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Banner by: Arc Morpheus
Tyranny of Pleasure and Pain by Arc Morpheus
Rated: K
Warnings: None
Beta: Born OnHalloween
Summary: A poem that looks into the turmoil of Edward Cullen from the perspective of his feelings in Midnight Sun.
Dedication: I would like to dedicate this to my sister, Bridie as she has shown me how truly to keep on believing, that every day was a blessed day.
Tyranny of Pleasure and Pain
by
Arc Morpheus
My existence is two-fold: Sleep hath its own realm,
The boundary between such things as
Death and Existence ebbs: Sleep hath its own realm.
A dark realm filled with dark reality.
Reality in its depth haveth life,
No tears, just tortures, and the touch of mirth;
They leave a shadow on my endless thoughts,
They cast doubts on my endless toils.
They have divided my soul; they became
a part of myself; as of my time,
They feel like harbingers of my infinite existence.
They are the Tyranny and Pleasure of my pain.
I recall a vision which I had daydreamed,
Not in sleep; but in a thought itself,
A slumbering thought, over many years,
Which curdled my endless life into a mere vision.
I saw her in the hues of beauty and youth,
Sitting under a tree, a green tree,
The most living landscape, of green forests,
There I secretly gazed, upon her beauty and youth.
Both of us seemed so young, but she was so beautiful,
Both of us seemed so young-yet not alike in years,
She was on the cusp of womanhood, I on the cusp of nothing,
I had far outgrown her mortal years, but not my heart, my dark frozen heart...
All I could see was her beloved face;
All I could smell was her beloved scent;
All I could feel was her beloved pounding heart;
All I wanted was my beloved's blood.
My eyes followed hers, and saw what she saw,
My mind followed her voice, and saw what she spoke,
My body mirrored her movements, until I was no longer,
I had no breath, no being it was all her;
She was my voice, she was my sight, she is my life,
She is the blood to my barren veins, She is the ebb and flow of my soul,
Everything here is dark, It's more than I can take,
I caught a glimpse of sunlight, shining down on her face.
My hand goes to where my still heart lies still, what causes this agony I feel,
What causes her cheek to change tempestuously - could it be me?
Does she share in my feelings? Are those sighs for me?
Time had taught me this answer - she loved me.
A change came over the spirit of my vision, I was alone once again,
I pale, pacing to and fro; I sat down and seized my chest,
Words rushed through my mind, I bowed my head into my hands,
and my body shook and then I arose again.
With gritted teeth and quivering hands, I did try to tear,
the words I had etched into my mind, as I shed dry tears,
I calmed myself, and fixed my hair
Into a kind of peaceful stillness: I was frozen.
My lady love had re-entered my mind; just there;
She is so beautiful and smiling then, and yet
She knew she was someone's beloved, - she knew,
My heart was filled with her shadow, and she knew.
I rose from my shadows, and with a cold yet gentle grasp,
I took her hand in mine, a moment of doubt flitted in her mind,
A barrage of silent thoughts I trailed, then they faded,
I dropped her hand, and turned with slow steps.
Resigned, I glanced once more to burn her eyes into my mind,
But, what is this I see, in her face a hint of grief,
Shadows of inward turmoil and strife, with the slow drooping of her eyes,
As if she were fighting unshed tears.
What could her grief be? - How could she not know,
That it is I that loves her so, I love her so,
My vision has past; nothing is changed, but our doom,
Should read like reality, to end in madness and possible misery.
The End ~ Arc Morpheus 2012