Just what I imaged Carl would be thinking. To clarify, I haven't included all of Negan's lines; these are his thoughts as Negan is talking, if that makes sense. As a disclaimer I don't own Walking Dead. Enjoy part 1 :)
They had screwed up. When Carl saw Daryl and the others being pulled out of the box, his heart sank even more. Before, even when his mind was replaying Oh Shit on loop in his head, a tiny part of him truly believed they would be okay. That somebody, anybody would start shooting the others down. They would run from the woods, guns blazing and shooting and save them. It had happened before. That night before Terminus, after they were captured by Terminus' people, and the prison for Christ's sake. The prison which had been one of their most monumental fuck-ups, still left them alive and breathing. After all they had been through, they were still standing. A small part of him had truly believed that somehow this would all work itself out.
Stupid. He scolded himself, all that time in Alexandria had made him weak. How could he have ever thought there would be a way out. No one was going to save them. In Alexandria they hadn't forgotten about the primary problem, walkers. But they'd slowly forgotten about the other enemies out there.
The humans.
It had taken him a while to remember. If he was honest with himself he had had forgotten how much fear one person could put in another. The way another human being could make your skin crawl just by standing near you. He hadn't forgotten the power they could have though. How could he, especially after Terminus. But he had forgotten what it felt to have fear racing through his veins. Fear that was caused by a person and not a walker. And God did Carl feel the fear now. It was like some sick joke the universe was playing, let them forget and then rip it back into them. He was terrified, for his dad's life, for his, for everyone's.
God, he was so stupid. He was weak, and let Ron live and his eye got blown off. Now here they all were, most likely about to die. As he looked over at Daryl he remembered. Oh boy did he remember what people could do. Daryl's breathe was jagged, and even though he was on his knees he looked like he would collapse at any second. Carl looked at him closely. He wasn't even near Daryl but he could tell that they had done something. Most likely a bullet wound, and from the looks of the hunter, it was infected. If we don't get that cleaned, Daryl could die, Carl realised. Then again, it probably didn't even matter. He imagined they would all be dead soon anyway.
Carl frowned; there had been lots of moments where he thought he would die. Multiple times where he had thought to himself, this is it, only to somehow survive. He would open his eyes and fight, kill, recover from any threat. He supposed now, it was almost easier. With the choice of life taken away without his consent, he wouldn't feel guilty for giving up. If he died tonight, it wouldn't be his fault, no one would blame him. He could die guilt free. After all, how could he have known that the Saviours would come through those woods? A trace of doubt rippled through his mind. Carl knew that his thoughts weren't entirely true. He should have heard the Saviours coming. He had been the one leading the group. It was him that had made a promise to his dad that morning to do whatever it takes.
Carl felt a lump in his throat. Yet again, he had failed. His dad had been counting on him, he had made a promise. And now here they were. All because Carl was stupid. He should have known that the saviours would attack them that way. He was so stupidstupidstupidstupid and now they were all going to die and Judith and Enid would die and he would never see them again. His jaw clenched at that thought. He scrutinized what he'd last said to Enid.
"Just survive somehow", He really was an idiot he decided. How stupid he was to say something like that. How are you meant to survive in a situation like this, how is anyone? He looked down at the ground, and wondered how exactly they would "just survive somehow". It wasn't possible. He had been wrong. Sometimes, there just isn't a way.
Carl's thoughts trailed off. There was no point getting mad at himself. What's done is done; he'd heard people say before. There was nothing else he could do now, other than wait.
"Pissin' our pants yet?"
Carls head flicked towards the voice. Walking out from the R.V. was the man Carl assumed to be Negan. An inaudible swallow was made. This was him. Carl felt another wave of terror jolt through him. Even the man's presence alone was menacing. Carl narrowed his eye, show no fear, he thought. He wasn't stupid. He knew this wouldn't end well. Never before had he been so vulnerable, his life hanging so much in another person's fingers. But Carl would be damned if he showed just how scared he was.
Carl watched as Negan took in the group. Negans gaze settling on each of them. Finally, he looked at him. Refusing to look down, the boy stared at him. Carl inwardly grimaced at the way Negan smirked when they made eye contact. They both knew Carl was scared inside, that his defiance for show. More importantly, they both knew who was winning the power struggle. Not that there really was a struggle, Negan could take them out in a heartbeat if he wanted to. There they sat, like sitting ducks. No, Carl thought, like turkeys waiting to be slaughtered. That sounded right. Slaughtered.
