Prologue
''I'm gonna die.'' She kept repeating it like a mantra over and over again.
She was freezing, not from the cold winter night, she was freezing inside because there was nothing left, nothing worth to live for. She gave them everything. She gave them her soul. She gave them her whole life. She dedicated herself to this stupid mafia and yet no one was going to know who she was. No one was going to remember her because she had no one. No one to trust. No one to love her. No one to care about her. No one was going to miss her, no one.
She was all alone in the cold, cold night waiting for her last verdict. She was going to die too young by the hand of that monster, without having the chance to fall in love, to explore the world, to find herself, to have a real family, to find peace and finally be happy.
''I'm gonna die.'' A small tear fell and made a contact with her cheek. She didn't mind it, she didn't even try to get rid of that tear, instead she left it to make its way down, because that's was the only thing which was still making her a human. That was the only thing which was making her to feel something. She knew that this was the last time when she will cry and express any emotion. This was the most precious and simple thing on the earth which she allowed to appreciate one last time. So she let the small tear because it was her only friend in the dark. Her very first and last friend in this world.
Her body was giving up on her. She knew it. She didn't have much time. She was shaking so bad that the hypothermia was inevitable. She was so cold that she couldn't feel her wet clothes over her anymore, she couldn't feel her legs and her throbbing head. The sharp pain in her stomach was making her weaker and weaker with every second.
She was laying on the cold ground, hand-pressed on her stomach, trying to stop the pain. To stop the pain that they caused her. The pain which was the essential of her living or more accurate – her surviving, among the sharks in her pathetic life. She was trying. God, she was trying every day to stop the freaking pain but she was too naïve, too stupid, too proud, to make any move. And now, she was too weak again, not to stop the pain in her heart, to stop the bleeding from the wound. And she just gave up because she couldn't do anything. The pain was always going to be still here and she didn't want to spend her last minutes, thinking about her miserable life.
Instead, she decided to watch the sky. To watch the dance of the thousands snowflakes above her head. For the first time in so long, the silence didn't bother her. It made her feel in peace with the night. In peace with the city she used to call home. And it felt so good. The snowflakes kept dancing their dance, touching her cheeks, playing in her blonde curls, hugging her body and covering the trace of her own blood.
Maybe soon she was going to be free just like them. Maybe soon she was going to see her mother. Maybe everyone was going to be happy because she is finally gone and she won't cause any troubles anymore. Maybe …
The pain in her stomach was getting stronger and stronger, her breathes - sharper and sharper, the night was getting colder and colder, her vision – blurrier and blurrier. All she wanted was close her eyes for a while and forget about the pain.
But one thought couldn't get out of her mind no matter how many times she tried to push it away from. Was her father going to miss her? Or he was going to choose the mafia again instead of her own daughter? Did he even care about her? Was he even trying to find her at the moment? Or he was sitting in that old chair, drinking scotch with his old buddies?
Thousands of questions were popping in her head but they did not have answers. She only hoped that one day he would change his mind and put his family before the brotherhood. But she knew that she won't live and see that day with her own eyes because she would be gone. And forever forgotten, like she was never existed in this world.
She blinked, once, twice and another tear made its sweet escape because she knew that he won't come back. Her father won't even move his finger for her, or make any try to find her, no he would rather let her rot like one of his men, than saving his own blood. And that was the sad truth. She was alone.
She removed her hand from her wound and placed it on the necklace she was wearing. The pendant arrow. The necklace she promised him that she would never take off no matter what. The necklace which symbolized their hate for each other and yet, the necklace which symbolized that she is his, only his. She is his from the first time he dared to lie his blue, blue eyes on her on that stupid meeting. The memory made her shiver even more because she remembered his words so crystal clear like it was yesterday. They were his promise to her and now she was breaking that promise because she was dying all alone on that ground surrounded by her own crimson blood. He would be mad at her. No, he would be furious at her because she was breaking his promise. She was betraying the only person who promised her something since she was a child. Her hold of the arrow tightened and she truly whished he would be here right now, to yell at her, to break things because of her, to kill for her because she was dying and was breaking his promise. She needed him, like she needed air to breathe right now. But he was gone just like everyone in her life.
Going back, she realized that he was the only one who actually cared about her. No matter that it wasn't love. And that felt good. He may be the enemy but in that moment she knew that he was more family than her own father and that truth hurt the most.
She was going to die with the thought of the enemy, instead of the man who dared to call himself a father. And still, she felt good. She couldn't explain it but remembering those deep blue eyes made her calm and lull her to sleep. Using her last painful breaths and energy for holding that stupid necklace and think about him felt good. So good. Yes, he wasn't physically here with her, but those ocean blue orbs were chasing her everywhere she went and that was enough for her. He was here. He created his place in her heart long time ago, so she could carry the memory of him everywhere. He was here and only that mattered.
If this was how the death looked like, she was ready for her.
The cold brutal wind kept hitting her pale face over and over again, ready to start a riot with its own sad song because he was lonely. And still she was the only one who kept listening to him. She was sharing his pain and his loneliness. They were two lost souls in the dark.
Her world felt apart. She was all alone since the moment she took her first breath in this world and she was going to die alone with the last breath left in her weak body. And that was the huge irony. The destiny played that cruel game with her since she was born, till her very end. All alone.
A thin shiver run through her whole body and a cough surprised her. She felt the metal taste of her own blood in her mouth. She knew that this was the end. She read so many books and watched too many movies during the nights, knowing that this was the end. Tasting her own blood was the sign that her life was almost over. Her breathing was becoming harder and harder and her lungs were burning inside like a fire. It was funny that her whole body was still somehow fighting to live but her heart was already cold and dead inside. It was frozen just like the night. Frozen with pain and thousands of promises, frozen with the pieces of her disappointments and the broken trust. Frozen, because she finally was paying the price of this mean world.
But she was fine. She was used to this life because she never had the chance to knew another. You don't live, you survive to meet the next day. And that's what she was doing in those 21 years. She was surviving and fighting to see the next sunrise. But the world on her shoulders was too heavy and finally she gave up. She lost the game. And in this world the losers were punished. Punished with death.
The little sparks of the almost sleeping city in the background made the silence unbearable. She never felt that spark inside her by her own. He was the only reason who could make her feel that spark in the short time they knew each other. The thought of him, made her clenching the hold of the necklace tighter and she felt a warm liquid to make its way down to her hand.
Yes, she broke his promise but at least she was going to die with the memory of him.
Her eyelids got heavier and her body calmed only with the thought of those blue eyes and his husky voice. He made her weaker and at the same time stronger because he always challenged her. He never judged her because deep down he knew that they were the same. And that made him special. He might hate her, but still she was so grateful to the universe that decided to send him to her in that day and change her last days for better.
For now, all she wanted was to close her eyes and sleep.
A little smile adorned her pale face because she finally realized that this was the really end of her life. After all, she was happy. He made her happy in a way no one ever dared to try.
She just wanted to sleep.
'You are mine.'
The memory of this voice lulled her into the infinity.
She closed her tired blue eyes and barely managed to whisper the one word she was denying to say in so long. The only word which was going to change her perspective for life. The only word which ever mattered to her since that summer night in Cinema.
''Yours.''
The last thing she felt before she gave up on completely were the two strong and familiar arms around her lifeless body. The two arms which she knew better than herself. The musky sent hugged her like a big warm, fluffy pillow. She felt it …
She felt home, in the warmth of the enemy …