As It Should Be
by misscam
Disclaimer: Not my characters, just my words.
Rating: M. Adult activities. Some implied abuse having happened in the past.
Author's Note: Set during the end of 4x22, before the party at Granny's. Even if the show made light of it, I've chosen a more serious take on living with the memories of that world. To Hayley, the Charming to my Snow in RP, who helped inspire this fic with some of our post-episode interactions.
II
It is almost as if a light-switch is suddenly turned on, and all the darkness is gone in an instant. Snow suddenly knows who she is – not an Evil Queen, not a villain, not someone who has lost her true love – with all of her real memories rushing into her and leaving her breathless. The world around her vanishes before she has even time to react, brilliant, sharp light blinding her.
Blinking, Snow stares up at the roof of their Storybrooke. She's back, she realizes, clumsily staggering to her feet and looking wildly around her. Where is their baby, where is Charming, where is...
Charming is just a few feet away, she notices, looking as dazed as she feels. He's taking a step towards the crib, and she can see the relief on his face before she follows his gaze to see that Neal is sleeping soundly and safely, that he is with them now and that they have him back. Wherever he was in this other world, that they can figure out later.
Charming looks up at her, and their gazes lock. She can see the relief, the love, the buried anger at what was done to them, and the need for her on his face, and she knows her own face is mirroring those same emotions.
Charming, she thinks, and she can see him mouth her name.
In five quick steps, he's next to her, his arms going around her waist and locking her to him as she puts a hand on his shoulder and one around his neck and kisses him fiercely. They're home. They have each other again, they know each other again.
Snow and Charming. As it should be. As it is, every moment of his lips against hers reminding her of just that.
That's when Emma barges in. Of course. That too, is rather as it should be, Snow has time to think with slight amusement before Emma's words register.
Hook. Hook? No. No no no, not another loss for Emma, not this loss, not...
Charming has already broken the kiss, looking around before he's even let go of her. She can feel his rising panic, because however much Charming will always scowl at anyone who is their daughter, he also wants her happy.
"Yeah, sorry about the mess," Hook says cheerfully, and they all look up sharply. "I really needed to find that book and I'm usually a bit tidier."
Snow can feel and hear Charming's breath of relief, as Emma runs up the stairs and out of their sight. Everything is back as it were. Everything truly is, and all they're left with are memories of this false world.
Painful memories, she thinks, and feels Charming kiss the back of her head. What she did to him in this other world fills her with sharp bile, and she tries to bite it back. She took his heart, their heart and...
"Snow," he murmurs, turning her around and looking at her with bright, shining eyes, that seem to blaze with love.
"Charming," she says thickly, wanting to tell him how sorry she is for what this other version of her did, wanting to tell him how much she loves him, wanting to make it better somehow, wanting...
"I know," he says softly. Gently, he puts a finger under her chin and tilts her head upwards to meet a kiss that is so gentle it makes her toes curl. "I love you."
"I love you," she replies, putting her hand over his heart. Their heart. He smiles softly, putting his own hand over hers before kissing her again.
"I never thought I'd say this, but it is really good to see you guys being grossly lovey-dovey again," Emma says brightly, and Snow can feel Charming chuckle into the kiss before breaking it. Emma is walking down the stairs with Hook's hand in her own, both looking happy but slightly disappointed, making Snow wonder.
"I'll remind you of that the next time you complain about it," Charming replies cheekily, making their daughter roll her eyes, but with a smile tugging at her lips. A moment later Emma is hugging them both, a fierce hug that says more than words.
They hold each other for a long moment, Charming gently cradling the back of Emma's head in the same way he cradles Neal's head, while his other hand is rubbing circles on Snow's back. In the corner of her eye, Snow can see Hook smile gently at the sight.
"So," Emma says, pulling away and clearing her throat. "What do we do about Gold and the Author?"
Snow looks at Charming, nodding slightly at him as she sees that he's thinking the same thing as her.
"I think Belle will want to deal with Gold," he says softly. "As for the Author, your mother and I will find him."
"We have a few questions for him," Snow adds, her voice like steel even to her own ears. He hurt her family. He tried to get her to kill her grandchild, he made her enslave Charming, he made her lock up her own daughter... All that for what?
II
Questions don't always have good answers, Snow learns.
They track down the Author and stop him easily enough, and get their answers, but they aren't what they expected.
All that because Charming reminded the Author of some boss in the past. All that hurt and pain done to them just because someone else had hurt Isaac. All that and it wasn't even about them, even if they were made to suffer for it.