"Which one you pricks is the leader?" Negan rasped, his voice prickling in Carls ears.
Carl looked on helplessly as Negan strode over to his father. His father who had started shaking. His father who had sweat dripping over his face. Carl blinked back tears. He had never seen his dad so, broken before. No more than three metres away, his dad looked terrified. Carl observed Negan as he moved to stand in front of his dad. His eye widened momentarily as he saw the bat in Negans hand. He felt his spine stiffened. There were spiked chains wrapped around the end. Obviously to cause more pain. Carls gaze flickered between the bat, Negan and his father.
The bat, Negan, his father.
The bat, Negan, his father.
He didn't like the way Negan was standing over his dad, threatening to take their lives. Threatening His family. Anger merged with fear and thread its way into Carl's blood. Carl intensified his stare on Negan. He had no right to swing that bat around. No right to kill any of them.
As Carl looked back at his dad, he recalled what he'd heard him say to Maggie earlier that day.
"As long as we're together", His dad had been comforting Maggie on her deathbed.
Well shit, they were definitely all together now. Like some fucked up family reunion. In some way, the boy was comforted by the fact that they were all together, Carl supposed it was better to die with family than die alone.
Dying. The image lingered in the back of his head. He had long realised that they would not all make it out alive. When they began kneeling on the floor, it was painfully obvious what would happen. At first, he had thought its okay we'll be okay we'll be okay we'll be okay like some prayer in his head. But then the box opened and the rest of his family came out and he realised, this time, they might not be okay. Nothing will ever be okay again.
Carl squeezed his one eye shut for a moment, no he thought fiercely. He would not give them the satisfaction of seeing him cry. If they were going to kill him, they would see his face, strong and resilient. They didn't deserve to see him cry. Carl clenched his fists as he regained control of his tears. He thought about how his group was surrounded, how they could be killed at any moment and his heart almost exploded in his chest. Never in his life had he been more scared. He blinked back his tears and reopened his eye, he would not cry tonight.
Don't panic, he thought to himself. His chest rose. Inhale the oxygen, exhale the carbon dioxide. His chest went down. Chest up, chest down. Inhale, exhale. Up, down. Up, down. Up, down. Carl repeated the mantra in his head. Anything to keep him from hyperventilating, god were they screwed. Screwed. Fucked. Broken. Carl ran out of adjectives, he'd stopped school at a 6th grade level.
Don't Panic.
Carl looked at Negan again, he really didn't like that bat. He felt more sweat form at the top of his forehead when he thought about what it could do. He pictured the bat crushing Judith's skull, breaking her ribs, smashing Enid's-So don't think about it. Look around, try and find a weakness. Yes, Carl thought, everyone has a weakness.
Carl tore his gaze away from Negan. It's okay, he comforted himself, he could look at the other men just for a second. Just to see exactly who they were dealing with. Although he already had a pretty good idea. There weren't as many men to his left, but the ones that were there set the tone. He could tell they weren't the kind of guys to let them go easy. Carl gathered that there were more men behind him. He had seen them come out into the clearing earlier. He flicked his eye back to Negan. He should be watching him; Negan was the one in charge after all.
A grunt from the side brought back his attention. Looking from his peripheral vision he saw one of the men near his left rubbing his hands together, staring at him. Not for the first time that night, Carls breathe caught in his throat. He recognized that look. Swallowing back a sob he stared ahead. He knew what that man was thinking, the same way he knew what that claimer had been thinking. The claimer from…from that night. Carl's chest tightened as he remembered that man. How his fingers had greedily pulled at his waistbands, the way his hands had roamed his body freely. He remembered feeling something hard against his back, how he had almost puked when he realised that it was-No, Carl would not allow himself to think of it.
Carl looked back at his dad. The man who protected him, who had been there, always. Only this time Carl knew he couldn't be protected. If that man wanted to grab him and drag him into the woods, there wasn't a damn thing his dad could do. Carl shuddered slightly, now that he had realised what some of the men here wanted, he noticed others. There wasn't just that one man at his left. Up ahead, there were more men, staring at him with lust in their eyes. Carl wanted to get up and run. Run until his feet were bleeding, until his feet were blistered, run until his shoes fell off. But he couldn't. He was trapped.
