This is an epilogue of sorts for my fic "Finding Comfort", but you can probably get away without reading that first. (All the references to "coming back" stem from that fic, though.) It was written for the "1999 words" challenge.
I would like to give big hugs to Kouri, Ruby D, Meia and Ven for putting up with my annoying questions and random babble.
Spoilers for everything X, up to and including the recent events in Asuka. Also for all of Tokyo Babylon.
--
A Memorial for Tokyo
A year wasn't all that long, when it came down to it.
Life in Tokyo was finally beginning to pick up again. Skyscrapers, shopping malls and train lines were being reconstructed with great care. Some of them were already complete, some were still only half there.
Subaru had decided to let his hair grow out, while Kakyou had his cut to a neat shoulder-length not long after the New Year. Both said they just wanted a change.
Imonoyama Nokoru had managed to find all of the remaining Seals jobs around CLAMP Campus and Subaru had been the only one to refuse the offered position. Keeping the spiritual level of Tokyo at a reasonable level was quite challenging enough for the Sumeragi.
Winter slipped into Spring, which in turn became Autumn and Winter again. Important dates passed, never forgotten. There was a lot to remember and they were the only ones that could.
December 31st, 2000, dawned bright and cold. They rose early to prepare for their day. By the time they hit the streets of Tokyo the rest of the city was only just beginning to wake.
It was cold in that way that only a cloudless day can be. On that morning, they had both driven. Their pilgrimage today would take place on foot or on the city's slowly recovering public transport system.
They visited landmarks at random, with no set order in mind.
At their first stop, Subaru closed his eyes in memory.
A date with Seishirou-san. A fallen kekkai. Fuuma...
"That was a very strange Wish of yours," observed Kakyou.
"I wanted forgiveness. How he chose to give it to me... I never wished for that." Subaru shook his head emphatically.
"Your own forgiveness, or his?" asked Kakyou, curiously.
Subaru was silent. "Perhaps both. Perhaps neither. Perhaps I just wanted to get the attention of Seishirou-san."
"Did it work?"
A short, bitter laugh. "Yes." Seishirou had been furious that somebody else had harmed Subaru, although he would never admit it. Still, he had been gentle enough with Subaru himself when he came to visit Subaru in the hospital and then at Subaru's apartment once he was discharged. It was after that that they had begun sleeping together.
A stupid mistake, on both their parts.
Kakyou watched him, carefully. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," he said, eventually.
Subaru shook his head, as if to clear it of something unpleasant. "It's okay. I fear I'm going to be facing a lot of unwanted memories today."
"That's the point, isn't it? To face our painful memories and then let them go."
A flower for Sunshine 60.
They moved on.
So many places in Tokyo. So many of them all tangled up with the Sakurazukamori in Subaru's memory. Almost enough to make him hate the man.
Here, there had been a lift with Seishirou-san. A traumatised girl in a coma. A remembered hurt from his childhood.
Subaru bowed his head. He didn't even know what had happened to Mitsuki-san after she woke up. He had lost all interest in other people after his twin's death.
Hate was wasted on the dead.
Kakyou's memories of these places mostly consisted of dreams. A stuffed frog. A little girl who wanted to live. A small mercy on the part of the Dark Kamui.
He paused. Were there really so few humans who truly wish to live? Sparing the life of a child... did it make the act less inhuman, somehow?
Subaru would say, "No, it only makes it ironic." He had never approved of Fuuma's utter disregard for human life.
Kakyou was still uncertain.
A flower for Ebisu.
A bus deposited them at a ruined station. The Yamanote line was still being rebuilt here - funding had been short and work was slow.
"There was an icecream place near here that Fuuma liked," observed Kakyou. They watched the workmen as they worked on reconstructing the train lines. "He liked sweet things."
Subaru remembered another person who liked sweet things. "They had that in common, then."
"I rather think your sister liked sweet things, too."
"Hokuto-chan? You wouldn't want to feed her sugar. The results would be scary."
Kakyou laughed, but weakly. "I wish she were here."
"Are you sure? We'd never never get a moment's peace."
Kakyou hit him on the shoulder lightly and together they walked away.
A flower for Shibuya.
Another bus to reach a busy area, filled with shops and apartments. This had been one of the first places to be rebuit, although it was still lacking the many, many high rise apartments and commercial buildings it had once sported. Tokyo's current skyline was almost flat.
A constant stream of people bubbled through the malls and alleys and salespeople called specials out onto the streets. A place full of life.
