A/N: At the holiday party for the Harry Potter Society, one of the activities was to write a Winter children's story. I took that wonderful prompt, had a few false starts, and ended up writing a fanfic. No one was at all surprised.

This story is random. Crazy random, verging between humour and crack. I'm…not exactly sure what I was going for, but (for anyone familiar with Lemony Snicket's work) I had this mental picture in my head while I was writing this of Lily Luna Potter being far too similar to Sunny Baudelaire (sharp teeth and gibberish only her siblings could understand included). This isn't at all a crossover, but I just found it too funny to not include.

Also, in this fic Jamie (James) is five years old, Al (Albus) is four or three, and Lily is one. Teddy is at his Gran's for the 24th.

General Disclaimer: Not J.K. Rowling, not magical, not making a profit, and not Santa Claus. Might be the Easter Bunny; have to double-check that one.

Once upon a Christmas Eve, a wee Potter was putting his sister on the tree. It wasn't that he was naughty, he was actually rather without vice, and on any Santa Claus list he was firmly in the 'nice'. For the problem wasn't with his sneaking a peek at the stockings hung by the chimney with care. It was that, in this night of St Nick's flight, he'd succumbed to the visions of sugar-plums dancing through Lily's scheme.

Unsurprisingly, this resulted in Jamie's full first name being shouted through the living room.

"JAMES!?" Harry's startled gasp rang out from the doorway. "What're you—PUT YOUR SISTER DOWN! NO, don't just drop her!"

"Sowwe." Albus came into the room dragging his feet, looking apologetically at his brother. Ginny quickly ran ahead of him, jaw opening in a gape. "Da wasn' destra—distra—"

"DISTRACTED!" Harry called out, racing forward and gently taking his laughing baby girl down from the brambles. He then cast an exasperated look at his sons. "What, in the name of Merlin, were you two thinking?"

"Lils wanted it!" Jamie said, offended at the thought that he could be anything less than adorable and squishy. He then attempted to jump down from the foot stools stacked by the tree, only to be caught by his 'very-much-not-amused' mum. "And we were helping her."

Harry blinked disbelievingly, shared a glance with his wife, and then turned his gaze slowly to the drooling baby in star pajamas. "It was Lily's idea? Your sister…who barely speaks yet."

"Fae fae!" Lily squeaked out as though on cue, gesturing to the fairy lights with tiny, flailing fists. Her father couldn't help but smile down at her.

"Oh yes, a criminal mastermind." Ginny stated with a raised eyebrow, sending her two boys incredulous looks. Meanwhile, brothers stared at their sister with unmitigated betrayal.

"Bu—bu' Lil bited us!" Al protested, mouth dropping wide.

"Yeah!" Jamie wholeheartedly agreed before pausing. "Well, she threatened to bite us. But her teeth! Dad, you'd have done what we did. Hold on," he grinned, "we stopped her and her evil teeth from revenge! We're heroes."

"Heroes." Al nodded solemnly, then put his thumb in his mouth as though this pronounced the statement true.

Harry and Ginny stared.

"Phemocalalalaooo…" Lily gurgled.

"See?" Jamie pointed at the baby. "`She's admitting wanting to be the star at the tree's top!"

"Bamafoo. Nah!"

Ginny saw Lily all but glare at her annoyed brothers. She then slowly turned to her husband with a low exhale. "This is your fault." Though her mouth was twitching to fight back a smile. "Heroes? Conspiracy?"

"Not my fault!" Harry rapidly shot back. "Who wanted to let George babysit?"

"They're Potters." Ginny retorted just as quickly. "Their insanity doesn't come from my side! Mostly!"

"It's the Weasley genes, we both know that." Harry groaned. "Lily's smirking maniacally; don't even try to argue that's not from your family."

"What about the Marauders?" She said. "Or how the boys keep racing towards trouble?"

"Oh come on! You know I never went looking for the—"

"Or," Ginny smirked in a way almost identical to her daughter, "who convinced me that Luna babysitting wouldn't end in calamity?"

Harry paused. Then fidgeted. "…so that wasn't my best idea."

"She got Jamie obsessed with animals." Ginny drily said.

"It was educational!"

"Obsessed with dragons. Which he then snuck into the house! How did he even get ahold of—" she, in saying this, turned to her sheepish sons with narrowing eyes, "—know what, forget about that disaster. James, Albus: what in Merlin's name possessed you to use your sister as a tree ornament?!"

"Mum, you don't get it." Jamie huffed, easily glossing over his parents' random conversation as another mad thing adults did. "Lils. Is. Evil! She's playin' innocent!"

"Bitey!" Al nodded in complete agreement.

"Stop! Both of you, enough of that." Harry sighed, shifting his hold of the laughing girl. "I know Lily can be a bit…odd…but she can barely speak. She definitely didn't threaten you to, Christ, get herself to be the star on the tree—"

"Gagaloloo. Dada!" Lily stuck her tongue out at her disbelieving brothers.

"—and she's not 'evil'!" Harry finished, looking as though he couldn't believe he was dealing with this. Ginny was equally baffled.

"You can't understa' her?" Jamie pointed at his sister, eyes wide. "DAD!"

"Floohamaa…" Lily chuckled.

"THERE SHE GOES AGAIN!" Jamie shouted, but his parents were through.

"That's it! Both of you are going to behave." Harry sent the boys a stern look. "Get to bed now. You could've gotten your sister hurt, and for that and lying there'll be no Quidditch at the Burrow tomorrow."

"DAD!"

"Be happy it isn't more!" Ginny stated firmly while ushering them all out of the room. "Honestly, why does something happen every Christmas? All I ask is for one holiday without you lot doing something dangerous—and yes, Harry, you too. Especially you. But no! It's a wonder there hasn't been more dragons or, I don't know, phoenixes or nundos!"

The adults were so busy ranting that they missed the calculation blossoming on Lily's sweetly innocent expression.

Jamie and Al were not in such blissful ignorance, and made mental notes to hide at one of their numerous cousins' houses next December. Perhaps November too, to play it safe.

Maybe January as well, or a few more months give or take.

A/N: Happy Holidays!