Perfect Circle
It is never a struggle between them in finding the right balance. They don't need to remind themselves to exhibit equal affection to another. Nobody ever feels left out because they all know, there would be no life without the others. Existence, yes. But not life. Simple as that.
She sees it every time she's with them and yet only an observer. Its days when they all lounge on the patio or down at the beach and she watches them when they let themselves go in the summer heat. She sees it in the way Chon's body isn't taught with tension when his best friend is beside him. It's obvious in the way that Ben tilts his head slightly in the other man's direction every now and again, as if making sure that the solid presence is still there.
She doesn't try to hide her smile because it gives her as much joy to see them living off each other as much as she finds true happiness with the both of them. Moments like these, where the mutual fondness is graspable in the tiniest signs, she wishes their lives could remain this way eternally. Sometimes she has honest faith in that daydream.
But because she knows, deep down, that life always changes and that she may not always have this privilege of being with them, she just turns back to the sun and closes her eyes. Her fingers then always seem to drift to the butterflies on her skin, touching the colour and imagining that they are three butterflies themselves, fleeting but beautiful creatures in a harsh world.
O knows she asks much of her life but since she met the two, she can't imagine staying out of their organized chaos. Such polar opposites but they make everything work, they never stray from another too long and they are always honest with another. None of the men she's met before fostered such a fascinating relationship.
She thinks that's what drew her to them in the first place. This magnetism they exude, both individual and together, is undeniable. It's in Ben's calm, loving nature and Chon's protective energy and she can't get enough of them. She's not always quite sure what it is that she gives them in return but they embrace her as though she's something indefinitely precious.
It's beautiful that feeling. It's one she hasn't felt much in her early life and she thirsts for it. Not worship but recognition. Not facades but heartfelt love. And they do love her, as much as she loves them. Who knows when it started but it's right and she won't give it up for anything. Not for all the dope in the world.
So when she finds herself in Ben's arms on the hand-woven rug he's brought back from Africa, his hands caressing her skin and his name gasping from her lips, the same thoughts run through her head as when she is up against the wall with Chon possessing her body in wild abandon and her hands raking over his back. She's the lucky one here. So incredibly lucky to have found her way into a relationship she would never dare to destroy and rather walk away than cause them pain. They are her everything.
Some evenings they might be lying in another's arms, high and content, and she can never pinpoint who starts it, but they end up in conversations each of them prefers to avoid. They talk about uncertain futures, about dangers and fears, maybe even long-buried secrets. She doesn't always like the outcomes.
There are times when Chon is stone silent if the subject strikes a nerve and he might rage or leave the room. The air always feels colder then but they don't follow him, knowing that part is something they cannot fix, forever caught in his scars. There's other times when Ben speaks of so much sorrow and hardship in the world that they all feel the guilt settle into their bodies, rethinking their own lives. And sometimes she talks of home, of memories that hurt less and less the more she speaks about them, and they soak up her words and shoulder her pain with her.
Those thoughts are gone in the mornings though, when one of them will wake the others with breakfast prepared. Most of the time it's her but they've surprised her time and time again. They laugh and share glances and keep on enjoying another's company in the way they have for so long.
Should anyone ever ask to choose, she knows she'd have to walk away from both. There is no other option but the two. Maybe she is selfish and conceited for wanting two men in her life but she knows that nobody understands. Nobody can because they don't have the bond that she has. It's a different kind of love that they believe in and she can't see anything wrong with that.
She's never felt pressure, jealousy or constricted with them. It's giving and taking in measures that decide themselves. There's never a kiss too many or a touch to little. Sometimes O thinks about crazy things like fate and destiny and wonders if this was meant to be. She was never blessed with the easy road but she still always made the most of it. These guys are no different; they spare her the torture of choosing a path.
She laughs at those who declare relationships like these doomed to fail because it's really not a hopeless love triangle they have here. It's a perfect circle.