She isn't sure if she's relieved about that or not. She does pity Isaac somewhat, so lost in his justifications for what he's done that he can't even see just what he did. It also makes her even more determined that the mistakes Charming and her made, those they have to learn from and not lose themselves to.
After they secure Isaac in a cell, they stop by Granny's briefly to check on the dwarfs (Snow feeling compelled to apologize to Doc even knowing it wasn't truly her) and agree to have a minor get-together there later, celebrating the fact that everything is back to normal. It feels almost like a tradition by now after all, defeating a threat and having a get-together at Granny's afterwards.
Neal is still sleeping when they get home, the sheep mobile moving slightly above him. Emma and Hook excuse themselves to check on Henry, but Snow suspects it's just as much an excuse to have some time alone on the way.
That's all right. She wants the same with Charming, so she supposes when it comes to wanting physical reassurances, it is like mother, like daughter.
Charming kisses Neal's forehead softly as she watches him, feeling her breath catch at how loving a father he is. This is who he truly is, after all. What Isaac wrote him as, that was simply spite and she balls her fists at the memory.
He made Charming suffer. He made Charming suffer at her hands.
Charming glances up at her, and as always, he reads her too well. He walks over to her, pulling her into an embrace while pressing kisses into her hair.
"I'm sorry," she murmurs, hearing her own voice catch.
"That wasn't you, Snow," he says firmly, cradling her face in his hands. "Don't blame yourself. I don't."
He means that, she knows. And he is right. It wasn't her. It was a rewritten version of her, all her memories and her personality changed, with no choice in the matter. It wasn't her.
But she still has the memories of everything this other her did.
"Snow," he says almost sternly, as if he knows what she's thinking. "Don't."
"How many times have I told you not to blame yourself for what David Nolan did?" she counters, and he looks almost guilty.
"That was..." he begins, but she pushes a finger against his lips.
"Exactly the same?" she says, not offering him a chance to argue. "He wasn't you, Charming. The curse changed our memories and who we were."
"I still remember what David Nolan did," Charming says, and she can see the flashes of hurt in his eyes. "He hurt you."
"He hurt Mary Margaret," she agrees, swallowing. "And in that other world, Snow White hurt Charming."
She can see Charming open his mouth to deny it, as always his first instinct to protect her. Then his shoulders slump slightly and he closes his eyes, as his reluctance to lie to her wins out.
"Yes," he admits, and her heart aches. "She hurt him."
She swallows again, feeling the words cut into her. Oh, she knew that Snow hurt him. She remembers it well enough, after all, even if those are false memories. But hearing him say it still makes it more real, somehow. More painful.
"I'm sorry," she says, pressing her forehead against his. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm..."
"Snow," he says, his hands stroking her sides. "It wasn't you. It wasn't."
"I'm still sorry," she whispers, and he smiles almost sadly. He probably knows all too well how she feels, given how many times he's whispered apologies for David Nolan breaking her heart into her skin, no matter how many times she reassured him it wasn't his fault.
"I know," he acknowledges, sounding pained by it. Her pain hurts him too, she knows, just as his pain does hers.
"I wish I could make it better," she says, closing her eyes and feeling him press kisses against her eyelids.
"You do," he says gently. "This... Feeling how much you love me, Snow, and knowing that it's your heart beating in my chest... This makes me feel better."
She opens her eyes, meeting his gaze and seeing only truth in it. Yes. Of course. With all the pain they've suffered, there has always been one thing to help them get through it and make it better.
Love.
"I love you," she says, leaning forward and kissing him. "I love you."
He closes his eyes as she keeps kissing him, sighing with something akin to relief as she runs her fingers through the short hairs at the back of his neck. His arms lock around her waist, and then he's lifting her and carrying her through the room while she keeps kissing him. The added height of being carried gives her a different angle on the kiss, one that he is quite, quite appreciative of judging by the throaty moan he makes.
He pauses by the frames to their bedroom, pressing her up against one for a few moments while she deepens the kiss and he grinds lightly into her.
"Close the curtains," he murmurs against her lips, clearly unwilling to let her go even for a moment to do it himself. It takes some fumbling, especially since she's not willing to stop kissing him to do it, but she manages finally to pull one curtain halfway shut, then the other.
They really need to get some doors, she reflects briefly, before Charming lowers her gently on the bed. She keeps her legs locked around his waist and her arms around his neck to make sure he follows her down, but she is fairly certain he has no plans to let her go for a long, long time. He certainly keeps her as close as he can manage, a hand on her back pressing her even closer as she arches up into him.
