Disclamer: I don't own anything about Star Wars, I wish I did. But if wishes were fishes I'd have a full sea.

Notes: Bam my first Star Wars fic. I'd started something similar to this a couple months back but got away from it, finally I came back to it and plowed through the first 3 in probably 30 minutes and spent the rest of the night on the last two. I've been intrigued with Vestara's character ever since she was introduced in Omen. I mean come on exactly how many characters are in Ben's age range? I just overall enjoy what's been written of her character and even though a relationship with Ben might feel too much of a rehash of Mara and Luke, I say bring on the rehash.

Five times Vestara has loved

1. I remember when I was 8 years old playing with my Dad. Every other time except when it was just the two of us he would always be tense. From living the life of a Sith during my early to mid-teen years, I know it was because he was afraid of showing any weakness that his enemies would have exploited, which would have eventually got him killed. But he never showed that to me when it was just us two. He smiled, he told me I was the light of his life (after going through some training that disgusted me, but now that I have seen the light, I look back on it with the regret that we never experienced it again during the rest of his life after I left his house). Just the little things made him smile at me. When he taught me how to use the force to do the littlest things, like just levitating a ball between the two of us and doing it successfully, he'd come up to me give me a hug and kiss on the forehead, tell me he loved me and exactly how proud he was. It meant the world to me whenever that happened. During this time of my life all I wanted to do was impress my dad to the point that I would fill my life with his praise. He meant the world to me before I was selected to go into a more extensive training program. All I wanted was to impress him, but I only felt that feeling once more, when Ship came to our planet and selected me out of all the other Tyrc, he was able to pull me aside for just one second, hug me, kiss me on my forehead, told me he loved me and exactly how proud he was. That was the last time that happened.

2. I remember when I was 16 years old and in my pseudo relationship with Ahris. Whenever it was just the two of us and our masters were off on another mission that didn't require either of us, we would be laying around in post coital bliss and talk about a future that we might have. Many words were said, including I Love Yous from both sides, but I don't know how much either of us meant with our words. I guess we thought we were in love, but there were too many problems with the situation to bring any of our dreams to reality. To start I think there was a point where I crossed a line to where I didn't trust him enough to fully love him. Too much Sith training with Master Rhea controlling my life to truly feel the love that I felt later in life. It was during those 2 or 3 weeks between the Strike Team's meeting with the monster called Abeloth on her planet and our escape that I realized that I would probably have to kill him or be killed by him while we were in our customary future talk positions. When he did die at the end of a Skywalker lightsaber, I felt loss and pity for what could have been but never could be.

3. I remember when I was 21 and walking down to the altar at my wedding on the arm of Luke Skywalker. Sometimes I'm still in disbelief at exactly how it came to me actually marrying Ben Skywalker, I even joke around with him sometimes about how he mind tricked me into even thinking of him in any other way than an enemy. He just laughs, hugs me, kisses me on the lips, tells me he loves me, and to never change. Thinking back to our first face to face meeting where we weren't trying to actively kill each other, I feel embarrassment at exactly how over the top I was. It definitely wasn't love at first site, especially when I clocked him upside the head to knock him out for transportation across Dathomir to the Nightsister's home. When he woke up with me in his face, he definitely wasn't happy and said some things that I'm sure would have made Mara (force bless) wash his mouth out. Of course I didn't take it well and said some things and before we knew it we were yelling at each other in loud enough that the Nightsisters had to separate us. I guess that'd be the first time I felt something other than loathing towards Ben, in the time that both of us were looking flush from the exertion. I wouldn't call it anything other than attraction, but at that time Ben was probably the best looking human I'd seen that was my age.

He was eventually saved by his dad with the help of his Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, his Cousin's Nexu (though those two didn't do much outside of enjoy their rides on rancors), and a group of Witches. I was captured, and Ben was then made to accompany me everywhere. I guess this is where the attraction turned mutual. By the time we'd defeated Abeloth, I was out of a father and a majority of the Sith I'd grown up with (inflated sense of self importance facing off against the Hapan fleet with what only accounted too a small force of a couple of capitol ships and facing off against Abeloth). The death of my father hit me hard, but at that time me and Ben had acknowledged that we were in a relationship, what kind we wouldn't know until after a few years of separation with only a few chats in between. When we did get back together it only took Ben long enough to get me to take me out to dinner with him for him to propose. At first I thought it was a joke, but then he got on his knee, gave me a ring, and told me it wasn't a lie. He had to tell me it wouldn't be right away for me to accept. So there I was, on Luke's arm, looking into Ben's eyes feeling the most content with my life since that time when I was 8, playing and learning with my dad.