Subaru stopped in front of a particular block and stood back, staring at it. He looked down again as he felt tears prick at his eyelashes. "I was happy here once," he said, softly. "Let's move on."
Kakyou shook his head. "You lived in an apartment here with your sister, right?"
Subaru nodded. "And Seishirou-san's clinic was around the corner." He sighed. "It was one of the happiest times of my life."
"I almost think it's better to dwell on the happy things than on the sad."
"But when the happiest time of your life is inextricably tied to the most tragic... what can one do?"
"I never had a happy memory until I met your sister," said Kakyou. "I don't know any more than you do."
A flower for Shinjuku.
They took the Metropolitan Expressway, this time. Subaru rested his head on the window and watched the city speed by, feeling the gentle sway of the train as it made its way along the tracks.
They had to stop a station before, as the new bridge was not yet ready for use.
"I don't want to be here," confessed Subaru, when they reached their destination.
Kakyou squeezed his hand gently.
They stood on the banks of the river, watching the water slip by.
"Why do you think he didn't come back?"
"I don't think he was given the choice. His Wish was to die."
Despite himself, Subaru found himself wanting to cry again. "Idiot Seishirou," he said, sharply.
"What would you have done if he had come back?" asked Kakyou, curiously.
"Kicked him in the shins, most likely."
Kakyou choked with laughter.
"Seriously, though, I don't know what I would have done. I would have liked to talk with him, just once, about what he did. On equal ground."
A flower for Rainbow Bridge.
They walked back to the train and then headed to Tokyo's shopping and entertainment district.
They watched the bustle of people silently for a few moments.
"Nataku died here," said Kakyou, quietly.
Subaru bowed his head. "Why?" he asked.
"Nataku... It didn't know how to live. It was almost afraid of itself and of what it didn't understand. It wanted to die."
"And Fuuma granted that Wish?"
Kakyou nodded.
"Nataku didn't choose to come back."
"No. Perhaps it, too, didn't have the choice."
A flower for Ginza.
They continued their journey, more subdued now.
In the ruins of another Tokyo landmark, a lady sang to fare the old year well and welcome the new one. Subaru recognised her face - she had been known to sing here before now, when the place was well-known for its concerts.
/"Subaru-kun... You really are cute."/
Seishirou-san had been so calm, then. So sure of himself. So amused, to think that his prey should want him dead. And Subaru didn't dissuade him, because he didn't want Seishirou to know his true wish lest he should decide not to grant it.
"I wanted to die here. I really did," he said, so softly the words were almost lost in the wind.
"Dying is easy. It's living that's hard." That was a quote, although Kakyou couldn't remember where it came from.
"A cliche," Subaru noted. "But true."
A flower for Nakano Sun Plaza.
They moved on.
Kakyou made them stop in front of the ruins of a hotel. This part of the city was still largely unrestored. "I lived here once," he said, kicking at the rubble with a toe. "Well, if you can call it living."
Subaru glanced at him.
"I hated my family for that." The guns... If it hadn't been for the guns he might have been in time.
"If you keep kicking the wall like that you'll hurt yourself," Subaru pointed out. "I'm not sure they're worth that."
Kakyou gave the wall one final glower and turned away. "Let's not come back here."
No flowers for the Four Seasons hotel.
Another bus ride took them to two of the most important buildings in Tokyo.
A flower for the Diet Building. A flower for the Government Office.
They continued until they reached a sprawling campus in the middle of the city.
It had been here that Subaru had first met the boy Kamui and helped him out of the self-induced coma resulting from the disaster following Kamui's Choice. He bowed his head in respect to that time.
"Destiny is unnecessarily cruel," said Subaru, bitterly. "Enough to give the boy a decision like that without depriving him of the very reason he made that decision."
Kakyou had nothing to say to that.
Subaru looked at the sky blankly. "Kamui..." he said, softly. "I never did find out if he forgave me."
Kakyou had no answer for that, either.
"Sometimes I wish he had chosen to come back. But then I remember how much he had to endure and I think perhaps oblivion would be better."
"Destiny is a harsh mistress," agreed Kakyou, solemnly.
"Do we go in?" asked Subaru, frowning. If they went in, they might meet the chairman and his two faithful shadows, or perhaps even some of the other Seals. They weren't the only two to decide to come back.
Kakyou shook his head. "Later, perhaps."
A flower for CLAMP Campus.
One final journey to make.
