Mario: The True story PART THREE!
Author's Note: Hi
Real Author's note: If you haven't read part two, yet, maybe you should read it.
Bowser had finally got the two ton limousine off of him and now he was REALLY mad. He split into seven more pieces and now there was him and seven kids.
"Now, that Mario is REALLY in for it." He noticed that one of his new kids was a girl. "Hey, why are you a girl?" He asked.
"From the time you shaved your legs."
"Whatever. SOUND THE BATTLE SHIPS!"
MEANWHILE
Mario was hanging his laundry out to dry because he was too cheap to afford a dryer, and Luigi was taking a crap in the back yard because... I guess he just felt like it.
"Are you almost done back there?" Mario asked. All of a sudden a big shadow covered Mario's house and he looked up. He saw a wooden flying ship that a three-year-old could have made better out of Popsicle sticks. And at the end, who did he see? None other than Princess Peach hanging off the back in a giant birdcage.
"Mario!!!!!!!!" She yelled. Luigi ran out from the back yard with toilet paper on the bottom of his shoe and yelled in the most retarded voice you could imagine, "The battle alarm has been sounded! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO" Mario slapped Luigi in the face.
"Come on, Luigi! We must get to Toad's house!"
Mario and Luigi walked six map spaces to get to Big Pop Daddy King Toad's "Shroom House" Mario burst through the doors and saw Big pop Daddy Toad, as wasted as could be watching strippers with his friends.
"Pop Daddy Toad!" Mario yelled. "The Princess has been captured again!" Pop Daddy Toad was so wasted, that he barely understood what Mario said.
"Follow me." he said. Mario followed, but Luigi was way too distracted by the stripper Toads (It was unknown if they were men or women because all Toads look the same.) Mario grabbed Luigi and dragged him into the back room.
"Okay!" Said Pop Daddy. "You got a choice here." He took out two blocks. "Block number one, or block number two... Block number one... Block number two..."
Normally, they would both agree on block number one, which was golden and shone wonderfully in the morning sun. But last time, Pop Daddy tricked them like that and gave them worthless crap. So this time they chose block number two, a beat up old cardboard box.
"Are yo sure you want block number two?" said Big Pop Daddy Toad.
"Yes." Mario said.
"Are you SURE....?"
"YES! Now stop wasting our time!"
"Okay!" Big Pop Daddy Toad opened the box. "You get... a mushroom... a rusted hammer... a leaf... and green foreplay costume!" Mario's jaw dropped. Hey, what do you expect to get from a cheap cardboard box?
"And to defend the castle, I get..." He opened block number one. "A battle rifle... a swine flu shot... keys to a fallout shelter... and a playboy magazine!" Mario yelled "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" Pop daddy loaded his rifle and pointed it at Mario.
"No. Now get the fuck out of my casino and NEVER interrupt me during happy hour again!" Mario ran as fast as he could out of the "Shroom House" like he had just seen a ghost. Luigi skipped out like a merry school girl.
"I hope you die, Luigi." Mario yelled.
"Hehe! Look at me!" Luigi yelled completely ignoring Mario. He put on the green foreplay costume which was spandex and had big eyes on top and a tag that said "Froggy Suit." and had a picture of a macho guy wearing it.
"Fuck you, Luigi!" Mario shouted and punched him right in the balls, which were bulging from the costume.
"Oww..." Luigi pretended that it hurt and fell over, right into a hole (That idiot.)
"Shit." Mario said and jumped down into the water. Mario jumped out and saw Luigi swimming around.
"Luigi, you fucktard!"
Luigi still kept on swimming as if the frog suit actually made him a frog.
"Luigi, It doesn't make you a frog! Come on let's find a way out of here!"
Luigi hopped out of the water and started croaking. Luigi took the leaf that big Pop Daddy Toad gave them and ate half of it (Because everyone knows that leafs are frogs' natural prey) Luigi's "Froggy Suit" ripped off and his hat grew furry ears and he grew a long furry tail. Mario ate the other half and it worked on him too. Luigi put the tail between his legs and started jerking it like he does his millimeter peter.
"Hey, Mario! Check it out." Luigi was pointing at a blue thing with a very big boner and the tittle blue thing said
"Oh my god! And I thought Tails was sexy!" Without Mario even realizing what happened, Sonic jumped on top of Luigi and started "Plumbing" his "Pipe".
"It HURTS!!!! It's like a pipe being shoved up my ass!!!!!!"
Mario couldn't breathe. For five hours, Luigi was being raped. Finally, Sonic ran out of energy and ran away. Luigi squeezed out about twenty gallons of jizz from his ass. Luigi walked over to Mario.