Still, she wants more. She wants closer. She wants nothing between them but skin, and she lowers her hands to his waist to pull impatiently at his shirt. He chuckles slightly at that, but obediently lifts his arms and breaks the kiss just long enough to allow her to pull his shirt up and off.
He wastes no time finding her lips again for another kiss, one that leaves her increasingly breathless as her hands caress every inch of skin of his shoulders, his arms, his chest. He's smooth against her palms and fingertips, a familiar landscape of skin she never tires of traveling.
Her Charming, she thinks possessively. But just as importantly, she is his Snow. In this other world, he had his (her) heart removed and his free will taken away from him. He didn't have her.
"Charming," she murmurs into the kiss, putting her hand over his heart and feeling his heartbeat against her palm. "What do you want?"
"You," he says, voice thick with want, kissing her deeply and grinding slightly into her. "I want you."
"You have me," she says and he makes something akin to a growl in appreciation, kissing her deeply yet again, making her moan into his mouth. "Charming, Charming... Wait."
"What?" he asks, pulling away slightly to look at her with worry. "Is something wrong?"
"No," she assures him, cupping his cheek gently and trying to find the words. "No, no. I just... Charming, in this world... I'm yours as much as you are mine."
"I know that," he says, stealing a quick kiss.
"In that world, I wasn't," she goes on, swallowing at the memory of it. "She took away your heart and your free will. She had all the power."
"Snow, she wasn't you," he says, giving her an almost stern look.
"I know that," she says, closing her eyes briefly as he kisses the underside of her jaw. "I just... I want... I want you to know you have all those things now. Your heart. Your free will. Me. And..."
"And..?" he prompts, staring at her intently.
"The power," she murmurs, swallowing as his eyes widen in understanding. "Charming, what do you want?"
"Oh, Snow," he murmurs softly. He looks at her with so much love and affection it almost hurts. "I love you."
He dips his head down to kiss her fiercely and deeply and just a touch demanding. She parts her lips as he tugs at them, moaning at the way his tongue brushes hers. She cannot help but meet his kiss with equal fierceness after a while despite her best intentions to let him be in control, making him smile into the kiss and then break it
"This," he says, underlining the point with another kiss. "This is what I want. You. Just like you are, Snow. As my partner, my wife, my true love. I want us. Together."
He kisses her again, and this time she doesn't even hesitate to meet it with equal fervor, and the appreciative sounds he makes at that there is no mistaking. He even makes something akin to a happy hum when she lowers her hands to trace the curves of his buttocks through his jeans.
"There is one other thing I might like," he murmurs after a moment, his voice slightly teasing.
"Mmm?" she says, kissing the underside of his jaw.
"Less clothes on my wife," he says seriously, but his eyes are twinkling. "I would really, really like her naked right now."
She tries to bite back a smile, but can't quite manage it. "You want that?"
"I want that badly," he says, underlining the last word by cupping a breast through her shirt. "I want to touch her skin, to kiss every inch of it, to feel the heat of it against my own as I make love to her. I want all that."
She closes her eyes at the image of that, feeling a sharp jolt of pleasure. Yes. Oh, yes.
Without a word, she flips them over, leaving Charming underneath her for a moment while she gives him a hard kiss. Then she pushes herself up off the bed, facing the it as she begins pulling her boots off.
Charming lifts himself up on his elbows to watch her, his eyes seeming to darken with desire at every piece of clothing she removes. Boots. Sweater and shirt. Pants. Bra. Underwear. He says nothing, not even when she stands before him as naked as he wanted her. He simply sighs happily, then pulls himself up off the bed to shed his own pants and underwear.
He's already grown hard, she notices, and as he pulls her into an embrace and a kiss, she can feel his erection against her skin, the sensation of it sending a flash of anticipation jolting through her. She can feel his hands too, roaming her skin as they kiss, tracing her spine, her lower back, her buttocks, the upper thighs, her waist, the underside of her breasts and finally cupping one gently. His thumb strokes her nipple, and she arches instinctively into the touch, wanting more.
He seems to want more as well, as he lowers his head to her breast and peppers it with kisses while she clings to him, digging her fingers into his shoulder.
"Charming," she murmurs, feeling herself lifted briefly as he backs them both the two steps to the bed and then sits down on with her in his lap. He lifts his head briefly to give her a gentle kiss, then shifts his attention to her other breast and a series of open-mouth kisses that makes her bite lightly into his shoulder before sucking on the same spot.
His thighs are hard against her buttocks, her knees digging into the mattress as he shifts position slightly. She realizes why the moment she feels his fingers between her legs, brushing and stroking as much as the angle allows.