The construction on Tokyo Tower was finally complete, although it would not be open to the public until the following Spring. It was much later than the tourist bureaus had hoped. The health and safety department wanted the Tower thoroughly tested before opening it again, and that meant waiting out the rest of Winter. They wanted to be sure the earthquake disaster of 1999 would never happen again.
It wouldn't, of course. So many had given up their lives to allow Tokyo that freedom. Few knew who they were.
A plaque, for Tokyo Tower.
--------------------------------
In memory:
Magami Tokiko
Shirou Tooru
Monou Kotori
Monou Kyougo
Monou Saya
Hien & Souhi
Ijyuin Akira
Imonoyama Nokoru
Saiki Daisuke
Takamura Suoh
Segawa Keiichi
Hinoto
Kanoe
Aoki Seiichirou
Arisugawa Sorata
Kasumi Karen
Kishuu Arashi
Nekoi Yuzuriha
Sumeragi Subaru
Kigai Yuuto
Kuzuki Kakyou
Nataku
Sakurazuka Seishirou
Shiyuu Kusanagi
Yatouji Satsuki
Monou Fuuma
Shirou Kamui
Their destiny was foreordained.
--------------------------------
It was Subaru's job to carefully place the plaque high amongst the beams, where it would not easily be discovered. This he managed with no small amount of difficulty.
Once he had both feet on the earth again he stood back to look at the tower's silhouette against a sky darkening with sunset.
"Barukh attah adonai eloheinu melekh ha-olam, she-ha-kol nihyeh bi-d'varo," he quoted, slowly.
Kakyou bowed his head.
They watched the tower in silence for some time.
"I know what to do now," said Subaru, suddenly. The answer was so simple, he wondered neither of them had said it back at Shinjuku.
Kakyou turned to face him expectantly.
"The past is behind us. We make our own happy memories."
--
END
Yes, that's 1999 words, not counting the title or the divider lines. At least, according to my wordcount it is.
The line Subaru quotes is in Hebrew and apparently written on the Shinken. The translation, from Rabi's X page, is "Praised are You, Lord our God, King of the universe at whose word all things come into being." Yes, I'm all pretentious and stuff.
References:
Rabi's X page: http://www.oldcrows.net/~rabi/X/
Tokyo Babylon: http://babylon.immortalised.net
Tokyo Metrobulletin - Landmarks of Tokyo: http://www.tokyo-teleport.co.jp/english/tmg_991028/landmarks.html
X: An Omen
I would like to give big hugs to Kouri, Ruby D, Meia and Ven for putting up with my annoying questions and random babble.
Spoilers for everything X, up to and including the recent events in Asuka. Also for all of Tokyo Babylon.
--
A Memorial for Tokyo
A year wasn't all that long, when it came down to it.
Life in Tokyo was finally beginning to pick up again. Skyscrapers, shopping malls and train lines were being reconstructed with great care. Some of them were already complete, some were still only half there.
Subaru had decided to let his hair grow out, while Kakyou had his cut to a neat shoulder-length not long after the New Year. Both said they just wanted a change.
Imonoyama Nokoru had managed to find all of the remaining Seals jobs around CLAMP Campus and Subaru had been the only one to refuse the offered position. Keeping the spiritual level of Tokyo at a reasonable level was quite challenging enough for the Sumeragi.
Winter slipped into Spring, which in turn became Autumn and Winter again. Important dates passed, never forgotten. There was a lot to remember and they were the only ones that could.
December 31st, 2000, dawned bright and cold. They rose early to prepare for their day. By the time they hit the streets of Tokyo the rest of the city was only just beginning to wake.
It was cold in that way that only a cloudless day can be. On that morning, they had both driven. Their pilgrimage today would take place on foot or on the city's slowly recovering public transport system.
They visited landmarks at random, with no set order in mind.
At their first stop, Subaru closed his eyes in memory.
A date with Seishirou-san. A fallen kekkai. Fuuma...
"That was a very strange Wish of yours," observed Kakyou.
"I wanted forgiveness. How he chose to give it to me... I never wished for that." Subaru shook his head emphatically.
"Your own forgiveness, or his?" asked Kakyou, curiously.
Subaru was silent. "Perhaps both. Perhaps neither. Perhaps I just wanted to get the attention of Seishirou-san."
"Did it work?"
A short, bitter laugh. "Yes." Seishirou had been furious that somebody else had harmed Subaru, although he would never admit it. Still, he had been gentle enough with Subaru himself when he came to visit Subaru in the hospital and then at Subaru's apartment once he was discharged. It was after that that they had begun sleeping together.
A stupid mistake, on both their parts.
