICH I STILL DON'T FORGIVE HIM!
ZEUS: I AM SORRY DARLING
HERA: HUMPH
ME: MOVING ON THIS IS FOR ZEUS (CUE LAUGHING ON THE FLOOR)
ZEUS: WHAT IS SO FUNNY!
ME: ER… NOTHING, THIS IS FROM YOUR BROTHER
ZEUS: WHICH ONE?
ME: NOT ALLOWED TO TELL YOU
ZEUS : I AM KING OF THE GODS!
ME: WELL THIS IS MY SHOW SO HERE IT IS WHY DO YOU NAMED YOUR TEDDY BEAR FRANKIE? (CUE TRIESNOT TO LAUGH)
ZEUS: *BLUSHES* I DON'T HAVE A TEDDY BEAR ! IT IS A MANLY PILLOW
ME: WHATEVER YOU SAY
ME: THIRD QUESTION, FOR HERA DID YOU REGRET THROWING HEPHAESTUS?
HERA: WELL I ADMIT IT YES I DID
ME: OKAY FOURTH ZEUS, IF YOU SAW YOUR WIFE CHEATING ON YOU HOW WILL YOU FEEL?
ZEUS: OF COURSE ANGRY WHO SENT THAT QUESTION?!
ME: UM... APOLLO
ZEUS: WHAT?!
ME: NEXT QUESTION HERA HAVE YOU BEEN TEMPTED TO BREAK YOUR VOW?
HERA: YES ONCE
ME: OK THANK YOU LORD AND LADY
ZEUS: STILL ANGRY ON APOLLO! ( CUE DISAPPEARS IN A FLASH OF LIGHTNING)
HERA(CUE ROLLS EYES) DRAMATIC… WELL BYE HELIA
ME: SAY HI FOR HERMES TO ME
HERA: OK BYE
ME: WELL FOLKS THANK YOU THAT'S IT FOR TODAY TOMORROW OUR GUESTS ARE (CUE SMILES LOVINGLY) HERMES, APOLLO, AND ARTEMIS
WE ARE CLEAR IN 3, 2, 1
ME: PHEW * DRINKS WATER*
PRODUCER: GOOD JOB THERE! OUR RATINGS ARE UP!
ME: THANKS * SIGNS AUTOGRAPH ON PAPER*
ME: FLASHES OUT