4. I remember when I was 23 and looking down at my newborn children. A boy and girl that came as a surprise because Ben and I had discussed having children, just not at that point in our lives. We were aiming for having children before we were 30, but I guess these things just happened. Ever since we found out I was pregnant we were arguing about what we would name them. Ben put forward the fact that whenever his family had had twins the names ended up starting with the same letters. It made sense and I accepted on the condition that my dad's name was somewhere in the boy's name. That was one thing that we had absolutely not problems with. We spent so long trying to decide what to name them that I just about gave up on it. Ben came up with the name Juno, a name he got from Leia. He said that it was the name of one of the earliest Rebellion operatives and Imperial defectors. He learned that without Juno there would be a good chance that the Rebellion probably wouldn't have got off the ground as well as it did. So we put it in our pool of names along with a number of other ones.

Eventually we came up with the girl's name Sia Ves Skywalker and for the boys name Sehrin Gavar Skywalker. Watching them just lay there breathing I wondered what would've happened if I hadn't gone on that mission to kill Ben and Luke and I decided that was the best moment of my life. Not the terror of watching Ben and Luke tear through the rest of the team like they were nothing, not the satisfaction that I felt when I nicked Luke, providing the only damage done to either Skywalker throughout the whole trip by the team, it was the fact that I got off of Kesh and away from the rest of the Sith Masters. I once dreamed of becoming a Sith Lord, I found the greatest satisfaction that I could ever find in being with Ben, looking down at my baby boy and girl.

5. I am 100 years old and limping around in my old age at my 100th birthday party surrounded by my extended family. Sia ended up giving her life fully to being an intermediate between the Jedi and the Imperial Knights that Ben's cousin Jaina started during that time where Daala wanted total control over the Jedi Order. She ended up getting a steady enough boyfriend with Roan Fel II and even gave him his heir before she died on a mission. Ben and I had a hard time around then, but we pulled through with enough with the help of little Roan III and Sehrin's 2 children Nat and Kol.

Kol had always been grandma's little boy. He always enjoyed himself the most when he was with me, and I don't think I didn't ever have a smile on my face when he was with me. Kol flourished with his force training and what was expected of him by being a Skywalker. I don't think I'd ever seen anyone accept their own destinies like Kol did except for his Great-Grandfather Luke. Nat had more trouble with being a Skywalker. He tried his hand at being a trader for a while in the remnants of Talon Kardde's business, but in the end he did come back to the Order. It didn't stick too much longer before he left and started up his own machine shop. He did end up being successful and no one in the family was disappointed in his decision.

Kol though ended up showing up one day with a son out of nowhere. He didn't say anything about the mother, but I could tell that he was hurt that she wasn't there with us. He did open up to me, only after constant nagging, and explained that Cade's mom was an Imperial Intelligence officer/Moff named Nyna and that she was more loyal to her job and the Empire than she could be to her family and the Jedi . He let her go with his blessing, but he wasn't happy about the whole situation. I remembered seeing her during one of the big balls that Ben and I get invited to (being the Emporer's grandparents) and ended up seeing her with a little girl standing primly by her side looking very bored and wanting anything to do besides standing around being bored. I took pity on her and pried her from the watchful eye of her mother and played a game that I'd played with Sia and Sehrin when they were her age. I swore on the way back to our home in the temple to Ben that Nyna's child looked almost exactly like our own daughter did when she was younger. He agreed and we ended up telling Kol about it when we got back. He didn't look too surprised, even told us her name (Gunn). He knew that she was his daughter (he still talked to Nyna in her Morrigan alter ego), but didn't see the point in claiming her when she was already growing up with a father. The fact that if Nyna's relationship with him was ever unearthed would mean that she would lose a lot of the power she had built up throughout the years didn't help things either. Kol was the type to take the blame in that type of situation. He'd rather be miserable than have anyone around him miserable or cause someone misery. While he would've liked to get to know her, he knew it was just one of those things that couldn't happen, like my relationship with Ahris so long ago.

Looking over all of my grandchildren (Sehrin had died of an incurable disease) and my Great-Grandchildren (Marasiah and Cade are over in the corner playing some cute little game that I don't know of in my advanced years), I know things won't be this happy in the future. I've felt the darkness growing, but I don't care to break up the peace that everyone in my family has been feeling over the years (some of the most peaceful years that the Skywalker family has had if Ben (and the known family history) is to be believed). I love them too much to make them worry about something that might not even come until 20 years down the line and they sense it by then.

I love them and I hope I don't doom them because of that decision.

The End