Kakyou watched him, carefully. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," he said, eventually.
Subaru shook his head, as if to clear it of something unpleasant. "It's okay. I fear I'm going to be facing a lot of unwanted memories today."
"That's the point, isn't it? To face our painful memories and then let them go."
A flower for Sunshine 60.
They moved on.
So many places in Tokyo. So many of them all tangled up with the Sakurazukamori in Subaru's memory. Almost enough to make him hate the man.
Here, there had been a lift with Seishirou-san. A traumatised girl in a coma. A remembered hurt from his childhood.
Subaru bowed his head. He didn't even know what had happened to Mitsuki-san after she woke up. He had lost all interest in other people after his twin's death.
Hate was wasted on the dead.
Kakyou's memories of these places mostly consisted of dreams. A stuffed frog. A little girl who wanted to live. A small mercy on the part of the Dark Kamui.
He paused. Were there really so few humans who truly wish to live? Sparing the life of a child... did it make the act less inhuman, somehow?
Subaru would say, "No, it only makes it ironic." He had never approved of Fuuma's utter disregard for human life.
Kakyou was still uncertain.
A flower for Ebisu.
A bus deposited them at a ruined station. The Yamanote line was still being rebuilt here - funding had been short and work was slow.
"There was an icecream place near here that Fuuma liked," observed Kakyou. They watched the workmen as they worked on reconstructing the train lines. "He liked sweet things."
Subaru remembered another person who liked sweet things. "They had that in common, then."
"I rather think your sister liked sweet things, too."
"Hokuto-chan? You wouldn't want to feed her sugar. The results would be scary."
Kakyou laughed, but weakly. "I wish she were here."
"Are you sure? We'd never never get a moment's peace."
Kakyou hit him on the shoulder lightly and together they walked away.
A flower for Shibuya.
Another bus to reach a busy area, filled with shops and apartments. This had been one of the first places to be rebuit, although it was still lacking the many, many high rise apartments and commercial buildings it had once sported. Tokyo's current skyline was almost flat.
A constant stream of people bubbled through the malls and alleys and salespeople called specials out onto the streets. A place full of life.
Subaru stopped in front of a particular block and stood back, staring at it. He looked down again as he felt tears prick at his eyelashes. "I was happy here once," he said, softly. "Let's move on."
Kakyou shook his head. "You lived in an apartment here with your sister, right?"
Subaru nodded. "And Seishirou-san's clinic was around the corner." He sighed. "It was one of the happiest times of my life."
"I almost think it's better to dwell on the happy things than on the sad."
"But when the happiest time of your life is inextricably tied to the most tragic... what can one do?"
"I never had a happy memory until I met your sister," said Kakyou. "I don't know any more than you do."
A flower for Shinjuku.
They took the Metropolitan Expressway, this time. Subaru rested his head on the window and watched the city speed by, feeling the gentle sway of the train as it made its way along the tracks.
They had to stop a station before, as the new bridge was not yet ready for use.
"I don't want to be here," confessed Subaru, when they reached their destination.
Kakyou squeezed his hand gently.
They stood on the banks of the river, watching the water slip by.
"Why do you think he didn't come back?"
"I don't think he was given the choice. His Wish was to die."
Despite himself, Subaru found himself wanting to cry again. "Idiot Seishirou," he said, sharply.
"What would you have done if he had come back?" asked Kakyou, curiously.
"Kicked him in the shins, most likely."
Kakyou choked with laughter.
"Seriously, though, I don't know what I would have done. I would have liked to talk with him, just once, about what he did. On equal ground."
A flower for Rainbow Bridge.
They walked back to the train and then headed to Tokyo's shopping and entertainment district.
They watched the bustle of people silently for a few moments.
"Nataku died here," said Kakyou, quietly.
Subaru bowed his head. "Why?" he asked.
"Nataku... It didn't know how to live. It was almost afraid of itself and of what it didn't understand. It wanted to die."
"And Fuuma granted that Wish?"
Kakyou nodded.
"Nataku didn't choose to come back."
"No. Perhaps it, too, didn't have the choice."
A flower for Ginza.
They continued their journey, more subdued now.
In the ruins of another Tokyo landmark, a lady sang to fare the old year well and welcome the new one. Subaru recognised her face - she had been known to sing here before now, when the place was well-known for its concerts.
/"Subaru-kun... You really are cute."/
Seishirou-san had been so calm, then. So sure of himself. So amused, to think that his prey should want him dead. And Subaru didn't dissuade him, because he didn't want Seishirou to know his true wish lest he should decide not to grant it.
