Arthur was not having a good day. For starters, he could not find his favourite pair of socks - never a good sign. His bed also appeared to be missing, which was more disturbing than anything else. In fact, between these two occurrences, he had very little time to ponder the absence of a much more obvious thing. Namely, his manservant.

Merlin had been acting very odd of late, truth be told. He had developed the strange habit of wearing very silly hats to work, and always seemed to be followed by a brightly coloured bird. He wasn't sure if this was Merlin's misguided attempt to prove he was unique, or whether his manservant had decided to go through his mid-life crisis a few decades early. Either was possible. As these thought were meandering through his brain, everything went dark.

'What the devil is going on here...?' Arthur could hear tittering from behind him, and tried to turn, but his hands had been secured by some very fluffy restraints. Seeing as these hadn't been invented yet, this added to his confusion. 'I mean it, I am the future king! I could send you to Morgana, I'm sure she could turn you into something useful. I've heard the market was out of turnips today, and she did SO want a vegetable soup...'

Suddenly, he heard a *thump* from right in front of him, and something cold and sharp pressed slightly against his nose. A strangely familiar voice whispered in his ear...

'So... got any grapes?'

Huh? Now that hadn't been what he'd been expecting at all. Of all things, grapes? 'Untie me, you cretin, or I'll bite your feet off!'

'I seriously doubt it good sir.'

'Doubt it! Doubt it!'

Now that was a voice he hadn't wanted to hear again. It was that damn bird that Merlin had insisted on letting foll- … oh.

'Mer-lin…?'

'That's Cap'n Emrys to you, lad! I be the owner of this here blimp, and don't ye forget it!' Ok, now this was just getting silly.

'Did you steal my socks, captain?'

'Mayyyyyybe…'

'and the bed?'

'Nope, that was Gwen'

'It was me! It was me!'

'How the hell did a parrot steal my bed? And why is Gwen a parrot?'

'I was aiming for a newt, to be fair'. As if that made the situation any better.

'Look, I won't run away. Just take off the blindfold, and I'll stop struggling.'

'Pinky promise?'

'I would if you didn't have me trapped in these bloody things. What the hell are they anyway?'

'Handcuffs'

'…You're kidding, right?'

'Nope'

As if to prove the point, Merlin removed the sword from his nose and twanged the blindfold across the room. He had never looked more ridiculous in the entire time they'd known each other. He was wearing a luminous yellow dinner jacket, some rather orange parachute pants, and a Pirate hat with 'I AM A PIRATE' written on it in big flashy letters.

'You're a pirate?'

'Yup'

'Since when?'

'Since I started hoarding all your forks. They're in this chest, here.' Merlin gestured over to the other side of the blimp. There was his bed, but on top of it lay the strangest assortment of items he'd ever seen. From a first glance, he could see 3 dictionaries, about 70 spoons, a dog, 7 pomegranates and a Mexican.

'So let me get this straight. You are a pirate.'

'Yup'

'And a sorcerer?'

'Yep. I can also wiggle my ears! Look!'

'That's very nice, Merlin'

'Thank you. I was born just a run-of-the-mill sorcerer, but then a scientist took me to this llama farm and fed me many many grapes. It gave me the power to bamboozle and confound even the sanest of minds! I am now a mutant, and I own a blimp. Thank you, llama man, thank you.'

'…'

'So, wanna go sail the world with me?'

'Will I get my bed back?'

'If you're good and aid me in my attempt to storm the castle with water balloons.'

'Deal. As long as I get my father.'