A/N: I'm not sure if the world needed another "They got drunk and married in Vegas" story, but this one came to me at work today.

Written for the Darcy Lewis Ship Week prompt "Hello"

True story, when I got married in Vegas, the people in front of us at the courthouse getting a marriage license were so drunk we could smell it from 10 feet behind them.

Darcy woke up slowly, trying to avoid moving because her head was pounding. She peeked one eye open and saw a familiar head of dark hair on the pillow next to hers. Well, it wasn't the first time she'd had drunken sex with Tony Stark, but it was the first time she couldn't remember anything from the night before. She didn't usually get THAT drunk. As she opened her eyes further, she realized she didn't recognize the room they were in. Did they just find a random bedroom at the mansion? God, she hoped it wasn't Natasha's, she was pretty sure that was an offense the Black Widow wouldn't look kindly on.

She reached a hand up to move her hair out of her face and stared at her hand in shock and thought what the fuck is this?

"What the fuck is this?" she asked, nudging Tony's shoulder.

He moaned and rolled towards her, burying his face in her boobs.

"Too early in the morning, sweetheart. Go back to sleep."

She grabbed his left hand and held it up. A matching ring.

"What the fuck is this?" She wasn't pleased to hear how high pitched her voice had become.

He blinked up at her, and then looked at their hands. "Did we get married?"

"How could we get married? Who in their right mind would give a marriage license to people as drunk as we must have been last night!"

Tony did not seem to be as freaked out as she was which was very annoying. "We must be in Vegas, baby."

She started to roll her eyes, but it hurt too much. "How did we get to Vegas? Weren't we in Malibu, since you insisted Captain America must have a pool party for his birthday?"

"Maybe we decided Captain Virtue needed the Vegas experience?"

"I somehow doubt you convinced Steve his birthday would be enhanced by strippers and gambling."

She lifted her head up and looked around the room they were in, which had pieces of the Iron Man suit in one corner. "Please, God, tell me we didn't get married while you were in the Iron Man suit."

She searched for the remote and turned the tv on, flipping through the channels until she found a news station. Sure enough, the top story was the wedding of Tony Stark to an as-yet-unnamed woman, complete with pictures of them exiting a chapel. He was wearing the Iron Man suit with his helmet flipped up, and she was wearing her red, white, and blue bikini with matching sarong she'd picked out for Steve's party. She had to admit, even as drunk as they must have been, they looked pretty happy.

She shook her head. "Pepper's going to kill you, unless this somehow helps your stock rating. Coulson is going to fire me SO HARD. Then kill me. They probably will never find the body. You'll be a widower in no time. I hear the ladies love a widower."

"Well, you're married to a billionaire now. You don't have to work. You can be my trophy wife. I've been thinking of getting one and you certainly have the tits for it."

He tried to go in for a little motorboat action, but she stopped him. "Contrary to popular belief, being a trophy wife or drunk marrying a celebrity for 48 hours like Britney Spears has not been my life's goal."

Tony took the remote and muted the tv. "You don't have to be just a trophy wife. You can be a wife-wife."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Well, you practically run my life anyway-"
"Yours, Jane's, and Bruce's. Should I marry them, too?"
He raised his eyebrow. "As I was saying, you practically run my life anyway, and there might be a reason we keep ending up in bed together."

"A reason beyond your hot ass and my trophy-wife quality breasts?"

"Those are both valid reasons. What do you say, want to give it a shot?"
"Why not? I didn't sign a pre-nup, so I guess I don't have anything to lose."

He grinned. "In that case," he said with a kiss, "hello, Mrs. Stark."

She ran her fingers through his hair. "We'll negotiate a name change later."