"I wanted to die here. I really did," he said, so softly the words were almost lost in the wind.
"Dying is easy. It's living that's hard." That was a quote, although Kakyou couldn't remember where it came from.
"A cliche," Subaru noted. "But true."
A flower for Nakano Sun Plaza.
They moved on.
Kakyou made them stop in front of the ruins of a hotel. This part of the city was still largely unrestored. "I lived here once," he said, kicking at the rubble with a toe. "Well, if you can call it living."
Subaru glanced at him.
"I hated my family for that." The guns... If it hadn't been for the guns he might have been in time.
"If you keep kicking the wall like that you'll hurt yourself," Subaru pointed out. "I'm not sure they're worth that."
Kakyou gave the wall one final glower and turned away. "Let's not come back here."
No flowers for the Four Seasons hotel.
Another bus ride took them to two of the most important buildings in Tokyo.
A flower for the Diet Building. A flower for the Government Office.
They continued until they reached a sprawling campus in the middle of the city.
It had been here that Subaru had first met the boy Kamui and helped him out of the self-induced coma resulting from the disaster following Kamui's Choice. He bowed his head in respect to that time.
"Destiny is unnecessarily cruel," said Subaru, bitterly. "Enough to give the boy a decision like that without depriving him of the very reason he made that decision."
Kakyou had nothing to say to that.
Subaru looked at the sky blankly. "Kamui..." he said, softly. "I never did find out if he forgave me."
Kakyou had no answer for that, either.
"Sometimes I wish he had chosen to come back. But then I remember how much he had to endure and I think perhaps oblivion would be better."
"Destiny is a harsh mistress," agreed Kakyou, solemnly.
"Do we go in?" asked Subaru, frowning. If they went in, they might meet the chairman and his two faithful shadows, or perhaps even some of the other Seals. They weren't the only two to decide to come back.
Kakyou shook his head. "Later, perhaps."
A flower for CLAMP Campus.
One final journey to make.
The construction on Tokyo Tower was finally complete, although it would not be open to the public until the following Spring. It was much later than the tourist bureaus had hoped. The health and safety department wanted the Tower thoroughly tested before opening it again, and that meant waiting out the rest of Winter. They wanted to be sure the earthquake disaster of 1999 would never happen again.
It wouldn't, of course. So many had given up their lives to allow Tokyo that freedom. Few knew who they were.
A plaque, for Tokyo Tower.
--------------------------------
In memory:
Magami Tokiko
Shirou Tooru
Monou Kotori
Monou Kyougo
Monou Saya
Hien & Souhi
Ijyuin Akira
Imonoyama Nokoru
Saiki Daisuke
Takamura Suoh
Segawa Keiichi
Hinoto
Kanoe
Aoki Seiichirou
Arisugawa Sorata
Kasumi Karen
Kishuu Arashi
Nekoi Yuzuriha
Sumeragi Subaru
Kigai Yuuto
Kuzuki Kakyou
Nataku
Sakurazuka Seishirou
Shiyuu Kusanagi
Yatouji Satsuki
Monou Fuuma
Shirou Kamui
Their destiny was foreordained.
--------------------------------
It was Subaru's job to carefully place the plaque high amongst the beams, where it would not easily be discovered. This he managed with no small amount of difficulty.
Once he had both feet on the earth again he stood back to look at the tower's silhouette against a sky darkening with sunset.
"Barukh attah adonai eloheinu melekh ha-olam, she-ha-kol nihyeh bi-d'varo," he quoted, slowly.
Kakyou bowed his head.
They watched the tower in silence for some time.
"I know what to do now," said Subaru, suddenly. The answer was so simple, he wondered neither of them had said it back at Shinjuku.
Kakyou turned to face him expectantly.
"The past is behind us. We make our own happy memories."
--
END
Yes, that's 1999 words, not counting the title or the divider lines. At least, according to my wordcount it is.
The line Subaru quotes is in Hebrew and apparently written on the Shinken. The translation, from Rabi's X page, is "Praised are You, Lord our God, King of the universe at whose word all things come into being." Yes, I'm all pretentious and stuff.
References:
Rabi's X page: http://www.oldcrows.net/~rabi/X/
Tokyo Babylon: http://babylon.immortalised.net
Tokyo Metrobulletin - Landmarks of Tokyo: http://www.tokyo-teleport.co.jp/english/tmg_991028/landmarks.html
X: An Omen