"Mario, why didn't you help! That really hurt!!!!"
"I couldn't breathe!" Mario said, still suffocating.
"Why? Did some of Sonic's sperm get down your throat?"
"NO! I was laughing too hard!" Mario said while laughing on the ground and holding his gut. Luigi did something that he saw on a movie.
"YOU FUCKER. YOU FUCKING BITCH!"
Mario cleaned the dirt off of him and said "Bite me" And they kept walking along. Mario and Luigi Made their way to world two, which was called Quahog. They kept walking, and what they saw was Luigi's fantasy land. They saw a blue house with a bunch of pretty Asian girls running around the lawn and a guy with a big net chasing them. A man in a wheelchair and a police uniform rolled toward his car while a pregnant lady waved goodbye. Then they saw a yellow house with a black couple arguing over how their marriage didn't work out, because the man lost his voice, probably from getting hit in the back of the head. Then they saw the last house and a fat guy with a hot wife and a weird dog that stood on two legs. Then they looked over and saw this HIDEOUS creature with a disgusting pink shirt on and a greasy pink hat and some oversized glasses that make "him" look like a queer. Mario almost threw up, while Luigi started hitting on her. Mario just realized that Peter had exactly what he needed. He had the scepter.
"The bastard!" Mario said. "He's got the scepter! Luigi! Let's a go!" Mario jumped on top of the car, and Luigi jumped through the window, actually acting cool for once. Mario said "Step on it!" Mario and Luigi hit the gas and they went charging down the road.
"What the hell?" Peter yelled
"You are one of Bowser's kids and we need your scepter!" Mario said. Peter and Mario fought an epic battle of kung fu action, like Peter did with the giant chicken. Peter landed right on top of Luigi and so Luigi couldn't see, so he ran into a building. Mario and peter got samuri swords that came from Peter's fat ass. They kept on fighting until Mario said
"That's it! I have to use the thing that you hate the most... This battle reminds me of the time..."
"Stop!" Peter said. "Do not go into a flashback. I'll put the rod down, I'll leave you alone, just don't go into a flashback." Peter gave Mario the staff and Mario said, "Well, that was easier than getting Sarah Palin to hate 'Family Guy"
Family Guy styled Scene jump
"Fox News contributor, Sarah Palin isn't too happy with producers of a popular show on a Fox entertainment network, in an episode that aired Sunday that shows teenage boy Chris goes on a date with a girl with down syndrome." Said a news reporter on a fox network. The show then cut to a clip from that episode.
Chris says "So what do your parents do?"
to this, the girl with down syndrome responds "That's better. My dad's an accountant, and my mom is the former governor of Alaska."
Scene jump back
"You bitch!" Peter kicked Mario and Luigi all the way to the next level, but then he grabbed his shin and went
"ffffff.....AHHH!.... ffffff....AHHH!...ffffff...AHHH!....ffffff!...AHHH..."
Mario and Luigi landed in the next world, which according to a sign that was clearly made by a stupid teenager, was called giant world. In this world, every flying turtle and every walking turd, and every block that's soft enough to break with your head, yet hard enough to stand on, were at least twice their average size! Mario looked around, and saw the plus-sized lady from the first story!
"Oh my God!" Mario yelled. "That's the lady who we fixed the toilet for!"
"I love her cookies!" said Luigi, even though he had no idea what he was talking about.
The lady ran up to Luigi and immediately raped him.
"WHOA!" Mario yelled.
Luigi shouted "SHE'S CRUSHING ME!" Mario grabbed Luigi and got him up as fast as possible. Mario then used the magic wand against her. Of course, everybody know that when you use magic on a fat lady, it causes a massive explosion. The blast sent Mario and Luigi flying, again. Gosh, today just wasn't their day.
"Thank you so much for saving me!" Luigi said in a sweet voice. Then he looked over to see Mario laughing out loud. "What's so funny?"
"You got raped by the fattest woman in the world!"
"I hate you, Mario!"
So Mario and Luigi flew over to the final world. It was called dark land, even though it was only dark when it was night time. They crashed through a window and landed directly on top of Bowser, who died instantly. Then he fell on top of the rest of his kids and killed all of them. Mario had something to say, but he had something that could say it better. He took a big red button that he always carried around in his pocket and pressed it.
"That was easy!"
So the walked through the door and got the princess back. Mario and Peach kissed and Luigi laughed at them and mentioned something about cooties. They went back outside and skipped marrily into the sunset. And they lived happily ever after until the princess got captured again, beginning...
"Super Mario World: The True Story!" But until then,
THE END