She pants his name, and he lifts his head to look at her, eyes dark with love and lust equally as he slides one finger inside her and captures her whimper in a kiss. He keeps on kissing her as he slides another finger inside as well, his thumb brushing circles as she presses against his hand.
It is a wonderful sort of torture, pleasure so strong it is almost painful, yet not still not enough. She wants more, wants him, and kisses him back with all the desire and impatience she's feeling.
He moans her name, pulling his hand away. The loss of his touch makes her body twitch for a moment before she can control it, and his lips curve into a smile against hers. She suspects he is rather pleased with himself for how badly she wants his touch.
Well, then, she thinks. He did say he wanted them to be partners, and in a partnership, both participate.
His cock twitches when she touches it, and when she strokes the length of it, he makes a noise that makes her smile this time. She shifts slightly in his lap to get a better angle, and the way he groans her name tells her she definitely succeeds.
She could get him off like this, she knows, or even by using her mouth on him as she has so many mornings to get even for all the mornings he's done it to her. But she knows him. She knows what he wants, what they both want right now, is more than sex and just getting off.
They want to feel as close as possible after having been torn apart once again, to feel together in every way, to replace dark (and false) memories with loving ones.
They want to feel like Snow and Charming again.
So after a few moments, she lifts her hand to his cheek and pulls away to look at him. He meets her gaze, and as always, as it should be, there is so much love in the way he looks at her.
"I love you," she says, drawing her thumb across his cheek. "Charming, I love you. I love you."
"I love you," he replies, and she kisses him as lovingly as she can. She can feel him lift her up again, shifting them both further onto the bed until they're both lying down, facing each other. Without breaking the kiss, he pulls the covers over them, almost cocooning them. Gently, he also lifts her left leg to rest across his hip and buttocks, and then he is pushing slowly into her, inch by inch. She bites his lower lip lightly at the feeling of him deep inside her, while he sighs her name with something strangely like relief.
They make love slowly, kissing and touching during every slow thrust, each caress and kiss a declaration of love. She loves him. He loves her. Snow loves Charming. Charming loves Snow. As it should be. As it is, every moment of his body against hers reminding her of just that.
Charming manages to push her over the edge first, changing the angle at a particular sharp thrust and using his fingers to give her an orgasm, the pleasure of it strangely soft and almost gentle. He only lasts a few seconds longer though, burying himself in her with a shudder and clinging to her as his hips jerk slightly. They both lie breathless for several moments, before he presses a lingering kiss against her forehead.
"We should get dressed for the party at Granny's," she says, almost wishing they could stay here for a little longer.
"We should," he agrees, but makes no move to. "Snow..."
"What?" she asks, touching his face. "Is something wrong?"
"No," he assures her, pressing a kiss to her palm. "Just... Thank you. For what you were offering earlier."
She swallows. "I meant it. Charming, if it will help you, I will do it."
"I know," he says softly, brushing her ear with his fingers. "I meant what I said as well. What makes me feel better is this, Snow. What you and I already share. I don't want you in my power or to control your heart, as she did to that Charming. I don't want to use you to get even with her. What I want, what I need... Is you. I love you."
"I love you too," she says, feeling tears prickle her eyes. "I love you so much."
"I know," he says, and she sees the faint sheen of tears in his eyes too.
"Charming..." she says helplessly, kissing his face over and over. "I love you. I'm sorry. I love you."
"Snow," he says, catching her hands in his own. "Please don't. That Snow, she wasn't you. That Charming, he wasn't me. This is us."
She nods, kissing him fiercely once more, willing all her love into it. She will makes it better. She will find a way to dull every painful memory he carries of that world and give him loving ones instead. She will.
And maybe, just maybe, that will help her as well.
"I'm sor..." she begins, but she never gets to finish her sentence.
He puts a finger on her lips sternly. "Snow, if you say you're sorry one more time for something that wasn't your fault..."
"Then what?" she asks, drawing his finger into her mouth and sucking on it in a way that makes his lips part. "Then what, Charming?"
He blinks, as if he had temporarily forgotten what he meant to say. Then he flips her around, trapping her underneath him. "Then I will have to kiss you silent, my bandit."
His bandit, she thinks. Somehow, that title feels like a far greater honor than 'Your Majesty' could ever be, because this title he's giving her willingly and lovingly and with all his heart. As it should be.
"I'd like to see you try, my shepherd," she counters, and he gives her a look. "No, really. I'd like to see you try."
He grins cheekily, and then he is kissing her both speechless and breathless, as it turns out, and they end up being late to Granny's - of course.
But that's all right. As far as Snow and Charming goes, that's rather as it should be.
FIN