He saw how they stood in a pack, their eyes hungrily watching the women. Maybe it would be worse for Maggie, Sasha and Michonne if they didn't die. He jerked his eye away as he thought of what those men would do to them. No, he couldn't let that happen. He refused to even think about what those men would do to the women.
The teenager looked at Negan again. He straightened his spine, trying to appear as intimidating as possible. Negan was telling them about the new world order. How he basically owned all of them. His dad was shaking. God he looked scared. He had never seen his dad this way. There was sweat dripping off around him, paired with a crazed look in his eye. Not the crazed in the good way. Not the way it had been in his dads eye when he rescued them from the box in Terminus, or the crazed look he'd had when he set off to kill what they thought was Negan's group. No, there was something different about this look. There was something else in his eyes, he couldn't place it.
"You have shit, you give it to me. That's your job" Negan kept talking, cruelly taunting them.
There was sick glimmer in the man's eyes as he spoke. Carl swallowed, he could see it all happening in his head. The saviours coming into Alexandria, taking everything. Negan's head whipped to the side as he spoke and made eye contact with him. There was a slight smirk on the older man's lips as he continued on.
"Now I know that is a mighty, big, nasty pill to swallow… but swallow it, you most certainly will!" Negan kept the eye contact with Carl as he spoke.
He was enjoying this, the boy realised. Negan was relishing the fear radiating off of everyone, getting off on it probably. Carl looked away. He felt his lip begin to shake. How had this gotten so bad he didn't know. None of them had thought his would happen, the saviours weren't supposed to be in the woods. His dad looked like he was about to throw up. He didn't blame him, he wasn't far off himself. He felt sick, thinking of giving Negan their supplies. They had been through so much, survived through so much to get to Alexandria. Carl blinked back more tears, everything they had worked for, was over.
"You ruled the roost, you built something. You thought you were safe. I get it, but the word is out. You are not safe." Negan was towering over his dad now. "Not even close."
Carl shuddered in horror. How could they have been so stupid to think they were safe? They had never been safe, not on the farm, or the prison, or at Terminus, or in Alexandria. How could they make the same mistake time after time? The same goddamn mistake of thinking they were safe.
Well, Carl thought bitterly, at least now they were learning their lesson. Only it was too late. They were held at gunpoint, possibly about to be killed. Only this time was different. Sure Carl had been held at gunpoint before, but there had always been a way out. This time, there really was nothing. And now they were being told to give up everything for some maniac with a bat. Carl shut his eye for a moment. Maybe if there was some fucking god out there, they would listen.
I wanted to talk about how I expressed Carl's emotions. I feel very conflicted as to what was going through Carls mind. The entire of this episode we saw Carl express a very protective dominant side towards the group. Remember when he was talking to his dad and Carl insisted he would do whatever it takes to keep them safe? So I feel that Carl would be very threatened by Negan, obviously terrified for his life, but he would feel angry towards him. At this stage, it appears as though Rick has given up, almost everyone is visibly shaking and crying, and then there's Carl. Carl has a very defiant attitude about him during this scene, even Negan told him to "loosen' up". I think this is possibly related to his eye injury. It has given Carl a very dark outlook on the world. I tried to show Carls anger at what's happening to him. I feel like this scene was similar to the season 4 finale, where the Claimers showed up and started bossing them around. Carl would remember how weak and useless he felt, and I imagine he wants to do something to the Saviours. Show them that he's not weak and he will fight back.
Carl bashes himself a lot in this chapter. I included this because I felt as though Carl would feel guilty. He has made it a personal mission for him to help the group. He said as much to Rick earlier. I can't help feeling that part of him would feel like this is his fault. Even way back in season 5, when they first arrived in Alexandria, Carl said to his dad that they were weak, and the group should avoid becoming that way. In my opinion, the group has weakened. When they first arrived, Rick (I think?) said to Diana "we were out there too long" and mentioned they had almost forgotten who they were. It's almost a reverse of that now. They've spent so much time inside the walls that they've forgotten what other people can do.
Ultimately however, Carl would just be scared. Earlier that day, the group was full of confidence; they believed they would win the war. And now here they are, stripped of weapons and at the mercy of the Saviours. That would be downright terrifying, even in this new Walker world.
Wow that was long, if you've made it to the end of my little analysis, props to you. Leave a review if you liked part 1 :) And I welcome constructive criticism!